Dr. Love

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Xander’s SAT score was a total surprise to everyone but him. After taking the standardized test so many times, it felt like a routine rather than a challenge. He hadn’t even read most of the questions. So he looked at his results—one of the highest in the school—with apathy. Along with Buffy’s unexpectedly high score, Willow and Giles were thoroughly impressed with them. While Giles and Jenny were away at the Watcher’s retreat together, they suggested the teenagers visit the nearby campus to get a feel of college life.

With the stuffy Englishman out of sight, the library was finally theirs. Xander, Buffy, and Faith stayed late, sparring together on the blue training mats under the dim lights of the library lamps. Their magical weapons were laid out on the long table, ready for when they concluded the hand-to-hand portion of their training. Both girls were wearing black shorts, but Buffy wore a pink long sleeve top, while wore a black tank top. Xander wore his Armor Wear undershirt and grey sweats.

With the scent of sweat and adrenaline in the air, Buffy and Faith sparred each other at high speeds, exchanging quick blows and stiff blocks. Xander was on the sidelines, circling as he observed their every move, waiting for the right moment to intervene. When one Slayer seemed to be getting the upper hand, he’d leap into action, attacking her from behind, and then backing off until she was on the defensive again. It was a challenging and exhilarating series of rotating two-on-one battles, each one pushing the teen warriors to their limit.

Neither girl had trained like this before, but Xander could tell they felt a sense of satisfaction and enjoyed the excitement coursing through their veins. With every clean strike, every dodge, slip, and parry, he could see the confidence building in them. However, Xander noticed Faith reacted more when she fought, which made him worry her style of combat could be a problem if she didn’t correct the behavior.

Buffy’s muscles tensed reflexively as Faith’s series of punches came in quick succession. The blonde moved with graceful swiftness, slipping each strike before perfectly timing a waist grapple into a take-down. Faith attempted to punch back, but she was already falling back. Xander observed, impressed but not surprised when Buffy added a twist to the leg lock, forcing Faith to hit the mat face-first. Buffy immediately took her back, putting Faith in a rear-naked choke hold.

Xander was about to declare Buffy the winner of the match when the double doors of the library suddenly opened, and a blond vampire in a black leather coat strode in, his eyes fixating on the two beauties on the mat. With a lewd look, an amused Spike remarked, “Well, well. Ain’t that a stimulating sight for peckish eyes.”

Enhancing his skill set—strength, agility, and senses—Xander wasted no time summoning Hellguard to his hand before throwing it at the vampire’s thigh with perfect accuracy. With lightning-fast reflexes, Spike caught the hilt of the blade before it could pierce his flesh, then marveled at the fact he was worthy of holding the magical weapon without immediately being anchored to the ground.

Spinning the Viking blade in his grasp, the amused blond responded, “Will you look at that? Guess it don’t work when you’ve got a bloody soul, now does it?”

Unimpressed, Xander clenched his fist and electrocuted the blond vampire with a mild amount of electricity before calling his weapon back. Buffy and Faith walked up to the vampire as he struggled to call out, “W-wa-wait, wu-wait,” he stammered. “I g-g-got yur f-friends!” Buffy and Faith froze, their eyes locked on the mildly twitching Spike. After an agonizing pause, Spike managed to get out, “I- I got little red and her wolf-boy.”

Confused, Faith asked, “I thought he couldn’t do shit like that anymore.”

Xander stepped beside the Slayers as Buffy answered, “He has a conscience now, which should feel like psychological torture, but if he’s never had one to begin with, then maybe it doesn’t matter-”

Raising his hand so they’d wait, Spike yelled, “I just want Dru!” The three halted, curious about what the vampire meant. Clapping his chest to indicate the soul underneath, he explained with a tone of disgust, “She won’t have me like this! She can’t even look at me!”

“You want us to put a soul in her,” Xander summarized.

Spike’s head hung low, heavy with the weight of his sorrow. The words that escaped his lips were filled with heart-wrenching agony, his British accent adding a layer of somberness to his confession. “I… I can’t do it,” he said, his eyes closing briefly as if in pain. “I can’t kill her; can’t kill for her.” His misery was palpable, and he settled back, looking defeated as he admitted, “I can’t go on living like this—not without her.”

“So, kill yourself,” Buffy bluntly proposed—as if it was the most obvious next step in the world.

Spike snorted, retorting, “You don’t think I’ve tried?! But the thought of leaving my Dru all alone for decades—centuries—while the world continues changing without her... it’s a fate worse than death, and I refuse to do that to her.” Since Buffy and Faith hadn’t raised their fists to pummel him, he continued to plead, “Look, I’m actually begging ya here. Just do this for me and I’ll bugger off; out of your hair forever. You have my word.”

Buffy studied the vulnerable vampire a moment before answering, “Where’s Willow and Oz?”

Unwilling to capitulate without an agreement, Spike repeated, “We got a deal?”

“You have to know how the curse is broken,” Buffy pointed out. “Angelus must’ve told you.”

Slightly uncomfortable, Spike shrugged as he hesitantly answered, “...Yeah, I suppose he might’ve mentioned something.”

“So you want us to ensoul the woman you love, so you two can be together?” Buffy asked, focusing on the obvious. “That’s like locking up a psychotic killer, then giving him the key. How do we know you won’t just lose your souls the minute you two get it on?”

Xander scrutinized Spike’s love-sick behavior with a critical eye, pondering the probability of him losing his soul upon experiencing true happiness making love to Drusilla. Like many other critical choices he had this past year—each leading to their own repercussions—Xander contemplated the potential consequences of this decision. He dug deep into his vast wealth of experiences, drawing upon his knowledge of love and loss, determined to find an answer. It didn’t take long for his heart to provide one, granting Xander a surprising sense of peace.

“I’m thinking it’ll be alright,” he addressed, his voice laced with confidence.

Taken aback, Buffy sarcastically quipped, “And I’m sure our definition of alright is completely different.” With concern, she pointed out, “We don’t know that they won’t lose their souls the minute they’re together.”

Spike quickly rose from the floor, incensed, and rebutted, “Oh, so my love for Dru can’t be trusted, but yours and Angel’s can? Don’t think I haven’t seen you two snoggin’ something fierce in that pretty big house of yours. Have you picked out the drapes yet? Remember, window treatment can make or break the style of a room.”

Buffy stiffened in panic while a confused Faith asked her fellow Slayer, “What’s he talkin’ about?”

To lighten the mood, Xander answered, “He means the perfect drapes should complement the room’s aesthetics and serve a function-”

“Not that!” Faith called out, eying him incredulously.

Spike observed the behaviors between the girls and quickly understood the situation. With a smirk, he snidely enjoyed pointing out, “Ooooh, you didn’t know her and dear old Angelus have been shacking up in a mansion on Crawford?”

“Crawford?” Faith repeated. Turning to Xander, she said, “That’s your place.”

Spike looked at Xander with surprise, and asked, “Is it now?” Eying Buffy up and down with a perverse gleam, Spike asked Xander, “Be honest, now… Are you and Angel tunnel buddies?”

“Don’t make me electrocute you again,” Xander warned the vampire before turning to Faith and explaining, “I saw them during that whole ‘Pete the Murderer’ thing a few weeks back, and let Angel stay there to recuperate. I didn’t tell you, or anyone, because it wasn’t really my place to tell.” Turning to a mildly guilty Buffy, he added, “I was hoping Buffy would eventually come around and tell everyone herself.”

Faith’s annoyance was palpable as she asked, “And you trusted them not to bone when you knew what could happen?”

“That’s how trust works,” Xander replied, his voice level.

“No, that’s how stupidity works,” the exasperated girl corrected, looking at him in disbelief.

Xander sighed, asking, “Can we do this later?”

Glaring at the vampire, an irate Buffy extended her hand as she demanded, “Tell us where Willow and Oz are.” Her magical weapon flew from the table to her grasp as she added, “Or I introduce you to Slaymore.”

Nervous that Buffy might unknowingly force Xander to loop back, the looper calmly said, “We know you’re not going to hurt them, so you might as well tell us.”

Accepting the challenge with a smirk, the daring vampire asked, “You think I won’t hurt ‘em just cause I got this nifty little soul torturing my brain like a fat ol’ tumor? I say bring it on, love. I’d suffer anything for my Dru.”

“And you think that means you love her?” Xander asked in a tone of disbelief. “What if you guys do get it on, and neither of you lose your soul?”

Amused by the hypothetical, the cocky vampire shot back, “You think what we got is so weak I’d be scared to prove it’s real?”

Xander snorted and returned, “Spike, I think you’ve been evil for so long, you don’t even know what real love is.”

Before Spike could reply, they were abruptly interrupted by the sound of a dozen sets of boots making their way toward them. Buffy, Xander, Faith, and Spike all turned to the double doors of the library, bursting open as a large group of vampires rushed in. At the sight of the enemy, Xander knew the battle would be four to one, but he saw no cause for panic. He’d been in worse scrapes and made it through. Plus, they all had their celestial weapons.

Before any of the vampires could charge, a tall, sandy-haired vampire tilted his head and called out, “Spike?”

Spike inspected the one who called him, and upon recognizing the lanky vampire, replied, “Tanner?”

Tanner stepped forward, smiling despite his vicious fangs. “You remember me?”

“‘Course, I remember,” Spike replied. “What kind of boss do you take me for? How’s everyone, then?”

“Oh, yeah, most of the old crew’s good,” Tanner answered, as if they were old workers catching up. “We all linked up with a new boss in town,” he said with a nod.

“And Curly?” Spike asked, adding, “He was always good for a chuckle.”

Tanner lamented to add, “Hate to be the bearer news, but Curly’s true-dead.” He looked between the Slayers, pointed at Faith, and remarked, “The brunette killed him last week.”

“Ah, shame that,” Spike winced. “We lost a good one.”

“Are you done?” the lead vampire asked. “We’re kinda here to kill them, ya know.”

“Right, sorry, Gradey,” Tanner responded before waving bye at Spike.

The leader, Gradey, glared at Spike, eying him up and down before saying, “William the Bloody… we’ve seen you around town a bit. Seems like you got some plans of your own,” he said, his tone laced with suspicion.

Xander didn’t like the sound of that.

Spike’s eyes narrowed as he replied, “What’s it to ya?”

Gradey’s lip curled into a sneer as he growled at the Scoobies, “We came to kill the three behind ya. Care to join? I’ll put in a good word for ya with the boss.”

“Go ahead and do it, Spike,” Buffy retorted. “But you can kiss any help from us goodbye.”

Spike’s shoulders sagged in frustration as he cursed, “Bloody hell.”

Without warning, the leather-clad vampire lunged forward, his fist connecting with Gradey’s face in a swift sucker punch. The lead vampire was knocked off his feet and landed with a heavy thud. The other vampires were taken aback by the surprise attack by a fellow vampire, and turned their attention from Gradey to Spike. With a screech of blood-thirsty anger, the vampires charged toward the group, determined to kill Spike and drain the humans of every ounce of blood. Blood/Lust flew into Faith’s hands as the four spread out to battle the vicious-looking enemies.

Due to Spike’s assistance, each Scooby only fought against three vampires simultaneously, rather than four. However, fighting multiple assailants was still a complex challenge of position management. Xander could dodge a punch in either direction if he were facing a single opponent, but when he was practically surrounded, leaning to the left could give another vampire an opening.

However, despite the odds, Xander’s experience, careful footwork, and Hellguard allowed him to defend, slip, and counter-attack three enemy attacks simultaneously. Quick as a whip, he swiftly moved with the flow of their attacks, cutting limbs, counter-punching, or leg-sweeping, all while nimbly dodging. There was a balance Xander could see and feel as he fought, allowing him to react strategically in high-pressure situations.

Although it was a challenge, the sage warrior kept track of each of his attackers and avoided being surrounded. He smoothly sliced limbs, counter-punched each of them, before decapitated one of the vampires. He followed the other two as they backed away, surprised by the human’s combat capability. Slipping another powerful attack, Xander effortlessly moved in to stab the vampire in the chest. The final vampire ran, but Xander threw Hellguard with all his might, burying the Viking blade in its back. With an unconscious squeeze of his hand, the vampire was electrocuted into dust.

Turning to the others, both Buffy and Faith showed off their impressive fighting skills, though Buffy was on her last vampire while Faith and Spike needed to kill two more. Xander noted how similar Spike’s and Faith’s styles of fighting were. They were brawlers and enjoyed the thrill of battle. It gave Xander a bad feeling and a chill down his spine. He suddenly feared a night when Spike and Faith accidentally met, and due to the euphoria of battle, they hook up. At the knee-jerk reaction of wanting to end Spike’s life, Hellguard flew into Xander’s hand without him realizing.

Xander inhaled deeply, regaining his focus, and reminded himself, ‘Relax, Dumb-Dumb. You’re good. Just be the you that you want to be.’

In the end, the combined efforts and weapons of the group were too much for the vampires to handle, and what started off as a dozen foes, whittled down to two fleeing vampires—Tanner being one of them.

Buffy and Faith were about to chase them down when Xander called out, “Wait!” The Slayers turned to him as he asked Spike, “They didn’t follow you, did they?” Spike eyed him as if offended he would care about humans and simply shrugged. Xander’s face twisted to one of fear and annoyance as he further asked, “Could they know where you’re keeping Oz and Willow?”

Realizing the potential danger, Spike cursed, “Fuck me,” before running out of the library.

Faith jumped into Spike’s—likely stolen—car while the blonde Slayer hopped on the back of Xander’s bike with him. Though Xander didn’t like Faith and Spike in a car, all that mattered at the moment was rescuing Willow and Oz. Weaving through traffic as he followed Spike’s reckless driving, Xander was in his element, running red lights and jumping small hills. Though he had to take it easy, as a nervous Buffy was squeezing the life out of him.

As they arrived at the warehouse—which, from Xander’s perspective, was surprisingly different than previous loops—the four were just in time to spot six fang-baring vampires dragging Willow and Oz toward a black van. Faith and Spike charged the vampires while Buffy and Xander rescued their friends. Faith was a blur of slashes, taking out two vamps in quick succession. Spike fought two as well, and the remaining two simply jumped in their van and sped away. A tearful Willow hugged Buffy and Xander, relieved to be free and safe.

Charged with the adrenaline of battle, Spike clenched his fists as he enjoyed the thrill coursing through him. Likely for the first time since he’d been cursed with a soul, he was able to be as violent as he wanted without the burden of guilt weighing him down. With the dust of his enemies settled around him, Spike basked in the glory of his triumph. The enthusiastic vamp looked at the group, grinning widely.

“Bloody hell, I missed that!” the buzzing blond exclaimed. He sobered up quickly when he noted how the Scoobies were looking at him: a mixture of anger, irritation, and pity. The vampire clapped his hands before briskly saying, “Right. Now that we’ve saved your friends, how about returning the favor?”

An irate Buffy returned, “How about no, on account of you putting them in danger in the first place, and we just kill you?”

“I second that!” the teary-eyed Willow heatedly affirmed, still trying to settle down from the ordeal she’d gone through.

“Third,” Faith said.

“And go for your girlfriend,” Oz stipulated, restraining his anger over what Willow had been through. “See how he likes it.”

Though empathetic to his friends’ ire, the time braid forbade Xander from letting Spike die. Additionally, he still had a spare Orb of Thesulah at the mansion, so he maintained his initial stance. “I still think we should ensoul Drusilla,” he said, shocking his friends.

Oddly enough, they didn’t argue with him. Instead, Buffy suggested they take a day to think about it, and the following morning, she discussed the situation with Giles at length over the phone—including Angel’s return. Though Xander didn’t hear the long conversation, his gut was telling him he wouldn’t like the verdict.

That night, the gang gathered at the library to decide on Drusilla’s—and ultimately, Spike’s—fate, though they were still waiting on Buffy. Willow, Oz, Cordelia, Xander, and Faith were seated at the long table, waiting in silence, while Spike leaned against the wall, cross-armed and bored. Xander imagined his friends were all contemplating the decision ahead, and he hoped they would fairly consider what he had to say.

Annoyed by the silence, Spike turned to Xander and asked, “V-Twin or Inline 4? What’re ya picking? And if it ain’t Inline, then I know there’s something wrong with you.”

Sighing in disbelief, Xander announced, “Now’s not the time, Spike.” Though, the audacity of such a claim forced Xander to shake his head until he couldn’t help retorting, “And everyone knows V-Twins are better. More torque and instant power when rolling the throttle.”

“I knew you were off your rocker!” Spike spat. “Mate, Inlines are the best for a reason. It’s the most versatile and reliable engine out there.”

Xander rolled his eyes heavily as he retorted, “Reliable? Are we talking about motorcycles or washing machines? You want reliability, ride a Honda.”

“You’re missing the point,” Spike argued. “It’s about the best balance of performance and efficiency!”

“Can you two please stop chumming it up!” Cordelia called, eying Xander incredulously. “This is, by far, the creepiest thing I’ve ever been forced to witness.”

Before any more could be said, the doors to the library creaked open, and Buffy entered with Angel trailing beside her. As the source of many of their nightmares slowly approached them, a chill fell over the room and Willow and Cordelia stiffened in their seats. The last time they’d seen him, he was Angelus, a sadistic murderer intent on terrorizing and killing them. Oz noticed the anxiety in his girlfriend and reached out to hold her hand, silently letting her know that he was there for her. Likewise, Xander placed a reassuring hand on Cordelia’s shoulder, offering her some comfort.

However, the vampire that stood before them wasn’t the blood-thirsty demon from their nightmare. Angel appeared contrite and remorseful, clearly ashamed of what his darker self had done to them. Standing beside Angel, Buffy looked nervous and at a loss for words to alleviate their worries. With a sigh, Xander grabbed Hellguard from his bag, approached Angel, and extended his magical blade. The souled vampire took the weapon without hesitation, and held it with no issues, proving to everyone that he had his soul back.

With that, Buffy took a deep breath and began explaining what happened the day she closed the Acathla vortex, why she left Sunnydale, and how Angel had returned. As she recounted the painful parts of the events, she became despondent and her voice even quivered a bit. Still, Buffy pushed on to explain why they had all gathered: to decide if they should ensoul Drusilla or not.

Cordelia asked, “How’s that even a question? The minute they get their ‘happiness’ on, we’re right back to dealing with monsters. Only this time, they’ll have a vendetta against the people who ensouled them: us.”

Though Buffy nodded in agreement, she told the group, “We’re discussing it because Xander thinks we should.”

“Really?” Cordelia called, eying her ex as if he were crazy. “Another one? Are we running a vampire clinic here?”

Oz asked, “If they love each other, wouldn’t they just cancel out the other’s curse?”

“That’s not a bet I’d take,” Faith spoke, shaking her head. “It’s how you end up naked wrestling an alligator in Louisiana.” They all turn to her with a mixture of concern and curiosity, but Faith stood her ground, making her point clear. “I’m just saying it’s a bad bet.”

“I’m not sure the curse would even work on Dru,” Angel offered, his tone doubtful of the idea. He tapped his head as he added, “She’s not all there.”

“Wonder how that happened,” Spike sarcastically remarked toward Angel, his voice thick with resentment.

Angel clenched his jaw a moment in regret before elaborating, “What I mean is, her fractured mind has the potential to disregard the torture having a soul puts us through.”

“She’d still get her conscience back,” Spike argued with the senior vampire, his voice rising in frustration. “But more importantly, she’ll have me.”

Facing the younger vampire, Angel replied, “Her mind is as likely to think all those memories of murder and mayhem are funny dreams, or a different personality, or any number of other delusions. Point is, she could still kill.”

Confronting Angel’s position with a threatening posture, Spike squared his shoulders and glared at the taller vampire as he responded, “I killed vampires just fine yesterday, mate, and didn’t have a lick of remorse. Maybe it won’t put me in a remorse-coma if I killed a vamp with a soul. What do ‘ya think?”

As the two vampires faced off, the air between them was thick with tension.

Buffy shoved Spike away as she called, “Enough!” Spike sneered at the girl as she told the group, “Giles doesn’t think it’s a good idea and neither do I. It isn’t worth the risk-”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Spike implored, waving his hands in frustration. “You’re the bloody good guys here. You can’t just not help!” Focusing a leering eye on Buffy, he added, “Or is help only offered when the Slayer fancies one of us? Is shaggin’ a Slayer the price of admission? Cuz I’m willing to pay if you’d like a taste, luv.”

As Buffy glared at Spike, the room fell silent until Xander slammed Hellguard on the table, drawing their attention. The raven-haired teen told the group, “Like Buffy said, I’m the one who thinks we should do it.”

“You can’t be serious,” Cordelia protested in disbelief.

“There we go,” Spike boasted, clapping Xander’s back. “Knew I could count on a fellow motorhead.”

Momentarily glaring at Spike, Xander warned, “However, if he keeps on talking, I won’t even hesitate to change my mind.” With a tight smile, Spike backed away. Xander addressed the group, confidently stating, “One moment of true happiness—of contentment. One moment where the soul that was restored no longer plagues him, and that soul is taken from him.”

Buffy nodded heavily as she said, “Uh, yeah. Thanks for highlighting the very reason why we shouldn’t do this.”

“Except Spike and Drusilla are nothing like you and Angel—nowhere near it,” Xander told her. Turning to Angel, he further explained, “Angel suffered alone for decades—decades—before meeting Buffy, and never thought to himself that someone with as terrible a past as his deserved someone as good as her.” Turning to Buffy, he continued with a steady voice, “I bet you anything he couldn’t believe his ever-living luck when it turned out you loved him just as much as he loved you. He was a vampire—the very thing you’re sworn to kill—and yet you still found it in your heart to love him completely. I don’t have to tell you that a love like that would erase all the torture in a man’s soul. All of it.”

Xander’s words hung heavy in the air, each one piercing through their preconceived notions like a knife. Angel’s expression was pained. Buffy’s gaze switched between Xander and Angel, her mind likely racing with a million thoughts about the depth of her love for Angel and how it changed her life. Xander’s words seemed to have stirred something in the others as well, as they remained silent, carefully mulling over his words.

Returning his attention to the blond vampire, Xander continued, “Spike and Drusilla aren’t the same. He did all of his evil with Drusilla. It’d be impossible to look into her eyes and not think of the long history of blood, rape, torture, and mayhem between them. So, how could they possibly find a moment of true happiness when they’ve done all their evil together? I’d go so far as to say that putting a soul in her would almost guarantee they can never really love each other. They would just be two tortured vampires wondering why each other’s love wasn’t enough to break the curse. Shit, Spike, that might actually be worse.”

Spike’s face twisted in anger, unable to bear any more of Xander’s blasphemy, and retorted, “What would a fuckin’ pillock like you know? Standing there, flapping your gums, doubting my love when you’ve barely sprouted your first pube.” Smacking his chest, the vampire glared at Xander as he declared, “In all my seasons of walking this blue marble, I only know what love is because of her!”

Xander didn’t step back or blink. He glared right back, though with a hint of amusement as he easily returned, “It looks like you know what withdrawal is because of her.” Shaking his head, Xander returned derisively, “I’ve seen what passes for love with men like you.”

“You know fuck all about me and even less about love,” Spike hotly rebutted. “You’re too green around the ears to know the greatest love can only come after the greatest struggles. Love hurts- Love kills! You’ll fight, you’ll shag, and you’ll hate each other till you’re sick to your stomach, but you’ll never feel anything better for the rest of your life. You think we’d look into each other’s eyes and only see pain and hurt? No, mate. It’s actually the love of a lifetime that’ll be there.” He turned to the others, tapping his head as he preached, “Because love isn’t brains, children. It’s blood! Blood screaming inside you to work its will!”

With a knowing smirk, Xander softly repeated, “You can’t kill her, you can’t kill for her, can’t live without her, and my favorite, you didn’t know what love was until you met her. Beautiful stuff, man. Shakespeare would gobble it up. Romance authors would churn out a few tortured romances for gullible teenage girls-”

“Hey,” Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia all called. Faith looked at them with raised eyebrows, making them feel slight embarrassment.

Willow tried to defend them by saying, “I just… it’s not all bad.”

Xander understood so much because he’d lived so long on repeat. Before, it felt like every decision he made—every move he took—was doomed to failure. He had always been the comedic relief, the doormat, the sidekick… the one who was never quite good enough. But along with the time braid, it was precisely those painful experiences that had forced him to grow and learn. He confronted his limitations many times, acknowledged his flaws and weaknesses, and in doing so, discovered a strength in himself he never knew was there. Making so many mistakes had forced him to learn a hard-fought and battle-tested truth he could place his faith in and defend to his dying breath.

Xander told Spike clearly, “All that love and smut… do you even know why it would never work?”

“You and your sixteen years on this planet are an expert, are ya?”

“Ninety-seven, technically, but yeah.” At Spike’s expression of confusion, Xander answered, “Magic. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, go on then. Enlighten me, Dr. Love,” Spike challenged, sneering skeptically. “But don’t think I haven’t seen plenty of nice boys like you. The earth’s polluted with you types; finishing last, trying to friendship your way into a girl’s knickers. Hitting your good years in your thirties or forties when you finally get some trinkets—a house, car, money. But all that shite ain’t what really matters to a woman; Passion; Love. Give ‘em a rush, and they’ll never forget you… even if they end up living in someone else’s big house.”

Xander felt a knot form in his stomach as he stared at Spike, his heart racing with anger and frustration. He hated how accurate Spike’s assessment of him was—if not for the time braid. Future Xander hadn’t amounted to anything more than a retired old man with an ex-wife, living alone in a big house. He was a man who was always a step behind, and all the women in that Xander’s life eventually left him because he carried his demons with him, rather than overcoming them. The Xander that stood defiantly before Spike was nothing like Old Man Xander.

He was cocky enough to scoff at Spike’s assessment of him, and snidely respond, “While it’s generally true the person who brings stability probably won’t bring that burning rush of love-”

“There’s no probably about it, mate,” Spike interjected, smirking wickedly. “You picked your lane. I picked mine. Just don’t hate me when they choose me over you nine times out of ten.”

Feeling a surge of irritation, Xander exclaimed, “You’re forgetting the other side, Lemon-head.” Spike squinted his eyes as the teen simply explained, “Girls want happy endings. And the person who brings that passionate rush of love, sure as shit isn’t going to bring stability. So, that happily ever after that so many beautiful girls want more than anything, isn’t something a guy like you could ever give them.”

Xander’s friends disappeared from his attention. As a swell of repressed truth bubbled to the surface, he focused on the vampire, nearly as if sending a message to all men like him, especially Nox.

“I’m more than willing to give you your dues, Spike,” Xander continued. “You’re a perceptive guy, and passionate. You can look at a girl and know how to push their buttons to get a rise out of them; especially if she’s gone through hell and is vulnerable. I know that because I learned the exact same thing,” he sadly voiced, thinking of Casanova and Nox.

In a lot of ways, Xander was talking more to his past self than Spike when he added, “Which is why I know you’re not really in love. You’re just selfish… and delusional. It’s not about loving the other person for you. It’s about how loving them makes you feel. You can’t kill her, you can’t kill for her, you can’t live without her, you didn’t know love until you met her—you, you, you. That’s how I know you don’t really love Drusilla, because if you did, you wouldn’t be trying to force us to ensoul her so you two can be together. You’d ask us to do it because you knew it’d be in her best interest, whether you get together or not. The only thing you’re doing right now is trying to take what you want by any means necessary because you don’t know any better. And then you have the audacity to call that love?”

“It is love!” Spike yelled, getting in Xander’s face. “It’s a burning passion, which you know nothing about! Love makes you do the craziest things! It’s-”

“Addiction!” Xander cut in, not breaking eye contact for a second. “That’s all you’re talking about, which is just more selfishness-”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

“So! And?! She knows the deepest part of me! And I, her! I want her more than anything! If that makes me love’s bitch, at least I’m man enough to admit it. I’d do anything to have her! That so wrong!?”

“Oh! Yeah, no, that makes it okay then,” Xander sarcastically asserted. “Doesn’t matter if you’re right for her or if she even loves you back. As long as you want her more than anything, sure, take her by any means necessary. Do you fucking hear yourself? You sound like some crazy asshole who’d rape a girl because you’re sure she loves you and just doesn’t know it yet. To me, all this bullshit spewing out of your mouth sounds like you’re incapable of putting her well-being ahead of your own obsession with her… And how the hell can you call that love?”

Heart pounding in his chest, Xander only told Spike what he wanted to yell at himself. After his Nox days, there was no one to tell him he was wrong or blame him for his actions. It was a heavy shame to bear, one that he was forced to live with. However, yelling it all out, he felt a sense of relief wash over him.

“I’m telling you, you’re wrong, and you don’t know shit about real love,” Xander emphatically asserted, and for whatever reason, Spike stopped reacting defensively, seemingly taken by his words.

Spike smirked with no humor behind it—the kind of smirk he’d show to someone he wanted to punch—then stepped back. “...Dr. Love indeed,” the irritable vampire mocked.

As Spike took out a flask to drink from, Xander voiced to the room, “I say we do it. And if it doesn’t work with her brand of crazy, we dust her like the others.”

“I’m with Xander,” Cordelia quickly agreed.

“Same,” Faith added with a side glance at her sister Slayer. Buffy, Willow, and Angel remained deep in thought.

Oz then shared with the group, “I think I’m going to have to side with Xander on this one.” As the chill teen typically voted in whatever direction Willow did, the redhead looked at him with some surprise. He explained to his girlfriend, “Not doing it kinda feels like supporting Spike’s kind of ‘love’… and I can’t say I’m a fan.”

“So, it’s tied?” Cordelia inquired.

“I… I’ve changed my mind, too,” Willow softly spoke. “Sorry, Buffy, but I think Xander’s right.”

“Never thought I’d feel so pitiful to get what I want,” Spike bemoaned. “Cheers.”

Buffy walked up to Xander, a worried look on her face, as she asked, “Can we talk?”

Tilting his head in confusion, Xander asked, “Now?”

Buffy nodded, her expression serious, and with his agreement, she led him into Giles’ office. Once the door was closed behind them, he couldn’t help but playfully ask, “Why’s it feel like I’m getting called into the principal’s office?”

In her best Principal Snyder voice, Buffy roguishly asked, “You got something to hide, Mr. Harris?”

Keeping up with the banter, he replied with a nervous front, “Not from you, ma’am. Honest!” The teens smiled, but as Buffy appeared to have something important to say, she became serious once again. He asked, “What’s up?”

“Giles doesn’t think we should do this, and I was fine with that.”

Xander’s expression turned quizzical as he asked, “Was?”

Buffy nodded, looking uncomfortable as she answered, “You dropped some pretty heavy introspective bombs out there. Even Giles would sit and squirm.”

“Just calling it like I see it,” Xander replied with a shrug.

“Are you?” Buffy asked, her voice softening. Her expression turned even more troubled as she continued, “Or is it more than that?”

Xander furrowed his brow in confusion before asking, “What do you mean?”

Buffy shifted nervously, fidgeting with her nails uneasily as she tried to find the right words to express what she needed. Tilting her head away, she broke eye contact before clearing her throat and admitted, “I’ve been having dreams… about you.” Her cheeks suddenly flushed a rosy hue as she panicked and quickly clarified, “Ah! Not, like, weird dreams, you know?” Upon further reflection, the uneasy girl then corrected, “Well, yeah, weird. But I mean weird as in Slayer-mode weird; not weird as in… ahem… s-sexual.”

Mildly humored, Xander’s eyes widened in mild amusement as he tried to make sense of what Buffy was trying to tell him. “So… weird dreams?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” the flustered girl confirmed, feeling slightly self-conscious. “Weird.”

“About me?” he asked, seeking clarification.

“Yeah,” she answered, nodding.

“Slayer dreams?” he pressed, trying to close in on the facts.

“I think so.”

Tilting his head, Xander asked, “You’re not sure?”

“...No, I am,” Buffy hesitated to answer, though sounded more certain in her response.

Recognizing that his friend was struggling to articulate what she wanted him to know, Xander let out a long exhale and asked, “Okay, what happens in the dreams?”

Buffy took a deep breath before answering, “Stuff that makes me wor- wonder about you when you say things like that to Spike.”

Still unable to grasp what Buffy was saying, he asked, “Anything more specific than that?”

“I don’t want to say- well, it’s more like I can’t,” she confessed. “These dreams make even less sense than the ones I’ve had before. I just know they’re about you, and death, and it all feels… imminent.”

Not a single Buffy in any of the previous time loops had ever mentioned him being the subject of her Slayer dream, which thoroughly surprised him. Even the Buffy he seriously dated in the previous long loop hadn’t mentioned having Slayer dreams about him, and she’d often mentioned how she didn’t want to lose him.

‘Maybe she was having Slayer dreams, and that’s what she meant by not wanting to lose me?’ He focused on Buffy and asked, “Imminent?”

“Kinda like a doomsday clock,” she fearfully said.

‘Could the loops be running out?’ he thought, contemplating how connected Buffy’s Slayer dreams could be to the time braid. ‘I mean, even Drusilla says some wacky stuff that could elude to that.’ If he was reaching the last few cycles, he expected to be crazier, so it was possible there was more to come. Xander made a point of talking to her more about her Slayer Dreams.

Eager to cut to the chase, he asked, “What are you asking me, Buffy?”

Buffy stared into his eyes and, with a serious expression, asked, “Are you telling us everything? Everything about what Old You remembers?” Xander had a plethora of replies stretching from the absolute truth to bald-faced lies, and he considered each of them as Buffy added, “You know you could tell me if something’s wrong, right?”

Xander was going to tell Buffy, Faith, and all of his friends, everything about the time braid, but he felt that withholding that truth until he got out was the best move. Telling them had never worked before, and Xander had a feeling that it wasn’t supposed to matter. Just like he conquered his internal demons, the time braid seemed to be something he had to conquer on his own.

With a long exhale, Xander gazed into her lovely greenish-blue eyes and asked, “Do you trust me?”

With a nod, she didn’t hesitate to answer, “I do.”

Xander smiled before pledging, “Then I promise you, I won’t betray that trust.”

“That sounds like you won’t tell me.”

“I will,” he assured her. “When I know for certain that telling you or the others won’t harm or kill anyone, because I can’t be responsible for that Buffy. I just can’t.”

“…Okay,” she agreed. She looked so hesitant, it seemed like she only had more concern. Instead, she moved on to ask, “Did you mean everything you said out there?”

“Every word,” he cheerfully answered.

Nervously, Buffy proclaimed with a tone of uncertainty, “So… I guess we’re doing this?”

“Sweet,” Xander acknowledged with a smile, uneasily adding, “you got Giles, right?”

Her eyes widened in fear as she called out, “Uh, no! I’m not telling him! You’re the one that convinced everyone!”

Xander countered, “He likes you more!”

“Which means he’ll only be more disappointed in me!” she hotly reasoned.

Eying her in disbelief, Xander proposed, “Like he’s really going to believe I convinced everyone to do it-- Wait, does that mean you changed your mind too? It wasn’t just because the majority voted?”

“If they cancel each other out, we’ll deal with it,” Buffy ultimately stated. “And if they don’t, that’s less we have to worry about.”

“Is that all it was for you?”

Blushing a bit, Buffy unabashedly confessed, “I said you dropped bombs, didn’t I? Consider me wrecked.” Xander’s eyebrows raised at her phrasing, and due to the way he was restraining his grin, Buffy cried, “Oh! Not like that! I swear, You and Faith spend too much time together.”

They left the office, and the gang hashed out the logistics of how ensouling Drusilla would go. They all decided to tell Giles when he returned, and depending on what he said, alter any details to the plan or scrap it all together. With Xander’s permission, Spike stayed in the mansion along with Angel. However, Xander made certain they knew it would be temporary, and once he kicked them out, he’d be casting the Revoke Invitation spell.

“In the meantime, I need some labor to help remodel,” Xander told them, fully expecting their cooperation. “Consider it rent.”

That night, as Xander and Faith walked into his home, he was taken aback by the sudden and unexpected passion of her embrace. The moment he closed the door, Faith was on him, flush against his body and pressing her lips against him with a newfound tenderness that left him dumbfounded. Gone was the raw, animalistic desire that usually drove her to mind-blowing satisfaction. Instead, their tender kiss was something slower, sensual, as she explored the contours of his mouth with gentle, teasing strokes of her tongue.

As they kissed, Xander’s senses came alive unlike ever before: the feel of her soft lips against his, the scent of her hair filling his nostrils, and the warmth of her body pressed against his. Her hands roamed over his chest, her fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, spurring a rush of stimulating lust, and he responded in kind; exploring her fit, sensual body insistently but with a gentle touch. For Xander, it was a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss, and he surrendered to the overwhelming desire he felt for Faith.

They made their way to his bed, the anticipation and excitement building with every step. Xander was deliberate as he slowly removed articles of her clothing, taking in the sight of her bare skin revealed inch by inch. The teasing nature of stripping her added an extra layer of stimulation, the anticipation building with each item of clothing removed. Xander couldn’t help but take in every curve of Faith’s ample beauty, savoring the feel of her skin beneath his fingertips. As he worked his way down to her panties, he could see the arousal glistening between her legs, and he took a moment to admire the sight.

His fingers lingered on the soft material of her panties before sliding them off so slowly, it tickled her sensitive skin. Hearing Faith giggle was a treasured sound he never knew she could make. Even she was surprised that such a cute noise came out of her throat. To combat her embarrassment, Faith grabbed his head and forced his mouth to her beautiful breast. He took a nipple in his mouth and teased it with his tongue and teeth until it was stiff as a pebble. The ravishing girl moaned, driving him crazy for more, but no matter how much Xander’s heart raced, or how painfully hard his cock throbbed, he remained focused on Faith, determined to make this experience unforgettable for her.

Once her panties dropped, Xander laid her on the bed before joining her. He lowered his mouth to her glossy lips, and they kissed deeply, until they were breathless. As he caressed her scalp, he kissed and nibbled his way down her neck to her nipples, lapping and sucking them to hardness. His strong hands deftly massaged down the supple curves of her sexy body. Faith moaned as he gripped her ass and licked at her puffy pussy.

Faith arched her back and spread her legs, giving him all the access he desired while he lapped her sensitive vagina. She shivered as he licked her inflamed sex, stroking her love petals with his warm, rough tongue and stroking her cherry clit. Faith grew remarkably wet, and Xander captured the slow-streaming honey with his tongue, making her whimper as the pleasure continued to build within her.

While Xander swirled his tongue around her sensitive clit, he plunged two fingers inside Faith’s tight snatch, her hot juices pouring from her throbbing cunt. His fingers continued to piston and curl inside of her, curling against her melting walls. As he had his ring make his fingers vibrate, Faith trembled and moaned with frequent regularity.

“Oh, fuck!” Faith groaned, as she felt herself moments away from snapping. “F-Fuc- Xander!”

Her muscles tensed as she arched her back continuously, as if trying to get away from the mounting pleasure, but she couldn’t escape his vibrating digits. When Xander sucked on her clit and vibrated his tongue, the sheer intensity of pleasure shooting through her made her release in a long, heart-stopping explosion of ecstasy. As Faith quivered sporadically, Xander held firm as he slurped the love juices pouring out of her clenching sex.

When she finally settled, she plopped back onto the bed, and Xander moved up to kiss her. However, at the feel of his raging hard-on pressed against her stomach, she pulled back.

“Poor baby,” she sweetly said. “Fuck me, Daddy. Give it to me.”

Xander smiled hungrily as he rubbed his knob up and down her drooling twat. Then he slowly pressed his dick inside the gasping girl, slowly filling her beyond any man she’d ever had. It wasn’t just that Xander was well-endowed. It was how he gazed into her eyes; lovingly and with tremendous vulnerability. Faith couldn’t quite handle it, and kissed him before wrapping her arms around his neck, ensuring they couldn’t make eye contact.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered in his ear, her husky voice always adding a touch of the illicit.

However, Xander could feel her heartbeat—even without enhancing his senses—and it was pounding with such incredible strength. As Xander began humping between her splayed thighs, Faith moaned and arched her spine, rolling her pelvis in tandem with his sharp thrusts. He pounded between her open legs, driving his thick cock deeper into her tight snatch.

Faith moaned and writhed under him, gripping him with her hands and clenching sex until he buried himself to the hilt and exploded inside her shuddering womb. Kissing his earlobe, Faith squeezed his thick member for every last drop, filling her to overflowing with his stringy seed. However, Xander wasn’t done. No longer than a moment, he gripped her ass cheeks and began plowing deeply into her cock-pocket, making the flushed girl’s tits roll under him.

Her mouth wide open and eyes closed, she sobbed, “Oh, fuck!”

Faith held onto Xander’s neck, her breathing coming in harsh pants, her breast jingling against him as her orgasm was moments from unraveling her. She arched her spine as Xander humped her closer and closer to her glorious climax, her waist enthusiastically meeting his thrusts. The bed bucked beneath them, creaking from the force of Xander’s thrusts until she wrapped her strong legs around his waist as her moaning reached a fevered pitch.

With a final plunge, Xander buried his cock in her soaking tight core, filling her pussy completely, and wrecking the lovers with wave after wave of explosive bliss. Faith screamed, arching her back as her pussy exploded while Xander unloaded a torrent of hot cum into her womanhood. They orgasmed for what felt like a minute straight, until they fell limp on the bed, the perspiration cooling their feverish bodies.

As they took a break to settle down, Xander wondered about her sudden desire to be intimate on an emotional level. She couldn’t maintain eye contact for long, but for several moments, he saw a level of vulnerability he’d never seen before. He assumed it had to do with his speech to Spike.

‘Maybe Buffy was right about dropping bombs,’ he thought.

Holding the beautiful girl tightly against him, Xander could sense that their lovemaking brought up complex emotions within her that she struggled to manage. He saw the way her eyes would flicker with hints of fear and uncertainty, even when she clung to him with an almost desperate intensity. Xander longed for her to open up and confide in him the horrors of her past. But he understood she needed time—just like he did—to fully confront her demons. All he could do was wait and love her.

However, he felt there was hope. He sensed it during their lovemaking. It was more than just physical satisfaction for her. It was a profound step forward toward trust and vulnerability, a way of opening herself up to him in a way that went beyond words or actions. And he knew with that trust came a great responsibility: to never take her love for granted. So he held her close, cherishing every moment of intimacy that they shared.

After many moments of silence, Faith weakly said, “Sorry.” Her voice was barely audible, and Xander could hear the tremble in it.

Knitting his brows in curiosity, Xander asked, “For what?”

The embarrassed girl turned away, laying on her side as she softly answered, “For spazzing out like that. That was… I’m sure no guy wants to deal with a girl’s freakout.”

Xander felt a pang of concern in his chest, certain that Faith loathed feeling vulnerable and insecure. He knew how hard it was to let her guard down, so he spooned the naked beauty, holding her against him.

“Faith, you never have to apologize for that,” he assured her with conviction. “I’m here for you; and if you didn’t know, I sure as shit want to deal with every part of you; even the parts that are a work in progress.”

Faith let out a snort, the sound muffled against the pillow. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Xander grinned, glad to have lightened the mood a bit, and jested, “Well, I am a gentleman.”

“Gentleman, my ass!” she joked back, her voice a bit stronger, more like her usual self. “That’s just post-nut clarity.”

They both laughed together, entwined in each other as the tension between them quickly dissolved like mist in the morning sun. Xander hadn’t felt so content and alive as he had in that very moment. For all her flaws and insecurities, Faith was the most amazing person he had ever met, and in his heart, he knew he never wanted to let her go.

Once the lovers settled comfortably in Xander’s bed, she asked, “What’d Buffy want to talk to you about?”

Xander hesitated for a moment, contemplating how to answer her question. Instead of responding, he turned to her and asked, “Have you had Slayer Dreams yet?”

Old Man Xander had spent decades fighting alongside Buffy and Faith, watching them tackle paranormal mysteries together, so Xander understood they shared a strange and mysterious connection. Their bond went beyond friendship or being Slayers. He knew that their connection was so strong, they even shared prophetic dreams of dark events to come.

Turning around with an expression of confusion on her face, Faith repeated, “Slayer Dreams?”

“Yeah,” he responded with a nod, suspecting it was likely too early for her. “Did Dormer ever tell you that Slayers have prophetic dreams? It’s part of their abilities.”

After a moment of thought, Faith sucked in air before admitting, “I think she might’ve mentioned it… but she said a lot.”

“Well, you’re still new to the game,” he reasoned. He went on to explain, “On occasion, Slayers would experience dreams that are like messages of stuff that’s coming, whether good or bad; right away or years down the line.”

Faith was silent for a moment, taking in all the new information. Shaking her head, she then replied, “That sounds pretty sweet, but isn’t that basically your job now?”

He snickered, saying, “I only know a version of some stuff that might happen. And by proxy of my knowing, I probably changed a lot of it. I’d bet my money on Slayer Dreams being the better source of Future News. Buffy’s had a few so far. I bet you’ll have some too.”

Nodding, looking deep in thought, Faith asked, “So, Buffy had a Slayer Dream about you?”

Xander hesitated for a moment, seesawing his head left and right before tentatively answering, “Maybe? She couldn’t really describe it well yet. She just knew it involved me.”

Faith couldn’t help but let out a mischievous grin as she teased, “You sure it wasn’t one of those dreams?” The insinuation was clear, and a small part of Xander enjoyed the idea of Buffy having sex dreams about him. He felt a familiar heat rush throughout his body as he briefly imagined it, then sighed as he inadvertently felt himself getting hard. Faith looked down and smirked before remarking, “Looks like someone still wants to play.” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the lips and pulled away, stating, “Too bad I gotta get back before Joyce gives me another talking to.”

As Faith quickly pulled on her clothes, Xander noted, “She’s always giving you a talking to.”

She shot him a playful smile, quipping, “And whose fault is that?” With her shoes in hand, she gave him a kiss before leaving.

—B—

Buffy turned onto the street that led to her house, the waxing crescent moon casting an eerie glow on the silent neighborhood. The chill of the night was palpable, and she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep warm as she passed one streetlight after another. Her best shield against the cold; however, was her distracting thoughts.

Angel’s face kept popping up unbidden, his dark, brooding eyes gazing into hers lovingly. However, her thoughts now shared space with her many dreams of Xander. She didn’t know what to make of the vivid dreams—the bad or the complicated ones—but they made her feel uneasy, restless, and oddly confused. Buffy had always loved Xander, but the thought of losing him terrified her, and she couldn’t understand why.

So lost in thought, Buffy barely registered Faith walking up beside her. Despite the frigid air, Faith seemed to radiate heat and vitality. Buffy noted how flushed her skin was and the bounce of her hair with each step. The beautiful brunette offered her a nodding smile, but Buffy could see the satisfied gleam in her eyes, as if she had just been served the best meal of her life. Buffy could easily guess who and what had put that sly grin on Faith’s face, and she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy.

“Coming back from Angel’s?” Faith asked, her husky voice purring.

Buffy nodded, her apprehension rising, before asking, “Coming back from Xander’s?”

Faith’s grin widened broadly, and she practically vibrated with satisfaction, making Buffy sigh and shake her head in exasperation. After a full minute of walking in silence, the only sound being the soft taps of their shoes on the pavement, Faith asked, “What are you doing with him, B?” her tone curious but with an edge of concern.

Still annoyed, Buffy just retorted, “What are you doing?”

The brunette seemed delighted she’d asked, and turned to her fellow Slayer eagerly. “You want to know? I’d be happy to tell you every graphic detail of what we did-”

“No, no!” Buffy quickly interjected, averse to hearing any more. “Never mind.”

Faith smiled, seemingly content to leave it at that. There was another moment of silence before Faith’s tone turned serious, and she asked with genuine concern, “Is it getting any better?”

Turning to her with a furrowed brow, the confused blonde asked, “Is what getting better?”

“Being with a guy you know you won’t ever have a future with,” Faith replied in a soft voice.

Buffy was taken aback by the direction of the conversation. She was unsure of what to say about Angel and their relationship, as her own thoughts were oddly unclear. Rather than answer, the stressed girl instead deflected, asking, “I could ask you why you’re with Xander when you’re totally refusing to take it somewhere.”

Faith took a moment to consider the question, her expression thoughtful. Finding the truth within herself, she slowly replied, “Normally, I’d say it doesn’t need to go anywhere. But, all that love shit he was talking about today… I gotta admit. It sounded nice, you know? To have something like that.”

Buffy nodded in deep understanding, answering, “I do.”

“Yeah, I guess you do,” Faith affirmed. “I got my doubts though, right in my gut,” she said, tapping her toned stomach. “Like, I know I can’t-” Buffy tried to interrupt and disagree, but Faith over-spoke her, clearly stating, “I’m made for devastation, B. For killing! Xander’s made for building, and loving. There’s no two ways about that.”

“Some people might say that’s the perfect combination,” Buffy said with a hopeful tone in her voice.

Shaking her head, Faith returned, “Not for this Slayer.”

“You don’t know that,” Buffy tried to reassure her. “You deserve to fall in love, Faith, and to be loved. There’s absolutely nothing saying that you can’t. You’re in control of your life—no one else.”

Feeling uncomfortable, Faith pointedly asked, “What about you?”

“I have a boyfriend-”

“No, you don’t,” Faith interjected. “You’re seeing him and you’re sucking face, but you know that’s pretty much done.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“I’ve seen you looking at Xander,” Faith bluntly said.

Buffy rolled her eyes in exasperation. She looked at Faith, as if asking, ‘Are you serious?’ before stating, “Oh, so now I can’t even look at my friend without it having some deeper meaning?”

“Don’t try to bullshit me,” Faith leveled with a laugh. “We spar all the time, and there’s the look in your eye when you’re studying him and a look when you’re appreciating him; admiring him.”

Buffy sighed at the odd feeling of guilt in her chest before emphatically proclaiming, “That’s because he’s come such a long way in a single year!” Buffy took her hand, stopping them from walking as she tried to explain, “You don’t understand. Last year, he could barely do his Snoopy dance without getting dizzy. Now, he’s showing me katas even Giles doesn’t know about. Before, he was my first male friend, and now… I just mean, how can I not… appreciate hi-his progress?”

Smiling cockily, as if knowing a secret, Faith continued walking as she remarked, “I hear you’re having dreams about him.”

Eyes widening in surprise, Buffy quickly followed beside her as she bellowed, “He told you?!”

Snorting, Faith replied, “Guys’ll tell you anything after you’ve squeezed them dry.”

“Eww, Faith! TMI!” she yelled at the clear visual.

“Can you tell me about them? Your dreams?” Faith asked, her voice husky and curious. “Be as vulgar as you want.”

“It’s not like that, but fine,” Buffy objected, leveling her friend with a face of disbelief. “In my dream, or one of them, anyway, we’re at the Bronze—you, me, Xander, Willow, and Cordelia—and we’re having a good time; dancing. Oz is on stage with his band. It’s typical fun with friends. Then I hear this ticking noise, like the clocks at school, only way louder. No one else hears them, though. Just me. Then Xander drops to the floor. He’s hurting and in so much pain. His face is just… The way he looks is just…” Buffy trailed off, unable to find the words to describe the pain and fear she felt in the dream. Shaking her head, she continued, “Anyway, I go to him and the second I touch him, he’s gone. Suddenly, I’m in another place.”

“Where?” Faith eagerly asked, clearly interested.

“It’s always a different spot,” Buffy said, her brow furrowing in concentration. “Most of them I recognize. Some I don’t.”

Faith looked at Buffy, trying to follow the story, but was clearly struggling. “I’m lost,” she admitted.

“Things repeat in the dream,” Buffy elaborated, trying to make sense of the directionless visions. “I’m someplace with Xander and everyone, I hear the clock ticking, Xander is suddenly hurting—shot, stabbed, on fire, snakes choking him, monsters killing him, vampires biting him, or so many other horrible things—and the second I touch him to help-”

“He disappears,” Faith finished for her, nodding in understanding.

“Yeah.”

“And then you’re somewhere else,” Faith continued.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, her eyes glassy as she envisioned the terrible dreams. “Nobody notices the ticking noise, the odd ways he can be dressed sometimes, some of the weird things he says or languages he speaks, or when he’s in horrible pain. And it just repeats over and over and I don’t know how to help him because every time I try to reach him, he disappears. It’s like I’m being forced to just stand there and watch my friend suffer.”

“Maybe those are Slayer Dreams,” Faith mused, deep in thought. Her expression seemed like one of recognition rather than just understanding.

Buffy raised her eyebrows as she asked, “You think so? Cuz, I always think it’s just my deepest fear: The Million and One Ways Xander Can Die Because of Me.”

Faith’s expression turned somber as she spoke. “Then we must have the same fear, because I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same dream—kinda.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in surprise as she leaned in and asked, “Really? You’re having them too?”

“I don’t know if they’re Slayer Dreams, but they sound similar,” Faith said, a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

With her interest piqued, Buffy asked, “What parts were the same?”

Faith’s brown eyes narrowed in concentration as she tried to recall the details of her dream. “The clock ticking… Xander getting killed a bunch… different outfits… and different places,” she slowly said. “The part that was different was you.” Nodding, she added, “Everyone around him sees how hurt or injured he is. You’re the only one who doesn’t notice.”

Shaking her head at the confusing detail, Buffy muttered, “Really? Why?”

“I don’t know,” Faith said with a shrug. “This is the first Slayer Dream I’ve ever had. But it’s not like it’s unbelievable.”

Buffy let out a groan of disbelief as she defended, “Please don’t make this about some repressed feelings I may have for him, because I doubt we’re getting these dreams because Fate’s trying to play matchmaker.”

Faith snorted, stating, “Whatever the case, I think we should keep an eye on him. The world would be a cold and dark place if we lost a dick like his--”

“Oh, Faith! Really! Why?! Just, why?!” Buffy exclaimed, blushing furiously.

Faith laughed and hugged the blushing blonde with one arm. “Relax, B. I just like pulling your pigtails. But I ain’t kiddin’. We really do need to keep an eye on him.”

Though still embarrassed, Buffy nodded and replied, “I’ll talk to Giles as soon as he gets back.”

—X—

Xander’s heart grew more anxious with each passing day of December. He felt the typical anxiety he always did the closer he got to the end of the year-loop. Xander tried to push his worries from his mind by immersing himself in work. He made many sets of chef knives for Pete to sell, and completed a full wardrobe of ArmorWear for himself, Faith, and Buffy to wear. Considering their desire to wear different outfits while patrolling, they asked him to embroider the celestial defensive runes on leggings and a tank top, and it amazed him they would rather be fashion conscious than fully protected.

As Angel and Spike were living in his mansion rent-free, Xander required free superhuman labor from them, whether they liked it or not. He instructed them on what needed to be done around the mansion, and they worked day after day, with Xander overseeing their work. Despite the long hours, the trio removed rotting or broken walls and replaced them with new and sturdy materials. They fixed problematic plumbing, preventing leaks and water damage. They rewired the electrical system, ensuring that it was up to code. And they fixed many leaky areas, making the mansion more habitable. The renovations were still far from finished, but surprisingly, the three made good progress despite always annoying each other.

Soon enough, Spike left to find Drusilla. Giles was initially hesitant to allow Willow to perform the re-ensouling curse. However, with Jenny’s approval and guidance, he allowed it. Cursing Drusilla with a soul took a few minutes but left the redhead drained for a day—to the point where Xander lent her his ring to help her recuperate. Despite how exhausted she was, Willow was thrilled by the vast amount of power she could channel.

In addition to working on the mansion, Xander took an hour out of each day to work on a second bike; a beat-up 95 Honda CB750 Night-Hawk he customized into a sleek, high-performance cafe racer. With Cordelia away in Aspen with her parents for winter break, Xander had ample time to devote to the project. He then gifted it to Faith on the condition she resumed her education in Sunnydale. With the promise of a motorcycle, Joyce’s support, and Willow’s help studying, it was impossible for Faith to reject returning to school. Even though Joyce didn’t like the idea of Faith riding a motorcycle, she couldn’t deny it was the primary draw for getting the brunette Slayer to agree.

Joyce had the most frustrating time dealing with Faith’s parents, as they either didn’t care about transferring Faith to Sunnydale, or cared to a belligerently detrimental degree. Without Giles’ permission, Willow used a spell to make them more agreeable. Typically, Faith hung out with either Buffy or Xander, but after Willow helped magically convince her parents to agree to the transfer on top of signing away temporary guardianship to Joyce, they began bonding more. Willow placed herself in charge of preparing Faith for the assessment tests that Joyce, Giles, and Jenny lobbied the school board into setting up.

Eventually, the tension between Angel and Buffy mounted when the vampire was once again tormented by The First. Since the situation hardly involved Xander, he remained hands-off while Buffy dealt with the Harbingers of Death. Unlike in previous loops, Angel and Buffy officially renewed their relationship after the ordeal, which instantly raised concerns among their friends. Despite their promise to never let Angelus return, their coupling annoyed Faith. She had no qualms telling them how stubborn and brainless they were being before storming off.

Xander caught up to her in the student parking lot by their bikes. He could tell she was inordinately bothered by Buffy and Angel and asked her why, in hopes of getting her to open up. However, she shook her head, which was the most he was getting, and he didn’t push her more.

“That’s fine,” he said. He tried lightening the mood by pointing out, “Giles and Jenny finally seem okay, Willow and Oz are going strong, and now Buffy and Angel… Are you sure someone’s not feeling left out?” Faith gave him a deadpan expression as he offered, “Because we can fix that.”

For once, Faith’s expression was hard for him to read. Xander was certain that whatever she was feeling was a complex mixture of past traumas, future desires, and insecurities. He knew about her troubled past, marked by abandonment, abuse, and neglect, and wondered if she saw a future for them beyond their friendship.

Xander took her hand, and after a deep breath, softly asked, “How long are we going to keep playing, Faith? It’s you and me. We might as well be a couple.”

As he waited for her response, he felt a wave of uncertainty wash over him. Gazing into her stone-faced expression, he thought, ‘What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if this ruins our friendship?’ He squeezed her hand gently, waiting for her to speak. Instead, she shook her head, removed her hand, and stood back.

Faith said, “I’m not an idiot, Xander.” At his confused expression, she elaborated, “I can see how you feel about her!”

Xander sighed as his head slumped. ‘Not this again,’ he thought before wondering aloud, “Why does everybody keep saying that?”

“It ain’t rocket science,” she retorted. “Guys and girls can’t be friends unless they’ve already fucked, and it didn’t work out.”

Xander’s frustration grew as he pointed out, “Willow and I have never--”

“She wanted to and you know it,” Faith threw back. “Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ms. Jenny’s sexy ass had a few wet dreams about you.” Xander didn’t think there was anything he could say that would dissuade her of that notion, thus remained silent. “But the difference between us and Buffy is that she’s your hero. Tell me I’m lying.”

‘I already tried dating her, though!’ he yelled in his mind, growing more aggravated. ‘It’s just that none of you remember!’

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Xander hated this and heatedly argued, “By that logic, I should be in love with Peter Parker, too.” At Faith’s sneer, he demanded to know, “Is it so impossible to love Buffy like family?!”

“That’s just the bullshit you want to tell yourself,” Faith insisted, remaining unconvinced. “This is more than that, and instead of trying to win her over, you’re just playing with your tools like nothing’s ever going to change! Spike might’ve been wrong about his kind of love, but you can’t say he doesn’t go after what he wants. So quit being a chickenshit and using me as an excuse to not go after her!”

She sped away on the bike he’d just gifted her, leaving him with his thoughts. Xander didn’t see her for a few days until an awkward and chilly New Year’s Eve at the Bronze when she showed up with some random guy. He looked like a typical clubber with slicked-back hair, half his chest showing, tanned skin, shiny dress shoes, and an expensive watch on. Xander couldn’t help but feel jealous and angry at Faith and the entire situation.

As the New Year’s Eve countdown approached, Xander once again reflected on Faith’s words and questioned if he was being too passive in his approach to their relationship. While he was adamant about not repeating past mistakes—especially as Nox—it was possible he was over-correcting and hindering his chances with Faith, or any girl. He once again reminded himself to be true to himself, no matter how complex, because being disingenuous always led to worse results.

Thus, with great trepidation, Xander begrudgingly acknowledged he could not ignore the lingering emotions he had for Buffy. While his complex affection for her had evolved into something different, he could not deny that she still had a place in his heart. Watching Buffy dance happily with Angel, Xander couldn’t understand this unbreakable connection to her. As much as he fought it, embraced it, or ignored it, he just couldn’t sever it; not as long as he lived.

If Xander were younger and immature, that level of honesty would’ve kept him tethered to the table his friends were using. He would keep watching his friends dancing within the festive crowd because, in his heart, he knew that any relationship with Faith needed to be built on a foundation of honesty and sincerity. He expected any acknowledgment of his feelings for both women would negatively impact any chance of a relationship with the brunette. However, that wasn’t completely true.

With his hard-earned wisdom, Xander now knew that this world was messy, and nothing was just right; thus, one didn’t have to cancel the other. Faith deserved better than a half-measure of love. But she also deserved more than some random muscle-headed club-goer who probably didn’t care that she was underage. With a steel resolve in his heart, Xander stood and fixed his gaze on the sexy brunette dancing with the douche, and began walking directly toward her.

As the countdown to midnight began, Xander pushed his way through the dense crowd to reach Faith. He had no idea of what he was going to say or how it would affect the future, but he knew he couldn’t see her kissing the clubber or any other guys. He couldn’t lie to her, but he couldn’t just stand idly by and watch this. As his friends and the rest of the club-goers were nearing one second to the new year, Xander grabbed the larger man’s shoulder and pulled him away from her. With her senses, Faith already knew it was Xander pulling away the man she was about to kiss.

His determination surprised her as everyone yelled, “One!” and he kissed her full on the lips and quickly plunged his tongue in her mouth. His desire for her was dominating and unyielding. The muscular clubber pulled Xander’s shoulder, but Xander wouldn’t allow himself to be moved. They shared a deeply satisfying kiss for a few seconds, but it may as well have been timeless, for the touch of her lips was the only thing that mattered.

After their kissing ended, he simply gazed deeply into Faith’s chocolate eyes and yelled just under the crowd’s noise, “You’re right! I do love Buffy! I don’t know why I’m like this or if anyone can change that! But I love you more, Faith! I choose you! And God dammit, I know you love me too!”

The clubber douche and his friend were trying to pull Xander away, but Buffy and Angel stepped in to stop them, effortlessly twisting their arms behind their backs, as Xander yelled to Faith, “So let’s fucking be together!”

Five long, agonizing seconds crawled by, with Xander’s heart pounding and his mind racing with uncertainty as he waited for her response. He watched her carefully, trying to read her expression, hoping against hope that she felt the same for him. Suddenly, with fierce determination, Faith leaped into Xander’s arms, wrapping her legs around his middle, and kissed him with an intensity that made the world around them fade away. It was just them, two souls connected, and nothing else mattered to Xander. It was exactly what he needed.

The rest of the night was a whirlwind after that, but eventually, Faith and Xander ended up in bed, where they explored each other’s bodies with an intensity that left them thoroughly satiated. They used some of the leather bondage toys that Xander had bought, pushing each other to new heights of pleasure and ecstasy. Finally, as the first light of dawn crept through the window, they lay in each other’s arms, their bodies intertwined, basking in the afterglow of their intense lovemaking.

Snuggled up against him, Faith finally whispered, “Fine. Let’s be together. You, me, and Buffy.”

Eyes bulging like saucers, Xander gasped, “Wait- what?”