Girl Talk

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  “It’s not exactly a time loop,” Xander told his friends.

  Xander had returned the night before school started, and Willow made him promise to meet everyone at the library an hour before anyone showed up. He stood in the middle of the newly repaired library and comfortably paid a negligible amount of attention to Buffy, Willow, Giles, Cordelia, Jenny, or Oz. Though he should have felt sorry for lying to his friends for nearly a year, the tanned teenager was aloof and not at all interested in their opinion of him. His attitude only reinforced Willow’s theory.

  The night before Xander’s arrival, Willow had immediately called Giles and Buffy to his house to watch the Star Trek episode. She passionately asserted to the gathered Scoobies, “The reason he doesn’t care is because he’s done this so many times, it’s impossible to care!” Despite Buffy and Giles watching most of the episode, they seemed hesitant to fully accept her theory. However, Willow only continued, “Think about it! Even if we found out, even if we hated him, or we never found out, or anything! He’d just repeat everything all over again, like nothing ever happened! It’s why he knows certain things, like lottery numbers, but not everything, like Drusilla offering herself in marriage to whoever kills us—which, you know, desperate much?”

  Willow’s theory seemed to fit with everything, though Giles noted having never come across any literature on something like a time bubble. “If anyone had,” he said. “The person shouldn’t remember, or consider the feeling of déjà vu. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the sheer amount of energy required.”

  “So… what does this mean, exactly?” an unsettled Buffy asked.

  “I, honestly, can’t even imagine,” Willow gently answered her vulnerable friend.

  “We must know more,” Giles expressed.

  In the library the following morning, the Scooby Gang all watched the apathetic boy meander at the foot of the table. Like Cordelia, Xander was also tanned from his vacation, which he liked. After a deep inhale, the blasé time looper casually told them, “It’s not exactly a time loop. It’s more like a time braid.”

  “What’s the difference?” Willow eagerly asked.

  Xander didn’t look at any of them. He simply eyed all around the room as he answered, “A loop is the repetition of a day or a week, or whatever the set amount of time is in that cycle. Nothing changes until you figure out how to get out.” His eyes landed on Willow as he continued, “A time braid has interlacing cycles. If you can get out of a day loop, you now have to make it out of a week-loop. If you make it out of the week-loop, say hello to the month-loop. One month not long enough for ya? Then enjoy the hearty monotony of a year-loop.”

  They were all surprised at the depth of his time dilemma, but Willow gasped, “That many?”

  “Oh, it gets better,” Xander told her with a humorless smile. “If certain people die, I automatically reset; do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.”

  Cordelia didn’t hesitate to ask, “Like who?”

  Returning to his pacing, Xander casually answered, “All the people that do great deeds for humanity in the future, I imagine.”

  Nodding impatiently, Cordelia returned, “Yeah, yeah, but who?”

  “Cordelia, please,” Giles chided. “Clearly knowing that sort of information might alter the events-”

  “Buffy, obviously,” Xander answered, making the blonde Slayer smile a little. “Willow, Angel, Giles.”

  “M-me, truly?” the surprised Watcher interjected, looking around as if to ensure the others had heard his name.

  Xander nodded, even though he was paying more attention to the ceiling, wondering how the library might look with a coffered ceiling instead of the granular one the carpenters had clearly used. He continued, “Cordelia-”

  “Me!” the stunning cheerleader beamed with a happy squeal, before asking, “Really?”

  Xander nodded indifferently as he added, “Spike-”

  “Spike?!” many of them repeated in unison. They all cringed at the surprising name-drop.

  “No,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “Now I know you’re lying.”

  Turning to her, he found it funny she would take that stance, given how far she went with that vampire in previous loops. With a sigh, he asked her, “Why do you think I tried so hard to stuff a soul in that limey bastard? Trust me, it wasn’t cuz I liked his sunny disposition. I just didn’t want to loop back because one of you killed him.”

  They paused for a moment to absorb his answers. Then Willow gently asked, “What’s it like?”

  “In a word: hell,” he bluntly answered, and it unnerved his oldest friend to hear him say that so casually. “I mean, it’s not brimstone, death, and hellfire, but try imagining everything you do, any accomplishment you worked hard for, just getting completely erased like that-” he finished with a snap of his fingers. “No matter what you do, what connections you make, how many times you graduate junior year, how hard you train your body, how much you hope things will be different; it always gets erased… and you have to start all over.”

  Turning to them, he explained, “Or say you don’t do anything; don’t train, don’t make any money, don’t sleep with anyone, don’t graduate—you still start over. Nobody you talk to will understand. Then they just forget you ever said anything, to begin with. You can’t die, you can’t get out, and you’re all alone. Always alone; for decades.”

  “…106 years,” Willow gasped.

  “Yeah,” Xander said to her with a measure of hopelessness. “You guys are always there, always my friends, but I can’t share this. I can’t tell you anything with any hope that it’ll matter. I could be crazy angry at you for lying to me or kicking me out of the group. I could be depressed or sad, or happy, or proud, and never be able to share my life with any of you because you’d all just forget; erased, gone, like nothing ever happened. Then, in the next loop, you’d look at me like the things we’ve experienced never happened.” Xander chuckled a bit as he concluded, “Right now, looping back is like getting a fresh set of strangers that just happen to have your faces. Hoping for anything different kills me the most, so I just stopped trying.”

  When none of them seemed to have the words to respond, Xander returned to lazily walking back and forth without a care in the world. They could love him, hate him, or all of the above, for he was done with the loop. However, he could see in their saddened and worried expressions that they care about him—even if they didn’t know how to help him—which only added to his misery.

  ‘As much as they want to, they can’t,’ he thought.

  “You knew about Angel and you didn’t tell us,” Buffy realized with a hint of fear. “Didn’t tell me.”

  ‘Typical,’ he thought.

  “I have,” Xander replied. “Loads of times. Sometimes, Angel still turns into Angelus. Other times, he kills you; you kill him; and either way, I loop back.”

  “No,” a flustered Buffy stated, standing up. “I didn’t ask because… I just mean… from where I’m standing, it’s hard to accept this; that you can keep so much to yourself—like big things—without letting us in.”

  “Again, I have,” Xander reiterated. “It’s just pointless to beat a dead horse.” Staring at their collective expressions of disbelief and sadness, Xander pivoted away from their worthless sympathy and stated, “That doesn’t mean everything stays the same.” Looking at Jenny, he told her, “That night I saved you? Angelus usually kills you, or Spike kills you. Then Giles goes crazy and torches their hideout.”

  Cautiously, Jenny asked, “You don’t reset when I die?”

  “No,” the teen easily said with no regard for how she would feel.

  Mildly offended, Jenny asked, “Would you even go back to save me?”

  “My parents were tortured and murdered, and I didn’t go back for them,” he told her. The implication was clear to them. If he didn’t go back for his parents, he wouldn’t go back for her. Before they asked, he explained, “They got turned into vampires, and nearly killed me and Cordelia. I eventually looped back, but not because I wanted to save them. I died, so there wasn’t a choice. They’re alive now, though.”

  As if it dawned on her, Willow asserted, “The lottery ticket. That’s why you sent them away!”

  “Sure did. Better than seeing them like that again,” Xander confessed. “The mansion that I own; it’s where Spike, Drusilla, Angel, or a variation of them, usually hole up afterward. They bring Acathla there and everything.”

  “That’s why you bought it?”

  Xander nodded, and a bewildered Cordelia asked, “So, you own a mansion, but for some ungodly reason, you choose to live in a regular house?”

  Many of them deflated at the oddity the cheerleader focused on before Giles asked, “You’re telling us this… I can only assume you’ve told us before?”

  “Dozens of times, though, mostly in the beginning,” Xander casually answered. “Like I said: I stopped after a while.”

  With growing caution, Willow asked, “So… does that mean… you don’t think you’re going to make it out of the year loop this time?”

  “You’re way too smart, Will,” he said, smiling for the first time. “No. No, I don’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know exactly how to get out,” the time looper confessed. “My working theory is Buffy.”

  “Wait, what? Why me?” the blonde quickly asked.

  “Don’t know,” he answered with a shrug. “Getting out of the day, week, and month loop always involves some sort of internal progress; changing myself, changing your opinions of me, becoming something, realizing something… it centers around this group, and this group centers around you.”

  “Like Phil and Rita from Groundhog Day,” Willow remarked. However, most of them looked confused, prompting her to ask, “Haven’t you seen the movie yet?”

  “You told us last night,” Buffy pointed out. “Blockbuster hasn’t even opened yet.”

  “We haven’t had the time, as of yet,” Giles reiterated. “If you would elaborate.”

  As Xander paced, Willow summarized for those at the table, “Phil is a news weatherman—a real Scrooge of a character—and secretly likes Rita, his producer, but she’d never give him the time of day. In the movie, he’s stuck in a time loop that repeats the day, and with every loop, he sort of loses his mind. He even… dies a lot,” Willow grimly said before turning to Xander.

  They all locked eyes on Xander, imagining how many times he must’ve died. However, Xander continued lazily walking back and forth, unbothered by their concerned stares. Willow seemed close to crying, but shook her head and sternly continued.

  “E-Eventually, after a lot of loops, Phil realizes his love for Rita will never change no matter how many times he repeats the day, even if he’s repeating that day for eternity,” she added with a heartfelt grin. “That’s what breaks him out of the loops and they live happily ever after.”

  “Awww,” Cordelia and Buffy cooed in unison.

  “Right?” she agreed, the romantic within Willow having returned.

  Understanding the premise from an intellectual, problem-solving perspective, Giles callously asked, “So, you believe Xander and Buffy are like the Phil and Rita characters, respectively? And they must fall in love to end the time braid?”

  With wide eyes and raised brows, both Buffy and Xander looked at each other in stark surprise. Xander could tell neither of them felt it was necessary to point that out, and he could only imagine it was because they both had their reasons for not mixing romantic love into their friendship. At this stage of Buffy’s life, it was impossible for her to be in the right mind frame for a healthy relationship, and Xander was done trying. He was quite fine being friends with optional benefits.

  “Uh, wow, G-Man, putting us on the spot much? Cuz ‘happily ever after’ is no pressure at all,” Xander sarcastically pointed out.

  “M-Major social faux pas, Giles,” a self-conscious Buffy agreed. “Teenagers are deathly allergic to awkward, if you didn’t know.”

  “And standing out,” Xander added.

  “Exactly,” Buffy agreed, nodding along with Xander.

  With sympathetic eyes, Willow slowly reasoned, “But if it’s the only way…”

  Clapping his hand and drawing their attention, Xander reiterated, “I want to stress that I have no idea how to get out. I’ve never made it past the year loop. For all I know, there could be another one after that. So, yes, no, and maybe, all qualify as answers.”

  While the rest absorbed that in silence, Cordelia wanted to know, “So, what’s next?”

  “Faith ought to be here in a few weeks,” Xander answered.

  “Faith?” Willow repeated.

  “The new Slayer.”

  “After Kendra?” Jenny asked.

  Xander nodded, and Buffy asked, “Was Kendra supposed to live?”

  “No,” he bluntly said, taking them aback. “Actually, this was the first loop where I’ve ever saved her. Drusilla usually kills her, so I’m guessing that’s the reason it didn’t happen this time.” Despite their shock, Xander continued as if it were nothing. “After Faith shows up, there’s this Jekyll and Hyde kind of guy killing people. Homecoming is ruined when Mr. Trick contracts killers to hunt and kill Buffy and Faith, sometimes Cordelia-”

  Anxiously sitting straighter, Cordelia demanded, “Wha- why me?”

  “They mistake you for a Slayer,” he answered.

  “Fantastic,” she sarcastically said, waving a hand in frustration. “I just love how much hanging out with you dweebos pays off.”

  Xander rattled off, “Then there’s a sewage monster that eats babies to deal with, and on, and on, and on,” rotating his hand as if too impatient to elaborate. “It’s never-ending.”

  “Lucky for us, you can warn us now,” Jenny noted.

  “Indeed,” Giles agreed.

  “For as long as I’m around anyway,” Xander glumly pointed out, saddening Willow.

  “Hey, don’t talk like that,” a worried Willow told him. “You never know. This might be the one where you get out. Now that we all know, we’re obviously going to help. We’ll do everything we can.”

  Xander eyed a quiet Buffy for a split second before answering, “I hope so. Anyway, I’m kinda tired of talking, so… I’ll see you guys later.”

  Xander was a few steps away when Willow stood up and called, “Wait!” When he turned, she timidly asked, “C-Can you do the eye thing?”

  With a small smile, Xander flared his irises with a glowing whitish-blue light for them to see, surprising most of them.

  Astonished, Willow asked, “How do you do that?”

  “Sorry, Wills. Man’s gotta have some mystery about him,” he said before leaving the library.

—B—

  When Xander left the library, Buffy didn’t know what to think or feel. Subtly looking around the table, it seemed a sentiment shared by all. However, unlike her friends, Buffy felt the familiar weight of leadership weighing her down. As ever, the ultimate responsibility for saving anyone would fall on her shoulders. She would never say it was a burden. To know that Xander would be stuck in a time loop until he lost his mind if they didn’t help him—if she didn’t help him—felt like an unyielding pressure.

  Cordelia interrupted her thoughts when she stood up and said, “Buffy? You look like you can use a touch-up. I’ll help.”

  Buffy scrunched her face in confusion, asking, “What? I’m not wearing makeup.”

  “Then you can definitely use a touch-up,” Cordelia asserted as she grabbed her bag. “Come on, I’ll help you.”

  “I don’t need makeup, Cordelia,” an irate Buffy retorted, concerned more with the gang coming up with a plan.

  Cordelia was at the foot of the table when she turned and said, “Oh my God, get a clue! I don’t actually care about your makeup. I just want to talk in private.”

  “Then say that, you vapid loon,” Buffy hurled back.

  A heated Cordelia raised her voice to retort, “That would only defeat the purpose-”

  “If you would both please!” Giles heatedly interrupted, slamming his palm on the surface of the table. The frustrated Watcher rubbed the bridge of his nose, relaxing some before continuing, “Do your ‘makeup’ outside. If we stand any chance of helping Xander—one of our own—escape this time braid, some of us have extensive research to do.”

  “He mentioned since Halloween, so there’s not a lot of time left,” Jenny pointed out.

  Giles left the table, followed by Jenny, and the girls observed them retreat into the stacks for a solution. Buffy, Cordelia, and Willow left the library, walked down the empty hallway, and into the girl’s bathroom; silent the entire time. Judging by the determined look on Cordelia’s face, and her crossed arms—like she was ready for battle—Buffy knew she would not enjoy the conversation. Fortunately, Willow stood right beside her, providing the comfort which her presence usually brought.

  Cordelia eyed them both before asking the Slayer, “So… Are you going to go out with him? Because he’s pretty much doomed if you don’t.”

  ‘I knew it,’ Buffy thought, shoulders slumping under the weight of what was demanded of her. She weakly returned, “Uh, how’s this any of your business?”

  “Rude,” Cordelia clapped back. “Why wouldn’t it be? I’m just as much Xander’s friend as you are.”

  Immediately, Buffy recalled the truth of Cordelia’s intimate relationship with Xander—the same relationship she had with him—and intentionally asked, “Is that all you two are?”

  “What’s that supposed to…” the cheerleader began to ask. At their knowing expressions, Cordelia realized they must’ve uncovered her sexual relationship with Xander, prompting her to ask, “How’s that any of your business, Rita?”

  Confused by the name, Buffy repeated, “Rita?” Then it hit her. Rita and Phil; Buffy and Xander. “Oh,” she sounded before hotly contesting, “Look, even he doesn’t know how to get out of the loop. Maybe I’m involved, but maybe it could have nothing to do with me.”

  “But let’s face it: everything has to do with you,” the brunette bitterly stated. “There isn’t a demon, vampire, or curse in this town that isn’t in line to mess with the Slayer’s life, and by extension, anyone around her. So, I ask again: Are you going to date him or not?”

  “I…” Buffy began, but her mind went blank. Turning toward Willow for help, she also looked curious. They both wanted answers—looking to her to solve the problem—and in a moment of frustrated honesty, she moved away from them and yelled, “I don’t know!” Turning back to them, the anxious girl responded, “How can I just- In a situation like this? I don’t know, okay? I don’t.”

  “But you…” Willow stopped herself and looked at Cordelia, as if it was too personal for present company.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  Surprised and hurt, Cordelia asked them both in disbelief, “Really? We’ve fought vampires and demons together. You make me read a ton of disgusting stuff in the name of research. I’ve ruined so many quality outfits backing you up; had to get my hair treated after so many fights, but you draw the line at girl talk?”

  “It’s not like you tell us girl things,” Willow defended. “I had to find out about you and Xander from Oz!”

  With a quirked brow, Cordelia asked, “How’d he know?”

  “He has a great sense of smell,” Willow proudly answered. “You two smelled like each other… often.”

  “Oh,” the beautiful brunette replied. Quickly over it, she tactfully explained, “In my defense, he was such a dweeb, I couldn’t risk my reputation if anyone found out.”

  Buffy shook her head, always amazed by how offensive Cordelia could naturally be without even realizing it. She allowed the anger to fuel her response, asking, “And now? He finally meets your shallow standards, so it’s okay?”

  Willow seemed more curious to learn, “Wait, how long has this been going on?”

  Cordelia looked between them for several long seconds before announcing, “Fine. Let’s hash this out like civilized ladies. Slumber party at Buffy’s tonight.”

  “Wait, why my house?”

  “To be near your mom, obviously,” Cordelia answered as if it couldn’t be more obvious. At their stunned expressions, she insisted, “I’m not completely heartless.”

  Buffy was indeed surprised, as she wasn’t sure how Cordelia knew about her mother’s prognosis. Not that it mattered in the end, because Buffy never enjoyed being away from home for long. The longer away she was, the more anxious she became. She easily imagined entering the living room, or somewhere, one night, and finding her mother’s stiff body on the floor. It was a reoccurring nightmare, thus Buffy appreciated Cordelia’s consideration, even if her delivery left much to be desired.

—X—

  Xander spent the day mostly in his own head. Now that he was back in Sunnydale, he wanted to use the runes in his head to make everyday clothing as light and malleable as cotton, but tougher than kevlar. He weighed his options between using his Nox gear or sticking with an typical outfit he could wear in public without calling attention to himself. Mostly, Xander wondered about the golden thread he made using the sanctified gold from the Du Lac Cross. He wasn’t sure if he had enough to write out each rune character on each article of a full outfit.

  Throughout the school day, Buffy didn’t speak to Xander. She was likely deep in a rabbit hole of her own thoughts, which he didn’t mind. Willow asked him questions about magic and Cordelia asked about all the crazy things he had done in past loops. She also told him about the slumber party and how he would need to patrol without Buffy. Xander smiled and nodded, certain they were going to talk about him.

  Giles asked to join him on patrol to keep him company and ask a few questions to help solve the time braid problem. Later that night, Xander returned from Wild Dink’s, and Giles was waiting. The teen offered the Watcher his second bike, which he accepted, and for the next half hour, the pair rode through the back roads of Sunnydale for fun. They took winding turns, raced on straight-aways, and even went airborne, taking off a steep hill. Eventually, they parked the bikes at the first cemetery on their patrol.

  The exhilarated Englishman smiled appreciatively as he stated jovially, “I must admit, it has been some time since I last rode. I’ve forgotten how invigorating it can be.”

  “Looks like you haven’t lost a step,” Xander casually replied, unclasping the invisible Dreadnought from his bike and securing it to the harness at his back.

  As ever, he kept both of his weapons invisible to avoid unwanted attention from the police or something worse. Xander was dressed in his black Nox gear, though, with his black and gray camo scarf around his neck, and his jacket’s hoodie down. Giles wore brown slacks and a navy blue tweed jacket. He had a crossbow hung on his right shoulder and a stake in his left hand.

  As the pair walked past lines of cemetery plots—looking for graves of the recently deceased—Giles asked Xander about the magic he’d learned and used as Nox. The teen explained how he’d used Ethan’s Halloween curse to gain all sorts of knowledge he hadn’t had before.

  “Clever,” Giles said.

  “Yeah, but if I don’t use Whatever I learned, it eventually goes away,” Xander explained.

  It was a cool night and the half-moon above did little to light up their path. The cemetery darkened under the dense canopy of the patches of trees they walked through. Fortunately for Giles, there was enough light for him to witness Xander—with no facial covering—fight a vampire as easily as Buffy did. Xander’s flexible physique moved fluidly, evading punches and kicks like water flowing around a rock. With one simple dodge of the vampire’s fist, he unsheathed Hellguard, and with the following parry, Xander easily impaled it in the chest. He then fried the demon until it was dust in the wind.

  Upon Xander’s casual return, Giles gasped, “Incredible.”

  At the Watcher’s flabbergasted expression, an amused Xander asked, “Because I’m not the Slayer, or because it’s me?”

  Snapping out of his stupor, Giles replied, “I- Well, yes, I cannot deny the manner in which you expressed yourself is a part of the reason this is so astonishing. But that’s not an indictment of any sort of negative opinion of you, Xander. Quite the contrary, in fact. I’ve always counted you among the very bravest of young men I’ve encountered, and I feel quite honored to witness the culmination of all the potential I believed to be in you. You were integral to our team even before all of this. Never doubt that.”

  Such a genuine confession actually moved Xander. He felt a little misty-eyed and cleared his throat before voicing, “Thanks, Giles.” The father figure Xander never had then witnessed another vampire kill before Angel showed up, like a shadow that wouldn’t recede. He stared daggers at Xander, but the teen didn’t care.

  “Angel,” Xander mildly greeted.

  “Xander,” Angel returned, adding, “or should I say Nox?”

  “Whichever pisses you off more.”

  Angel ignored the teenager to ask Giles, “Did Willow figure it out?”

  Giles turned to Xander for permission—something Angel hadn’t missed—and the young man simply shrugged before continuing to patrol. Giles then explained everything they had learned as they trailed behind Xander. After five minutes, Angel rushed the raven-haired teen, gripped his shoulder, turned him about, and cocking his fist back to punch him. However, his intended victim had already heard the rushed steps on the grass, as well as the rustling of his leather jacket, and leveled the razor-sharp edge of his battle axe against Angel’s neck—purposely making it visible only at the end.

  “I thought you couldn’t kill me,” Angel growled, not lowering his fist.

  “I’ve killed you and Spike for a lot less,” Xander assured him with supreme confidence. “It’s usually way worth it.”

  Angel slowly leaned in and bitterly snarled, “You knew I was going to turn into Angelus, and you did nothing to stop it! How psychotic are you?!”

  “By now? I’m probably off my rocker,” the teen easily replied.

  Giles rushed to pry them away from one another as he told Angel, “As I said, he’s tried stopping your change before!”

  Xander conveyed to the irate vampire, “I’m trying to end my hell, not yours.” He lowered Dreadnought as he confessed, “As much as I’d love to stop every bad thing that happens in this town, it’s not possible. I’m not God. Nowhere near it.”

  “Let’s allow cooler heads to prevail,” Giles pleaded, and cautiously, Xander and Angel separated. More at ease, The Watcher then told the men, “I may not understand the full scope of animosity between the two of you, but if we’re to continue as allies, I suggest you put an end to it.” Their silence seemed like positive progress to Giles, who asked, “To that end, Xander, what is one thing you admire about Angel?”

  Still staring at Angel with mild annoyance, Xander claimed, “Admire is a strong word there, G-Man.”

  “Fine, say one nice thing about Angel.”

  “Huuuaah,” Xander sounded with a wince. “Uh, well, if you’re shoving an emotional gun to my head-”

  “Xander,” Giles called, his patience strained.

  “…Fine,” the teen called. “When he has a soul, he’s not a complete dick.” At Giles’ stern eyes, Xander rolled his eyes before specifying, “Angel… is… reliable.”

  “Good, very good,” Giles said with a stern nod. He turned to the vampire, asking, “Angel? If you’d say one nice thing about Xander.”

  The tall, brooding vampire snarled a bit before asserting, “I’m a little too old for this.”

  “Not too old to sleep with a sixteen-year-old,” Xander sharply remarked.

  “She was seventeen,” the heated vampire argued.

  “By a few hours, you pedo!” Xander clapped back with disbelief.

  “Enough, the both of you!” Giles yelled, stepping between them. He looked at each of them with irate disappointment before stating, “Putting aside the undeniable fact I don’t care to hear one word about Buffy’s… intimate life, try acting like civilized gentlemen. Angel, if you would, please, say something nice about Xander.”

  “…He can see the sun.”

  “Perhaps something slightly more unique,” Giles requested. “A character trait, perhaps.”

  Angel was having just as hard a time with this as Xander had, but eventually said, “He’s… funny.”

  “It’s funny how that sounds more like an insult coming from you,” Xander noted.

  Stepping angrily to an unflinching Xander, Angel eyed the teen fiercely as he expressed, “He can make Buffy laugh!” The silence extended for several moments before he specified, “He can make her laugh in a way I can’t.”

  “Good, very good,” Giles said, nodding amicably. “Now, let’s shake hands and try to be better men moving forward.”

  Slowly, Xander and Angel shook hands with a firm grip—possibly too firm. After a second, it became clear they were only interested in trying to crush the bones of the other’s grip. Giles jumped between them and, despite the significant amount of force he used to try to pry their hands apart, he was unsuccessful. Xander and Angel let go after a moment, nearly making Giles stumble.

  The Watcher yelled, “Really! You two! Such childish behavior from such old men!” He repositioned his glasses as he demanded, “I want you both to patrol together.”

  Despite his annoyance, Xander didn’t care, and so said, “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

  “That so?” Angel asked.

  The time looper nodded before explaining, “In a few of the loops where I warn you guys about Angelus, Buffy gets super pissed at me and kicks me out of the group—she thinks I did it on purpose to break you guys up,” he elaborated to them. Nodding at Angel, he continued, “Mr. Brood & Gloom here kinda feels sorry for me and would… not hang out, per se. But he’d test my weapons while we patrolled; gave me notes and stuff.”

  Giles appreciated the olive branch until Angel replied, “Tell me more about Buffy hating you.”

  “Oh, you’re going to love this,” Xander sarcastically boasted. “The story starts with you being the second worst guy for her.”

  “Dear God, grant me patience,” Giles bemoaned, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

  “Second?” Angel repeated curiously. “Who’s the first?”

  “He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named… shall not... be named,” Xander hesitated to finish as he realized the moniker said it all.

  Giles took the lead in their conversation and asked, “How long did it take for you to learn your combat skills?”

  For the rest of the night, the Watcher had to steer the bulls away from direct conflict. Giles couldn’t even let them fight together, as they would only compete in that as well. Every once in a while, Xander wondered how the slumber party was going. Cordelia, Willow, and Buffy in the same room—trying to get along—amused him because he wondered how much they would confess to each other.

—B—

  After Cordelia finished an unexpectedly long and friendly chat with Joyce—discussing fashion and interior design—she joined Buffy and Willow in her room with the diet sodas. Buffy and Willow were on the fluffy bed with pillows on their laps and a plate of snacks between them. All three girls were in their nightwear—light blue flannel pajamas for Willow; Yummy Sushi pajamas for Buffy; and red satin shorts and a matching cami top for Cordelia.

  The critical cheerleader looked around the small room with scrutinizing eyes. Buffy watched her focus on the striped walls, beige curtains over each window, the dream-catcher hanging on the wall above her bed, and her stuffed animals. Sitting on the plush chair moved closer to the bed, Cordelia easily tested her patience when she remarked, “Pretty much what I expected.”

  Rolling her eyes, Buffy asked, “You have a problem with my room?”

  “Chill, jeez,” a sassy Cordelia returned. “It’s nice, okay.”

  Feeling the need to play peacemaker, Willow told Cordelia, “Since you’re the one who wanted to do a slumber party—which, by the way, fun—I think you should start.”

  Given how much Willow put up with at the hands of Cordelia—years of verbal bullying and insults; then losing Xander to her—Buffy was surprised to see her friend trying. For her to be president of the We Hate Cordelia club and go this far showed just how much she was willing to do to save Xander. It gave Buffy a sense of hope and courage to do the same.

  Eying the pair of them suspiciously, Cordelia cautiously inquired, “Am I going to be the only one sharing here? Or can I expect fair exchange?”

  “This isn’t a transaction, Cordelia,” Willow replied. “We’re trying to be closer as friends, and maybe figure out a way to help Xander.”

  Nodding toward the Slayer, Cordelia challenged, “Isn’t that her job?”

  “No, it isn’t,” an annoyed Buffy ardently protested. “And I’m getting pretty sick and tired of you trying to lump this all on me.”

  “Of course you would,” Cordelia retorted, as if it was typical. “It’s just a job to you, isn’t it? Listen, if you can’t love him like that, then don’t interfere when others try.”

  “You mean you?” Buffy challenged. “Are you sure he’s cool enough for you to bring out in public?”

  “I don’t care about that anymore,” the popular girl asserted. “I just want him to get out.”

  Willow interjected, asking in a soft and curious tone, “Do you love him?”

  “Mnn… kinda,” she honestly answered.

  Buffy and Willow looked at each other, as if to confirm it was a strange response, prompting the redhead to follow up with, “What kind of answer is that?”

  “It’s not the same ‘soul mates’ kind of love,” she asserted with air quotations, as if it was a childish fairytale to believe in. “It’s more like we understand each other. The stuff we’ve gone through isn’t all that different. As much as we can hate each other’s guts sometimes, I trust him, and he trusts me.”

  Willow and Buffy were surprised by Cordelia’s thoughtful candor. If there was one thing neither of them could take from the pretty cheerleader: it was that she always spoke her mind, whether they liked what she had to say or not. Buffy and Willow could trust that Cordelia wasn’t lying, which meant there truly was an unusual connection between her and Xander. Neither Buffy nor Willow knew how to feel about that revelation.

  However, they stopped thinking when Cordelia blatantly added, “Bonus: the sex is out of this world!”

  Buffy’s eyes widened like saucers while a beet-red Willow choked on nothing, like a tickle suddenly appeared at the back of her throat. After patting her chest, the redhead eventually pleaded, “C-Can you at least ease us into that? That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

  Curious to know a little more about Xander and Cordelia’s relationship, a blushing Buffy asked, “H-How long?”

  “Hmmm, about eight inches and thick-”

  “No! Not that,” Buffy yelled as Willow closed her eyes and shook her head while repeating, “He’s my best friend. He’s my best friend-” “I meant how long have you two been together?” Buffy asked.

  “Oh,” Cordelia replied. Tilting her head, she revealed, “New Years was the first time we slept together but our first kiss was… Oh!” Cordelia turned to Buffy and asked, “Do you remember when that Latvian worm guy was in your house trying to kill you?”

  Willow and Buffy asked in unison, “That long?!”

  The gorgeous cheerleader ignored their question to think aloud, “You know, this whole time loop thing explains why he’s so good in the sack.”

  Though weirded out about the topic of sex with Xander, a blushing Willow cautiously asked, “You mean you asked him if he slept with you in previous loops?”

  “Of course I did,” Cordelia asserted. “How could I not? It’s insane how good he can make me feel.” The beautiful cheerleader exhaled sharply, with a faraway expression, and blushed as she admitted, “Just thinking about it gets me all worked up.”

  For a brief moment, a curious Willow looked at Buffy with a curious eye before asking Cordelia, “What’d he say?”

  “He said we had,” the cheerleader answered. “And in a lot of the loops, we’re usually together, but something always gets in the way. Apparently, he always ends up hurting me because, as he put it, ‘he’s an idiot,’ which, like, duh. You’d have to be missing something to reject this,” she boasted, posing cutely in her plush club-style chair.

  Buffy rolled her eyes, amazed at how Cordelia could be admirable one minute, then completely unpleasant the next. It made Buffy uneasy, wondering about where Xander’s heart truly lay. Or if he cared at all. ‘Would just anyone do for him?’ she brooded.

  Willow pushed on to ask, “How’d he hurt you?”

  “He wouldn’t say,” she replied. “But he promised that he’d always make sure we’re good, no matter what. I’m not sure if I’m fine with that, but I don’t hate it.”

  Willow’s curiosity compelled her to nervously ask, “Did, uh, you ask him if… if he slept with anyone else?”

  “…Like us?” Buffy nervously asked.

  “Obviously,” Cordelia returned, eying them skeptically, as if to communicate, ‘how could I not?’

  Confused, Willow asked, “Obviously you asked, or obviously he did?”

  “Obviously, I asked,” the brunette clarified. “He said he hadn’t slept with either of you before, which I thought had to be a lie.” Willow and Buffy shared a look as Cordelia wondered aloud, “Maybe he won’t tell me because he wants to be, like, a gentleman or some such nonsense. But that doesn’t make sense, right? Because he’s all like, ‘the end is nigh.’ You’d think he’d sleep with anything with a pulse.”

  Recalling her own mind-bending pleasures with Nox, a blushing Buffy hesitated to ask, “Then… did he get all his experience from just being with you?”

  “Absolutely not,” she laughed to say. “He’s slept with loads of women! Even top celebrities!” she added, making Buffy and Willow perk up, eager to hear details. “Obviously, I had to ask him who, but he said it didn’t matter because none of them would remember anyway, which was a drag.”

  “I guess that’s how looping back always feels for him,” Buffy absentmindedly noted. “Like a drag,” she added, trying to stop recalling how good being with Nox felt.

  Sighing and sagging her shoulders in defeat, Willow bemoaned, “Loads of women, and yet again, I’m the one left out-”

  With wide eyes, Buffy quickly interrupted, “You mean us—we—we’re the ones left out-”

  “Y-yeah,” Willow quickly said, nodding as she tried to repair her slip. “Right, us, we. Out of the, uh s-sex loop—both.”

  Cordelia hadn’t caught on and insisted, “Well, I can assure you, you’re definitely missing out.” Turning to Buffy, she added, “But again, I have to ask. Are you going to help him?”

  Growing tired again, Buffy bluntly asked, “How? No, really, how? I would love for someone to explain to me how to get one of my best friends out of a time loop. Because I don’t know. Nobody does. Even he doesn’t.”

  “Maybe don’t look at him as one of your best friends,” Willow suggested. “I mean, you were crushing on Nox, and they’re one and the same.”

  Whipping her blonde head, Buffy turned to Willow in a state of panic as Cordelia pounced on the new information. “Wait, you were all about Nox, but not Xander? Oh my God, that’s hilarious,” she remarked, laughing for a spell. “And now that I think about it, a little tragic, too. It’s like you’re attracted to broken men.”

  “I wouldn’t say it’s like that,” Buffy sadly vocalized.

  “Wait,” Cordelia said haltingly. “Why’d you start dating Xander if you were all about Nox?”

  “Nox told her to,” the redhead answered.

  Inciting Buffy to cry, “Willow!”

  “And you did? Just like that?” Cordelia continued to ask.

  “They were kinda-”

  “Willow!” Buffy interrupted again.

  However, the redhead argued, “She’s sharing, too, Buffy.”

  Cordelia smiled brightly before asking the reluctant Buffy, “So… You and Nox... How far’d you get?” Growing beet red, Buffy turned away, but couldn’t hide her awkward, blushing shame, easily communicating to Cordelia just how far they’d gone. “Wow, you too! Are we talking full-on interior decorating?”

  “Ewww,” Willow bemoaned as a defeated Buffy dropped her blushing head into her plush pillow.

  When Cordelia realized it was all the way, she shrieked happily at the juicy gossip. “Oh my God! We’re like, totally Sausage Sisters now!”

  “EEWWWWWW,” a grossed-out Willow wailed, covering her ears and closing her eyes. “Why! Why! Why!”

  Exasperated with the redhead, Cordelia asserted, “Can you please chill out and get used to the words Xander and sex in the same sentence?”

  Uncovering her ears, Willow whimpered, “But you never said either of those in the same sentence.”

  Cordelia rolled her eyes before returning a hungry stare at the blushing Buffy. Despite her pillow still covering her face, the cheerleader asked the Slayer with giddy interest, “So, how good was he?”

  Willow covered their blushing faces with her pillow, and Buffy fell back on her bed, making Cordelia giggle with glee. From behind Buffy’s pillow, the blonde’s muffled voice yelled, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore!”

  “As if there’s something more exciting to talk about than Xander,” Cordelia maintained.

  In a desperate attempt to move on to a different topic, Buffy lifted the pillow to ask, “How was your trip? Where’d you go, again?”

  “Las Palmas, Mexico.”

  Making a mental connection, Willow asked, “Didn’t Xander go there?”

  “Sure did,” Cordelia confirmed with a beaming smile. “And let me tell you, we had the most amazing time you could possibly imagine.”

  The beautiful brunette then explained for quite some time everything they did, how her parents didn’t even bother to pay Xander attention until he had cars, the best room, and took them to the fanciest restaurants. She explained the underground fight tournament and how easily he beat everyone. Willow insisted she skip the sexy times, but it was clear they did so a lot.

  “Mnn! It was so much fun,” she exclaimed.

  “He was in Jamaica too,” Willow pointed out. She eyed the girls with curious wonderment before slyly insinuating, “Do you think he and Kendra…”

  “Oh my God!” a jubilant Cordelia screamed.

  “No! They wouldn’t!” Buffy had to dispute. “This is Kendra we’re talking about.”

  For half an hour, the girls went back and forth, laughing and speculating on whether Xander and Kendra had sex. Cordelia hypothesized he had, stating how there’s not too much else to do on vacation. Considering her own time with Xander, Buffy couldn’t be sure, and Willow couldn’t be convinced. Her childhood friend wouldn’t sleep with so many girls and not tell anyone.

  “I say he did,” Cordelia continued to claim. “And I should be pissed since I sort of have the most claim to him.” Turning to Buffy with a serious expression, she added, “But I don’t, do I?” Buffy matched her countenance as Cordelia observed, “It’s always you, isn’t it?”

  “It can’t have been always if he was with you most of the year,” Buffy argued.

  “He stopped doing anything with me the moment you asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance,” the brunette returned. “He dropped me the second he could go to the dance with you… as friends, no less. I won’t lie. That kinda hurt. To realize I’ll never be the girl, especially when you so obviously don’t deserve him.”

  Buffy ardently asserted, “I never asked to be the girl.”

  “As if that matters,” Cordelia declared. “You didn’t ask to be the Slayer either, but you’re the one we’re stuck with!”

  Tensing her shoulders, Buffy shot back, “You’re welcome to fight monsters hungry to kill you every night if you think you can do better!”

  “Whatever,” Cordelia scoffed. “I’m telling you now: until you make up your mind, I’m making sure he’s never alone; especially at night! I’m talking full on heels to Jesus with a bellyful of baby-gravy-”

  “EEEEEEWWWWW,” Willow wailed. “Buffy, make her stop!”

  Buffy patted her dear friend’s shoulder as a stern Cordelia continued, “I may not be the girl, but he shouldn’t be alone before he loops back.”

  “You can’t think like that,” Willow hotly protested, despite her blushing face. “None of us should! I’m not the girl either, and I haven’t been the girl for a lot longer than you. But I won’t let him keep living that hell. I won’t let him loop back.”

  The three had little else to say after that—not without devolving into a shouting match and possibly waking Joyce. Cordelia went to bed soon after, as did Willow, but Buffy wasn’t sure if either of them were sound asleep. The Slayer assumed they were awake and in deep thought about the day, like she was. Everything she learned about Xander, Nox, and what he’d been going through was too sad and upsetting to reach a point where sleep would come. She recalled intense sex with Nox at night, then goofy chatter about their lives, dreams, and observations during the day. The duality was hard to accept.

  Buffy had practically avoided Xander all day because she couldn’t reconcile that the force of nature Nox represented was also her funny and caring friend. The hardest pain Buffy had to endure that year was losing Angel to Angelus, but when Nox had told her he knew the agony she was going through, she believed him. Now that there were no more secrets between them, she could finally ask him why they went to such lengths in such a dark way.

  ‘Why can’t we… in a regular way?’ was her final thought before going to sleep.