Willow Investigations

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  “It was bad,” a husky voice expressed. “He started out like any other teenage tyke, with a sweet tooth for twinkies and a head for heroes in colorful tights. He was en route to breaking our hearts and couldn’t be bothered to slow down. He dropped us like a bad habit. Long-limbed, gangly, with raven hair and eyes just as black. A sucker for a laugh, he had jokes for days-”

  “Willow?”

  Willow snapped out of her all-consuming monologue and turned to her boyfriend. Looking out of her window, the redhead noted they were parked and her two-story home was to the right. They had made it from Buffy’s to her house faster than she’d expected. Willow realized she had been lost in thought, recalling the stunning revelation about her childhood friend.

  At Oz’s raised eyebrows—as if asking if she was alright—Willow slumped down and sheepishly confessed, “I’m trying to think like a detective.”

  “By monologuing like one from a 1950s film noir?”

  With a shrug, a despondent Willow replied, “Well, Xander and I used to watch them all the time. I thought it might help me get in the mindset, you know?”

  “I’m sure you got this,” Oz assured her, holding her hand comfortingly. “Whatever this is.”

  Smiling at her boyfriend gratefully, Willow dispensed with the old detective narration and focused on separating the problem at hand. Something unusual had happened to Xander. That much she was sure of. However, before she could form any opinions, she needed to know every interaction Xander or Nox had with all of them. At the moment, she felt questioning all of them would help her figure out what happened to her childhood friend.

  Clearly recalling his dull, defeatist brown eyes, she wondered to herself, ‘Why did he look like that? Like nothing mattered? Like we didn’t matter?’

  Willow continued recalling the conversation the gang had after Xander left Buffy’s home. Buffy voted for cutting Xander off, and she had her supporters. Cordelia left soon after, but not before telling the rest of them, “And you have the nerve to call me heartless.”

  Kendra left as well, stating, “As I was not here for his deception, it is not my place to offer an opinion.”

  Those that remained were split between those who wanted to know what happened—who needed an explanation—and those that didn’t. Buffy, Angel, and Jenny felt Xander had crossed a line he couldn’t come back from, and were content to stay angry at him. Giles and Willow couldn’t stop thinking about all the things Xander could suddenly do, never mind the drastic changes in his behavior. Oz wasn’t overly invested one way or another, but he was Willow’s boyfriend and Nox had stopped him from eating anyone as a werewolf—thus he sided with his girlfriend.

  For twenty long minutes, Giles had argued with opposition over investigating the source of Xander’s change, and until that point, Willow hadn’t uttered a word. Her mind only wanted to know what had happened to her friend. She knew he could never betray them—not unless he was tricked—but his cavalier attitude when they questioned him was the source of all her doubt.

  ‘Was that really my best friend?’ she had thought.

  Despite the ongoing debate, Willow stood up and interjected, “I’m going to do it!” They all turned to her, taken aback by her raised voice. She explained, “Something strange is going on—something we don’t understand—and when that happens, we investigate.” She looked at Buffy and asserted, “And it’s Xander! I know you’re pissed. We all are… I think.” Shaking her head, he asserted, “I just mean, do we really want to take the chance that something insane could’ve happened to him that we don’t know about?”

  Buffy countered, “But you, Giles, and Ms. Calendar said it yourselves: That spell won’t work on someone who’s possessed, so it has to be him.”

  “But we don’t know!” Willow exclaimed, already thinking of four scenarios that might explain that result. “The fact that he is Xander—but doing stuff Xander isn’t capable of doing—should be enough of a reason for us to investigate. Until we learn the absolute truth, we shouldn’t give up on our friend.”

  Buffy was silently contemplating, as were the rest. When none could refute Willow’s viewpoint, Giles asked, “How do we proceed?”

  Willow nodded sternly before revealing to all, “I’m going home.”

  “Not precisely the direction I had in mind,” a befuddled Giles remarked.

  “I’m going to write out a list of questions,” Willow told Giles. She then eyed everyone as she asserted, “Like Xander said: I know him better than anyone. And we’ve all had some form of interaction with him.”

  Jenny irately asked, “With Xander or the fake?”

  “Either,” Willow answered the teacher. “I need to compile all the questions I have. And, uh, I want to apologize in advance to everyone, if the questions are a bit on the personal side. I don’t know what I’ll find out, but I need to be thorough, so if everyone can think of every encounter they had with either Xander or Nox, I hope you’ll trust me enough to share that with me. It’s all to find out what happened to our friend.”

  Of all of them, Willow eyed Buffy the most. She knew Xander’s feelings for the Slayer, which made her question how much of this transformation had to do with her. Willow watched Buffy as she gazed at Angel. The Slayer and vampire seemed to have an unspoken conversation, because Angel nodded before leaving with his duffel bag. Whatever plans they may have had seemed to be on hold… for now.

  Finally home, Willow sat on her bed with a pen and a Scooby-Doo notebook with Velma on the cover and the word ‘Jinkies.’ Xander bought it for her not long before he started calling them the Scooby Gang because he said Velma reminded him of her—they were both the genius of the group. Shaking her head of fond and distracting memories, Willow opened the notebook and began writing every curiosity about Xander and Nox she had, no matter how trivial.

  She wrote out dozens of questions about the larger stuff, like his powers, his physique, his weapons, the motorcycles, and why the spell results claimed he was a hundred and six years old. She wrote questions about his personality changes throughout the year; wondered when it all started; how the others could help her figure out what happened; and most importantly, what single answer could possibly explain everything. Willow stayed up all night narrowing down questions for everyone that would best help her formulate a picture of what happened to Xander.

  The next day, Willow was on her way to Buffy’s house, and grateful school was out, as it freed her to make as many trips as she needed to learn the truth. ‘Just like detective Cullen, from The Man Who Cheated Himself,’ she thought, recalling the night she and Xander saw that old movie together. The memory saddened her to the point of anger. Willow couldn’t stop wondering if she had let him down in some way that forced him to do this, and that self-doubt upset her.

  On Buffy’s street, she put her worries to the side and focused on the task at hand. Eying Buffy’s quaint two-story house, she hoped for a painless encounter. Soon enough, Willow was in Buffy’s room, sitting across from her on the soft bed. It was slightly awkward between them, but Willow reiterated their objective, all the same.

  Afterward, Willow asked her, “How did you know Xander was Nox?”

  Buffy became pensive, and Willow could tell her friend was measuring her words carefully before speaking. “When we were in his house—after Xander and Kendra fought those vampires—I found his bag with the camo scarf.”

  Though Willow nodded in acknowledgment, her brain wouldn’t leave it there and asked a follow-up question. “That could’ve been a scarf he bought. Why did you think it had to be Nox’s?”

  Buffy was silent for nearly a minute before asking, “How much did he tell you?”

  Sagging her shoulders, Willow moaned, “Buffy…”

  Patting her bed with both hands, the blonde ardently replied, “I just want to know if you know.”

  “Know what?” the confused Willow asked.

  “Come on, Will,” she pleaded. “Even if Xander didn’t tell you what happened, you’re way too observant not to pick up on stuff. You’re like the eagle eye when it comes to all things mysterious.”

  “Do you really think we’d be in this situation if I was as perceptive as you think I am? He’s my best friend, and I had no idea.” Buffy became quiet and thoughtful, then Willow gently added, “But you did. Please, Buffy. Don’t you want to know why all this happened?”

  “I…” Buffy tried, then shook her head, asking instead, “Just… tell me what you think first.”

  “I can’t-”

  “Will, please,” Buffy pleaded.

  For the first time, Willow saw how conflicted her friend was. Her beautiful face was wrought with sadness, anger, and a deep frustration. She didn’t know why Buffy was reacting this way, and as curious as she was, she couldn’t deny learning the truth worried her. Willow didn’t enjoy the idea of a reality where Xander would purposely hurt Buffy.

  “I’m trying to… I’m just… so angry with him,” Buffy forced herself to say. Using her hands to animate her words, she expressed, “I want to rip his intestines out, wrap it around his neck, and hang him with it!”

  Willow grimaced at the sight of Buffy’s hands pulling on an imaginary rope, as if strangling an imaginary neck with it. “That’s… graphic,” a wincing Willow said. It was yet more evidence that whatever happened between Xander and Buffy—or possibly Nox and Buffy—seemed as personal as possible. It begged the question, “What did he do to you?” Buffy remained quiet, causing Willow to add, “I’m your best friend too, Buffy.”

  That deflated Buffy’s ire enough to cautiously ask, “You… don’t need to tell the others… right?”

  “Since when have I ever been Little Miss Gossip Girl?” Willow asked, aghast. Though, with a moment of thought, she quickly added, “To anyone but you, I mean. You know, cuz on account of you being my only girl-friend.”

  Buffy nodded, though she looked pained to continue. After a moment of conflicted thought, Buffy moaned, “God, this is so embarrassing.”

  “I promise I won’t judge,” Willow gently assured her.

  Buffy looked at her door—still closed—and, with her heightened senses, knew her mother wasn’t behind it. Taking a deep, calming breath, Buffy hesitantly confessed, “I s-slept with- ahem! I slept with Xan- Xander-”

  “YOU! You! Oh! Oh my God! Buffy! Oh-”

  Willow didn’t know where to look, or even what to do with her hands. Sitting straight up, she looked around, searching for someone to confirm what she had just heard wasn’t a joke. However, eying a blushing Buffy confirmed, all over again, the stunning revelation was fact.

  Growing incredibly anxious, Buffy slapped the bed space between them, calling out, “Hey! Hey! You promised no judging!”

  Holding her forehead in disbelief, the shocked girl returned, “I thought you were going to say, ‘developed a crush on him!’ But slept with? Slept? As in sex? With Xander?!”

  A panic-stricken Buffy sprung her index finger straight to her lips, attempting to lower the volume, before stating, “It was more like Nox, and I’ve noticed the volume of your judginess hasn’t gone down one bit!”

  “Sorry! Sorry,” Willow replied, trying to control herself. She rubbed her face to remove her surprised expression, explaining, “I just- Wow! Like, I did not sense that, at all!”

  With slumped shoulders, Buffy reiterated, “Now you know why I’m way into using his guts to string him up by his neck.”

  “Yeah… that’s-”

  “Total douche status,” Buffy finished, leaning against her bed’s headboard in abject embarrassment.

  Buffy looked so despondent, Willow lost the urge to question her further. Despite all the questions left unanswered in her Scooby-Doo notebook, she closed it and changed the subject to less emotional topics; summer homework, shopping, and slaying. After leaving Buffy’s, Willow returned home to call Cordelia, who was at cheer camp, and asked her how she knew Xander was Nox.

  Through the phone, the popular girl replied, “Why would you think I knew?”

  At her desk in her room, Willow rolled her eyes before answering, “The way you were watching over him after the vampire attack. You wouldn’t leave his room after he got hurt, and you told Buffy that Nox left his axe to heal Xander, but no one else saw him. So it seemed a lot like you were covering for him.”

  “Yeah, so?” Cordelia curtly responded.

  Doubting Cordelia was going to be of any help, the redhead set her pencil down and leaned back in her chair as she replied, “Cordelia, I need to know what Xander’s relationship with everyone was like so I can understand when things started changing, and hopefully, why.”

  After a moment of silence, Cordelia sharply asked, “Are you just trying to pry juicy details out of me, or something?”

  Willow made a face of disbelief, though asked, “Are there juicy details to know about? ...Cordelia?”

  “I need to talk to Xander first,” the cheerleader replied before hanging up.

  Willow groaned in annoyance before jotting down how incredibly unhelpful she was. If anything, that conversation—along with Buffy’s bombshell—had only helped Willow realize there was much about her childhood friend that she didn’t know about, adding to her frustration and worry.

  Oz was the easiest to speak with as he knew very little, and what he knew, he’d shared freely. They were talking in his van the next day, and the one tidbit that helped explain Cordelia’s defensive reaction was when Oz noted, “I smelled Cordelia on him pretty often.”

  Blinking several times in surprise, Willow had to ask, “Him? You mean Xander or Nox?”

  “Xander. I never got Nox’s scent,” he coolly clarified. “The one upside of being a werewolf—or downside, depending on the situation—some people don’t bathe as much as they should,” he added with a wincing expression. “I have a pretty cool sense of smell now. Cordelia wears expensive perfume. Sometimes, when she and Xander would go off somewhere, they’d come back with his scent on her, and hers on him.”

  Willow replayed the sentence in her mind, understanding each word individually, but becoming confused when they were used together. She shook her head for a moment before full understanding hit her like a ton of bricks. “So… so, that means…” Her head recoiled at the mental image—Xander, Cordelia, eying each other with a loving expression—and her face winced in disgust as she yelled, “Eeeewwwww! Really!? Really!? Xander and Cordelia! Xander and- Oh my God! Oh my God! How!? Just how!?”

  Ever the calm presence, Oz lightly shrugged before saying, “Figured if they didn’t tell anyone, it wasn’t my place to either.”

  A frantic Willow immediately rushed home and called Xander, demanding to know, “Are you some kind of perverted gigolo!?”

  Xander snickered good-naturedly and asked, “Is that your question for the month?”

  Willow let out a long exhale, calming down before slowly answering, “No… But, Cordelia! Really?! Just, how?! Why?!”

  “Will-”

  The flustered girl interjected, “What about the ‘We Hate Cordelia’ club? Of which you’re treasurer!”

  Xander chuckled to himself for a moment before replying, “Opposites attracting will be a bit of a theme here.”

  “Is that all you’re giving me?”

  She heard him exhale before answering, “Cordelia and I share something fundamental in common; the kind of thing that could bring two people together.”

  Still traumatized with disbelief, she whirled around, nearly pulling the phone off her desk as she demanded to know, “And what could that possibly be? What could she have that I-” Willow covered her mistake with a cough before quickly continuing, “Th-that any non-Cordelia girl doesn’t!”

  “Bad parents,” he calmly answered, making her lose some of her edge.

  Willow knew all too well how terrible Xander’s parents were. However, other than how wealthy Mr. & Mrs. Chase were, she never considered anything more than that. Cordelia always appeared spoiled, entitled, and always flaunted her excess. ‘What more was there to consider?’ Willow asked herself.

  Xander stated, “My parents abuse alcohol. Hers abuse money and status. I know they’re not the same, but either way, Cordelia and I were neglected. I met you. She met Harmony. The rest, as you know, is history.”

  From an academic perspective, Willow understood the difference between nature and nurture, but she didn’t feel an ounce of interest in trying to understand Cordelia. Not after Xander’s betrayal of their shared hatred for Cordelia. However, it made Willow think of their other best friend.

  “And Buffy?” she asked.

  “Me and Cordelia ended anything intimate before Buffy and I even went to the dance.”

  It was shocking to Willow how blasé he was about this duplicity. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why he didn’t sound more apologetic or considerate, and his behavior vexed her. After they hung up, Willow needed the rest of the day to compose herself. However, when it was nearly nightfall, she went to Angel’s apartment to ask the vampire for his take on Nox and Xander.

  “Other than being Buffy’s friend, I never cared much for Xander,” he admitted.

  They were in his low-lit, rustic apartment—dark wood, stone, and leather furniture. The earthy home was a style that could be popular among bachelors in a big city. Willow was on his couch with her Scooby-Doo notebook on her lap and Angel was pacing in front of her. It seemed as if talking about Xander/Nox aggravated him, though she was grateful he was answering her questions.

  “Nox seemed very formidable; someone much more sure of himself,” Angel continued. “It certainly explained why Xander survived when I… when the other me, broke his neck.”

  “You said Nox was someone sure of himself,” Willow prefaced. “Did you feel it had to be someone who’s lived a long time? Like a hundred and six years long? Or could it be possible that it was another personality?”

  Pausing a moment to look at her, he asked, “You’re thinking he might have multiple personalities?”

  “Right now, I want to rule out as much as possible,” Willow explained. “But multiple personalities wouldn’t be that odd. I mean, we’re only teenagers, and the crazy-scary life & death stuff we deal with on a weekly basis is comparable to soldiers surviving the horrors of war.”

  “Like his mind created a second personality to cope with all the stress and trauma.”

  “Maybe,” she replied. “Honestly, I think that’s why we crack jokes all the time—when things get really stressful—to make light of it. Or how else can you deal with so much without breaking?”

  “I suppose it’s possible,” Angel admitted, returning to his brooding pacing once again. “But I never got that impression. Nox felt like someone who couldn’t die. He talked like one.”

  “How do you mean?” she asked, writing down his responses.

  “The things he said, like how he didn’t care if he was killed; as if it didn’t seem possible to do so,” he answered. Willow nodded, remaining silent to allow Angel time to process his thoughts. The handsome man then continued, “Also, the way Nox fought screamed decades of experience. Much more than Xander could ever hope to develop, even if he trained every day of his life.”

  Surprised by the estimation, Willow’s eyebrows sprang up before she asked, “Is that something magic could teach him?”

  “Nothing I’ve ever heard of could do that, but it’s a possibility.”

  “Nox spent the most time with Buffy,” she prefaced, and immediately, Willow felt the shift in him. Angel seemed tense, conflicted, but also restrained, as if he wanted to punch something. However, she continued, “Did she ever share with you a suspicion that Nox was Xander?”

  “No,” he practically growled. “They were just too different. He even had a mansion.”

  Cautiously, she said, “But she did figure it out.”

  “I assume she has her reasons,” he gravely said.

  Willow thanked him, and for the moment, left it at that. The following day, Willow’s investigation led her to the school’s computer lab—as the library was being repaired—where she met Giles and Jenny. She sat at the front of the class with her notebook open in front of her. Jenny sat at her desk and the Watcher stood by the dry board in front of Willow. Sadly, the adults couldn’t provide many details as they hadn’t interacted much with Nox, and Xander didn’t appear any different to them. Giles couldn’t even be sure when the change happened.

  “Sadly, I don’t pay as much attention to Xander as I likely ought to,” the Watcher admitted.

  Willow tried to mollify the man, stating, “Well, he does joke around a lot, but that’s because this is all so crazy, right?”

  “I suspect you would know more than I, I’m afraid,” Giles replied. “But, I’d say so, yes.”

  Willow asked, “Why do you think Xander didn’t just tell us he was Nox?”

  Removing his glasses, he remarked, “The most common reason one might have to lie is to protect oneself from punishment, or possibly someone else from punishment.”

  “But that’s not the case here,” Willow stated as she finished writing. “Xander never denied it, even when he knew we’d…”

  “Be suspicious of him?” he filled in.

  “Think badly of him,” she emphasized. “Which should’ve freaked him out! The Xander I know never would’ve wanted us to think badly of him—especially when he was clearly in the wrong. But it was like this Xander didn’t care if we knew. He didn’t even feel the need to explain himself… like what we thought didn’t matter.”

  “I always consider the problem-solving principle of parsimony in times like this,” Giles began. “Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity.”

  The quote sounded familiar, and it took Willow a short moment before asking, “Do you mean Occam’s Razor?” At his stuttering nod, Willow huffed before stating, “You could’ve just said the simplest explanation is usually the best one.”

  “Y-yes, well,” Giles stammered to agree, making Jenny smile admiringly at him. He explained, “There are nine reasons, give or take, why a person would lie. The first is to avoid punishment or protect another from punishment.”

  “Which isn’t the case here, I think,” Willow voiced as she wrote down his words.

  “I’m inclined to agree with you,” he concurred before moving on to the second reason. “To avoid imminent harm.”

  “Not that one either,” she also vetoed.

  “To win the admiration of others,” Giles continued.

  Turning to him, Willow half-nodded before stating, “He’d definitely want that… but the way he acted when we learned the truth doesn’t fit with someone who’s about to lose all the admiration he worked so hard to gain.”

  “Agreed,” Giles accepted with a curt nod. “Hmm, to avoid embarrassment or get out of socially awkward situations.”

  “Definitely not,” Willow said, returning to writing. “He didn’t feel bothered at all, much less embarrassed, nor was he trying to get out of anything.”

  “To obtain a reward not readily obtainable.”

  Willow quickly thought of Buffy, but again, the way he acted at the end didn’t fit. Without permission to share Buffy’s business, Willow simply stated, “Maybe, but maybe not.”

  “Care to elaborate on that?” the Watcher asked.

  “Sorry, not just yet,” she said with a wincing expression.

  Giles nodded before continuing, “To maintain privacy without notifying others of that intent.”

  “He definitely wanted to maintain privacy,” Willow noted, recalling the many occasions Xander had to come clean. “Even when we all confronted him, he wouldn’t tell us why he did all this.”

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  Nodding, Giles remarked, “Instead, he has us playing his game, as he called it.”

  “But he’s also open to letting us figure it out,” Willow objectively added, before asking, “So, does that really fit?”

  “That may be because he has no other alternative,” Jenny suggested.

  Willow half-nodded again, unsure about all of this. Nothing quite fit, and it felt like getting a question half-right. Moving on, she asked Giles, “What’s the last one? You said nine.”

  “Right,” he stated before continuing. “Uh, arguably the most dangerous motive for telling lies; to exercise power over others by controlling the information the target has.”

  “You think it could be some kind of sick power trip?” Willow asked, shuddering at the thought Xander could be so devious.

  “Though it worries me to think of Xander that way, it’s possible,” Giles gently offered. “I give you it doesn’t fit his innocuous personality, however, that’s precisely why that would work for him; perhaps why he would even go this far.”

  If Willow thought of Xander as just anyone else, she wouldn’t deny that possibility. However, this was Xander. The same boy who played with her when no one else would; who made her laugh at things she never would’ve thought of; who expanded her mind to a world beyond reading and academics. It was nearly impossible to think that her kind, funny, and sweet friend could be so ruthlessly manipulative.

  “I… guess,” Willow hated to admit. Though, she quickly added, “But even that doesn’t fit just right.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  After a moment of thoughtful consideration, Willow went with the only answer that made sense to her. “Because the Xander I know would never do that.” She could see in their eyes they thought she wasn’t being objective. However, even if she was being biased, she wasn’t lying, adding, “He loves his friends like they were his family.”

  “And yet he did lie to his family,” Jenny pointed out.

  “And more to the point,” Giles continued. “He assumed a character like Nox, which boggles the mind-”

  Standing straight up, pushing her chair back in the process, Willow yelled, “That’s right!”

  “What is-”

  “He lied about being Nox,” Willow quickly answered them. “Someone strong and smart and as far from the Xander we know, right? Why would any of us believe him if he just told us one day that he had superpowers!?”

  Giles tried to answer, “I believe he could’ve easily shown as much-”

  “Yeah, but where would that get him?” Willow excitedly argued. “We would just spend I-don’t-know-how-long investigating him, trying to figure out how he came across these abilities.”

  “And absent a satisfactory answer, we would simply come to accept it,” Giles reasoned.

  Raising her finger, she confidently returned, “But there is an answer. Something as strange and unique as Nox, I think. He said as much when he started this game.”

  Nodding in understanding, Giles asked, “Do you truly believe there’s a single answer that would explain everything?”

  “The Xander I know wouldn’t lie about that,” Willow returned.

  “Then do you believe you can find it?”

  “If I know my best friend… or I should say, if he’s still the Xander I know, then yes.”

  Willow moved on to the second phase of her investigation. It was undeniable that Xander lied by omission; the proof of which was all the power and knowledge Nox displayed. However, now, she needed to know the extent of his extraordinary abilities. Willow recalled how Nox fought vampires in the Sunnydale Mall during The Judge’s assault, as well as the magical sword he gifted Buffy with. She even tested Slaymore with Giles. For clear answers, Willow would have to talk with Buffy once again.

  The next day, she was in Buffy’s room, once again, sitting on her bed with her notebook open. However, when Willow caught Buffy looking at it, she put it away. That seemed to relax Buffy, so Willow asked, “So, I was hoping to learn more about all the powers and abilities you’ve seen Nox perform.” A forlorn Buffy looked at the determination in Willow’s eyes, who gently added, “I promise this is only about his powers.”

  Buffy sighed before glumly answering, “The axe thing.”

  “Can you be a little more specific? Sorry, this is important.”

  “Calling Dreadnought to him,” Buffy elaborated.

  “Dreadnought?” Willow repeated curiously.

  “That’s what he named it,” Buffy clarified. “Not bad as far as magical-weapon-naming goes.”

  “Like, Dread Not as in Have No Fear, or Dreadnought as in the War World II battleships?”

  With a raised brow, an unsure Buffy admitted, “They sound the same to me.”

  “Maybe I’m over-analyzing that detail,” Willow remarked, moving like she was going to write it down, then recalling that she put her notebook away.

  Curious, Buffy asked, “Are you having fun doing this?”

  “No, no,” Willow quickly placated her friend. However, Buffy looked skeptical and remained silent. Willow couldn’t help confessing, “Well… maybe a little.” Buffy nodded with a small smile, and Willow tried to reassure her friend, “I realize how crazy sensitive this is. It’s not like I don’t, but I can’t deny the brain tickle feels good. But I can totally hate it if you want!”

  “It’s fine,” Buffy assuaged, jovially accepting her friend. Continuing, she added, “Nox- Xander… He also has Hellguard, the Viking dagger. He can call it to him just like I can call Slaymore to me.”

  Willow nodded, filing those details into her memory bank before adding, “Did he say anything else about them?”

  Buffy nodded before answering, “He said he made Slaymore, but that Slaymore chose me.”

  Confused, Willow asked, “He made them? How?”

  “I have no idea,” she answered, slowly shaking her head.

  “If we accept that Nox and Xander are one and the same, which still feels crazy,” Willow began saying. “And that Nox knows how to do a lot, then we have to accept that Xander has more knowledge about magic and smithing than he should.”

  Tilting her head in thought, Buffy began saying, “Well, he did mention…”

  “What?”

  “This might sound crazy,” Buffy prefaced, “but he mentioned infiltrating the Watcher’s Council to learn a bunch of stuff about a lot of things.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” Buffy answered. “When he would’ve had the time to do that? I have no idea. He told me that after I asked him about being a Shadowman. But he must’ve been lying about that, right? He heard Giles say it when we were all in the library and just made up the rest.”

  Willow half-nodded before asking, “But it felt authentic when you heard it?”

  Buffy sadly nodded, stating, “Clearly, Xander’s the undisputed champ of liars. He even made the Watchers sound like complete jerks.”

  Drawing her brows together in curiosity, Willow asked, “How’d he do that?”

  Tilting her head back, Buffy slowly answered as she recalled the conversation. “Uh, he said they do tests on Slayers for their eighteenth birthday.”

  “Uh, can I use your phone?” Willow asked, pointing at it on her nightstand.

  At Buffy’s nod, the redhead jumped off the bed, grabbed the receiver, and dialed the number to the library. She wasn’t sure if he’d be there, but she could try his apartment next. Fortunately, after the fourth ring, Giles picked up, and she quickly asked, “Xander, as Nox, told Buffy that he infiltrated the Council and learned a bunch of stuff, including tests that are done on Slayers for their eighteenth birthday. Does that sound accurate?”

  Giles was quiet for several moments before answering. “I’m afraid so. I will not reveal the details of these tests, but I can confirm they exist.”

  At Willow’s surprised expression, Buffy mouthed, ‘What’d he say?’

  Willow nodded before asking the Watcher, “Could he have guessed that they tested Slayers?”

  “Anything is possible,” Giles replied. “Though I couldn’t say how.”

  Willow thanked him and hung up before confirming the tests to Buffy.

  Surprised and worried, Buffy sat up as she asked, “Uh, did he happen to mention what kind of tests? My eighteenth is, like, seven months away.”

  “He didn’t, but I’m sure we can figure it out by then,” Willow assured her. Moving on, she asked, “Can you think of anything else that made Nox’s age and experience authentic?”

  Sighing at another annoyance being the Slayer brings, Buffy moved on and answered, “The way he fought.” With a dazed expression, as if recalling all of their battles together, Buffy mournfully added, “He was so… creative with his movements; his counters, his strategy. I’ve never thought to maneuver the way he does. The way he plans ahead, and he doesn’t force it, but he’s also spontaneous. Sometimes…”

  When Buffy seemed hesitant to continue, Willow gently asked, “Yeah?”

  Buffy sighed again before hesitantly revealing, “Sometimes… I’d just watch him fight, like I was watching TV. It was so... mesmerizing—beautiful—like art.”

  Willow understood the anger the first time she interviewed Buffy, but from the gentle expression on the Slayer’s face, she was reading a different feeling. With her unfocused bluish-green eyes, Buffy looked absorbed by the memories, as if there were parts about her interaction with Xander/Nox that captivated her.

  It made Willow cautiously ask, “I have a question, which you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

  Buffy seemed to know what Willow was going to ask and answered, “I was definitely crushing on Nox.”

  Willow’s eyebrows raised as she asked, “Really?”

  With long nods, the blonde added, “Kinda hard at the end there.”

  “Did you hit on him or did he hit on you?”

  “I want to make it clear that I wasn’t trying to start anything,” Buffy asserted. “It’s just… everything with Angel… it wasn’t like I was just a little sad about what happened. I felt sick to my stomach every single day. Just getting out of bed and moving felt impossible. It was like being in a coma of misery, and I couldn’t wake up. I thought I’d always stay that way.”

  Feeling her dear friend’s palpable misery, Willow nearly sobbed, “Buffy… I didn’t know.” Scooching closer to her friend, she took her hand as she asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you—or anyone—so I played it down,” Buffy lamented. “After the whole Judge fiasco, I was basically the walking dead. Then Nox appeared, asking me questions about Angel. He just kept pushing me, wanting to know how he turned, and I didn’t want to think about it. The more he brought it up, the more dead I felt so I—and I’m not proud of this, by the way—but I h-hit him… so he’d stop. He fought back. We rolled around, and somehow… uh, ended up… kissing. Honestly, I hated it.” Willow waited patiently, not wanting to interrupt Buffy, and after several moments, the blonde continued. “It wasn’t that the kiss was bad or anything. It made me feel something other than being depressed over Angel, which was all I wanted.” She took another moment to compose herself before finishing, “This thing with Nox kinda evolved from there.”

  “Until you slept together?” When Buffy slowly nodded, Willow gently asked, “Did you think he would’ve slept with you if… you weren’t feeling like you were?”

  “No,” she snickered. “In fact, he…”

  “Buffy…?”

  Buffy slumped, defeated, and pointed out, “You’re worse than mom asking about earrings I may have borrowed.” Willow smiled at what felt like a compliment before Buffy continued, “Fine. There was a time when I thought Nox didn’t like me because he kept pushing me away.”

  “In what way?”

  “I’d invite him places… You know, places… Places with a bed,” she finished with raised eyebrows.

  “Oh?” Willow curiously asked before fully understanding. “Oh!”

  “Yeah,” Buffy confirmed.

  “Sorry,” Willow said with a wincing expression. “Still haven’t gotten used to this whole Xander, and you, and a bed, and fluid exchange-”

  “Oh~kay,” an embarrassed Buffy quickly interjected.

  “Sorry,” a blushing Willow quickly added. “Just, keep going.”

  “Right,” she gratefully replied. “Uh, so then Nox would reject me- er, the offer. That, or he kept telling me- Oh!” she sounded with a snap of her fingers. “He kept pushing me to date Xander!”

  “Really? He said to date Xander specifically?”

  “Well, no, not specifically,” she deflated. “But he said, ‘date a nice guy.’ He was always on about me finding a nice guy, but that had to be because Nox, as Xander, knew that Xander was the only nice guy I knew… right?”

  Though Buffy seemed genuine in wanting to know if her theory had any merit, Willow instead asked, “Did you ever ask him why he wanted you to date a nice guy?”

  With a sigh, Buffy glumly answered, “He said he knew what I was going through… and the way he said it… I really believed he knew exactly what I was feeling; more than anyone. I really trusted him.” Again, Buffy became quiet, and it seemed to Willow that she was reminiscing about important moments she shared with Nox. Restraining how upset she seemed to be, a hurting Buffy asked, “How could he lie about that?”

  Despite the moisture building in Buffy’s red-rimmed eyes, Willow felt compelled to suggest, “Maybe… he didn’t.”

  “Come on, Will,” Buffy returned, sniffing and wiping her eyes. “He lied about everything.”

  “He lied, sure,” Willow readily admitted. Though, slowly, she expressed, “But a lie by omission isn’t the same as flat out claiming something untrue is true. It’s not like any of us asked him if he was Nox. And I really do feel that if there wasn’t a good reason, Xander would’ve owned up to lying to us. But the way he acted that day, and the more I learn, it really is starting to feel like we’re missing something—something big.”

  Though upset, Buffy asked, “Like what?”

  Shaking her head, Willow could only answer, “I’m trying to figure that out.”

  After leaving Buffy’s, Willow went home and called Xander to ask the first authentic question of the month. However, she couldn’t reach him until the following morning.

  “Hey,” he sounded, as if tired. “Sorry, I missed your call. Late night patrolling a bigass island. What’s up?

  Focusing on nothing more than solving the mystery at hand, she ignored her bubbling curiosity of what patrolling in Jamaica entailed and asked, “Can I talk to your parents?”

  “Good question, Will,” Xander boasted, and she could just hear his smile. She patted her Scooby-Doo notebook forlornly as he continued saying, “I’ll give you their number so you can verify yourself, but I’ll answer anything you wanted to ask them.”

  Clearing her throat, she asked, “Why’d they leave Sunnydale?”

  “They came into some money and I told them to go travel,” he plainly stated.

  “Travel where?”

  “The world.”

  Surprised at that, Willow creased the skin between her eyebrows before asking, “How’d they get enough money to travel the world?”

  He straightforwardly admitted, “I bought a Powerball ticket that won 60 million, and gave it to them under the conditions that they emancipated me, paid off the house, transferred it under my name, left me a million a year for five years, and left Sunnydale forever.”

  He was so casual about that, Willow was flabbergasted. She could barely ask a follow-up question as her shock disrupted her train of thought. “How… How could you… buy a winning ticket, give it to your parents if they agreed to your demands, then lie to us about it?”

  “All good questions,” Xander cheerfully replied. “You’re doing stellar work. I gotta get to forging. Jamaica’s gorgeous, by the way. It would be tons more fun if Zabuto wasn’t such an uptight, live-by-the-book-die-by-the-book pain in the ass, but whatever. Later.”

  After he hung up, Willow called Xander’s parents, and though they gave deflective answers so as to not lose the money, they indirectly confirmed what Xander said. Willow’s investigation then led her to the newly repaired library to explain this latest development to her friends. Giles, Jenny, Buffy, and Oz were seated at the table while a pensive Willow paced at the foot of it. They were all just as shocked to learn the truth about Xander’s financial situation and the true reason his parents left.

  “Huh, that’s pretty weird,” Oz voiced. He looked at the others and reaffirmed, “Weird, right?”

  Stunned, Buffy gasped, asking, “He’s been rich this entire time?” When Giles, Jenny, and Oz looked at her, she cleared her throat before clarifying, “I just mean, why not buy a motorcycle? Why rebuild a junkyard bike? …Or give out better presents?”

  “Perhaps he prefers to use his hands,” Giles suggested.

  “Probably wanted to supe it up himself,” Oz offered. “I’ve seen plenty of bikes, but never one like his. A lot of guys have asked me about it too. They want to know where he got it.”

  Willow voiced, “I think what’s important here is that he bought a winning lottery ticket.”

  “Why?” Buffy asked.

  “Because it would appear to be premeditated,” Giles cautiously answered. At Buffy’s curious expression, he added, “As if he knew he’d win.”

  The anxious Willow nodded, expounding, “He didn’t say anything like, ‘I couldn’t believe my luck,’ ‘what are the odds,’ or, ‘could you believe that? Insane.’ Nothing like that. It was just like Giles said; he bought it with the expectation he’d win the lotto.”

  Buffy asked, “You don’t think he just got lucky and started all of this because he got money?”

  Jenny ventured to ask, “Maybe the money or the ticket’s cursed?”

  “He gave 91.6% of the entire pot to his parents,” Willow hotly stated, shooting down their theories as she paced. “And you saw his house. He doesn’t even buy more than he needs; like material things aren’t important to him.”

  “If he knew what the winning numbers would be,” Giles began to reason. “That would suggest he has knowledge of the future.”

  Willow half-nodded, like she mostly agreed before stating, “Toss that in with everything else he seems to know, and I’m starting to think Xander- this Xander is from the future.”

  Buffy whirled at the insane theory before asking, “If that’s even the case—like capital IF—why not just say that?”

  “I… I don’t know,” Willow frustratingly replied, roughly rubbing her forehead. “Maybe there’s more… Something I’m missing!”

  “It’s okay, Will,” Buffy gently expressed, concerned for her friend. “You’re doing great.”

  “You need to sleep,” Oz suggested.

  “Have you not been sleeping?” Buffy asked with growing annoyance. She looked from Oz to Willow, but neither answered, making her stand straight up and call out, “Okay, that’s it! I’m calling him and threatening to kick his hundred-year-old ass if he doesn’t tell us everything!”

  “Hundred…” Willow slowly repeated. She stopped pacing and turned to all of them as she yelled, “Of course! The spell! It said he was 106!”

  Curiously, Buffy replied, “Yeah, we already knew-”

  However, Willow interrupted, explaining, “If you take away the seventeen years he’s already lived, you’re forced to assume he’s from 89 years into the future. But who remembers six random lottery numbers from that long ago?”

  “Perhaps he has perfect recall?” Giles suggested, though didn’t seem too confident in that.

  “Maybe,” Willow admitted, before adding, “but I don’t think so. Faking being moderately forgetful for that long would take a lot of effort. And now that I think about it, it’s not like he was really trying to hide.”

  “He-”

  “I know, I know,” Willow affirmed, cutting Jenny off. “He kept things from us, yeah, but I mean, none of us ever really suspected Xander—our goofy, lovable Xander who has a Snoopy dance—could possibly be that Nox.”

  “Buffy did,” Jenny pointed out.

  Neither Willow nor Buffy commented on how she knew, but Willow needed to know more. She gave Buffy a few days before visiting her once again. They were in her room, on her bed, once again. Willow didn’t even bring out the notebook, and she asked, “When did you first start suspecting Xander and Nox were one and the same?” At Buffy’s hesitation, Willow conveyed, “I’m sorry, Buffy. I know you’d rather not talk about this, but I really think this might be the key to everything.”

  Buffy took several silent seconds to come to terms with what was being asked of her. Willow knew it was incredibly private, but was grateful when the beautiful blonde slowly answered, “I guess… it was the first time I kissed Xander.”

  Though Willow still felt a pang of something in her chest—to know Buffy and Xander had been intimate—she ignored those emotions to ask, “Because you’d already kissed Nox, and kissing Xander felt the same?”

  “Yes, and no,” Buffy half-answered. “Me and Xander kissed twice. Once after we started dating- well, went on a few dates. I wouldn’t exactly say we were exclusive…” At Willow’s raised eyebrows, Buffy cleared her throat before continuing. “Anyway, we also kissed once before that. The night we were possessed by those poltergeists.”

  “Of James and Grace?”

  Buffy nodded before explaining, “At the end of it, the ghosts kiss-”

  “You never mentioned that,” Willow curiously pointed out.

  “Which meant Xander, and I kissed,” Buffy quickly hurried through. “When James and Grace left, Xander and I… sorta, kinda… kept on going. I mean, it reminded me so much of kissing Nox, I didn’t think to stop. For a second, I actually thought I was kissing Nox. When it hit me it was Xander, I just assumed I was going gaga for Nox. Then we saw Xander in a speedo.”

  “Yes, big fan of that,” a nodding Willow asserted.

  “Agreed,” Buffy confirmed.

  Moving on, Willow asked, “So, because you’ve seen Nox, uh, in the buff, you could say Xander looked similar.”

  “Yeah, but, it was usually dark when Nox and I… you know, so I couldn’t be sure.”

  “Do you hate Xander?”

  Widening her eyes in surprise, Buffy asked, “What kind of question is that?”

  “You’re mad at him, and I totally get why,” Willow thoughtfully shared. “He lied to us. Whether by omission or not, he did. And it’s worse for you because you opened yourself up to him—to Nox—in a way you haven’t with anyone other than Angel.” Willow paused a moment before playing devil’s advocate again and stating, “But it doesn’t sound like he maliciously set out to fool you or us. Nox knows so much our Xander couldn’t possibly know; a great fighter, an expert in an unidentified discipline of magic, weapon-smithing, building motorcycles, carpentry, picking winning lottery numbers. He knew about Ted before any of us.”

  “That’s right,” Buffy called out, recalling the terrible robot. “Nox busted in like the Kool-Aid Man, and chopped Ted up for parts before we even knew what was what. That set Xander and Nox apart right away.”

  “It did,” Willow confirmed before asking, “Was he any good? In that department, I mean. Or was it just-”

  “No, no,” Buffy interrupted. Nodding with wide eyes, she assured her best friend, “He was… he was really, really good! Like, wowsers.”

  “Exactly- ...wait, really? Wowsers?”

  Palm on her chest, the slightly blushing Buffy confessed, “My heart’s racing just thinking about it.”

  “Wow,” Willow voiced in disbelief. But it also made her feel left out, and she couldn’t help asking her friend, “Is it wrong of me to feel left out, you know, because of Oz?”

  Buffy quirked her brow in confusion as she repeated, “Left out?” Willow’s eyes widened as Buffy asked, “Who else is there besides me?”

  Willow’s throat suddenly felt dry, and she tried to clear it several times as she hummed, “Oh, uh…”

  However, there was no hiding the slip of potentially juicy gossip, making Buffy sit up in rapt attention, yelling, “Willow! Spill!”

  Inhaling with an open mouth, Willow raised her palms as she proclaimed, “Uh, okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone!”

  “I promise! I promise!” the excited Buffy said, bouncing on her bed. “Now, come on, spill!”

  After a long sigh, Willow sadly said, “Cordelia.”

  “Nooooo!” Buffy called out, completely floored. The thunderstruck girl repeated, “Cordelia? Really? EEWWWW.”

  “I know!” Willow called out along with her. “Oh, God, you have no idea how long I’ve been holding that in!”

  “But it’s Cordelia!”

  “I know! She’s so like if skank-city married air-head town!”

  “Meow, Wills,” Buffy complimented.

  “Thanks,” she replied with a smile, enjoying the comradery. “I rarely get ‘meow.’”

  A flabbergasted Buffy had to ask, “How did that even happen?”

  “I don’t know the details,” Willow admitted. “It was so disturbing, I forgot to ask. I know, for sure, it’s been going on since Oz became a werewolf. He could smell their activities on each other.”

  “So neither of them told you?”

  “Xander confirmed it when I asked- well, when I yelled,” Willow answered, mildly regretting how she had reacted to the situation. “Cordelia acted really cagey when I asked her questions about him, but she didn’t confirm it.”

  Buffy leaned in closer and cautiously asked, “Do you think they… went all the way?”

  Lowering her voice as well, Willow answered, “If you asked me that about our Xander, I’d say no.” Buffy nodded in agreement at that as the redhead continued. “But Nox? I’d say yes. So… I have no idea. I can tell you that anything they were doing ended before you went to the dance with Xander. He told me himself.”

  Skeptical, Buffy asked, “And you believe him?”

  “Honestly?” At Buffy’s nod, Willow answered, “I do.”

  “Even after all this?” she asked, and Willow slowly nodded. After several moments of silent contemplation, Buffy asked, “What does he even see in her?”

  Though Willow never thought to ask that, she answered, “Aside from her obvious-”

  “Yeah, yeah,” a dejected Buffy quickly interjected. “I guess you could say she’s on the pretty side, if you like that leggy, big-breasted, cheerleader type.”

  “She has a nice smile,” Willow offhandedly added before shaking her head and asserting, “Xander said they shared something fundamental in common. They both have bad parents.”

  “He never talks about his parents,” a vexed Buffy remarked.

  “Cordelia doesn’t mention her mom, and only brings up her dad when it’s related to money,” Willow added.

  “So, what? They sensed the bad upbringing vibes in each other and…” Buffy used her index fingers to simulate kissing.

  Willow lightly snarled at the sight before cautiously suggesting, “I guess two people having sex doesn’t always have to be about love.” Neither girl ignored how that related to Buffy. The blonde understood wholeheartedly when her friend added, “Pain can do the same.”

  “…I don’t hate him,” Buffy ultimately answered. “What you were asking: I don’t hate Xander. I hate myself more than anything.”

  Willow leaned forward as she tried to say, “No, Buffy-”

  However, Buffy cut her off, shaking her head before continuing. “When I see him—think about him—I only hate what I did even more. I didn’t want to feel that, so I dumped all the blame on him, which makes me hate myself even more. I just can’t stop thinking how screwed up I can be, you know? I didn’t think I could let that happen to me, but I did. So, when I see him—think about him—it makes me think: How messed up am I?”

  “No, no, Buffy, don’t,” Willow vehemently denied, reaching out to take Buffy’s hand. She held it firmly as she asserted, “You can’t hate yourself for feeling as hurt as you did. The way you and Angel loved each other was so pure, so one in a billion. I’d be surprised if you didn’t lose it a little when that was ripped away from you. I can’t even imagine getting over something like that in a few weeks, so it’s impossible for me to judge you.”

  The friends moved into each other’s arms, holding one another for comfort and support. Buffy didn’t cry, but she held on so tight, Willow was near to the point of asking her to stop for fear of breaking her ribs. After several minutes, Buffy moved back, wiping her red eyes of excess moisture.

  “So,” Buffy began, sniffing as she wiped her eyes. “What’s the answer? Now that you know pretty much everything.”

  Willow smiled in appreciation before seriously answering, “I’m leaning toward visions.”

  “Not like the ones I get?” Buffy asked for clarity.

  “No, maybe clearer than that,” Willow answered. “It would explain why he knows some things, but not everything.”

  “Doesn’t explain why he wouldn’t just tell us,” Buffy noted.

  “Yeah,” the redhead couldn’t help but agree. “Out of everything, that’s the one thing I don’t get. Why not just tell us? We’re his friends. Obviously, we’d help no matter what he was going through.”

  “I’m still angry with him, like out of my mind angry,” Buffy confessed wholeheartedly. She then tempered her ire before admitting, “But if there’s a good reason—I mean, it better be a damn good one—I’d be happy to stand corrected.”

  Their conversation motivated Buffy to take her mother to the hospital to do what Xander suggested. While they waited for the results of the MRI, Willow thought about one question above all. “Why not tell his friends?” For days, this question occupied most of her conscious thoughts. ‘If Xander came from the future,’ she thought. ‘If he was having visions; if he was possessed again; if he were anything; why wouldn’t he tell me?’

  By the end of July, Willow had talked to everyone several times. Jenny had revealed that Xander already knew about her uncle Enyos, her origins, and her people when she hadn’t told anyone. Angel revealed that Nox seemed surprised when he had informed him of the bounty Drusilla commissioned on them. It only highlighted Willow’s certainty that Xander knew many things he shouldn’t, but not everything; not unless he was receiving visions of the future, or was from the future.

  After a couple of weeks, Buffy learned that her mother had a brain tumor and if she didn’t start treatment immediately, the probability of her dying soon was high. Buffy couldn’t think of being mad at Xander anymore or worry about her relationship with Angel. She was much too worried about taking care of her mother.

  As she supported Buffy, this added to Willow’s pile of clues. However, she needed one last piece to put it all together. The Velma picture on her Scooby-Doo notebook taunted her. It wasn’t until Willow half-listened to Buffy point out how her life felt as if it was stuck on repeat that she thought of something.

  “Going to the hospital, going on patrol, going to bed, then repeat,” Buffy shared. “Luckily, she’ll be coming home soon.”

  “…That’s…That’s it,” Willow slowly realized.

  “I mean, I know it’s not the worst problem to have in life-”

  Standing up as all the pieces were falling perfectly into place, an astonished Willow called out, “No, no, not- Umm, I think I figured it out.”

  Concerned about her friend, Buffy asked, “Figured what out?”

  “The only thing that makes any sense!” she yelled. Willow rushed to the nearest phone to call Xander. Sadly, he didn’t respond, but he reached her later that night.

  “Sup, Wills-”

  However, the excited girl quickly interrupted, asking, “Are you repeating your life? Or are you being reincarnated into your own body?”

  She heard him chuckle with pride, and the suspense was killing her.

  Xander answered, “Why don’t you and Oz watch a show on me. You have the spare to my house. Just press play.”

  Oz drove Willow to Xander’s house, and in his room, they turned on the TV and VCR. The tape was already loaded and when she pressed play, they watched episode eighteen of season five of Star Trek, the Next Generation. The title of the episode was Cause and Effect and it was about the ship being trapped in a time warp that forced the crew to endlessly repeat the same experiences until they make different decisions that get out of the time bubble. By the end, Willow knew the difference between the show and Xander’s situation was not only does he remember, but the loop he was living in was longer than a few days.

  She jumped up in joy as she discovered, “Xander’s stuck in a time loop!”