The Ugly Mirror

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  After a century of failure in nearly every conceivable way, Xander came to the conclusion that he could only escape the time braid as Nox. He wasn’t certain that completely cutting out his principal persona would work, but he had never tried that avenue before, and he felt good about it—hopeful, even. After all, Nox did what he wanted, said what he wanted, took what he wanted, and didn’t apologize for any of it. Living solely as Nox was possibly the ultimate key to gaining his freedom.

  ‘Buffy fell for Nox, too. Not you,’ a small voice in his head pointed out. Xander bristled at the disturbing taste she had in men while realizing her unorthodox attraction to them was why he asked Buffy, ‘Nox or Xander?’ when she claimed she needed him. Because deep down, he knew she wasn’t capable of loving plain old Xander.

  Eying the yellow stain on the ceiling of his bedroom, Xander added, “Plus, Faith…”

  The realities of her life bothered him deeply—touching a place within him he had long bottled up. Tracking her down had shown him he wasn’t the only one suffering, and how stupid it was to believe that—as if no one could understand his torment. The leather-clad Bostonian had stopped accepting the life fate dealt her and did as she wanted, and he would follow suit.

  “She’s a survivor,” he grumbled. “And I… can be…? No. Nox is the survivor. Nox can succeed where Xander failed.”

  Xander rolled out of his smelly bed and exited his room. The first thing the mildly hopeful teen did was run half a mile to the nearest payphone and asked the operator to connect him with Boston PD in Roxbury. The last thing he wanted was to be tracked down because he used his house phone.

  “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

  “I’d like to report a crime and need to be transferred to the detective on duty,” Xander stated.

  After a few minutes, the teen heard a gruff voice respond with, “Detective Dunham.”

  “Hello, Detective,” Xander said after he was connected. “I’d like to report aggravated sexual assault on several minors. Two pedophile teachers have been raping girls at Dearborn high school in Roxbury. I’m not kidding, and yes, there’s proof.” Xander quickly explained to the detective where they would find the video evidence to arrest Bronson and Mardyke. “I’ll give you to the end of the day to put them in cuffs, or I go straight to the news outlets.”

  Xander hung up before the detective could ask questions about him.

  With a renewed sense of direction and an abundance of impatience, the time looper didn’t waste any loops becoming Eitri, Achilles, Sherlock, Old Man Xander, the Navy SEAL, or Merlin. He simply dressed as Casanova and took the Jenny route again since she played an important role in his plans. As ever, Jenny advised they never have sex again, but Xander offered one last romp for good measure. Though hesitant, her better judgment yielded to her yearning desire for another series of mind-blowing orgasms.

  Xander went about his day on autopilot—whether dodging his parents, hanging out with friends or sleeping in classes—all the while, he was planning his exodus from this life. To know that his existence as Xander Harris would finally come to an end was a stimulating realization. Xander was thrilled to be on the cusp of throwing away all traces of his life as a teenage boy and finally living as a respectable man. He felt as if he was growing up and finally moving forward, putting a smile on his face all day in anticipation. However, there were steps that needed to be taken first.

  Xander went through his well-adapted checklist. He bought the Scratch-Off tickets, sold them for a hefty profit, and bought his junkyard 84 Suzuki GS400. He bought the Powerball lottery ticket and prepared to maneuver his parents to leave Sunnydale. He ordered all the parts he’d need to build his scrambler-style bike and quickly sped past the DMV tests to get his driver’s license. Most importantly, he began working at Wild Dink’s and gathered all the meta-materials he’d need to forge Odin’s Ring, Dreadnought, Hellguard, Slaymore, Ordermír, and Blood/Lust, and reproduce his Armor Wear.

  Before anything else could be done, Xander was forced to deal with Ford’s reinsertion into Buffy’s life and his scheme to trap her. He warned Buffy about the handsome Two-Face a single time, and when she didn’t listen to him, he allowed her to learn that particular lesson the hard way. It seemed to be the only way the Slayer grew up, which he could begrudgingly relate to. Xander let Willow, Giles, and Angel handle most of it, and in the end, Buffy was saved from Ford and Spike’s ambush.

  The raven-haired teenager worked hard that first week, whether he was breaking down his motorcycle; forging Odin’s ring at Dink’s; making his deal with his parents; or getting his emancipation started. He worked all day & night and slept during classes. Xander only broke away from his mission to, yet again, warn Buffy about Giles’ friend, Philip. Unsurprisingly, she believed her Watcher more than him. He still stood up for himself—to get out of the week-loop—and the next few days played out as expected with Ethan and Eyghon. Xander saved Buffy yet again, and she apologized for not trusting him.

  As part of his new Nox Plan, Xander visited Jenny later that night when he knew she’d be upset, afraid, alone, and drinking. He slept with her that night, expelling every ounce of pent-up anxiety and semen into the sexy woman until he finally felt relaxed. In the morning, sitting on her couch, Jenny once again explained to him they could never be together like that ever again. He didn’t agree.

  “…Xander,” the sexy teacher said with a sigh. “It could never work out between us. I was feeling… I was in a dark place after the whole possession, and I took comfort in you. That wasn’t right.”

  “You took a lot of comfort in me,” Xander noted with raised eyebrows. “I mean, you drained me dry-”

  “I- yes, well,” the blushing Jenny stuttered to explain. She inhaled deeply before confessing, “I admit it was… unexpectedly… fun, but that can never happen again! I enjoy being your teacher and friend, and nothing more. Do you understand?”

  “Oh, yeah, I know,” he cheerily agreed. “I’m not saying we should Rock the Casbah a few more times because I want us to be more.” To her surprise, Xander placed his hand high on her warm thigh, gripping it slightly as he added, “It’s just that I’m leaving Sunnydale, and I figured—since we already did it—why not comfort each other a few more times before I go?”

  The blushing Jenny heard his words, eyed his hand sensually squeezing her thigh—likely reminding her of the previous night through his touch—and she didn’t remove it. Instead, she asked, “Wh-What do you mean you’re leaving Sunnydale? Where are you going?”

  Xander moved his hand to her sensitive inner thigh as he casually answered, “My parents came into some money—somehow—so they want to leave.” He slid closer to her, allowing him to massage deeper between her legs, and pretended to be sad as he softly answered, “This is my last week here.”

  “Wow,” a blushing Jenny moaned when he reached her sensitive bud. However, she remained lucid enough to ask, “Haa- Haave you told your friends?”

  “Not yet,” he sighed, suddenly halting his finger’s tender ministrations. “If I’m being honest… it feels impossible to leave them, but it’s like I have no choice.”

  Jenny blinked in surprise when Xander pulled his hand back before slumping against the couch’s headrest, as if suddenly losing any interest in her pleasure. Only then did Jenny realize how wide she’d spread her legs and quickly closed them. She didn’t move away from Xander, however, and instead crossed her sexy legs.

  Clearing her throat, she absentmindedly commented, “Uh, if that’s what your parents want, then there’s nothing you can do until you’re legally an adult.”

  “That’s, like, a little over a year away!” Xander bemoaned, playing upset. “What if Buffy and Willow forget me by then? What if something bad happens while I’m gone? I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”

  “You can’t think like that, Xander,” she replied, sitting side-by-side and leaning back with him. “They’ll be fine, and I’m sure they won’t forget you. You’re a memorable guy.”

  Xander nodded before turning his head, looking into her chocolate eyes before sweetly asking, “Can I stay? Just a little while longer.”

  Jenny gazed into his eyes and hesitated to answer, “Fine.” Despite her misgivings about engaging in a taboo affair, she let Xander in her bed every night that week—sending her quivering body to mind-numbing paradise regularly—until the day he told his friends the truth.

  Friday after school, Xander had his friends gathered at the table in the library. Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, and Giles looked mildly curious, but clearly expected little from him. They made a few errant comments about how distracted or quiet he’d been lately, but ultimately, let him be. As the girls chatted about school, they had no clue he was going to exile the Xander they knew and loved, which made him want to smile gratefully—though he held it in.

  Xander cleared his throat, getting their attention, and announced, “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. My parents are leaving Sunnydale… and they’re taking me with them… so… I’m leaving.”

  The moment of stunned silence extended long enough for Xander to raise his eyebrows in confusion, wondering if they had heard him. A moment later, a confounded Willow asked, “What?”

  Xander repeated what he’d said, because it truly seemed as if his oldest & dearest friend hadn’t understood what he said. After another moment of stunned silence, Willow stood up and hugged him, already tearing up before she reached her oldest and best friend. With a soft and genuine smile, Xander hugged her back, once again being reminded of how much he loved their friendship.

  When Buffy hugged him from the other side, Xander felt a pang of doubt, giving him chills. He began wondering if he had it in him to leave them. Panic rose sharply when it felt as if he truly was disappearing, even if only in their eyes, because in many ways, their eyes were all that mattered to him. However, holding their warm and caring bodies tightly, Xander forced himself to remember that he was doing this to see them outside of the time braid once again. The mentally exhausted teen held them desperately and prayed to see them after he escaped his time prison.

  When he heard the library door closing behind them, Xander realized Cordelia had left. He excused himself—pausing a moment to hug a tearful Willow again—promising to come back and explain more before rushing after the cheerleader. Xander caught up to Cordelia outside in the student parking lot and asked the beautiful girl for a hug.

  With a deadpan expression, she retorted, “You can’t be serious?”

  Xander smiled before saying, “Cordy, I know that—no matter how much you pretend not to—deep down, you care. I may never come across a girl who assaults my sense of serenity as skillfully as you do—which let’s face it: two Cordelias in this world can only mean there is no God.”

  Eying him with a quirked eyebrow, she said, “I’m really confused here.”

  “I’m just saying you’re one of a kind and I’m going to miss you,” he plainly said.

  “Oh… Okay, fine,” she begrudgingly agreed, though Xander could tell she was putting up a front. “But you better not do anything weird.”

  “You mean emotionally or with my hands?”

  Xander hugged her like he meant it, because he did, and she couldn’t deny feeling the sentiment. Unexpectedly, she hugged him back, and he wondered if she felt how much he cared. He was going to miss her. However, he’d see her again as well. When Xander pulled away, he kissed Cordelia’s cheek—surprising her—and left.

  Xander spent most of his school time with Buffy and Willow, enjoying the little bubble of new feelings—so much so that he nearly canceled his plans to completely shed his Xander-skin. However, he was committed to escaping his purgatory of time and promised to call them as often as he could. He informed his friends he’d be back to take his SATs, and after many tearful hugs, Xander LaVelle Harris—as they knew him—left Sunnydale for the foreseeable future.

  To the Scoobies, their dopey Xander-shaped friend had left before Kendra arrived to stop Drusilla from regaining her former strength. To Xander, he had become Nox and had much more time to do anything he wanted. He moved most of his belongings to the mansion on Crawford. He had all his camo gear ready, his scrambler bike was ready to go, and he just finished forging Odin’s Ring. In its capacity to house even more magic, elevating the potency of what he could already do, the ring was even more powerful than before. With the additional spare time, Dreadnought was two weeks away from completion.

  Using Odin’s ring, Nox began augmenting his body, enhancing his athleticism for peak performance. Nearly every hour, for several days, he would exercise intensely and recover rapidly with his ring’s magic, slowly growing all of his muscles—including the one between his legs. His dedication made him suffer through the aches, but by the end of the week, he felt much stronger and looked the part of a lean bodybuilder—only much more flexible.

  Recalling Kendra’s consent from when he was in Jamaica, Xander met the beautiful Slayer as himself and slept with her as he did in previous loops. With everything he knew about her weak spots, he had the moaning beauty gushing and trembling ceaselessly before long and throughout most of the night. The dutiful Kendra was gone by morning to, as ever, capture Angel. And with that, Xander had no need to be Xander again, like Batman shedding off his Bruce Wayne persona. Nox wore his camo scarf and left to rescue whoever was sent to Buffy’s house.

  To Nox’s baffling disbelief, Giles sent Cordelia to check on Buffy by herself. The Order of Taraka—a deadly secret society feared for their refusal to quit until the job was done—were contracted to kill Buffy, and Giles unknowingly put Cordelia in harm’s way. On the other hand, Xander couldn’t help but smile at the distant sight.

  From atop the roof of a home three houses down on the opposite side of the street, his enhanced eyes watched the beautiful cheerleader park her BMW in front of Buffy’s and walk up to the front door. She knocked, and when no one answered, returned to her car. She then walked back to the house and peeked through the windows before returning to her car. Seemingly in conflict with herself, a frustrated Cordelia changed her mind again and returned to the house, where she checked the windows. When one of them opened, allowing her entry, Xander was annoyed.

  ‘All this time, breaking in from the back, and a window was open?’ Nox asked himself with growing annoyance. ‘Where do you think we live? Canada? Lock your windows!’

  Nox spotted the Latvian worm assassin walk across the street and knock on the door of the Summers’ home. Though Nox wanted to rush over and make sure nothing happened to her, he waited. Cordelia let the fake makeup salesman in, and Nox ducked just as the assassin took one last look around the neighborhood before entering the home. After a second, Nox enhanced the strength and elasticity of his muscles through his ring and raced from rooftop to rooftop—leaping over the space between houses with ease—then jumped onto a tree branch before using the swinging momentum to propel him into the front yard. He hit the soft ground and rolled into a mad dash across the street like a Parkour expert.

  Rather than bust the door open, Nox slowly turned the knob—rolling his eyes when it clicked open. Rushing inside, his hand swiftly removed a small black dagger from his belt. The cheerleader and the salesmen were exactly where he expected them to be: to his right, in the dining room with his large briefcase of cosmetic supplies on the table between them. They turned in unison to the stranger dressed in black with his hoodie up and half his face covered by a camo scarf.

  “What the…” Cordelia trailed off at the sight of Nox’s glowing whitish-blue eyes.

  With the assassin so close to Cordelia, Nox didn’t hesitate to throw the knife into its neck. Cordelia screamed as she backed away, but the worm assassin didn’t move or cry out in pain. He simply watched Nox rush toward Cordelia, take her wrist, and keep the reluctant girl behind him. As Nox stepped back, the assassin casually removed the small blade from his neck—as if it were nothing—and dropped it as he followed them.

  Simply to keep the monster in its human form, Nox stated in his augmented voice, “How the mighty Order of Taraka have fallen. Once proud assassins who foolishly believe it’s a boast to always complete the job, now target innocent human girls who know nothing. Where is your shame?”

  The three slowly kept moving back from the dining room toward the kitchen.

  The Latvian assassin said in his mundane voice, “By Taraka law, whomsoever maliciously speaks of our righteous order shall surely be put to death.”

  “Um, I really, really, really don’t know anything!” Cordelia called.

  “Your lives are now forfeit,” the assassin stated, as the teens drifted toward the kitchen.

  Once Nox saw what he needed to the right of him, and he took the special dagger he’d prepared from the side pocket of his military slacks. It was a heftier steel dagger connected to a black and red cable. Nox spun it like a rock tied to a rope and let that kinetic energy drive the blade into the center of the assassin’s chest.

  The Latvian assassin smiled and shook his head. He was about to grab the blade and remove it until Nox smiled back. The assassin analyzed the cable attached to the metal dagger. The red-&-black-colored wire was soldered to the steel blade and looked as if it had been ripped off of a lamp. The monstrous assassin then saw the plug in Nox’s gloved hand as he inserted it into the outlet, and knew exactly what was about to happen. He slumped his shoulders in defeat just before he was electrocuted with an intense electric shock.

  The man-mimicking bug monster seized, unable to break down into the thousands of mealworms that made up the assassin. There weren’t many volts in the typical home outlet, but if shocked for long enough, anyone or thing would certainly die.

  Nox turned to Cordelia as she watched in horror as worm-bits began peeling off of the salesmen, falling to the floor dead, and asked, “Miss Chase?” When she couldn’t take her eyes off the frying man, Xander grabbed her and had her turn away from the smoking bug man. He gently squeezed her shoulders as he called, “Cordelia?”

  Mildly surprised, the shocked girl turned to him and asked, “H-How do you know my name?”

  “Not important,” he answered. “You need to leave.”

  “I… I don’t understand,” the confused girl responded.

  “Get in your car, and drive home,” Nox slowly instructed. With a slight shove, he added, “Go.”

  “What about…” Cordelia asked, finishing the question with a quick glance over her shoulder.

  She instantly regretted it. The steaming assassin was missing a charred chunk of its face, neck, and stomach. Its steaming skin was red while simultaneously leaking white puss over it. Because of its weakened neck structure, what was left of its wormy head hung around his chest. Blackened mealworms were dropping on the surrounding floor, and the smell of burning bugs reached their nose. Cordelia immediately looked away from the horrifying sight.

  “It’s okay,” Nox told her. “You go. I’ll stay and clean up.”

  Gently, Nox led her to the front door. When she stopped at the threshold, he looked at her in confusion.

  Sheepishly, she asked, “Uh, about the makeup bag… I mean, you’re not going to need it, right?”

  Xander huffed, surprised by this girl’s priorities despite the pile of frying bugs only a few feet away. Shaking his head in disbelief, he grabbed the wide briefcase and handed it to her. She flashed him her trademark Cordy Colgate perfect smile before leaving.

  Returning to the walkway between the kitchen and the dining room, Nox waited until he was sure the assassin was dead before disconnecting the plug from the outlet. The Latvian worm assassin crumbled like a crushed cookie. It took him less than ten minutes to clean, and though there was a ting of a burning smell in the air, there was, fortunately, no damage to the house.

  After discarding the trash bag full of chard mealworms in the outdoor garbage bin, Nox checked the house one last time before getting on his bike and speeding to school. He walked into the building for higher education with his hoodie up, his scarf loosely hanging around his mouth, and dark sunglasses on. Nox made his way to the hallways dedicated to the career booths, where he watched Buffy and Willow from down the hall of the packed area.

  When Buffy stopped at the Law Enforcement presentation, Nox moved toward the policewoman’s rear. The moment the undercover assassin pulled out her Beretta revolver to shoot Buffy, Nox gripped the unsuspecting woman’s wrist and raised the aim to the ceiling. Her first shot rang out, scaring everyone into a frenzied sprint. Xander flipped her on her back, then broke her wrist. However, rather than scream, she withdrew a second gun from her ankle. As Nox wrestled it away, she kicked him off and dashed toward the exit. Waiting there was Buffy, who easily restrained her until the real police arrived. By then, Nox was gone.

  Everything after the assassination attempt proceeded as it had in previous loops. Nox waited from a concealed position on a tree branch for Buffy, Willow, Giles, Jenny, Cordelia, and Kendra to arrive at the old church in the forest. He used Odin’s ring to enhance his telescopic vision and observed the Scoobies infiltrate the derelict sanctuary to rescue Angel. With two Slayers and two absent assassins, Nox felt confident they could get the weakened Angel out. However, to his great dismay, they had enough dominance to kill Spike—and Drusilla—automatically looping Xander back to October 31st.

  After a long sigh in his gross bed, he cursed, “Fuck.”

  Xander redid everything as he had before, only Nox didn’t interfere with the policewoman’s assassination attempt in the school’s career fair. He allowed for a more balanced playing field in the church, thus Angel was saved and Spike didn’t die.

  Without school to go to, Nox spent his time repairing the mansion—specifically, the faulty plumbing—training his body through the curative power of Odin’s ring, patrolling every night, finishing Dreadnought, and occasionally stalking various people. He made a very convincing homeless man’s costume that allowed him to follow people around during the day without being bothered. Odin’s ring helped him tremendously in this. Not only did Xander change his eye color from brown to light blue, but he darkened his skin tone to the rich honey tan he had after vacationing in Jamaica and Mexico. More muscular and tanner than Xander, with bright bluish-white eyes, Nox felt more comfortable in his disguise.

  Once Dreadnought was finished—and stronger than ever—Nox visited Jenny Calendar. He purposely picked the moment she was using her sex toy to get herself off to knock on her window—giving her such a fright. Jenny screamed, demanding to know who he was and Nox quickly informed her he was looking for Janna of the Kalderash people. She was flustered, not thinking properly, and her unsettledness allowed Nox to use his knowledge of her real identity to persuade her to restart practicing her magic.

  “What for?” she asked him as he was leaving.

  “To safeguard the future,” Nox grimly answered. As Jenny appeared unconvinced, he added, “Should I ever need a witch to cast a spell, I now have you, Janna.”

  When Xander called his friends, they shared everything that happened with them. He learned how much of an impression Nox had made on Cordelia. Willow informed him about the magic she was studying with Giles, and Buffy talked about school and Slaying. These calls were so precious to the isolated teenager, he felt an unparalleled urge to make them laugh as much as possible. It was like his mind was compensating for the silence around him most of the day, and talking on the phone was his only outlet to speak. Xander wasn’t sure if they sensed it, but they laughed and had a good time speaking to him, and that was all that mattered.

  He used the conversations for the small moments of connection he hungered for, but also to time when certain events in the loop happened. It was how Nox learned Ted had entered the picture—Buffy was not a fan of his while Willow loved him. The redhead told him how excited she was that they were going miniature golfing and that’s how Nox figured out when they were going. He was right on time when he burst into the Summers’ home—like he had the first time he was Nox—and showed the alert mother and daughter that Ted was not human, but in fact, a robot.

  As the stranger in black turned to leave, Buffy demanded to know, “Who are you?”

  Ignoring her question, he, instead, told her to investigate the real Ted Buchanan, as well as the address he’d written on a piece of paper before leaving. A couple of dull days later, Xander was in his mansion and it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He needed to interact with someone, so he visited Joyce. As it was night out when the beautiful woman exited her gallery, and Xander was wearing his all-black Nox gear, he, unfortunately, couldn’t avoid startling her. Nox even walked slowly towards her from the front with his hands up and still spooked her.

  “Sorry,” Xander’s augmented voice said. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay after the other night.”

  With a hand to her chest, the unnerved mother said, “I- I… hah. Yes, I believe I am. The police explained everything. However…” Looking at the stranger in black—except for his camo scarf—for a moment, she added, “I have to ask-”

  Interacting with someone he knew, even if it was only a sentence, scratched just enough of his itch to socialize that he cut her off to say, “I only wanted to know you were okay. Be safe,” he finished, turning to leave.

  “Wait! Please, wait.” When Nox turned to her, she asked, “Please, let me thank you. All those poor women that had been reported missing and found like that by the police… I could’ve been one of them if not for you.”

  Internally, Xander was eager to continue conversing. Externally, Nox was detached as he casually replied, “If you want to thank me, don’t interfere in your daughter’s duty as the Slayer.”

  “…As the what?” she asked in confusion.

  “The Slayer.”

  Joyce’s brows drew in as the confused woman asked, “And what exactly is that? It’s not gang-related, is it?”

  Xander laughed internally, but Nox simply shook his head as he answered, “The Slayer… as in, the chosen one.” Joyce was still lost, so he added, “Wields the strength and skill to stand against vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness… Stops the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers.” When none of that registered with the blonde mother, a flummoxed Nox asked, “Hasn’t she told you?”

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  “Vampires? Demons?” she slowly repeated. “Are you… unwell, by chance?” Nox rolled his glowing blue eyes before she added, “I just mean, you’re dressed like that, and you, rather violently, ended Ted. You’re either in a gang or…”

  “Medicated?” Nox finished.

  “Well…”

  Nox shook his head before returning, “So, a robot so lifelike you slept with it makes total sense, but vampires and demons are beyond the scope of reality?”

  “I… robots are built by men,” Joyce was embarrassed to admit. “It’s machinery and science. Not fantasy and supernatural.”

  “How about magic?”

  “…What about it?”

  “Do you believe in magic?”

  “Obviously that’s not real either.”

  Nox took his battleaxe from his back, however, Joyce saw nothing in his hand. He often kept it invisible when he was out in public, but he also didn’t want to frighten Mrs. Summers when he approached. He presented his hands as if they had nothing in them, then his battle axe magically appeared, shocking Joyce back a few steps.

  “It’s okay,” he assured the mildly stunned woman. “It’s just some magic to hide it.”

  “That… I… How?”

  “How about we up the ante? Look into my eyes.” Joyce hesitated a moment but eventually acquiesced to his request. Nox made his eyes brighten, then dimmed them before making them even brighter, all to her complete surprise. With a smirk he was sure she couldn’t see, he asked, “So, what was that about magic?”

  Eying him with wide and confused eyes, she eventually said, “Even if what you say is true—which again, I don’t believe for a moment—you must have my daughter confused with someone else. My little girl is not a fighter, let alone this- this Slayer.”

  With a nod, Nox replied, “I just thought of how you can repay me for saving your life, and in your head, the life of your daughter.” Nox told her to go home, refrain from discussing this encounter with her daughter, then dress comfortably before meeting him after midnight. The wise mother was skeptical, but he assured her, “If you really want to know who your daughter is, you’ll meet me. If not, I won’t bother you again and you can keep your head buried in the sand.”

  Joyce met Nox down the block from her home at 12:30 AM and claimed she was only there because Buffy wasn’t in her room. It was weird for Xander, having Buffy’s mom hold on to him as he drove them to the cemetery on his motorcycle. She was unsettled by both the cold night in the eerie graveyard and the fact that she was there with a stranger that had a large battleaxe. As they walked between aisles of burial plots, Nox instructed her to be very quiet.

  “There are things out here that can hear your heartbeat from far away,” he informed.

  “I can’t control that.”

  “I know,” he replied. Spinning Dreadnought in his hand, he added, “That’s why I have my axe.”

  Xander advanced slowly, with Joyce right beside him. He knew Buffy would be patrolling the area as it was the one cemetery that got the most action. Stopping at least fifty yards away from some movement, Nox leaned closer to Joyce and pointed toward the blonde girl beside the taller, dark-haired man. As she couldn’t see as well, they moved closer—enough for Joyce to recognize her daughter beside a tall, handsome man.

  Nox whispered, “That’s Angel. He helps her slay vampires.” Joyce leaned forward, then raised her eyebrows in surprise. An annoyed Nox hastened to add, “Uh, he’s also her boyfriend,” since the couple jubilantly started making out against a tree.

  Joyce wanted to leave when the couple in the distance were interrupted by a vampire digging itself out of a grave. Buffy and Angel waited until they were attacked by three other vampires, possibly friends of the one digging himself out. Joyce wanted to run to her daughter when she was being attacked, but Nox held her back and covered her mouth with his hand, forcing her to do nothing but watch. Buffy handled two vampires by herself, effectively fighting them back before staking one in the chest.

  Thinking her daughter was a murderer, Joyce shook at the sight of the man being stabbed through the heart, until the vampire turned to dust. Buffy dusted her second opponent while Angel finished with the two he had been fighting. The couple promptly returned to making out and Nox rolled his non-glowing eyes. He then led a stunned Joyce away from the area and back to his motorcycle.

  Fortunately for them, they ran into a vampire along the way. Joyce gasped at the horrendous sight of its demonic face while Nox gently tossed his battle axe, the length of which was parallel to the ground. The soulless creature gratefully caught Dreadnought with both hands, but as he was unworthy, the vampire doubled over as his weapon dropped to the floor like a ton of bricks.

  Nox and Joyce watched as the evil creature tried with all its supernatural might to lift the weapon, but the vampire may as well have been trying to lift the Earth. Nox explained to the Slayer’s mother that vampires were indeed real—as were demons, magic, and many of the supernatural things she may have heard of.

  “And your daughter, the Slayer, is the chosen one destined to fight the forces of evil,” he finished, pointing at the grunting vampire.

  Walking around his back, Nox stabbed the vamp in the heart with a wooden dagger, making it screech before turning to dust. He then escorted the silent and shocked woman out of the cemetery and back to her home. Walking the silent woman to the door, she appeared overcome with the revelation of the supernatural, and how her only daughter was involved in that world. So much so, it worried him.

  Before she went in, Nox told the stricken woman, “I know this is a lot to take in, but try to remember a few things.” Focus seemed to return to her eyes as he explained, “I’m really strong, fast, and skilled at killing all sorts of supernatural stuff. And your daughter is even more powerful than me. I know you’re going to want to protect her and talk her out of it somehow, but save your breath. The best thing you can do for her is to be a supportive mother. And when she’s out there fighting, know that I’ll be watching her back if she needs it.”

  Joyce said nothing, nor did she nod.

  Nox added, “Let her come to you, Mrs. Summers. Think of it like a daughter trying to tell her parents she’s gay. When she’s ready, she’ll tell you. Till then, don’t push.”

  In hindsight, Xander realized that night was the root of his mistake, for he later learned from Willow that the minute Buffy returned home, Joyce confronted her about the dangers her life as the Slayer brought, as well as the men she associated with. They argued for hours until Joyce gave Buffy an ultimatum: either stop slaying and seeing Angel, or leave her house. The Slayer left and stayed with Angel. Two nights later, Angelus returned—months ahead of the norm—and the first thing he did was kill Joyce. Buffy was so distraught she could barely fight a new vampire, let alone Angelus, so Xander gave up on the loop and decapitated the sadistic vampire.

  Xander reset and did everything as he had before, only he didn’t alert Joyce of her daughter’s double life. Xander spent the daylight hours of December, Christmas, and New Years alone, fixing up the mansion, forging, and obsessively conditioning his body. At night, he spent time with the only company available to him: the vampires he killed on patrol. Other than chatting with his friends on the phone, vampires were the most interaction he had, since he couldn’t risk being spotted as Xander.

  “Even Batman had Alfred and Robin, you know what I mean, Frank?” Nox complained to the vampire trying to kill him.

  “My name’s! …Not! …Frank!” the vampire yelled between all the punches Nox easily evaded.

  “Oh, sorry,” Nox responded, slipping a punch to the left as he countered with Hellguard through Frank’s undead heart.

  For fun, Nox adopted the bad habit of interrupting Angel and Buffy’s make-out sessions as often as he could. Nox had introduced himself to them exactly as he had before, including threatening Angel if he ever tried to kill a human. Buffy always had a curiosity to learn more about the mysterious man, but Nox never stopped to give her that satisfaction.

  Over the phone, Xander learned just how much Buffy disliked Nox—especially his haughty attitude. She wouldn’t stop talking about him. Buffy complained so much every time they chatted that she apologized for talking of nothing else. Xander assured her it was fine, and that he missed them so much he was happy to hear anything they had to say. It mentally and emotionally did him wonders when Buffy expressed feeling the same.

  “I miss you, too,” she confessed. “It’s nowhere near the same without you. Willow tries to bring the funnies—and she can… sometimes—but I don’t have the heart to tell her it isn’t the same.”

  Xander laughed, noticing how much longer their conversations were getting. It was easy to talk to Willow as well, but she was always putting off studying for school or reading something about magic to talk to him, so their conversations never went on for long. Xander and Buffy could talk about anything just as easily, but Buffy was flexible with her study times. Sadly, talking to Cordelia on the phone wasn’t as enjoyable. They usually ended up bickering and hanging up in frustration. In person, that felt like sexual tension. Over the phone? Not so much.

  Nox couldn’t talk to Faith over the phone or go to Boston and get the brunette hellraiser, as he wasn’t sure how any of this ‘Kill Xander Idea’ would play out. However, he always made certain the teachers of Dearborn High School were arrested and charged with many counts of sexual assault of a minor or abetting sexual assault.

  When the Mother Bezoar and her parasitic eggs began, Buffy finally got answers to her questions about Nox. Willow had told Xander about the school project over the phone, so he knew when everything would happen. Nox hid out in school for several days, and when he spotted Buffy being dragged into a room full of parasite eggs, he immediately intervened. She was waking up as he stomped on the final two eggs.

  “S’you… again,” the woozy blonde slowly noted.

  She rubbed the back of her head, and on her palm, there was some blood.

  “Easy, Slayer,” Nox said, handing her a handkerchief.

  Taking the cloth, she dabbed it against the back of her head, wincing before she asked, “How’d... you get here?”

  “Is that really important right now?” he returned. “There are people that need saving.”

  Buffy and Nox made it down to the cavern where the possessed people were digging out the mother Bezoar. Nox dashed between the outstretched hands of the slower-moving people digging the creature out. Just as he reached the hole in the ground, he leaped into the air, and threw Dreadnought into the beast’s mouth. With a clenched fist, Nox triggered an electrocution of the mother Bezoar with all the lightning his battleaxe could expel. The suddenly super-heated guts liquefied and turned to steam nearly in an instant, causing a tremendous explosion. Monster innards shot out of the hole like hot water shooting out of a geyser, sending bluish slime and charged internal tissue everywhere in the cavern and on the students. Though everyone was covered in hot monster soup, at least they were no longer under its influence.

  Buffy fought the Gorch brothers alone until Nox helped, and was surprised by how effortlessly they fought in unison. They switched opponents with perfect synchronicity and after Nox killed Tector, he swiveled the axe into Buffy’s hands at the precise moment to cut off Lyle’s head. She turned to give him his weapon back, but Nox was already gone. Then Dreadnought flew out of her hand, bursting through part of the stone wall to reach its master.

  Buffy later explained to Xander over the phone, “It was like he knew what I was going to do before even I did. We were so… in sync, which is super weird.”

  “Weirder than a blue monster in a hole in the ground, mind-controlling half of the school?”

  “When you put it that way… yeah,” she answered.

  Xander chuckled. After so many sparring sessions with her and real-world combat together, fighting by her side had become second nature to him. He felt just as confident he could do the same with Faith and Kendra.

  Nox stayed hands-off for Buffy’s birthday. He only observed from a distance as the events progressed exactly as they had before. The Scoobies had discovered Spike and Drusilla’s scheme to resurrect the Judge. The blue demon was resurrected, Buffy slept with Angel, and he turned into Angelus. Xander knew it was serious when neither Buffy nor Willow picked up his calls. He called the library and let it ring, but again, no one picked up.

  “I guess it’s time,” Xander said, hanging up the telephone.

  Nox grabbed the freshly-forged and even more powerful Slaymore and headed to the library. With his camo scarf covering half his face—the hoodie doing the rest—his glowing eyes, tan complexion, and muscular frame, none of them recognized him as the Xander they knew when he walked into the library, interrupting their research. Nox knew Buffy wouldn’t be there, but he didn’t expect Cordelia’s absence from the research team.

  In his deeper voice, Nox asked the Watcher, “Where’s the slayer?”

  Removing his glasses, a surprised Giles hesitated to reply, “She- uh, she’s currently not here, Mr. Nox, is it?”

  Willow, Oz, and Jenny observed the stranger carefully as he responded, “I heard about the Judge.” Extending the sheathed sword to them, he said, “Give her this. It’s called Slaymore. It’s a forged weapon, so it won’t kill the Judge, but it’s a magical weapon, so it’ll annoy the hell out of him. Tell her it works a lot like my axe.” Nox handed the Englishman the wrapped weapon, but warned him with a stern finger: “Do not unsheathe it. The Slayer needs to be the one to do it, or it’ll complicate the bond. Do you understand?”

  “I-I-I, uh, yes. I do,” Giles stammered to get out, eying the wrapped sword delicately.

  “Good.”

  Nox turned to leave when Willow called out, “We could use some help!”

  “I know,” he said halfway to the door.

  Giles called out, “Where are you going?”

  “To get a weapon that can kill it.”

  Nox rushed directly to the army base, commandeered the weapons he needed, and rushed to the mall. He arrived seconds after Buffy charged at her powerful enemies—Angelus, Spike, Drusilla, and the Judge—with the blood-red blade of Slaymore in hand. The blue soul-sucking demon was raising his hands when Buffy threw her sword and lodged it in his wide chest.

  Having witnessed Nox using Dreadnought before, Buffy tested summoning Slaymore and was stunned when it worked. She threw Slaymore into the Judge’s abdomen, and as the soulless demon struggled to remove it, Buffy fought Angel, Spike, and Drusilla simultaneously to give Giles and the others time to get as many people out of harm’s way as possible.

  Nox advanced on the supernatural threat with measured precision, elevating and aiming his assault rifle at the nearest vampire before squeezing the trigger. Thunderous gunfire cut through the room as he shot vampire after vampire down, dropping undead bodies with masterful accuracy. The bullets didn’t kill the evil creatures. However headshots put them down for enough time, and Nox was a good enough shot now to score headshots easily at short distances. Nox emptied the clip, keeping the vampires at bay while Giles and his friends got the civilians out.

  Nox tossed Hellguard and Dreadnought at different vampires—dropping them to the ground—as he yelled at Buffy, “You may want to call Slaymore back!”

  As she did, Nox hopped on the concession stand, aimed his rocket launcher at the blue demon, and pushed the red button. Less than a second later, the evil creature was blown to pieces, scattering the defeated vampires to the wind. Buffy ordered the others to collect the body parts as Nox changed magazine clips in his M16. He then ran after retreating vampires, clipping a few on the way to his motorcycle before returning the now-empty weapons to the armory of the military base.

  After riding back to Sunnydale, Nox waited for Buffy by her bedroom window. When she finally entered, he asked—as he had in previous loops—why Angel was standing beside the Judge. Buffy wasn’t anywhere near ready to speak on the subject or admit to her part in the circumstance and told him to leave.

  Nox then warned, “When I go for the kill, don’t get in my way.”

  Feeling that anger rise within her, she challenged, “Or you’ll do what?”

  “I’ll knock some sense into that pretty little head of yours.”

  The very next night, Nox found Buffy trekking through the cemetery alone. As he had in previous loops, he pushed her to open up about Angel turning into Angelus, but she vehemently resisted. They fought and with his unmatched skill, vast experience, and magical ring, Nox not only survived the bout, but matched the brokenhearted Slayer. He wasn’t delusional, however. He knew if she were mentally and emotionally sound, he wouldn’t be able to trick her so easily. Sadly, that wasn’t the case.

  Nox had Buffy pinned under him, but rather than answer his questions, she kissed him to shut him up. Xander returned the kiss for several moments before she fought him again. When he outmaneuvered her again, the frustrated Buffy kissed him again, and soon they were rolling around in the grass for a different reason. Xander had been horny for so long, he was dry-humping her with his restrained hard-on, and nearly missed the werewolf’s howl.

  Nox reluctantly pulled away before irately explaining, “We gotta go.”

  The confused blonde followed him to his bike, where they raced to Make-Out Lane, and intervened as the werewolf was attacking a couple. Nox froze when he recognized Cordelia with the asshole jock from school, Doug Jeffries. The werewolf cut deeply through the skin of the jock’s midsection, making him bleed heavily, and worse yet, Cordelia had been bitten in the arm. It was immediately apparent to Xander that becoming a werewolf wasn’t enough to make him loop, but he couldn’t accept that.

  Nox struck the werewolf in the chest with Dreadnought and electrocuted the beast. He then hopped on his bike and raced to Spike’s factory. He snuck inside and killed Angelus, immediately triggering the reset. Despite being in a fog for most of it, Xander repeated everything again, only he didn’t confront Buffy on the same night Oz turned into a werewolf. Nox prevented anyone from being attacked or bitten that night, and convinced Oz the following morning to tell his friends about his affliction because they’d understand.

  Later that day, Xander talked with Cordelia over the phone and asked why she wasn’t with the gang more often. When she asked how he knew, he answered with a lie.

  “I asked the others.”

  Her casual answer of, “I stopped going,” unsettled him. When he asked why, she asserted, “Oh, please. Like I don’t know when I’m not wanted. At least when you were there, I had someone to make fun of. And, I guess, sometimes you were funny. But now, it’s, like, just Willow, Buffy, and Giles; a bookworm, a diva, and a stiff—all of whom have a terrible sense of fashion. I just don’t see the point of staying.”

  Surprised and simultaneously not surprised, Xander stated the obvious. “Uh, how about helping to prevent the end of the world? You know, the big blue marble you, me, and everyone else live in.”

  “They were doing just fine without me,” she finished.

  Xander had never anticipated Cordelia might leave the Scoobies just because he wasn’t there. He couldn’t be sure if that put her in more or less danger, but he was certain he’d find out.

  After his call with Queen C, Xander talked to Willow and Buffy, and though Buffy was subdued, they were happy to hear from him, apologizing for not returning his calls. Willow explained everything that happened with the Judge, minus the Buffy sleeping with Angel part, and all Xander wanted to know from Buffy was if she was alright. As it was his only outlet to socialize, the urge to make her laugh felt as vital as oxygen.

  The next morning, Xander woke up in his old room with his alarm blaring on the nightstand beside him. He didn’t need to know it was Halloween to know he had reset once again. However, he didn’t know why. It was so mentally difficult to redo everything as he had before, he resorted to using his ring’s magic to artificially elevate his happy hormones—dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin—to get through it. Once Nox reached the same point, he followed Cordelia more often, as she was the only one not in the group.

  Sure enough, Angelus targeted the beautiful cheerleader because of her relation to Buffy and would’ve killed her again had Nox not stopped it. Nox then questioned Buffy about Angelus and they ended up fucking in one of the mausoleums in the cemetery. After an hour of feral mating—overflowing her womb with a large quantity of his backed-up cum—Xander finally felt clear-headed and refreshed.

  To be on the safe side, he warned Buffy to uninvite Angel from her home. “And if any of your friends invited him into their homes, have them uninvite him as well.”

  Nox had Jenny begin deciphering the ritual, and as he knew the text by memory, by that point, provided her with some of the translation just to speed her up. Nox made it a habit to spy on the comings and goings of the factory and his friends—especially Cordelia, since Willow was rarely ever alone, Buffy was the Slayer, and Giles could defend himself well enough to escape if need be. Cordelia was the only one who was alone more often than he liked.

  Like in previous loops, Buffy prevented Angelus from killing a classmate. However, he stunned the Slayer simply by saying how much he loved her, then Angelus beat her bloody for fun. Nox found the beaten girl and didn’t ask questions. He took her to his mansion and healed her up before asking what happened. She didn’t answer, but he forced her to look at him. With overwhelming shame, depression, and anger fueling her, Buffy couldn’t help but fight him in his home, and after he subdued her, they made out.

  That night he fucked her hard—the way they both needed—and with the aid of his ring’s abilities, brought her to screaming orgasm multiple times. Though they were both tired, he drove her back to her house so her mother wouldn’t worry. As he did before, Nox told her he understood what she was going through. However, he didn’t advise her to find a nice guy that could make her laugh. Xander wasn’t around anymore. Xander was gone.

  Nox’s patrols rarely coincided with Buffy’s, but when they did, they would patrol together, and after a heavy fight, he’d push her against a tree and make out with her. He’d then drive her to his mansion, where they would fuck to forget everything that was horrible about their worlds and drowning in primal pleasure until morning.

  It was near Valentine’s Day, and Buffy was just coming down from a powerful orgasm when Nox asked from beside her, “How long are you going to let a guy you don’t know nut inside you? Not that I’m complaining.”

  The sweaty lovers were in his king-sized bed in the pitch-black room. She turned to look at him, though only able to see his glowing eyes and make out trace amounts of his facial features, and remarked, “If you told me about yourself, then I’d be letting a guy I know… d-do stuff to me.”

  Nox didn’t need to see her in the pitch-black room to know the prudish blonde was blushing. Despite all the sex they were having, Buffy’s reticence to commit their sexual activities to words always amused him.

  “What’s to tell?” Nox casually asked. “I’m nothing and no one. I have no friends, no family, no future, far too much past, and I’m constantly suffering. If you know a thousand guys, then you know a thousand men better than me.”

  “I don’t believe that,” she kindly told him, shifting closer to him. She rested her palm on his muscular chest as she said, “Besides, I don’t know a thousand guys.”

  “How many do you know?”

  “A few,” she answered. “Giles.”

  “Your Watcher.”

  “Yeah. He helps me the most,” she sweetly confessed. “He’s like a doting father, but for a Slayer. My friend Willow has a boyfriend named Oz. If you looked up the definition of ‘chill’ in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of him. And then there’s Xander.”

  “Is he in your group?” Nox asked, looking at her. “I don’t think I’ve seen him.”

  “He left before you got here,” she explained. “But we talk on the phone almost every day.”

  Nox paused a moment before eventually asking, “What’s he like?”

  Buffy leaned back and tenderly answered, “Nice. Funny—like a dry sarcastic humor. Even though I can see a joke coming, I can’t ever tell what it’ll be, so he’s pretty witty. Ugh! I miss him a ton.”

  “Have you dated?”

  Whipping her head to look at him, the surprised girl responded, “What? No! Why would you even ask?”

  Nox couldn’t help but chuckle because that’s exactly the reaction he expected Xander would elicit from her.

  “Poor bastard,” Nox’s deeper voice grumbled.

  Thoroughly confused, Buffy hesitated to ask, “...Why?”

  “Because nice guys finish last,” he casually answered. “I bet you anything he’d rather be tied to you romantically, but a girl like you would never give a guy like that the time of day—not unless it was out of pity.”

  Feeling more offended, an irritated Buffy moved away as she asked, “Why would you say that? You don’t know anything about him. Or me!”

  Nox sat up, eying her with his glowing eyes. As all he had on was the beanie that doubled as a mask down to his nose, he intensified the glow as he confidently asked, “You’re telling me—with a straight face—that he isn’t into you?”

  Buffy sagged a little as she answered, “Well… so what if he is? He’s a teenage boy. They’re into a lot of girls.”

  “I’m talking about love, Slayer,” Nox specified. “Does he love you, yes or no?” When Buffy failed to answer, he continued, “Exactly. I’m not being foul here. This is reality. You’re special, he’s not. Thus, you’ll never see him as a love interest or even someone to fuck.”

  “Ugh, that’s… just so wrong,” Buffy emphasized before removing the bed sheet. “I’m leaving.”

  Nox grabbed her forearm as he asked, “Why?”

  “Because I really want to hit you right now,” she stated, and feeling her tense muscles flex, he could believe it.

  However, Nox didn’t care and pulled her in, making her land on his chest before reminding her, “Like we don’t know how that usually ends.” She tried to pull away, but wasn’t using much of her abundant strength as he continued saying, “Why are you getting bent out of shape for, Slayer? Unless you’re telling me you would fuck, date, or marry the nice kid you ‘miss so much,’ nothing I said was a lie.”

  “It’s how you’re saying it!” she yelled back. “Like I’m incapable of being with someone who would treat me nice! Or Xander is undeserving of my love just because he’s not-”

  “Strong? Masculine? The complete opposite of a doormat?” Nox interrupted. “Angel treated you nice, but deep down, you always knew a vampire like him was dangerous—strong, able to challenge you. You’ve been squeezing me dry on the regular, and I sure as shit don’t treat you nice or make you laugh. Your mouth says you want nice, funny, and good, but your body wants a man that can control you, excite you, make you wet just at the sight of him. That’s the reality, Slayer. You’re just not meant for little boys like Xander. And little boys like him are not meant for wildcats like you.”

  “That’s wrong,” she insisted. “You’re wrong.”

  “So go date him and be bored out of your mind,” he said before rolling her over and pressing his raging hard-on against her sex. “Or stay and I can show you the highs of being alive.”

  When Buffy didn’t leave, Nox imposed pure pleasure and ecstasy on a despondent blonde for hours—with the help of his ring—drowning her in a world of pleasure until he emptied his balls in the stunning beauty. Nox met her several times that week, and though she protested at first, in the end, she’d always hold him tightly as she orgasmed repeatedly around his cock. On the other hand, Buffy stopped asking him questions and tended to leave him afterward.

  Xander reasoned one of the six must’ve died because he reset yet again.

  Repeating everything as he did to his ever-increasingly exhausted soul, Nox later learned it was Cordelia again. She was kidnapped and killed by Angelus while he was playing rough sex games with the lost Buffy. The detached Nox saved her yet again, and continued his sexual dominance over Buffy. However, he felt far more haggard, hollow, and less human. He walked around his empty mansion like a ghost—or worse, a ghoul: a nightmarish version of a human—and it was scaring him in ways he hadn’t thought possible. But he wanted out more than anything, and Nox was his best bet.

  When Jenny Calendar died by Angelus’ hand, the time looper did not go back. Nox asked Willow to perform the soul restoration ritual, but sadly, it was too soon for her abilities. Willow wasn’t ready to channel that much magical power and died from exhaustion, resetting him once again.

  When Nox saved Jenny in the following loop, he used the life debt to force her to perform the ensouling spell on Drusilla. He kidnapped her and locked the miserable woman in his basement. Jenny nearly died performing the spell and told him they were done. The beautiful teacher went to Giles and Buffy, and when she told them she could change Angelus back to Angel, Buffy stopped all of her sexual exploits with Nox.

  It was like the blonde beauty came to a realization, and to Xander’s horror, he didn’t see that until they were fighting for real. Buffy told him they were done, but Nox didn’t believe her. The shell of a boy simply thought she wanted it rough again and kept fighting to get her clothes off. He pushed his ring and skills to the limit, fighting her to submit to him, and even then, the delusional Nox was so certain he knew what she needed. Nox finally pinned her to a tree and ripped the strap of her blouse off when Buffy summoned Slaymore to her hand and nearly cut his arm off to get him off of her.

  Nox fell back on the cold ground and looked at her in complete shock, wondering why she’d take their game so far. Buffy pointed Slaymore between his glowing eyes and angrily threatened him, “If you ever touch me again… I’ll kill you.”

  Buffy’s bluish-green eyes were glaring at him, serious in her threat, but also with tears welling up just over her red-rimmed eyelids. Her normally full lips were thin and snarling at the edges and her button nose flared as she huffed from the fight to get him off of her. In that moment, Nox realized she wasn’t lying, and worse still, what he’d just done. It was what Spike had done. Nox had done what Spike had done, which meant Xander had nearly…

  Xander didn’t know who he was anymore and ran away.

  In his bathroom, he looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize a single thing about himself. He grew to hate his ice-blue eyes, the incredibly tanned skin, the comically large muscles, and the voice that wasn’t his. In the mirror was everything that he hated about Spike looking back at him, welcoming him with open arms—Spike’s selfish and obsessive attitude, and his complete disregard for Buffy’s well-being. Xander had fooled himself into thinking this abomination was what he needed, but in the end, it disgusted him.

  Xander punched through the face in the mirror and through the wall, cutting into his skin and drawing blood. Before he could even think to heal, his stomach spasmed, and he vomited terribly over the toilet in a way that even Odin’s ring couldn’t heal. His body shook and shivered—as if his body were breaking down—forcing the teen to fear what was happening to him.

  ‘This is it,’ the trembling boy fearfully thought. ‘This is the end.’

  Though he expected the time braid to have run its course and finally allow him to die, he simply suffered in the darkness of his room for the rest of the night.

  Xander stopped patrolling immediately, and when he stopped that, he had nothing. Dropping off some animal blood for the dour—yet beautiful—Drusilla, nothing but an animalistic imperative drove him to have sex with her. She didn’t even resist him, and her room-temp sex organ felt fitting. Drusilla simply laid there while he took menial pleasure from her, and when he finally climaxed, it was a pitiful thing, like the shooing away a fly-buzzing nuisance. He hadn’t realized he was crying until Drusilla cupped his face and looked him in the eyes with just as much pain.

  “Such tormented eyes,” she sadly sang. “The eyes of one painfully visible, yet entirely ignored. You dance around aimlessly, and don’t stop when you should—round and round you go—spinning so fast… you break. I can see them, the many, many snowflakes, falling and falling, breaking before they ever touch the ground. Rest your cold head snug against the bosom of death. Only then, will it all melt away.”

  “You… you mean kill myself?” Xander pitifully asked as tears continued to stream down his face.

  Drusilla smiled dreamily before answering, “You’re already dead.”

  Xander had never tried to end his own life before. He’d been in lethal accidents or killed by others. He had even exhausted himself to death, but never had Xander grabbed a gun, pressed it to his temple, and pulled the trigger. Despite knowing death wasn’t an option for him, this felt different. This suddenly seemed like the best way out to him. In fact, walking upstairs, he wondered if suicide was all he had to do to get out of the time braid, and rushed to his weapon’s cage. Excited for a certain end, he grabbed a Glock, loaded it, pressed it to his temple, and promptly pulled the trigger.

  An explosive CLAP echoed throughout the room, and a puff of red mist stained the floor as Xander’s body slumped to the floor. However, he didn’t die immediately. His body quaked spasmodically and the sight and sound of the room danced in and out of focus. The sick teenager struggled to breathe, but somehow, he wasn’t dead. He then felt his ring trying to keep him alive. Slowly, with terribly trembling hands, he removed his magical band from his finger, and soon after, Xander saw darkness.