The Endless Return
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To Xander’s surprise, talking Pete Clarner out of taking his monsterization potion actually worked. After tailing Pete from afar for several days, the Scoobies stopped his first attack with the combined combat level of Xander, Buffy, and Faith. It was a relatively fast skirmish. The group then pretended to realize the monster was Pete and confronted him in front of Debbie. They had a frank and heartfelt intervention for Pete, and Debbie pleaded with her boyfriend to stop taking the serum, professing how much she loved him just the way he was. Emotional, Pete embraced his girlfriend and promised to never take the serum again.
“I love you,” a crying Debbie said, hugging him tighter.
“I love you, too,” a teary-eyed Pete replied.
The gang watched on with a sense of accomplishment. However, Xander didn’t care if the crisis and the deaths often attached to Pete’s monstrous change were avoided this time. His friends felt it was a victory, but it felt too minor to him. Willow thought he ought to draw hope from avoiding terrible outcomes, as it meant there was hope he could escape the time braid, but Xander wasn’t sure. As much as he wanted to believe her, the possibility of all that hope being erased if he looped again was too rage-inducing to face.
If he looped again, he thought, ‘Why not just destroy the world? It’d definitely be exciting.’
Feeling on the edge of becoming that megalomaniac future ruler of earth, Xander simply remained quiet, watched, and waited.
The bored time looper spent most of his free time patrolling, training with the Slayers, or forging Faith’s weapon at Wild Dinks. It had taken him nearly two months to figure out a runic array and forge a pattern-weld for two separate axe heads from a single ingot. The problem he faced was not wanting the magic housed within each axe head to feel separate from the other. The magic flowing from each weapon needed to feel as if it was coming from one home, but housed in two pieces. Xander had messed up a couple times before coming up with a strategy that even Eitri would be impressed by: forging one dual-bladed axe that he would split down the middle. After that hurdle, the rest of the intricate process was as normal as could be.
Xander was done with the axes by Homecoming, so the night before the dance, he met up with Faith before she started patrolling. She still hadn’t forgiven him for lying about his future knowledge and blamed him for not doing more to prevent Dormer’s death. Xander simply didn’t have the energy to figure out what more he could do to convince her that he couldn’t save everyone.
Thus, the beautiful Bostonian looked at him coldly, with a hint of annoyance, as he approached her in the cemetery. Regardless of their chilly attitude toward each other, Xander lifted the black case and opened it, presenting Faith with her newly finished weapons in a velvet lined red cedar box. At the stunning sight of the hatchet-styled Tomahawk axes with criss-cross leather wrapping the handles, her annoyance was temporarily forgotten.
The deadly weapons were 20-inches in length with 8-inch heads and 6-inch cutting edges. The rosewood handles were curved and the balance of weight made them easy to grip or throw. The high-carbon steel heads were rough and dark, but the runes etched on the base were silver and polished. Gently, a stunned Faith took them out of the box and spun them in her hands as if they always belonged.
“They’re amazing,” a wide-eyed Faith gasped.
“I call them Blood & Lust,” Xander said, indicating each one. “Or Blood/Lust if you want to refer to them in the singular.”
“Blood/Lust, huh?” she repeated. Looking at him with a smile, she remarked, “Couldn’t have picked a better name myself.” She looked at him and, as though she recalled being disappointed in him, her face lost its joyous expression. Still, she accepted them graciously, saying, “Thanks for these.”
He explained to her how to summon them, then left.
From the list of warnings Xander gave them, The Scoobies knew about Mr. Trick surveilling them for his hunting party. Since the ones attempting to murder Buffy and Faith were demons, assassins, and vampires, no one in the group had any moral objection to slaying them. Buffy asked Angel to go to Homecoming with her. Faith agreed to go with Xander, but solely so it would make sense why he’d be in the limousine as well. The night the limo showed up at Buffy’s home, Xander, Buffy, Faith, and Angel were all dressed in dashing formal wear and entered the vehicle.
They weren’t at all surprised to find themselves in a forest with a video playing on the TV, introducing them to SlayerFest 98. In the forest, the four fighters were surrounded by a number of assassins; German twins, Hans & Fredrick Gruenstahler; an old hunter named Frawley; Kulak, a yellow demon of the Miquot Clan; and the vampire Gorch brothers, Lyle and Tector. Unbothered by the danger surrounding the, everyone other than Angel extended a hand—two hands in Faith’s case—and from the back of the limo, four weapons ripped through the metal trunk and into their lethal hands.
“Fucking wicked,” Faith happily called out, spinning her beautiful axes in her hands.
With Xander’s knowledge of where, more or less, the assassins were, the four fighters expertly made quick work of the assassins that stayed. Lyle Gorch ran away after his brother was dusted by Faith, as did Hans when Angel killed his brother. Angel wanted to hunt them down, even if it took all night. Buffy, however, pleaded with him to attend the dance with her and her friends. Faith wanted to keep fighting, and Xander simply didn’t care.
“We can hunt them down tomorrow,” Buffy proposed to them. “Tonight, let’s dance.”
With Angel’s nod, they all go to Homecoming. At the decorated gymnasium, all the teenagers were on the dance floor having fun. The large room was lit with flashing and spot lights. There were white tables all around the dance floor, some with snacks and drinks. The energetic, fast-paced music eventually gave way to slow songs for couples and close friends. Xander danced with Willow, but kept one eye on Angel and Buffy dancing together. They made him nervous because he couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t do something stupid.
As he expertly swayed with Willow, he asked, “Do you think they’d repeat the same mistake?”
Willow followed his line of sight and saw Buffy and Angel dancing closely. The love on their faces was evident, even from a distance. The redhead shook her head before confessing, “Angel’s actually leaving. This might be the last dance they ever share.”
“Really? I didn’t know,” he admitted.
“Whaaa?!” Willow exclaimed sarcastically. “You mean you and Angel don’t tell each other everything?”
“Look at you with the zingers,” Xander said with a smile.
“Thanks,” she said with a cute smirk. The group—Willow in particular—had been feeling good about their wins over the forces of evil. It was why she looked jubilant when she remarked, “It’s a good night for zingers. Zingers and tacos.”
Xander huffed in good humor before asking, “Is he going to Los Angeles?”
“How’d you… Right. The loops,” she responded. She nodded before answering, “He told Buffy he’d stay until you’re out of the time braid.”
“What a swell guy.” Xander sarcastically replied.
“Come on,” she returned, lightly shoving him. “You don’t feel the teensiest bit bad for them?”
“You’re a romantic, Wills, and I’ve become a pragmatist,” he asserted. “A Slayer falling in love with a vampire might be considered compelling romance, but it’s that Shakespeare kind of love—i.e. Let’s-Take-Poison-Because-We-Can’t-Be-Together—that I can’t support. It overrides logic and reality. Romeo and Juliet could’ve… I don’t know—waited a few years till they were old enough to survive on their own and then be together. But where’s the romance in that, right? It’s like love has to be this grand ‘Be All, End All’ kind of thing, or somehow, it’s not real, which doesn’t make any sense.”
“In their defense, they thought the other one was dead, so.”
“It’s an imbalance,” he insisted. “Having love but making poor decisions, or making smart decisions but never being in love. If those are the only choices, I’ll pick the second. I’ve done my share of the first one, and let me tell you, it’s not worth it.”
“Merlin was right,” Willow said. “You and magic just don’t mix.” Nodding toward Debbie and Pete, lovingly dancing together near an equally affectionate Buffy and Angel, she told him, “Look over there. Pete and Debbie are happy—together—and in love, because we had hope they could be that way. You have to have hope for a better tomorrow, Xander, or how else can it happen?”
Xander looked at the devoted Pete and Debbie—slow dancing adorably—and happened to catch Buffy’s eye just past them. The blonde beauty caught his eye as well and it was the first time her warmhearted expression broke. He could see a wealth of conflicting emotions on her face. She was dancing with Angel—the man she could never be with—while being observed by the boy she often gave her body to. Xander wondered if Willow was right, only to recall how smart she was.
‘Obviously, she’s right,’ he thought, feeling a glimmer of hope spark within him.
The couples and friends slow-danced on the dance floor, and when the song was nearly at the end, an ear-piercing gunshot cut through the merriment in the room. BANG! BANG! BANG! The gunshots were promptly followed by screaming, panic-stricken teenagers. Xander saw a bloom of red mist catch the spotlight, and Buffy & Angel fell to the floor with other teenagers. Immediately his heart sank, expecting to see black and wake up in his disgusting bed and unkempt room. However, after a second, Xander hadn’t looped back to Halloween. In the chaos of running students and teachers, Xander turned to see Hans moving toward his target, taking a couple more shots at Angel’s body as it covered Buffy.
Xander dragged every ounce of power from his ring and rushed the assassin, gripped his gun-wielding wrist, and broke it. The German man threw his head back, groaning horribly in pain as he dropped the gun. Xander flipped him on his back, then swiftly broke his arm, making him scream. Xander noticed Faith dealing with Lyle Gorch out of the corner of his eye. Then an ear-piercing scream cut through the room, followed by pained wailing. Several feet away, Pete Clarner was sobbing his eyes out, holding a limp Debbie in his arms as she bled from the small hole in her chest, staining her pretty blue dress.
With enhanced strength, Xander punched Hans in the face—feeling the feedback of his jaw breaking—and knocked him out. Rather than tie him up, Xander was going to snap his neck to ensure he didn’t wake up, but Giles rushed and slid to the floor next to the assassin, stating, “I’ll secure him! You assist Faith!”
‘It’d be easier just to kill him,’ Xander thought, but he didn’t care enough to have that moral argument.
Xander looked for Faith, but before he could help, she staked Lyle Gorch with a piece of a broken chair, turning him into dust. Turning to Buffy, he was relieved to see that Angel took all the gunshots meant for her. He then rushed over to Debbie. Pete was still holding her, begging her to hang on until the paramedics arrived. However, Xander knew nothing could be done. Pressing his fingers to her neck confirmed she had no pulse.
The Sunnydale police quickly responded to the shooting, and by the time they arrived, an unhinged Pete ran away. Xander thought to follow him, but stayed with his friends as the police took the gunman away. Outside, behind the school gymnasium, many parents quickly arrived, and police and paramedics assisted any student that needed it, even if it was a minor injury. From several yards away, Xander and the Scoobies were quietly observing Hans being treated for his broken arm by a paramedic before being escorted to the police cruiser. It was then that everyone in the student parking lot heard a loud roar.
“AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
Xander and his friends turned to a monsterized Pete, bigger, furious, and focused on no one but the German assassin. Cold dread sank to the pit of Xander’s stomach as he realized there were at least fifteen innocent lives between the enraged Pete and Hans. Xander, Buffy, and Faith dashed toward the monster like a ball shot out of a cannon. However, they were much too far away to stop Pete from clubbing three crying girls out of the way. He sent them flying like rag dolls.
“MOVE!”
“GET AWAY!”
“RUN!”
People shouted as Pete tore through police, parents, students, and medics to get to Hans. Buffy and Faith nearly reached the heartbroken monster when officers began shooting the rampaging beast. The Slayers ducked and Xander tackled a mother and son to the ground to keep from getting shot. A dozen police officers put bullets into Pete, but it didn’t stop him. The beast tore through them as he was being shot, until he finally punched through the passenger window of the squad car.
The monstrous Pete gripped Hans around the neck, dragged him out, and smashed his head against the street. A sharp thud, like the crack of an egg, rang out, and Xander could see Hans’ body spasm and his limbs extend. Though tired and bleeding from dozens of bullet wounds, Pete’s hands wrapped around Hans’ skull and he squeezed until it popped and crumbled, shooting trails of blood and chunks of brain everywhere.
The last shot rang out, and Pete finally dropped. He tried to speak, but only blood came out, and then he was dead. It wasn’t silent. Crying parents and teenagers; police and paramedics yelling out orders—but somehow, Xander heard none of it as he stared at the bleeding Pete lying lifeless beside the mutilated body of Hans. He felt an indescribably grim feeling at the gruesome sight, like despair and impotence.
“Fighting for nothing,” he muttered. “An eternity of endless return.”
In the end, rather than agreeing with Xander’s suggestion to stop Pete early, Debbie died, Pete died, two police officers died, Hans died, and many others were injured due to either Pete manhandling them out of the way, or officer-friendly fire.
Willow took his hand as Giles and Jenny corralled their teens away from the scene. Loosely dressed in their fine attire, the Scoobies gathered in the library and were despondent—all but Xander. He said nothing and wasn’t surprised by the turn of events; or more accurately, he didn’t feel anything. Xander was more upset by how affected his friends seemed to be rather than the unnecessary deaths they’d witnessed that night. He nearly felt left out, because he knew he should be feeling the same way, but he didn’t.
“Free will versus determinism,” Giles morosely voiced, breaking the silence as he cleaned his glasses. “Is the future set or can free will alter events yet to pass?”
A flustered Willow argued, “Ob-obviously, it can change! Xander changed it before!”
“Unfortunately, it’s as he said,” Giles replied. “The order of events changed, but not the, uh, outcome.”
“I was supposed to die, Rupert,” Jenny stated. Pointing at Xander—who was leaning against the wall—she added, “He stopped that. So, it’s not impossible.”
“Right! It’s not impossible! We can’t quit!” Willow continued to protest. She rushed up to Xander, and with tears in her eyes, yelled, “We can still save you, Xander! I know we can!”
It was clear to everyone how much Willow wanted to break Xander out of the time braid. He simply smiled and hugged the distressed girl, embracing for several minutes because her love for him always moved his stone-cold heart. He then told everyone he was going to patrol. Willow called to him as he left, but he didn’t stop.
Walking through the graveyard, Xander felt his heart race and his muscles tense. He told himself, over and over, he’d already given up on this loop, but after twenty minutes of trying not to let the feeling welling up inside break him, Xander smashed his fist into the rough trunk of a tree. The entire tree shook and his fist felt broken, but he didn’t care. The pulsing agony of his twitching hand felt better than the small amount of hope Willow had made him feel.
“Rough night,” he heard from behind him.
Recognizing the voice, Xander stood straighter and quickly cleared his eyes before continuing to walk forward. Angel followed as Xander asked, “What do you want?”
“Came to tell you to watch over Buffy,” he answered from beside Xander.
“That goes without saying.”
“I’m leaving.”
“I heard,” he returned. “Have fun in L.A.”
Angel stopped in front of Xander, halting their walk. The vampire didn’t break eye contact as he said, “Listen, I’m not going to pretend I care about you. What you did to Buffy is unforgettable and unforgivable.”
“Oh?” Xander sarcastically questioned, before joking, “And here I was laboring away on our friendship bracelets.”
“I know what living alone—without hope—looks like,” Angel solemnly continued. “If you really want to get out of the hell you’re in, trust your friends. Trust Buffy. I guarantee you it’s the best move you can make.” Xander cleared his throat to talk but didn’t feel like replying. He stayed silent as Angel reiterated, “Watch Buffy’s back.”
In his mind, he wondered, ‘Why? What does anything matter anymore?’ However, Xander didn’t want to be on the receiving end of a prolonged, emotional pep talk. Not that he felt annoyed by Angel, which was a change of pace, but he’d rather be alone. He told the vampire, “You don’t have to head off to L.A. so soon. We can always use the help.”
Angel nodded before leaving.
Hours later—with a fully healed hand—Xander returned home and wasn’t surprised to see Cordelia’s car in his driveway. After parking his motorcycle in the garage, he walked up to his bedroom and was surprised by the sight. There were a dozen lit candles around the room, half burned down, which meant it had been hours. On top of the chest, at the foot of the bed, was a plate of twinkies and root beer in a bucket with mostly melted ice. What initially grabbed his attention was the gorgeous Cordelia, laying in his bed dressed in sexy black lingerie and wearing a blindfold. She had a red ball gag, but it was lowered around her neck because the sexy cheerleader had fallen asleep.
Even more surprising than the half-naked slumbering beauty was Faith. The brunette Slayer was also in his room, seated in the plush chair by the window. She casually nodded at him as if this were a typical encounter, then walked over to him and whispered, “She’s smokin’ hot with clothes on. In sexy-ass lingerie, damn, the girl is fucking edible!”
Xander snickered in agreement. With a nod, he led the Slayer out into the hallway. They each leaned on opposite walls as he whispered back, “What are you doing here?”
“I… had something to tell you,” she said. Faith paused, eying the floor a moment before looking him in the eyes and stating, “I overheard Angel when he came to see Buffy. He mentioned you weren’t taking it well. After tonight, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. So, here I am.” With a lecherous grin, she added, “Walked in on Cordelia sleeping—happily, I might add.”
Xander smiled at Faith’s vulgarity before confessing, “She likes to make sure I’m not alone in the morning. And I like letting her.”
“You’d be a limp-dick idiot not to,” Faith remarked with an assertive nod.
He snickered before asking, “So, what’s up?”
“I’ll just cut to it. I wanted to tell you that I’m not sorry,” Faith bluntly stated. Xander huffed in a mix of amusement and mild irritation. His reaction seemed to only annoy her before she explained, “On my way here, I did think I was going to apologize. If what happened tonight happened to me over and over again, for decades, I’d have given up a long time ago, too. It really hit home… what you’re going through. But then I remembered how Angel and I wanted to chase down the assassins, Buffy wanted to go to her stupid dance, and you didn’t care. If you had said something—anything—about chasing them instead, we could’ve hunted them down and no one would’ve died tonight.”
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Xander actually felt his left eye twitch in growing annoyance, feeling that impotent dread within bubble up again. He could feel his chest, shoulders, and arms flex in hostility as he leaned down and asked, “Then why didn’t you and Angel go after them? I wasn’t stopping you. You chose to go to the stupid dance too!”
Practically glaring at him, Faith irately asserted, “You’re just a quitter.”
“Says the girl who ran here with her tail tucked between her legs,” Xander retorted, absent any humor.
Leaning closer, she nodded as she retorted, “Yeah, maybe I did run, but it helped, and I killed that son-of-a-”
Immediately irked by her trying to compare their circumstances, Xander abruptly yelled, “There’s nothing for me to kill here, Faith!” She tensed a moment as he added, “There’s no bad guy I can stake through the heart to get out! I can’t even die!” Xander paused when he realized he lost control again. Shaking his head, he stood straighter and demanded, “You know what? Just get out.”
Faith looked at him with the same anger and disappointment in her brown eyes. She said all she needed to without words. Her expression told him how much of a failure he was; how he wasn’t strong enough to get out, let alone deserving to. Somehow, her letdown expression also told him he was bad in bed. Faith angered him more than anyone had in a long time.
He couldn’t help but slap the wall and point away as he yelled, “Get the fuck out of my house!”
The brunette beauty gave him a final look of disapproval before leaving. A hot Xander entered his bedroom, blew out the candles, roughly took off his clothes, and plopped himself in bed. Though seething quietly, he covered the naughty Cordelia before trying to get some sleep. However, sleep would not come easily, even when he used his ring to force his body to relax enough to rest. Nightmares of Pete’s dead eyes—and looping back for all eternity—kept waking him up.
By four in the morning, he simply went downstairs and finished working on his incredibly durable Armor Wear. Forging Blood/Lust had taken much of his time, but fortunately, he had very little left to do. He spoke the incantation, “Lāmadh Semkath, Taw Ṣādhē WawLāmadh. MemKāph Dāl Khēth.” It roughly translated to: “I come to you, oh master of all and eternal. Protect your King.”
The tight, black, muscle t-shirt with the rune array stitched straight down from the left armpit to the hem glowed golden white a moment before dimming into nothing. Picking it up and testing the stretchiness, it still felt like a normal muscle shirt. Rather than hang it on a wall and throw knives at the enhanced cloth to see how well it held up, Xander wore the garment and laid on the floor. Taking one of the many knives around him, he casually lobbed it in the air above him. With his weapon’s efficiency and muscle control, the sharp chef knife spun at the height of its arch before coming down directly above his heart.
He didn’t even flinch as the blade bounced off of his chest.
Xander wasn’t sure how he felt when the sharp point didn’t penetrate the thin material. He felt pressure, like a finger poking him, but nothing more. He knew the knife wouldn’t have enough force to pierce through his sternum and stab his heart, but he wouldn’t mind the pain. Xander grabbed another knife and repeated the toss and attempted to stab all over his covered torso. He laid on the floor watching the knife come for him repeatedly, which was how Cordelia found him.
He was so focused on zoning out that he hadn’t noticed her coming down the staircase, wearing a red silk robe.
With growing concern, she eyed him on the floor, the knives all around him, and a few stuck in the ceiling—thinking of Faith made him fling the blades too hard. Xander sat up and noticed the early morning light coming through the window. He stood as she met him, checking his muscle t-shirt and his skin underneath. Though everything was fine, Cordelia was eying him like he was a death row inmate and his execution was tomorrow.
Her concerned face made him respond with, “Morning. How’d you sleep?”
Cordelia leaned in and kissed him for several moments and Xander couldn’t help the arousing pleasure pitching a tent. Cordelia shoved Xander onto the couch and straddled his lap before kissing him once again. Her fingers ran through his lengthy black hair and caressed his sturdy neck as her tongue descended into his open mouth. She sucked at his tongue as she dry-humped his rising cock. Soon, his meaty manhood popped out of his boxer’s flap and he pushed aside the front panel of Cordelia’s lingerie.
“Mmm,” she moaned in his mouth upon the skin-on-skin contact.
As she rolled her hip, rubbing against his veiny hardness, Cordelia’s soaking sex coated his man-meat in her warm juices. Xander stroked her hair and gripped her neck with just enough pressure to excite her further. She was growing hotter, boiling, as his free hand pinched her erect nipple, squeezing and massaging her large breast.
Xander broke their kiss and sat straighter so he had easier access to her large mammaries. Cordelia moaned, wrapping her arms around his head as his mouth sucked on her sensitive nipple. She laid on him, losing control to more sensitivity as his hands expertly coaxed waves of pleasure to ignite her. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead, making her hair stick, and her body burned for his touch.
“I want it,” Cordelia gasped. “Give it to me.”
Slowly, Xander gripped his shaft and rubbed the leaking entrance of her pussy before she lowered herself on his thick rod, spreading her for as long as she groaned.
“MMMMMNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnn,” she sounded with eyes closed, slightly trembling.
Little by little, Cordelia’s sex covered the entirety of his manhood, and Xander groaned happily at her hot, wet sex tightly pulsing around him. While Cordelia gripped the top of the couch, Xander massaged her clit and ass as he sucked on her beautiful tear-drop breasts. Slowly, she lifted her sex, generating delicious friction, before impaling herself once again. Arching her back, the bouncing Cordelia moaned as she built up a rhythm. Her body was glistening with perspiration as she rode his thick cock.
Xander’s cock stroked Cordelia’s G-Spot repeatedly, better than any man she had ever been with. The moaning cheerleader knew she didn’t have long and slammed onto his pleasure stick harder, desperate to get him off as well. Her pussy shivered with every stroke, sending more and more intense waves of bliss through her body. Teasingly slow, the electric pleasure traveled up her spine, and the closer it moved to her brain, the closer she came to a monumental orgasm.
Xander gripped her waist, eying the blushing beauty—with her gorgeous chocolate hair cascading around her blushing face—and before she could realize what he was doing, began vibrating his cock. The ecstasy shot up her spine, neck, and into her brain. She saw white as her flush body violently detonated in a long explosion of heart-stopping pleasure. Hugging her lover for dear life, her cunt, legs, torso, and arms quivered violently. The way her pussy gripped him, Xander couldn’t hold on and gritted his teeth as he emptied his balls inside her. Feeling his warm fluid flood her insides kept Cordelia in a state of bliss for far longer.
After they finally regained their senses, the lovers went for another round, finding solace and comfort in their lovemaking. For Xander, it was just what he needed to forget about the time braid and Willow’s hope, but Faith’s indictment of him stayed in his mind, annoying him. After their third mind-blowing round, Cordelia pleaded for rest. She dragged him to her side so they could rest on the couch together.
Looking into his eyes, the spent girl said, “Don’t be… sad.”
“I’m less sad now,” Xander assured her. “Getting my balls emptied has the amazing effect of giving me a positive outlook on life.”
“After last night, I mean,” Cordelia specified. “Don’t be sad after last night. Those deaths weren’t on you. You gave them the choice to decide, and they chose wrong.”
“Thanks,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose. “But if I loop, it’s not going to really matter.”
“You said ‘if.’ Good,” she said, nestling her head in the crook of his neck and resting.
Xander felt scared that he still had hope, because if he ever woke up on Halloween again, he didn’t think his sanity would survive it. The fear of doing anything for stimulation made him latch on to his anger toward Faith. He still couldn’t believe she had the gall to call him a coward—after everything he had gone through. That flush of anger kept him centered that morning.
It was a somber day at Sunnydale high school. Debbie’s locker was plastered with notes, stickers, and pictures of love and mourning. In the library, Xander tried to tell the Scoobies the next big problem that would happen, but it was too soon for them to forget the night before. In the days to come, the gang eventually decided to burn all the cursed candy Ethan Rayne produced to turn the adult population into mentally irresponsible minors. Then Ethan threw the gang a curve ball Xander hadn’t expected. Rather than ending his plans after the candy bars were rendered useless, the chaos mage executed a backup plan; tainting coffee beans with the immaturing spell and distributed the cursed product everywhere they needed to infiltrate.
Having drank the free coffee, the irresponsible Giles and Joyce’s sexual escapades were still found out by Buffy, Xander, Faith, and Jenny. While a quietly infuriated Jenny watched over Giles and Joyce, Faith and Xander went to the hospital first to protect the babies. Buffy went to beat Ethan up for any other information Xander hadn’t already told her. When Ethan knew nothing new, she went to the sewer to slay the snake-demon Lurconis. The Slayers and Xander entered the dank and smelly underground, and with their godly weapons, it was no match for them. They killed the sewer monster with little fanfare.
The entire Scooby Gang then had to spend the rest of the night looking for Giles and Joyce, who ran away from Jenny to continue their fun times until the curse wore off. The next day, Giles and Jenny’s relationship was sadly on life-support, if not dead.
When Gwendolyn Post arrived and claimed to be Faith’s new watcher, the Scoobies humored her. Xander had already warned them about her and had long since replaced the glove of Myhnegon with a fake. They played ignorant of the Englishwoman’s nefarious plans for the magical artifact until Gwendolyn put it on and tried to kill them with it. Faith punched her in the face, and as it happened in previous loops, the Council collected the rogue Watcher.
Buffy scored an unexpectedly high SAT score and Xander’s was just under hers. Buffy and Willow were talking about colleges, universities, and a life that Xander was certain he’d never get to see. He humored them for as long as he could before leaving for Wild Dinks. After a long shift at the forge, he was leaving the metal shop when he was knocked out from behind. His vision wet black and slowly awoke in a cold and dank basement. Despite a large amount of cobwebs in every corner of the stone room, it was well furnished with a table, several chairs, and even a large bed. Willow was on the bed beside him.
Rubbing the back of his head, Xander groaned, “What the hell…”
The candlelight hurt his eyes, and his head was throbbing. Immediately, he used his ring to heal himself.
Moving to him with concern, Willow helped him sit up as she said, “I can explain.”
The redhead then told Xander how Spike and Drusilla returned to Sunnydale because Drusilla had a vision that they needed to help the Slayer.
“Which Slayer?”
“I’m pretty sure they meant Buffy, since they don’t seem to know about Faith,” she answered. She explained how they then kidnapped her on her way home to ask her what Buffy needed. The fear of being murdered, being fed on, or being turned into a vampire kept her from answering the terrifying villains right away.
“But then, Drusilla asked me again, and I felt really safe—secure,” she stated in evident confusion. “Then I told them everything they wanted to know! I didn’t mean to, but, but, I just…” As if saying it out loud helped her realize the truth, she shouted, “Oh no! I think I got whammied!”
“Drusilla is a master hypnotist,” Xander revealed. “She’s tricked all sorts of people and demons into telling her what she wants. She even tricked Angel into thinking he was making love with Buffy instead of her.”
“Is that how he turned in one of the previous loops?”
Xander nodded before asking, “What’d you tell her?”
Under Drusilla’s trance, Willow had confessed that Buffy needed to fall in love with Xander to save his life. She then said, “Spike came up with an idea and they left. An hour later, they’re dragging you down here. I think they went after Buffy next.”
“Well, aside from the humiliation of being captured, that’s new,” Xander groaned as the ring finished healing his head injury. Hopping off the bed, he told her, “Come on.”
Walking toward the basement steps, Xander momentarily wondered if he should summon his weapons. Given the state of the basement, he was fairly certain the building must be abandoned. However, he investigated more to see if he could escape without Dreadnought or Hellguard.
With Willow behind him, Xander used his ring to enhance his strength. He broke the old wooden door that led to the first floor and immediately wished he hadn’t. For a split second, a gang of vampires waiting just past the threshold seemed as surprised to see him as he was to see them. Xander quickly shut the door on the vicious blood-suckers just as they rushed to feed on the teenagers. Their combined weight nearly pushed the door open. However, he managed to hold the door shut, already knowing it wouldn’t hold as they pounded and clawed at the door.
Over the banging and scratching, he yelled, “Find me something I could use as a weapon!”
“Uh, will bottles do?!” Willow called.
“Sure,” he returned, quickly taking the heavy clear glass.
Xander only needed five to fifteen seconds to summon Dreadnought to him, depending on how far it was. So long as he kept them bottle-necked at the door, he should be fine. As the feeble door broke apart from the repeated onslaught, Xander prepared himself for a fight and leaped back; his right hand ready to attack as his left hand called for his weapon.
Surprisingly, there were fewer vampires rushing down the cellar steps than he was expecting; only three of them. Regardless, Xander fought for seven seconds, keeping them away from himself and Willow, before his trusty battleaxe burst through the old ceiling and into his hand. With Dreadnought, he swiped low, forcing two vamps in front of him to step back, and Xander continued the rotating momentum, decapitating both of them with his second swing. The third focused on the severed heads dropping to the floor as they turned to ash before looking back at Xander, who had brightly glowing eyes and a big axe. The vampire turned and ran.
Making their way upstairs, Xander and Willow saw why more vampires hadn’t descended into the basement. Buffy, Angel, Spike, and Drusilla were fighting the rest of the vampires. Xander stayed with Willow as he watched the four fighters slay nearly two dozen vampires and provided color commentary.
“You’re dropping your elbow before you punch,” he called to Buffy. “They’re going to notice- Oooh! See.”
“Shut uuuuppp!” Buffy yelled back after having been punched in the face. Enraged, she delivered a smooth roundhouse kick to one vampire before slicing completely through the body of another with Slaymore.
“Hey, Angel!” Xander yelled. “You gotta remember to breathe if you don’t want to lose power- oh, right. Nevermind.”
“Hey, Spike!” Xander called next. “You should block with your face more!”
A concerned Willow pulled the hem of Xander’s shirt as Spike gave him the finger mid-fight. After they finished slaying the bunch, they saw Mr. Trick fleeing the scene. Xander explained to the group that he had never discovered who Mr. Trick was working for, but he wouldn’t expect to see him again.
“Well, I’d say that was a rousing success,” Spike stated, clapping his hands. “I think we got a knack for this hero malarkey, don’t we, love?”
Spike wrapped his arm around Drusilla’s shoulder, but she wasn’t paying attention as she eyed Xander curiously. Considering he never had the chance to question her before, the time looper asked the undead beauty, “Do you know about me?”
Tilting her head from side to side in a sweet manner, she replied, “Do you know about yourself?”
Though annoyed, he asked, “What should I know about myself?”
“Mean, mean, man,” a childishly hurt Drusilla sang, dancing around Xander. “You’d swallow us all—swallow the world before you’re full.” Turning to Spike, she said, “Can we leave, Spike? I want to go to the green place with the little umbrellas.”
“Brazil, here we come,” Spike declared, wrapping his arm around the vampiress’ thin waist.
Xander reached out and grabbed Drusilla by the shoulder, spinning her about.
The blond vampire immediately rushed to her defense, retorting, “The bloody hell do you think you’re-”
Xander instantly raised the razor edge of Dreadnought against the blond man’s neck before demanding to know from Dru, “What should I know about myself, Dru? About anything?”
Drusilla gazed serenely into his hazel eyes for a long moment before softly saying, “That which we all must know. What terrifies us most.”
With half-lidded eyes, she smiled drunkenly before singing a slow song about there being nowhere to belong. He let her go, and Spike and Drusilla left soon after. Come Christmas, thoughts of anger, loss, and fear kept Xander from getting much quality sleep—even with his ring. He tried hiding his insomnia from his friends, but Cordelia—who was the closest to him—told Willow, who told Buffy, who then talked to Giles. They were all working together to help him. However, he wasn’t expecting Buffy to feel what wasn’t in her to feel.
Faith was the only one not trying, which annoyed him the most. He’d tell her to shut up if it wouldn’t reveal how much she bothered him. To clear his head of building anger and anxiety, Xander took an impromptu trip to Big Bear, the nearest mountain to Sunnydale. The secluded getaway was a three-hour trip away, but he stayed there for a weekend of peace and tranquility in the snow-covered forest.
Riding down the mountain, he rode faster than he should have, and in his distracted state, took a nasty tumble, wrecking his bike. Fortunately, his magically durable muscle T-shirt and dark jeans greatly dulled the impact. However, his head, hands, and arms were badly scraped against the icy roads. Odin’s ring healed him as he walked to the nearest pay phone so he could tow his bike back home.
That was where he found Buffy waiting for him, and she looked pissed. Stepping onto his porch, she saw his dried blood and torn jacket, and became overly concerned for him, rushing him inside. Xander assured her she didn’t have to worry all the way to the kitchen, as he was fully healed, but she put her foot down and insisted on checking herself. Taking off his shirt, he thought Buffy’s reaction was exaggerated, but did as she wanted.
After she wiped his strong arms of dried blood and dirt, she checked the rest of his chiseled torso. When she looked relieved, he asserted, “Told you. I’m fine, Buff.”
“I know,” she hesitated to admit, somewhat embarrassed by her reaction. “I just… you were gone all weekend and no one could reach you. Even Cordelia didn’t know where you were. I wasn’t sure how looping back works, whether we all go on living without you or not. I just… got a bad feeling.”
Xander didn’t need Casanova to tell him to ease her worries with a comforting hug. She held him so tight, he had to ask, “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” she answered, moving back. “I’m better now.”
He nodded and put on his muscle T-shirt as he said, “I’m not really sure what happens to everyone in the loop after I reset. I always assumed the entire reality gets wiped out. It’d be weird if I up and left without a trace—like the Scooby Gang without Scooby-Doo.”
“The Gang just doesn’t have that family-friendly brand you want when you’re killing monsters,” Buffy pointed out. He chuckled some, though it didn’t feel genuine. She asked, “So, where’d you go?”
“Just needed to clear my head,” Xander deflected.
“And did you?”
Buffy noticed how much more sullen and dejected he was as he lamely answered, “A bit.”
“You know we’re trying, right?”
“I know.”
“Willow, Ms. Calendar, and Giles haven’t stopped researching,” she assured him.
With a weak smile, he cupped her shoulders as he gently said, “I know, Buffy. It’s alright.” She didn’t seem to like his answer, but there was nothing more to say on the topic. “I need to check my bike, so I’ll be in the garage. Stay as long as you like.”
Xander turned to leave, only to stop two steps later when Buffy hugged him from behind, solemnly confessing, “I don’t want you to go away.” She tightened her hold on him as she added, “I need you.”
Curious, Xander turned around in her embrace. She didn’t let go, but she backed away enough to look him in the eyes as he asked, “Nox or Xander?”
“You, you idiot,” she retorted before standing on her toes, grasping his head, and kissing him deeply.
After the initial shock, Xander registered her desire, desperation, and tongue, and leaned in himself. As they pressed closer, his experienced hands wrapped around her, massaging her back up and down. He tilted his head, opening his mouth to intensify the kiss. Xander could feel her warm body, soft breasts, and hardening nipples against him while their tongues slowly explored each other’s.
Xander was surprised by how much desire Buffy was showing. The small girl pulled him in, standing on the tips of her toes to press flush against him as she rubbed down his neck and chest. Her mouth sealed perfectly with his, suctioning as her tongue wrestled with his. Her eyes were closed, and she mewled cutely in his mouth. He had no doubt that she wanted him, but he couldn’t tell why. Whether she missed Nox, simply didn’t want him to loop back, or she actually felt genuine feelings of romantic love toward him, Xander couldn’t say. Worse yet, he feared asking the question.
When the horny teenagers finally needed air more than the other’s tongue, they broke apart. Sitting on the couch, Buffy confessed to him that she was feeling scared of what it would mean to be with him.
“Me or Nox?”
“Why do you keep asking that?” Buffy returned. “You’re you. That’s all that matters to me. But more importantly, I’m not afraid of being this way with you anymore.” Xander was secretly skeptical, and his silence led her to reply, “I know. Better late than never. But in my defense, it’s sort of on brand for me,” she finished with a stunning smile.
Xander wasn’t sure how honest her words were—to him or herself—but if she was willing to try, he saw no reason not to as well. Above all, it was new for Buffy to want him despite Angel still being in the picture. Though, Xander didn’t see Angel at all in the next few weeks, and assumed it was because the vampire didn’t want to see them together.
‘That, or Angel knows Buffy isn’t with me out of love, but to save my life. And he doesn’t want to be around for that because they still love each other…’
Xander hid his overbearing pessimism from Buffy and tried to enjoy their time together. The days leading to Christmas and New Years were joyous in their ability to help him forget about the time braid or looping back. He wasn’t sure if it was ignorant bliss or faking it until he made it, but he was the boyfriend he always wanted to be with Buffy, like wearing an old suit he used to love. They went on many dates and laughed a lot. Buffy always had a witty sense of humor, and they riffed effortlessly off of each other. Their banter was the reason it was always easy to forget the impending doom of the time braid when they were together. And they had a lot of sex.
Xander and Buffy had sex multiple times a day. The bubbly blonde was always sweet and shy when it came to public affection, which he loved teasing her about. She would turn red and get embarrassed when he made dirty jokes in public, but when they were alone, she was so wanton with her passions. She loved how well he commanded her body, and pushed her boundaries regularly with him. They even did anal on his birthday, though it required a lot of fun preparation. All in all, Xander enjoyed the respite being with her was.
January came around and the Scooby Gang took care of the Gingerbread demons quickly. When Quentin Travers and the Watcher’s Council wanted to subject Buffy to the Cruciamentum, the test didn’t work since Xander had already warned her about them. Giles hadn’t warned the council that Buffy already knew and was subsequently fired. Xander was happy to tell Travers off, calling their tests barbaric, but the elder Watcher didn’t pay him any attention.
Despite Xander and Buffy being in a committed and loving relationship, January 26th, 1999, was the last day of the year loop. He wanted to wake up on the 27th because he had run into Jack O’Toole—nearly getting in a fight with the boorish teen—which made him recall Old Man Xander’s memory of the night he had lost his virginity to Faith. The time looper craved waking up next to Buffy in the morning—holding her tightly as they went to sleep to keep warm with companionship. Xander’s strongest desire was to stop existing and start living his life again.
Instead, he awoke to a blaring alarm, opened his tired and empty eyes to a disgusting ceiling, and he knew by the smell alone that he had looped back to October 31, 1997. With no one in his arms, and everything once again taken away from him, Xander was on the very edge of snapping.
“I… can’t take this anymore.”