The Geek’s Desire.
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This was a geek’s room; A very messy geek’s room. His old bookshelf was filled with VHS tapes of sci-fi, fantasy, action, and horror movies and TV shows. Tall stacks of comic books were clustered around his bed or against the dirty wall. The swimsuit editions of Sports Illustrated were within reach of his bathroom. Bricks of trading cards were on his withered desk and nightstand. Stacked board games were unceremoniously shoved into his open closet and his trash can was filled to the brim. The piles of clothes around his bed and hamper were a mix of clean and dirty. The many action figures of his favorite characters littered any surface they could stand on… except for one.
Xander’s Lion-O action figure was on the floor in pieces, however, from his smelly bed, the raven-haired teenager couldn’t see his broken action figure. The alarm blared for him to wake him, and yet again, the exhausted teen hit the snooze button. Thinking about how much he didn’t want to wake up anymore, he sat up lazily. After learning of the life that awaited him, he had even less desire to live on when nothing would ever change. He was the weakest of his friends as a teenager and remained the weakest as an adult.
Xander remained rooted in bed. He couldn’t die and even with Sherlock, Giles, Ethan, and Willow’s help, he couldn’t break the time loop. His dreams were no longer about sleeping with beautiful women like Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Pamela Anderson, local gorgeous girls, or even his seductive teacher, Miss Calendar. They were of breaking free of the time loop so he could prevent that uninspired, non-spotlight, Buffy-rejecting future from ever becoming a reality; The geek’s one burning desire.
With a frustrated groan, Xander forced himself out of his creaky bed and failed to notice the broken pieces of Lion-O on the floor. He took delicate care of his daily stiffy to memories of intense sex with Miss Calendar, all the while wondering if he should see her again. He doesn’t know how long it’s been—sometimes, it could feel like months—however, he missed the excitement of being inside of her.
Having skipped school for dozens of loops already, Xander stayed in to think about why his life turned out to be such a disappointment. With dogged determination, he promised himself the second he was out of the time loop, he would take every viable opportunity he could to fix the mistake that was his future.
“If I ever get out,” he sadly realized, before walking out of his room and downstairs. He didn’t bother to check on his mother—it’s been months since he had—but he was thunderstruck upon entering the living room. The teen stopped dead in his tracks when he didn’t see his father snoring on the couch. Looking at the empty space where an unconscious body should’ve been was like finding his school was suddenly gone one day with no explanation. It was haunting not to see Anthony Harris there.
Xander looked around the messy living room as if he had suddenly forgotten where he was. When he heard sounds coming from the kitchen, Xander felt scared. He slowly entered the room and was shocked to see his grumpy parents eating breakfast at the round kitchen table. His eyes widened at the sight and an astonished Xander didn’t bother with the pleasantries of, ‘good morning,’ or the civility of, ‘I thought you’d be asleep.’
A confused Xander told them, “You’re not supposed to be here.”
Turning to his son as if someone puked on the floor, Anthony Harris started, “Boy, is that any way to talk to your parents? The people that raised and clothed you?” He shook his head as he told his wife, “Ya see that? This is why no one likes him.”
Jessica Harris wasn’t bothered by her husband’s speech and simply asked her son, “Where’ve you been?”
Xander looked around the room, and even if it looked like it always does, it made him wonder if he was even alive. His skin started sweating uncomfortably, and he became short of breath. In the hundreds, possibly thousands, of time loops he’s been trapped in, nothing like this has ever happened before and it was making his heart beat like a racehorse. Feeling dizziness weaken his knees, he stuttered lamely, “I-I’ve been… h-here?”
“Don’t forget to clean up the yard,” his mother grumpily told him. “There are wrappers everywhere. Little monsters. No respect for other people’s property.”
Confused by her words and feeling short of breath, he turned to her to ask with a squinted face, “Wrappers?”
Pointing at him with a stern finger, she callously promised her son, “I swear to God if I see one candy wrapper or toilet paper tomorrow, we’re disowning you.”
Xander’s disoriented mind couldn’t keep up and feebly repeated to himself, “Wrappers? Toilet paper?” He stared at his parents in hopes they would answer his lost expression.
His irritably sober father rotated his head but didn’t look directly at his son, as if warning him what’ll happen if he has to make eye contact, before asking, “You playing stupid again, boy? Listen to your mother before you make me get out of this chair.”
Having long grown accustomed to his father’s threats and his mother’s disinterest, the confounded teenager only cared to reply, “Wait, wait, wait… what- ahem!” Xander needed to clear his dry throat before trying again. “W-what day… is it today?”
Anthony turned around in his chair and eyed his taller son as he croaked, “What’s the matter with you?”
As if unsurprised, Jessica Harris simply sighed and shook her head in habitual disappointment before complaining, “Why’d we have to end up with a son like you? Pedophiles wouldn’t even want you-”
They had a shorter fuse than normal that morning, but Xander didn’t care. He had an even shorter one at the moment, and the possibility he could finally be out of his time prison was too much to retain any sense of decorum. He yelled, “Just tell me what fucking day it is!”
Anthony’s chair screeched against the tile as the average-sized man rushed to his feet. He stepped toward his son with hostility, reaching out to grip his shirt as he retorted, “Don’t you yell at your mother like tha, boy!”
The Achilles within Xander forced his muscles to spring into action without even thinking about it. Xander’s left hand parried his father’s out-reaching arm while his right hand hooked the back of his neck. With his father’s forward momentum, Xander pulled him in and shoved him face-first into the wall behind him. His counter wasn’t smooth, fast, or hard, but it surprised his old man and his knees gave out. A cursing Anthony dropped to the floor as he gripped his face and Xander’s mother screamed at her son to leave.
“Get out! Get out, you useless boy! And never come back,” she yelled as a heated Xander fled the scene. Rushing out of the kitchen door to his backyard, then round the side of his house toward the street, he could still hear her yelling. “You’re no good! No good!”
It’s not the first time he’s heard her yell those words. On painfully sober days, those words were practically her mantra, so Xander didn’t worry about being homeless. He’d be surprised if she remembered yelling at him when he got back. That level of fickleness was how their household functioned. Any of them could say the worst things to each other in the heat of the moment, and by the next day, forget about it.
Walking down the street, a clueless Xander was desperate for the truth, and Willow’s house was his first thought. Along the way, he stopped at a bright green news dispenser. He read the date through the windshield, and in black & white, the paper read November 1st, 1997. Xander was taking deep breaths and could feel himself losing it. After a moment, the raven-haired teen started laughing uncontrollably, drawing concerned attention. He looked crazy to the surrounding people, but he couldn’t help it. He was going to have a panic attack if someone he knew didn’t confirm he was out. If the whole town doesn’t tell him it’s the first of November, he’d seriously lose it.
After a twenty-five-minute run, Willow wasn’t home. Sweating and out of breath, he suddenly remembered she would be with Buffy at the Library. The gang always met in the library after crazy Hell-Mouthy clashes to point out their successes and mistakes as a team. Giles would even bring them cookies, which the three friends always appreciated. But cookies weren’t even on his radar. He was frantic to see his real family.
Despite his burning legs and strained lungs, his need to see them drove Xander to run to the library. During the repetitive monotony of the time loops, everyone around him felt dead to him, like puppets on a string. But on this brand-new day, anything was possible. Life could finally exist. He ran through the deserted halls of his school, and nearly cried when he noted all the Halloween decor was down. It made him push his burning legs faster.
He slid to a stop a few feet away from the double doors of the library, then slowly walked to the circular window. His skin felt an uncomfortable mixture of hot and cold; heat from his aching muscles and a chill from the sweat. He was incredibly nervous and panting, but he looked through the circular window of the library doors, anyway. The sight in the middle of the room broke him.
Xander’s brown eyes absorbed the visual forms of his redheaded best friend and the love of his life. At the sight of Willow and Buffy, his eyes grew fiery with the welling of tears. The beautiful girls were happily talking next to each other at the center table while Giles was speaking as he paced in front of them. The girls partook in the chocolate chip cookies while the watcher read aloud from the book in his hand. Xander spotted the unmistakable broken shards of the Janus bust on the table and couldn’t deny it any longer; this was a new day.
‘They’re here,’ his mind immediately cried at the sight of his beloved friends; free of their programmed repetition. His saddened eyebrows drooped down to his weeping eyelids. His vision of them—their red and blonde hair—weaved and bobbed with the fat tears spilling down his eyes. They could do or say anything they wanted, and that reality made Xander think of Pinocchio after he turned into a real boy. The broken teen clapped his hands over his open mouth to keep his groaning whimpers from coming out and calling attention to him.
Xander knew in his bones he couldn’t see them yet. It was too much, too soon. Upon taking a single step back, he felt terrible fear grip him. He couldn’t know if this might be the last time, and that acute horrid possibility kept him rooted in place. Looking through the circular window, unable to leave or enter, Xander cried there for a while. He didn’t even notice the person behind him.
Jenny Calendar quietly appeared behind the unsuspecting boy. Curious, the beautiful computer teacher leaned forward, and at the sight of his distraught state, immediately became extremely concerned. She quickly asked, “Xander? Xander, what’s wrong?”
With his hands pressed tightly over his mouth, making his knuckles white, Xander couldn’t answer her. He couldn’t do anything but cry and hold in his desperate need to wail. She attempted to take the crying boy into the library, but he refused, shaking his head and spilling tears everywhere. Realizing the extreme state of his distress, Jenny took his hand.
“Come on,” she softly insisted. “It’s just across the hall,” she assured him as she pulled the tall boy into her classroom. Even if the quiet class reminded him of the fun they always had in there, she sat the sobbing boy on a table. Instead of having fun with her, he cried on her shoulder until his eyes were puffy, red bags, and he had no tears left to shed.
When he finally stopped crying on her shoulder, she tilted her head back to gently ask, “You want to tell me what that was about?”
Being so close to her again, hearing her gentle voice, smelling her unique scent, glimpsing her cleavage her low collar blouse accentuated, his emotionally exhausted and thoughtless mind couldn’t stop his hand from instinctively caressing her right breast and pinching her nipple as he voiced, “I miss being inside you-”
Immediately, the shocked Jenny smacked him across the face as she backed away from him. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him in stunned surprise. The stinging slap to the face instantly overwhelmed his mind with panic. The time, the place, and the non-looping situation suddenly came into painfully clear focus. Xander was back in the normal timeline, and none of his sexual exploits with Jenny happened here. Leaping back himself, he quickly apologized.
“I am so so so very sorry, Ms. Calendar!” His body couldn’t stay still and he paced as his animated hands gripped his head in disbelief. “I wasn’t- I totally didn’t mean to do that! It’s just- No, it’s not just! There’s no excuse. Cuz there isn’t! There couldn’t be! Bad Xander!” He slapped himself twice before assuring her, “I’d never do that if I wasn’t so- My head- It’s my head. It’s not in the right frame of mind right now; nowhere near it-”
She puts her hand up, and he stops talking. “I understand. You won’t do that again, will you?”
“Never! Promise!”
“…Good,” she eventually spoke before relaxing. Jenny remained where she stood as she continued, “Now, you want to tell me why you were bawling your eyes out?”
Xander felt grateful to her for forgiving his stupidity. Realizing she’s important to him in so many ways, he couldn’t think of a reason not to tell her the truth. Additionally, he thought she could be the first step to building up his courage to approach Buffy and Willow.
“Okay,” Xander said with a stiff nod. His anxious body began pacing in front of her, and from her perspective, he appeared as if he was on drugs. He explained, “You know what happened yesterday… wow, yesterday… yesterday never sounded so good... yesterday.” He sniffed and felt the need to cry again as he repeated, “it really was yesterday.”
“…Xander?”
“Hmm? Right,” he replied, shaking his head before asking, “Halloween?”
“I heard,” Jenny answered, further saying, “It’s why Rupert called me in. To show me.”
“So then, you know Buffy turned into her costume, I turned into mine, Willow into hers.”
“Yeah, he mentioned something like that,” she stated with a nod. “Sounds like fun if it wasn’t so horrible.”
His face winced in response to her joke before he continued, “Well, I can tell ya the people we became left when the spell was broken, but their memories stayed. So Buffy remembers stuff from being an 18th-century lady, which I’m sure she’s actively trying to forget, and I remember stuff about what I became.”
“Alright,” she said with a nod, listening intently. “And what did you dress as?”
“Me.”
“Yes, you.”
“No, me,” he clarified, tapping his chest. “I dressed up as me… but like, older me.”
She looked confused, and Xander wasn’t surprised Jenny didn’t know. In every loop he dressed as an old man, he stayed in his room to maximize the time he spent navigating through the memories. So, no one saw him. Later in the night, Willow always called him to make certain he was alright since his friends knew he dressed as an old man. Both Buffy and Willow were worried he was caught in the chaos. He confessed to being blind in one eye, needing to use the bathroom all the time, and having arthritis up to his eyebrows, which kept him confined to his room.
“I became an eighty-year-old version of me,” Xander reiterated to Jenny. “Which means I got all the memories of a life I haven’t even lived yet… and it ain’t good. It ain’t good.”
“Wow,” Jenny gasped, her eyebrows rising as she quickly realized what that meant. “I- wow.”
Pointing to the library behind him with his thumb, he woefully confessed, “I saw Buffy and Willow and Giles, talking in there, and I just… it’s like I hadn’t seen them in so so long. I couldn’t keep it in.”
“Yeah, no, wow, Xander… I don’t know what to say,” Jenny slowly admitted, trying to take it all in. She took a step closer to her distraught student as she voiced, “I’m so sorry. To suddenly experience all that time in a single night must’ve been really difficult.”
“It wasn’t all bad, you know,” he quickly reassured her with a half-smile. “There were good times- er, will be, good times. There were a lot of sit-on-the-couch-and-veg days too, especially when Netflix comes around. But, there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of bad times.”
With her effortless imagination, Jenny sadly conceded, “I can imagine.” Then, her concerned mind had her stand before him and ask, “Just out of curiosity, can you prove any of this? Like, is there something you could tell me that you shouldn’t know?”
Without thought of consequence, a frazzled Xander absentmindedly asked, “You mean like your real name being Janna, and that you’re a gypsy. You’re here, in Sunnydale, to keep tabs on Angelus, and how you look when we… uh, and other things… about you? That’s a big fat yup!”
Jenny was on him in an instant, grabbing him tight by the shoulders. She stared deeply into his brown eyes and told him, “Xander, please, you can’t tell anyone-”
She suddenly noted his eyes were looking at her low neckline. Xander couldn’t know that Jenny dressed much more enticingly for her meeting with Giles in hopes they would go to lunch afterward. When the beautiful teacher backed away from Xander’s gaze, he suddenly realized where his teenage mind went and backed away even farther from her.
Her wild and quick imagination provided an explanation for his behavior and she didn’t like it. Hesitant to hear his reply, Jenny cautiously asked, “we don’t… you said earlier… that you… missed...”
Again, a flustered Xander was thoughtless as he bluntly asked, “Sex? Us?” The pause lasted long enough for Jenny’s eyes to freak out before Xander lied. “...No. No... of course not!”
Jenny deflated in relief as she voiced, “Oh, thank God!”
“Yeah, that didn’t shatter my self-esteem at all,” he voiced under his breath. He was tempted to tell her they had, and he rocked her world but decided against it. Feeling slightly better and keen to see his friends, he proclaimed, “Okay, I think I’m ready to see the others.”
“They already left,” she quickly informed him.
“What?”
She pointed to the clock before remarking, “We’ve been in here for nearly two hours now.”
“Really?” Facing the truth behind the hands of the clock, Xander remarked, “huh, I hadn’t even noticed.”
“I did. My shoulder’s soaked,” she said with a teasing smirk as she patted her shoulder, and he couldn’t help his eyes zone in on her cleavage and breasts again.
She caught him again, and he quickly apologized. “Sorry, for- uh, soaking your shoulder.”
She paused for several silent moments, eying him like she was deciphering a puzzle before asking, “You won’t tell them about me, will you? Because I’d really like it if they didn’t know.” The sweet way she asked him made him remember some of her cuter moments when she was riding him. When Jenny noticed his dilated eyes, she pointed as she yelled, “There!”
Snapping him out of his thoughts, he hastily replied, “Huh? There what-”
“There, that look! That look!” she repeated, pointing at his face.
The flustered teen shrugged his shoulders as he loudly asked, “What look? How am I supposed to see my own look-”
“I’ve seen that look on men I’ve… been-” Resting her hands on her hips, the clever teacher impatiently asked, “What did we do? Just tell me the truth, Xander.”
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The Casanova in him advised the truth with a hint of a lie. Clearing his throat, he slowly answered, “we… did… do… it-”
Her reaction was as stupefied as it was immediate. “WHA- HOW- WHY- No! No! You have to be lying-”
“Wait, wait, breathe. Let me explain,” he quickly pleaded, extending peaceful palms out. After five seconds, Jenny was too impatient to wait to calm down and simply whirled her finger to force him to keep talking. He nodded before saying, “It’s not what you think. We haven’t been harboring some deep-seated attraction for each other or anything like that- At least, I imagine that’s the case for you, since, duh, teenage boy here with twenty-twenty vision and a lot of time on his-”
“Xander!”
“Right,” he quickly said, ending his rambling. “There was a spell involved.”
“A spell,” she repeated. “A love spell?”
“No, nothing like that,” he assured her. “It put us in a, uh… sticky situation- ah, no pun intended.”
“Oh my God, kill me,” she bemoaned as her head sank in defeat.
The way her silky shoulder-length hair swayed as her head lulled reminded him of when her whole body was boneless after an intense orgasm. When he realized how crazy his mind turned again, he whiffled his head and cleared his throat before continuing, “Anyway, the others never found out about us, so we kept it that way. I mean, we did it a lot but-”
Putting her palm up, she demanded, “Just stop!”
It was obvious she was upset by the news. Hoping to console her, he offered, “If it’s any consolation, it had more to do with you saving my life than anything else.”
Looking nauseated, she weakly noted, “I’ve never heard of a spell like that.”
“And if I do things differently now, you never will.”
“You damn well better!” she snapped, looking at him sternly.
Feeling more like his old self, Xander nodded. “Right! Right! No one needs to know. And hey, it’s not like you have the memories, so, no biggie.”
Xander was ready to leave when Jenny stood in front of him and asserted, “I want them out of your head, too.”
The confused teen couldn’t know she secretly wanted the memories of her real identity out as well when he asked, “Wait, what? Why?”
“Because I’m your teacher, for one!”
He tried to explain, “It hasn’t happened yet-”
“Or ever!”
“Yeah, right, or ever,” he quickly consented. “I just mean, what’s the difference if they’re in no one’s head but mine? They’re basically like a fantasy at that point. You have to know all the guys in school have thought about you like that, right?”
“But they’re not a fantasy, are they? In some weird alternate timeline, you and I... have… relations we shouldn’t have! No, I don’t want you knowing me like that. That’s incredibly personal, and for you to have seen me in that way, I don’t feel comfortable at all. And you shouldn’t be so cavalier about this either, Xander. That’s like having naked pictures of your best friend. It’s creepy.”
Xander didn’t know what to say. He felt more like a disciplined child in the last minute than he has in an incredibly long time. ‘The downside of being too happy to escape the loop and finally have a conversation with someone,’ he reasoned to himself.
In his speechlessness, Jenny asked, “Now, if I find a spell—a safe one—will you consent to erasing that memory from your head?”
“…I don’t know. That sounds a tad excessive,” he couldn’t stop himself from voicing. “So what if I know your O-face-”
“No! No, Xander, I’m not comfortable with this at all. Promise me.”
“Promise you what? We haven’t done anything.”
“But you’ll be looking at me, like you have been,” she retorted.
“I’m just a little excited is all,” Xander tried to express. “I think you can agree I had a pretty gnarly experience. I’ll settle down-”
“But you’ll still know a deeply personal side of me that I don’t want you to,” she quarreled. “That should be enough for you. Now, promise me that if I find a safe spell, we’ll remove that memory. Please, Xander. You’re a good guy, not some creep who’d violate a person’s privacy like this.”
With a half-squinted face, Xander didn’t want to be a creep. He might not know Miss Calendar like he does Willow or Buffy, but she’s always been nice to him and he didn’t want her to think badly of him. Feeling like he should accommodate her because that’s what a good guy would do, he hesitantly nodded.
“Good,” she said with a thankful nod. “Now go home before it gets dark. You know how dangerous it can get at night.”
He felt the question leave his mouth before he even thought to ask it. “Gimme a lift?”
The foxy teacher was already walking to the door, likely to find a memory-altering spell, as she voiced, “Uh, next time. Get home safe.”
Xander ignored the dark regret rising from his stomach, in favor of seeing Buffy and Willow again. He didn’t like agreeing to Jenny’s request, but he couldn’t help wondering if keeping his memories of her made him some creepy pervert. He certainly didn’t want her to think he was desperate to remember her nudity, however, they were still his memories that she wanted to alter. Her request seemed excessive to him, but Xander wasn’t sure what else he could’ve said. When it came down to it, any experience he shared with others during the time loop no longer mattered because he was the only one who remembered.
Xander walked slowly to Buffy’s house to temper his excitement. He didn’t want to be as senseless with Buffy as he was with Ms. Calendar. It was already evening by the time he turned onto her street. The night was crisp with a slight breeze, but all he could think about was how much of his crazy adventure was he going to confess to his friend. He preferred not to overwhelm her with everything he knows.
Greeting Mrs. Summers at the door, Xander tried to think—and not think—about the caring mother’s death. Attempting to recall when she died while standing right in front of her felt morbid, however, he wanted to know the details of her passing to prevent it. All his Old-Man memories knew was that a head injury happened abruptly when they were teenagers, but he didn’t know when. This was one of those moments Xander didn’t like his Old-Man memories, as the teen years weren’t detailed enough to be helpful.
Buffy came down a minute later. She wore tight green slacks, a lilac-colored sleeveless shirt under a black jacket, and black boots. Judging by her walk, Xander easily pictured the stake at her lower back. They told Mrs. Summers the usual white lie before the pair of friends walked to the first cemetery on her patrol together.
It took some time for Xander to calm his racing heart. His palms and armpits were sweating, and he felt like he was about to confess his feelings for her again. They took a shortcut between houses when he happily stated, “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”
“Aww,” Buffy sounded before realizing she was miffed at him. “Wait. Not aww. Aww has been rescinded. If you really missed me, you wouldn’t have made me go through review-day all by myself. You know how I need you to keep me sane when Giles drags on about every little detail.”
Xander laughed at the nostalgic feeling. Usually, Willow was very captivated by review-day, as it improved her knowledge of the paranormal. Xander and Buffy were happy to joke around. Since it’s been so long since he attended a review day, Xander thought fondly of the day as he replied, “Sorry. I was having one of those midlife crisises… sisees?”
He looked at her for help and she shook her head, asserting, “not even going to attempt that one, but I’m fairly sure you’re not in your thirties. Unless… can teenagers have midlife crisises… sesses?”
When she looked at him for help, he shrugged and shook his head as he voiced like a caveman, “English hard.” As they reached the first cemetery on her patrol, Xander felt more relaxed as he continued, “But seriously, you’d have a hard time too if you suddenly found yourself in a time loop before getting the bright idea of turning into your eighty-year-old version for Halloween.”
“Better than an 18th-century Save-Me Save-Me Barbie,” she proclaimed, waving her hands in mocking a screaming damsel.
“You mean Lady Save-Me Save-Me Barbie, and, I don’t think you heard me.” She turned to him with a quirked brow and he answered, “I was stuck in a time- never mind that part. My costume was eighty-year-old me.”
The cute blonde good-naturedly laughed, “how could I forget? Easily, the best part of Review-Day.”
Taking no offense, the teen boy protested, “I see no humor in this.” When Buffy laughed, he asked, “Why the giggles, my giggle queen?”
She leaned over, looking at him as they walked, and remarked, “It was just funny how useless we both were yesterday.”
Whirling on her, he exclaimed, “Useless? Me? Never!”
“Oh, my gosh! Willow said you had arthritis up to your eyeballs,” she said with a wide smile. “I doubt you could’ve outrun anything last night if you couldn’t even get out of bed. And I was so weak. If Angel hadn’t shown up early, who knows what might’ve happened. Don’t you remember? Or were you at that age?”
“Ha ha,” he amiably mocked. “You won’t think it’s so funny when you realize why my choice of costume was actually the most amazing one.”
“Adult diapers?”
Xander returned a scrunched expression, like having smelled something horrible before countering with, “Better that than a corset?”
“Ugh, please don’t remind me,” Buffy begged at the horrible memories flooding in. She leaned over a bit, patting her flat stomach as she asserted, “I can’t breathe just thinking about it.”
Nodding, he added to their banter, “Consider it your next birthday present.”
Turning to him, she pressed into his shoulder with as little strength as possible as she asserted, “You better not!”
“We’re getting off track,” he chuckled, rubbing his smarting shoulder.
“I accept no part of the blame,” she pouted, crossing her arms.
As they patrolled the eerily quiet cemetery, Xander reminded her, “You remember being an 18th-century girl, right?”
“Ughh,” she groaned.
“Well, I also remember.”
She looked at him in confusion as she asked, “Being you? How do you forget being yourself?”
“Not just me, Buffy,” he slowly replied. “All of me. I remember everything about my eighty years of life.”
She blinked widely as she voiced, “Really?”
“Yeah.”
As it slowly sunk in, the bubbly blonde excitedly asked, “Like what?”
Anticipating how he’ll blow her mind with what he knows, Xander hummed cheerfully before answering with an ever-present smirk, “Like how I find it weird you never told us your full name was Buffy Anne Summers.”
Abundantly shocked, the wide-eyed beauty smacked his shoulder as she exclaimed, “Oh my God! I never told you that!”
He winced and rubbed the stinging pain of tenderized shoulder as he reminded her, “Ow! Super strength!”
“Sorry, but that’s amazing,” she apologized, then complimented before demanding, “What else do you know?”
Xander hummed with a grin before summarizing, “Mostly everything. The teen stuff is pretty hazy, but I remember some of the bigger things that happened. That’s why I didn’t make it this morning.”
“Yeah, fine, talk! I have to know.”
Her excitement was palpable, and Xander soaked it in. It felt exactly like he wanted. To be depended on. Though he aimed to please, he knew it wasn’t all good. Xander had an easier time recalling more bad than good, and despite having this knowledge of the future, he didn’t want to disappoint her. They stopped in the middle of the cemetery, and he scratched his neck nervously before preparing her.
“I should warn you,” he began. “It’s not all good.”
Buffy shrugged as she noted, “no surprise there. Life of a Slayer. Comes with the gig.”
“There’s plenty of good stuff, though,” he said encouragingly. “You’re like, the number one Slayer in the world! And everyone knows you!”
Xander’s self-preservation made his body automatically hop back to avoid another hit as she yelled, “Shut up! Really? They know me, like, as the Slayer?”
“You’re a rock-star, baby,” he cheerfully said as she covered her open mouth in amazement. “The world eventually finds out about demons, vampires, curses, monsters, the whole enchilada. Hell, the government has a secret branch just for them. Since you’ve been doing the best job the longest, you pretty much became the leader. And other than the usual amount of haters, everyone looks to you to keep them safe.”
Buffy is in awe as she sounded, “Woooow. That is way more than a toe in the adult pool.”
“Responsibilities galore.”
Excitedly, she leaned in to ask with a bright smile, “And Willow? How’s she in the future?”
Xander smiled broadly for a full second, slaying her patience before revealing, “The most powerful witch to ever exist!” When it appeared she was going to smack him again, he jumped back and nearly tumbled over a headstone.
“No way!” she happily yelled in awe. “You’re making this up!”
Xander shook his head as he walked back toward her. He was about to answer her when a voice from the darkness cut in, asking, “Making what up?”
They turned to see Angel walking out of the shadows. As ever, he stood out as a tall, muscular, and handsome man any girl would dream of. Even his styled brunette hair shined under the moonlight. Dressed in black, he could appear menacing and gentle simultaneously. Xander backed away. Having seen Jenny earlier, the teenage boy instantly thought of Angelus killing her.
Oblivious to this, Buffy rushed to her boyfriend and gave him a fierce hug, making him light up, before quickly dragging him closer to Xander. She didn’t seem to notice his heightened anxiousness as she explained, “I forgot I was meeting Angel. But keep going! You won’t believe what happened to Xander.”
“Acid reflux?” Angel lightly jested, and it hurt Xander to hear.
Smiling, Buffy weakly told him, “stop.”
Realizing the good-looking vampire wouldn’t know about his costume unless Buffy told him, he looked at her with some betrayal in his eyes as he asked, “You told him?” His imagination easily pictured Buffy & Angel making fun of him for a cheap laugh, and he didn’t like it.
“It’s fine, it’s fine,” she quickly assured her friend. Buffy turned to her tall boyfriend to explain, “you’re never going to believe it, but he remembers everything from his costume as Old Xander.”
The tranquil vampire smirked, as if amused by her, and asked, “Like, what was it? Arthritis? Hearing loss?”
“Blind in one eye,” Buffy corrected.
The Achilles within wanted Xander to shout, ‘I was blind in one eye because a serial killer by the name of Caleb was trying to end the Slayer line and gouged it out with his bare hand!’ Instead, the anxious teen proclaimed, “It was actually a war wound.”
“Oh, really? Sorry,” Buffy responded, wondering how the wound was inflicted. She then continued explaining to her boyfriend, “anyway, just like my costume left all the memories of her life, he remembers everything that happened to him! Stuff that hasn’t even happened yet! It’s like he knows the future! Isn’t that amazing?”
Skeptical, the vampire replied, “Oh, like what?”
“Like Angelus,” Xander nervously blurted out. Angel lost all sense of ease in his posture. Like a switch flipped, he instantly stiffened up, hunched his shoulders aggressively, and straightened his neck. All he needed was his vampire face to complete the intimidating look. The strong vampire turned deadly and silent, and Xander felt his chest tighten.
Buffy noticed his change right away and cautiously voiced, “Angel?”
Xander saw the concern in Buffy’s greenish-blue eyes, and the boy suddenly became daring. It quickly dawned on him he couldn’t allow Angelus to hurt him, Jenny, his friends, or especially Buffy. Xander had to protect everyone from that homicidal vampire, even if that meant breaking Buffy and Angel up.
Despite how angry his revelation might make Angel, Xander felt safe around the Slayer and asserted, “Yeah, Buffy, you won’t believe what happens to Angel-”
“Stop,” Angel ordered with a threatening tone, taking a step toward the teenage boy.
Xander paused for a moment, but with Buffy by his side, he glared right back at Angel as he continued, “stop what? How am I not supposed to tell her you’ll lose your soul if you stay with her? You two eventually get it on, and then bam! Curse broken, soul gone, and say hello to the homicidal return of Angelus-”
In a bout of rage, Angel shoved Xander with a palm to the chest. His sternum felt like a sheet of paper being punched by a super pissed vampire. The stunned teen landed on the floor with the wind knocked out of him and aching ribs. Trying to catch his breath, his eyes were wide, and he felt like he got hit by a car. The Achilles within was disappointed Xander didn’t clock the move.
Buffy quickly got between the irate and pacing vampire and her gasping friend rolling on the ground. With his face alone, Angel communicated regret for being physical, and the worried Buffy relaxed a little. With concern, the blonde asked her riled-up boyfriend, “What’s he talking about?” When an irate Angel remained silent, she asked her friend, who was slowly getting up, “Xander, what are you talking about?”
Angel glared at the teenager, but Xander stood closer to Buffy as he explained with a strained voice, “it’s, uh, p-part of the deal with his soul. If he ever experiences-”
“Enough!” Angel yelled, hating the prospect of a life without her.
Xander continued, “A moment of true happiness, he loses his soul, and Angel is replaced with Angelus, the murdering psycho vampire.”
Buffy looked from the wincing Xander to the pained Angel. The tall vampire either didn’t know or didn’t want it to be true, but Xander didn’t care. Saving lives was more important. It’s what the Scooby Gang did. However, he couldn’t deny a completely emotional side of him relished in breaking them up. He hated hurting Buffy, but he couldn’t deny how much he wanted her to be his girlfriend. And with his newfound confidence in pleasing women, Xander was certain he wouldn’t disappoint her.
Expecting her to cry at the truth of the matter, she instead turned to her friend and told him, “That’s not funny, Xander.”
Turning to her in surprise, he replied, “Does it look like I’m joking? It’s true. He’ll turn into a murderer and kill people if you stay together-”
“I… I don’t believe you,” she decidedly concluded. Her greenish-blue eyes conflicted between anger, confusion, disbelief, and defiance as she declared, “He wouldn’t.”
Extending his hand toward the tormented vampire, Xander returned, “Just ask him.”
Shaking her head, she instead asked him, “This is because it’s him, isn’t it?” Xander looked at her like she was going crazy as she continued, “I know you’ve never been his biggest fan, but I’ve always thought you’d try, for me, at least.”
Fed up, he pointed to the sullen vampire as he proclaimed, “Just ask him!”
“I don’t need to,” she hotly retorted. “I know he wouldn’t do that!” Angel turned to leave and Buffy called out to her boyfriend, “Wait!”
When she moved to follow him, Xander quickly realized he’d be alone in the middle of a cemetery and called, “Uh, Buffster? I’m like, walking steak here.”
Frustrated, Buffy hastily grabbed his hand painfully and slammed her stake in his palm before ordering, “go home!” She then ran after her vampire boyfriend, leaving Xander alone.
It was a cloudy and cool night. Xander was in a cemetery, his chest throbbed like it was hit with a sledgehammer, and all he had was a stake. The chilly wind tickled the hairs on the back of his neck and the eerie silence made him paranoid monsters were watching him. Even the creepy tombstones appeared taller. Eager for a sense of safety, Xander’s legs quickly traveled toward lights, buildings, and people. Fortunately, it was still early in the night, so he didn’t expect any trouble.
The hyper-vigilant teenager made it to the street that led into the cemetery parking lot when a group of boisterous men was walking toward him. There were four of them, tall, strong-looking, laughing together, and they instantly made Xander nervous. He gripped the wooden stake under his shirt hard the entire time before they passed one another. When the laughing friends were behind him, Xander relaxed and wondered if he should run when the group of four men were suddenly right behind him.
“You lost?” one of them slowly asked, making Xander’s skin crawl in surprise. Turning to the four men, Xander couldn’t believe his luck. They all had hideous vampire faces and stared at him with hungry, evil, yellow eyes.
“Tanner’s going to be hungry when he crawls out,” the one to his left voiced.
“Might as well bring him a snack,” the second voiced.
“We’re seriously, like fantastic friends,” the third genuinely voiced to the others. Returning his attention to the anxious teen, he sinisterly added, “Plus, I wouldn’t mind a snack myself. I’m feeling a bit peckish.”
Despite his stint as Achilles, Xander didn’t feel the same confidence fighting a vampire he’s never practiced on before. In the loops, he knew what all of his opponents were going to do before they did it. That level of insight was a great equalizer to their speed and strength. That wasn’t the case here. In the loops, it was like light sparing. Out of the loop, it was the title match against the champion. Xander couldn’t tell much about their attack preference, and he was outnumbered four to one. Still, Achilles taught him to remain calm.
“BBUUUFFFFFFFFYYYYYY!!!!”
Xander screamed as he ran. Rather than fight them in a completely unfamiliar setting, where he didn’t know how they’d attack him, he ran like any smart, non-powered human would. He knew they would catch up, but they hadn’t seen his stake just yet. When the first one easily caught up, grabbing his shirt from behind, jerking the teen to a stop. Xander moved with the stronger momentum, took out his stake, and in one fluid motion, stabbed the vampire in the chest. The nightwalker didn’t know what hit him.
Xander didn’t stick around to watch his kill turn to dust. He pulled out the stake and kept sprinting as he yelled for Buffy, but the three remaining vampires quickly caught up to him. His legs still ached from his run earlier in the day, and he was sluggish as they surrounded him. As they prowled around him, Xander tried to calm himself, like Achilles would, but he couldn’t ignore the fear trickling out of his fast-beating heart. He spotted the rock on the grass by the sidewalk and planned on reaching it, however; they didn’t let him take a step.
One quickly grabbed the arm holding the stake while a second kicked his leg, dropping Xander to one knee. The third was instantly behind him, ready to bite into his prone neck when Xander let go of the stake to grip it with his free hand, then jammed the point into the third vampire’s thigh. It screeched in pain before forcibly taking the wooden weapon from the lethargic teenager.
Xander couldn’t move or even think before he was punched hard across the face. Quickly, his vision blurred. His ears rang terribly, and warm liquid began streaming down his nose and mouth. His legs inexplicably felt like jelly, and despite the pain flourishing throughout his throbbing face, Xander still called out for Buffy.
“B-Buuf…ffyyyyyy-”
His hope for her died when the uninjured vampires already plunged their fangs into Xander’s skin; one in the vein of his forearm and the second at his neck. The pain was sharp, but it soon melted away along with his strength. Xander wanted to fight back, but he felt as weak as a newborn baby. His vision was darkening when he heard a sharp grunt, then fell to the street.
His drooping eyes caught sight of a blonde girl beating back the last two vampires for several seconds before they ran away. Rather than chase them, Buffy rushed to her wounded friend. She mentioned something along the lines of ‘hold on,’ and ‘the hospital,’ however, it was already too late for him. Xander lost far too much blood and couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer.