Enter the End - Part I.
----------------------------------------
Xander’s eyes fluttered open, groggy and sore from a hard night of fighting. As he slowly came to his senses, he found himself in a cozy and inviting living room. The room was bathed in the soft, golden glow of the morning light, which filtered through the window and illuminated every corner. The softness of the comfortable couch was a welcome respite to the aches cascading throughout his body, and the unexpected warmth of Buffy lying peacefully on top of him only added to his sense of contentment.
As he shifted slightly, he could not help but marvel at how perfectly she fit against him, and his slow mind didn’t question their position or anything beyond that moment. Instead, he gazed at her, lost in admiration of her beauty. The way her golden blonde hair spilled around her face, the gentle curve of her jawline, the warmth of her skin against his—it all felt like a dream.
Buffy stirred at the tender gesture of him brushing a strand of hair away from her angelic face, her own greenish-blue eyes meeting his in a moment of shared affection—of shared serenity. They both felt like they were living in a dream, suspended in time in the peaceful morning light.
As if drawn by an unseen force, Xander leaned in to caress Buffy’s pink lips with his, surprised by how soft and warm they felt as she kissed him back. The softness of her mouth was a sensation that sent shivers of pleasure through his body. He relished her gentle breath against his skin and opened wider to deepen the dizzying desire building. As she tilted her head, to move in deeper, the dream-like world around them faded, leaving only the sensation of their faces pressed together and the ecstasy that came from it. It was a moment of pure bliss, their own private universe of fantasy and longing.
The teens were engrossed in a tender haze of comfort when a sudden CLICK and WHIRRRR sound shattered the illusion they were in. For a long moment, Buffy and Xander froze, trying to make sense of the reality that was slowly sinking in. Their sweet, tender kiss had not been a dream, but real life. Still lying comfortably on top of him, Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief as she realized the truth, and immediately, she jolted upright. Xander shifted away a little too quickly, causing a sharp pain to shoot through him and making him wince in agony.
Instantly worried, Buffy asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… yeah,” he replied, moving his neck from side to side. “I feel way more pain today than yesterday.”
“Oh…” Unsure, Buffy asked, “Wait, is that good?”
Groaning at his aching muscles, Xander answered, “Means everything’s healing.”
“Oh, good. Good,” she responded, relaxing. After a long awkward silence, Buffy realized she was still on top of him.“I should, uh…” Buffy trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“Oh, right,” Xander agreed casually, trying to ease the tension between them. They sat on the sofa, both feeling a little awkward and unsure of what to say next.
“Hey, Buff-” Xander started, but Buffy quickly interrupted him, asking, “Are you hungry? I can make pancakes.” At his fearful look of concern, Buffy amended her statement. “I can attempt to make pancakes.”
“Cereal’s good… and safe,” he teased. She gave him a withering look, shaking her pretty head. Once in the kitchen, Xander tried again. “Hey, Buffy-”
“It blows that we have to go to school today,” Buffy once again interrupted. It was clear she wanted to avoid speaking about last night as she added, “I mean, neither one of us is at a hundred percent yet. You’re still hurting, and I’m seriously hoping I can open a stupid bag of cereal. After what we went through yesterday, I think we deserve a day off, right?”
With the last day of the year-loop looming like a dark cloud, Xander spoke to the heart of her discomfort, and with a strong steady voice, confessed, “I’m not sorry I kissed you.”
Buffy stood frozen, her greenish-blue eyes staring at a fixed point on the wall, as if trying to avoid looking at him. “I wonder if Mom’s up,” she said, as if attempting to distance herself from the situation. “She’s been taking her time in the mornings since starting this whole yoga kick. I tried it with her a couple of times, but it doesn’t really do much for me. And, obviously, sleep is way higher on the to-do list.”
Xander couldn’t take this moment for granted. After all, the following day, he’d be back in his smelly bed on Halloween 1997. Despite her deflection, he dauntlessly stated, “I’m not sorry I kissed you, and I’m not sorry about what I said last night.” Buffy stood still once again, likely reliving his words of love in their near-death experience. With her silence, Xander nodded and said, “I’ll let myself out.”
In a day, Xander will have reached the end of the year-loop. He wasn’t sure if he was going to loop back, but for the first time, he knew he’d be proud of himself by the end. And that was good enough. Riding his powerful motorcycle to school, enjoying the sweet sound of its motor in his ears, Xander decided not to stress about anything and enjoy all the moments he had left with his friends.
—B—
Ever since Xander left her house, Buffy’s mind was in a constant state of turmoil, and the weight of her thoughts felt like an anchor dragging her down. She had replayed every moment of the past twelve hours over and over in her head: from the way a bloody and beaten Xander’s eyes sparkled when he looked at her—just before three vampires bit him—to the way his warm lips felt against hers when she thought she’d been dreaming.
‘Mnn!’ a side of her mind illicitly thought. In panic, she gripped her head and thought, ‘No!’
Buffy was in History class, unable to focus on the lesson, as her mind kept wandering back to Xander. Staring blankly at the textbook in front of her, she kept recalling so many moments he’d surprised her this past year. Memories of him doing and saying things that surprised her, and made her feel a confusing myriad of emotions. One of the first memories, which quickly came to mind, was when he warned her about Ford, her former friend who turned into a vampire. Xander had done so without a trace of jealousy or possessiveness. He simply cared about her safety.
‘I told you Ford was off and it wasn’t a jealousy thing. It was me watching your back because I love you, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you,’ she easily recalled, making her flustered.
He wowed her when he revealed his smithing skills, and even more when he made Slaymore for her. She had been amazed at the sight of her magical sword; her single most treasured possession. The fact that Xander made it for her filled her with a sense of awe and gratitude.
Not all the memories were touching. Buffy also remembered the dread she felt when Xander wanted to patrol alone. She fought him so hard because Xander and Willow were the brightest spots of her life, and she couldn’t bear the thought of losing an important friend to the dangers of her life as the Slayer. She’d very nearly paid that price when Angelus kidnapped Xander and held her mother hostage, but he had survived and saved her mother.
‘This kiss was even better than the last,’ that side of her thought.
Shocked at herself, Buffy sat up straight in her seat, ignorant of the curious attention she caught from Willow and a few others. She shouldn’t be thinking about kissing Xander, it most certainly shouldn’t make her heart beat faster.
‘You’re just nervous,’ the anxious girl tried to rationalize. ‘You’re just stressed because… because… of the Slayer dreams. Xander could’ve died and, and, that didn’t happen.’ Rubbing her forehead in growing confusion, Buffy felt scared, because deep down, her feelings for him seemed more complicated than that, and she didn’t know what to do.
Mercifully, Xander left after History—citing the need for a quiet place to take a nap for lunch—and Buffy felt a wave of relief wash over her. Willow asked Buffy what was wrong, immediately prompting memories of her completely accidental kiss with Xander. Nervous that Willow could tell, Buffy blushed under her friend’s curious gaze, but couldn’t answer.
Willow must’ve sensed her distress and took her hand before leading her to the library. As they entered the large room, they were surprised to see Faith and Cordelia seated across each other at the long center table. Cordelia had a textbook and notebook in front of her, while Faith was mentioning something about boys.
“What are you two doing here?” Buffy asked.
“Homework,” Cordelia duly answered.
“Waiting on Giles,” Faith replied. “And teaching boys to keep their hands to themselves.” Turning to Cordelia, she asked, “What was his name?”
“Ugh, Guy Matthews, douche extraordinaire,” Cordelia answered with a shudder.
Faith let out a low whistle before asking, “Seriously? He didn’t even have to get physical with you. With a name like Guy, I would’ve kicked his ass for that alone.”
Willow chimed in excitedly, “Oh, right. Giles said he’d make some calls to see if you got in.” But then, her expression darkened when she recalled the previous night. An irate Willow spat, “He’d better! After what he made me do!”
Buffy gave her friend a reassuring hug as an amused Faith replied with a smirk, “Heard you chewed him out this morning. Would’ve loved to have seen that.”
Shaking her head, Willow pushed her anger aside and returned her focus to Buffy. She led her to the table, and they settled next to the other two before the redhead asked, “What’s going on Buffy? You’ve been completely spaz-city for three periods. And you wouldn’t even look at Xander. Are you not feeling well?”
Instantly feeling nervous, Buffy grabbed one of Cordelia’s books and feigned interest as she asked the cheerleader, “What are you studying?” Randomly flipping through the pages, she lamely asked, “Calculus? My favorite.”
Willow’s shoulders slumped, her concern clearly growing. She looked at Buffy with a mixture of sympathy and determination, and gently placed her hand on the book, moving it away from the Slayer’s face. “Come on, Buffy. You know you can tell me anything.”
Buffy couldn’t find the words. She didn’t know how to respond and tried saying, “...It’s- it’s nothing.”
Casually, Faith curiously asked, “Are you freaking out about the kiss?”
Buffy snapped upright, eying the Bostonian with surprise. “You know?!” Buffy called out as Willow and Cordelia asked the brunette slayer, “What kiss?”
Faith casually grabbed her bag that was on the floor. “Here. I took a picture,” Faith told them, as she looked for it.
Standing up, the shocked Buffy yelled, “You took a picture!”
“What kiss?” Willow asked her blonde friend.
“I got it…” she mouthed, digging in her backpack. “Ah! Here it is,” she exclaimed, holding up the Polaroid for everyone to see.
Buffy immediately dashed for the picture, trying to snatch the evidence from Faith’s hand. “Don’t show them!” the blonde pleaded as she struggled to take the photo away, but Faith was too strong and could keep her away. As the blonde tried to grab the photo, she complained, “Why… do you… have to be… so… strong!”
Faith grinned mischievously at how hard Buffy was trying, teasing, “I guess you don’t have your full strength yet.”
With a final groan, Buffy relented and plopped back in her seat as Faith handed the photo to Willow and Cordelia, who quickly leaned over to see. Willow gasped in shock at the image of Buffy and Xander lying on the couch together—intimately. With wide eyes, Willow exclaimed, “You kissed Xander?”
Buffy’s cheeks flushed as the anxious girl desperately explained, “It was an accident! I didn’t- look, we both passed out last night and woke up like that.”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, and asked, “With your lips stuck together?”
Buffy’s frustration only grew as she struggled to explain the misunderstanding to her friends. She knew how it sounded, but she had to make them see reason. “We’d just woken up. We weren’t thinking!” she pleaded. “We didn’t even realize until…” Turning to Faith, realization on her face, Buffy yelled, “Until we heard the click! Why would you take a picture, Faith?!”
“You guys looked cute when you fell asleep last night,” she said, a cheerful grin on her face. However, her response only added to the confusion, and further explained, “I wanted to get a picture before you woke up, but man, I was right on time for a different kind of action!”
Taken aback by Faith’s behavior, Willow couldn’t help but question, “And you’re okay with that? Xander’s your boyfriend.”
“He sure is,” Faith agreed, causing the redhead to blink in surprise and confusion. Faith elaborated her viewpoint by confessing, “Look, there are just too many rules to being a couple. Normal people are cool with it, and that’s fine; whatever. To me, it feels unnatural, like being caged up. It makes me antsy and I don’t like it.”
“But being a couple is fun and exciting,” Willow passionately proclaimed, her eyes expressing deep conviction. “To know you can trust the person you love with your whole heart, and that person will also love and trust you right back… It’s liberating, and makes every day so much more vibrant and beautiful.”
As Willow spoke, Faith crinkled her nose as if unaccustomed to the sweetness of those words, then replied, “Yeah? Let’s just say that’s not been my experience.”
To Buffy, it was yet another hint of a painful past, and, sensing a moment to share, asked, “Would you like to talk about it?”
Shaking her head, Faith responded, “Nah, I’m good, B.” Though the beautiful brunette nodded, seemingly grateful for her concern.
Never one to shy away from speaking her mind, Cordelia asked Faith, “Is Xander better than all the guys you’ve been with?”
“By miles!” Faith replied emphatically.
“Right?!” Cordelia quickly agreed, leaning forward with a knowing smile.
Willow’s brows furrowed as she tried to wrap her head around the situation. She glanced at Buffy, who was equally perplexed, unable to fathom how Faith could be so composed about the kiss. Buffy understood that Faith was different from her in many ways, especially when it came to romantic relationships. The brunette Slayer was always so vocal about Xander’s prowess, often making suggestive comments that made Buffy fearfully curious.
Willow asked Faith, “And it doesn’t bother you that the boy you think is better than other boys kissed Buffy? Like, at all?”
Bobbing her head left and right in half acknowledgment, an unbothered Faith replied, “Look, it wasn’t like some five-pronged plan on how they were going to sneak a kiss behind my back. I know they were half-asleep. Besides, Xander already told me he’s in love with her.”
“He has?!” Buffy yelled, raising her eyebrows in stark surprise, the previous night still vividly fresh in her memories. Faith nodded and Buffy still couldn’t fathom her nonchalant attitude, asking, “But- but you’re still together?”
Faith let out a chuckle, amused by her sister Slayer’s bewilderment, and confessed, “I wouldn’t have gotten with him if he lied about that, which was pretty ballsy of him if you think about it.”
Cordelia crossed her legs, smoothing the fabric of her skirt as she divulged her own experience to the stunned Willow and Buffy. “Why do you think Xander and I broke up? We could love each other all the live-long-day, but when it came right down to it, I was always going to be the number two girl in his heart, and this Queen is number two to no one.”
Leaning back casually in her chair, Faith interjected, “Yeah, I’m fine with that,” her confidence unwavering.
“I’m not,” Cordelia stated firmly. “Clearly.”
“You still came by to use up those last two coupons,” Faith remarked, a knowing smirk playing at the corner of her lips.
“Like I can help it! The man’s a freakin’ sex savant!” Cordelia exclaimed, much to the chagrin of Willow and Buffy, who both let out a collective, “EEWWW!” Rolling her eyes, Cordelia continued regardless, proclaiming, “It’s ridiculous how good he is.”
Faith gave a knowing nod, her brunette locks cascading over her shoulders as she replied. “No, no, I get it. Count your blessings; his current girlfriend is a sharer.”
Cordelia leaned in, her posture hopeful as she asked, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Valentine’s Day-”
“Sorry,” Faith interjected sympathetically. “Girlfriend has priority on and around holidays.”
More concerned with the topic at hand, Willow asked the table, “Can we get back to Buffy kissing Xander?”
Eying her best friend incredulously, Buffy exclaimed, “Can we not?!” wanting more than anything to escape this mortifying discussion.
“It’s fine, B,” Faith reassured her sister Slayer with a casual wave of her hand. “So you kissed. It’s happened before. It ain’t the end of the world.”
Wide-eyed, Buffy stood upright, feeling her entire face blush in ever-increasing surprise as she bellowed, “He told you we kissed before?!”
All three girls sat in stunned silence, their eyes locked on Buffy’s panicked expression of disbelief. Willow’s jaw dropped, and Cordelia’s eyes widened in shock. The air was thick with tension, as if the room itself was holding its breath, waiting for someone to break the silence.
Slowly, Faith clarified, “I meant you’ve kissed before, in general—as in, other guys.”
Buffy’s face glowed bright red and became incredibly mortified, like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She slowly sank back into her seat, as an aghast Willow gasped, “You kissed Xander before this?”
Astonished by the revelation, Cordelia demanded to know, “How many times has this happened? It better not have been when we were dating.”
Trying to push past the line of questioning, a frazzled Buffy grabbed the Calculus book and hugged it to her chest—like a protective blanket—as she pleaded, “Are you all forgetting about, uh, I don’t know, my boyfriend? Angel is my boyfriend.”
Unbothered, Cordelia replied, “If kissing Xander was just a simple mistake and didn’t mean anything, then it shouldn’t matter, right?”
The silence that followed was deafening and suffocating, and Buffy buried her face in the Calculus textbook, wishing she could disappear into the pages. Guilt gnawed at her chest as she realized the impact of Cordelia’s words. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady her raw emotions.
Beside her, Willow was thunderstruck, stunned by how many times she could be surprised in one lunch period. At her friend’s silence, she exclaimed, “Buffy!”
The only response from the Slayer was a groan in emotional turmoil, bracing herself for the next round of questions and judgment that would inevitably come her way.
Faith asked Willow, her voice laced with curiosity, “Does this mean she has a crush on my boyfriend?”
From behind her book, Buffy let out a groan—her heart racing with tortuous anxiety—and she yelled, “No!”
Cordelia, however, was not convinced, stating, “I think it does.” Turning to Faith, she teasingly challenged, “But you’re a sharer, right?”
Willow shot Cordelia a stern look, her eyes flashing with frustrated ire. She returned her attention to Faith, intently stating, “Don’t listen to her. I can’t believe I need to say this, but Faith, you don’t have to share your boyfriend with other girls. Whatever Xander’s feelings for Buffy—or Cordelia—may be, you don’t have to let them be with him. He’s your boyfriend, which means you’re his one and only.”
Faith and Cordelia turned at the sudden arrival of Xander, but as Willow’s back was to him, she couldn’t see him and continued with her heartfelt speech.
“I mean, sharing is a good thing to do in life,” she said with a nod, her voice firm. “But sharing your boyfriend is not. It could easily lead to a lot of jealousy and resentment, which break relationships and friendships apart!” Willow paused for a moment, her eyes searching for the right words. “I’m sure Buffy kissing Xander was nothing more than a, uh, mild… emotional... hiccup?” Her voice trailed off as she turned to Buffy, curiosity getting the better of her, and asked, “Are you going to tell Angel- Oh! Ooooh, h-hey, Xander! Xander, you’re- youuuu are back.”
Rotating away from him, Willow’s face burned a bright shade of red in embarrassment. Buffy groaned from under her book, yelling, “Oh, come on!”
—X—
Xander strolled over to the long table, his eyes sweeping across each of the girls’ faces. A hint of amusement played at the corners of his mouth as he noticed the grins on Faith and Cordelia’s faces, the way Buffy’s face was buried in a textbook, and the sight of Willow’s bright red face—all signs that that had been talking about him and Buffy’s kiss. Feigning ignorance, Xander played it cool, trying to spare Buffy any further embarrassment.
“Yeah, I’m back,” he nonchalantly said, though, on the inside, he was silently tickled by the situation.
Cordelia drew in her brows as she asked with concern, “I thought you were going to rest.”
Xander shrugged his shoulders, answering, “I was.” He may have been aching all over, but he wasn’t going to rest on his last day of the best time loop ever. While they were in the library, he had lured Jack O’Toole to the school’s basement, where he decapitated the undead boy with Hellguard. Even if Xander wouldn’t be around when the delinquent raised his buddies from the dead to blow up the school the following night, he saw no reason not to nip that problem in the bud.
Xander thumbed toward Giles’ office as he explained, “But I forgot to tell Giles something about last night.”
Buffy raised her head out of the book and shot up to her feet. She rushed toward him, raising her palms, as she called out, “Wait!”
Eying the flustered girl with a hint of amusement, he casually replied, “Uh, it’s kinda important, Buff.”
Wincing, the nervous girl said, “It’s not that important… Okay, yeah, maybe it is. I get that but-” Feeling anxious in front of the observant girls, Buffy grabbed Xander’s hand and dragged him away towards a secluded corner. When she was certain they were out of earshot, Buffy leaned in, allowing Xander to inhale her sweet scent as she whispered, “Isn’t that something that, like, should stay between us? I mean, why even mention it to Giles? He’s kinda like our work dad, if you think about it. It’s weird, you know?” Despite trying to be playful, she couldn’t shake off her nervousness.
Set even more at ease by the captivating scent of her, Xander looked at Buffy, committing every curvature of her delicate features to memory, as if it would be the last time he’d see this version of her. She stilled at his intimate gaze, and Xander smiled softly, reassuring her, “Buffy, I wasn’t going to tell him about what I said to you. I was going to mention that the world might come to an end tomorrow.”
Although Xander wasn’t worried about any danger from the Sisterhood of Jhe, he liked the idea of spending more time with the gang, researching in the library till all hours of the night. He’d love nothing more than to sit around the table with his friends—a few boxes of pizzas to pick at—sharing stories, laughing about anything and everything. Even when the world seemed to be falling apart around them, those moments of camaraderie and laughter provided a sense of comfort and normalcy that Xander couldn’t find anywhere else.
For Xander, nothing was more important than these bonds, for they sustained him through countless loops, battles, and failures. They kept him going every time he felt lost, which was why he smiled at Buffy with tremendous appreciation, because they kept him out of the darkness he so nearly fell through.
“Oh,” Buffy said, quickly relieved by his apocalyptic news. She smiled and said, “Okay, yeah. He’d definitely want to hear about that.” Walking back to the table, she happily told the girls, “It’s fine. Just some world-ending stuff to deal with.”
Shaking her head incredulously, Cordelia asked, “How is that fine?”
Xander grabbed Giles by the arm and pulled him out of the office. With a glance around the room, Xander began explaining the dangerous and formidable threat known as the Sisterhood of Jhe.
“They’re an apocalyptic cult formed by an all-female race of demons,” he began, his voice clear and firm. “They’re crazy strong warriors whose victory dance includes—and get this—devouring the flesh of their foes after they’ve beaten them, and they won’t even have the decency to cook you first; or add a little seasoning-”
Taking off his glasses, Giles interrupted, “If memory serves, they exist solely to bring about the world’s destruction.”
Giles hurriedly made his way over to a nearby bookshelf, his eyes scanning the spines of various tomes before finally selecting one. Taking great care not to damage the ancient pages as he opened it to a particular chapter, Giles went into greater detail, reading aloud about their significant strengths—super speed, power, and durability—and their known weaknesses, which were very few. As he spoke, Buffy grimaced with worry, while Willow and Cordelia exchanged concerned glances.
Buffy was the first to break the silence, asking, “Any idea on how exactly they plan on ending the world?”
Giles flipped through a few pages before shaking his head, stating, “Unfortunately, not. Considering how little time we may have, that’ll require more research on all our parts.”
“I can tell you this much,” Xander began. They all turned to him, listening intently as he continued, “They’re probably gathering materials to perform a ritual of some kind. Since we were dealing with the Watcher’s Council, I expect the Sisterhood to be ready to go tonight, or possibly tomorrow. Luckily, we know where.”
“We do?” Willow asked.
“Where?” Buffy added.
“Here,” Xander easily answered.
Intrigued, Giles asked, “How can you be certain?”
“I remember, or, I should say, Old Me remembers that there was a pretty big fight right where we’re standing,” Xander informed them.
Of everyone, Willow seemed the most concerned about this. Jumping to the worst-case scenario, she asked, her voice slightly trembling, “Does… does someone die? Is that why you- he remembers?”
“Oh, no, no, nothing like that,” he quickly reassured her, shaking his head. “It’s a crazy tough fight, to be sure, and we can’t let our guard down, but he doesn’t remember because someone died.” Xander huffed in amusement, embarrassed to admit, “Um… that’s the night I- er, he lost his virginity. So, you know… You always remember your first.”
Slightly nervous, but also wildly curious, Cordelia asked, “To who?”
Xander turned to Faith and winked at her, a sly smile on his lips. The gorgeous Bostonian snorted in laughter and smiled broadly, trying to imagine it.
After school let out for the day, the Scooby Gang sat huddled around the long table in the library, poring over ancient texts about the Sisterhood; their strengths, history of destruction, and their multi-headed serpent demon lord, Lernaean. Despite the gravity of the situation, Xander found himself feeling grateful for the opportunity to spend one last day with his friends. His gaze drifted from the pages of the book to the faces of his companions, each lost in their own thoughts as they searched for information.
Though it pained him to stay awake and pretend-read, Xander couldn’t help but feel a sense of wonder at how seriously they were taking his warning about an apocalyptic cult none of them had even witnessed. Over a year ago, he would have needed concrete evidence to convince them of such a threat. And now, eleven or so hours away from the end, and they don’t even hesitate to believe him.
Xander wasn’t sure if he would loop back or not, but he truly hoped he didn’t because he couldn’t imagine changing a thing. He would just relive these days over and over again, basking in the long-awaited sense of self-discovery, and how that realization had affected his relationships with his friends. For the first time in his life, Xander felt truly seen, truly appreciated, and truly loved for who he was.
‘What would be the point of a time loop if I can’t get any better than this?’ he asked himself.
Xander also caught Buffy staring at him a few times, making him feel a warmth spread throughout his chest. Smiling internally, he knew they needed to talk, as he didn’t want to leave without voicing everything he had to say.
With so many people researching, Xander suggested, “We should probably investigate the area I last saw them, too. Maybe their hideout is nearby, or someone saw something.”
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Faith was quick to respond, her voice booming, “Best idea I’ve heard all day!” She closed her large book with a loud CLAP and all but jumped off the chair.
Lost in his tome, Giles absentmindedly noted, “I suppose there could be a clue as to their whereabouts.” He only raised his head when he realized the urgency of the situation, and warned, “But you mustn’t be too long. If their destination truly is the library, we’ll need everyone here to defend it with our very lives.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Faith called out, strolling toward the door. “Let’s go, B!”
Closing her large book, Buffy happily agreed, “Don’t have to tell me twice.”
As Xander, Buffy, and Faith stepped out into the crisp January air, they noted how little sunlight there was left. Xander felt the chill of the wind against his skin as they made their way to the pair of motorcycles in the student parking lot. Buffy moved to ride with Faith until the brunette put her hand up, halting the blonde. Faith pointed out how uncomfortable she was riding with another person.
“Sorry. Still learning,” she said apologetically to Buffy.
Xander turned to Faith, eying her curiously as he knew full well she could ride with Buffy at her back—not that he’d expose her. Buffy turned to Xander, and he saw the anxiety etched on her face, her eyes darting nervously between him and the bike. Xander held out a hand to steady her as she got on the back of his bike. The engine roared to life, and Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist. Xander felt the warmth of her body against his back, sending shivers down his spine. He turned his head slightly and caught Faith’s eye, her grin now a full-blown smile. Xander smirked back at her, amused by her schemes, and tried to just enjoy the feeling of Buffy holding onto him.
Xander led them to the desolate side of Sunnydale, where he came across the female demonoids. It was the side of town that halted development due to more popular destinations emerging elsewhere. Businesses moved to follow the consumer, leaving behind many empty and boarded-up storefronts for monsters to hide in. The brick warehouses around them were silent, casting ominous shadows on the cracked pavement.
When Faith suggested they split up and scour the area for any signs of the Sisterhood, Xander warned his girlfriend, “Remember, if there’s more than one, don’t take them on yourself. These things are bigger and just as strong as you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m no slouch,” Faith asserted confidently before zooming away.
Buffy and Xander cruised through the blighted area, their enhanced eyes scanning the weathered buildings and rusting train tracks for any sign of the monstrous demonoids. The area was a vision of neglect, the brick factories looming over them like dark sentinels.
As they rode, Xander called out to the homeless inhabitants, his voice echoing through the seedy streets. Some cowered away from his calls, but others shuffled forward, their faces as weathered by hardship and desperation as the buildings. Despite each one shaking their head, unable to help, Xander kept on trying, passing out twenty-dollar bills to everyone, even if they had nothing to offer.
Emerging from the dimly lit and musty warehouse, the friends eyed the setting sun, mentally tracking the time before nightfall. They were walking toward his scrambler when Buffy asked, “If they come to the library tonight, would you be willing to fight from the rear?”
Xander slanted his head and furrowed his brow in confusion as he looked at Buffy, but answered, “Uh, I suppose? But we’re going to need our strongest hitters at the front.”
Buffy nodded slowly, her eyes narrowing in concern as she spoke. “It’s just that you’re still recovering.”
“So are you,” he returned.
“I may not be back to Slayer Prime, but I’m still stronger,” she said.
“And I might be your run-of-the-mill human, but I’m not letting you fight alone,” he maintained, eying her sternly.
“I’ll fight better-”
“With me by your side,” he finished for her. “Buffy, you’re strong & fast, and I know you can handle yourself, but every time you go out there and fight for us, I always worry something’s going to happen to you, too. Always.”
Buffy seemed shaken as she stood before him, her eyes widened as she struggled to find the right words. She shook her head to leave this state of mind and abruptly blurted out, “Angel!” Xander’s gaze shifted from her to the sun slowly sinking below the horizon, casting long shadows, then back to her as he raised his brows curiously. “I-I think we should bring Angel in on this,” she explained.
“Oh. Yeah, we should,” Xander readily agreed.
She hesitated at his response, asking, “Really?”
“Of course,” Xander assured her. “We need all hands on deck, and he’s one of our best. Don’t tell him I said that.”
Buffy’s voice was unsure as she replied, “Oh. Okay.”
Sensing her apprehension, Xander noted, “You sound disappointed.”
Buffy shook her head, quickly reassuring him, “No, no. I’m not. It’s just… I wouldn’t want it to be uncomfortable.”
Amused by the conflicted girl, Xander teased, “I think an impending apocalypse is uncomfortable enough for everyone.”
She remained silent, her eyes distant, as if she was lost in her conflicting thoughts. Xander assumed she was nervous about his declaration of love last night, their kiss the following morning, and the discussion he’d walked in on in the library. He stepped in front of her, his arms around her waist, and pulled her close. He could feel the heat of her alluring body against his, hear the sound of her rapid heartbeat as he held her.
“Buffy, this isn’t like some class assignment due at the end of the week,” he sympathetically assured her. “You have time to think and feel whatever you want, whenever you want. So, don’t stress about it.”
“That’s just it,” she softly voiced. “I’m with Angel. This shouldn’t even be something to stress about in the first place. I’m with him, but I… keep...” Buffy trailed off, planting her face in her hands, as if trying to avoid seeing what was right in front of her.
Xander knew Buffy well enough to recognize the turmoil. Her head rose and fell with his breathing, as he asked in gentle jest, “Do you want me to say mean things so you’d hate me?”
Buffy shook her head, her hair brushing against his chest, and bemoaned, “That’ll only make it worse.”
Sympathetic to the plight of her conflicted feelings, Xander asked, his tone in gentle jest, “Do you need me to say I don’t love you?”
Buffy lifted her face from her palms, and her greenish-blue eyes met his gaze. She whispered meekly, “...Yeah.”
Xander held her gaze for many silent moments, his expression warm and understanding. Then he smiled a broad grin, and said, “Okay. After.”
“After?” Buffy asked, confused. “After what?”
“After we beat the crazy demon ladies and their snake boss,” he answered, moving a strand of hair behind her ear. “So get your head in the game, slugger. There be monsters in need of slayage.”
Buffy smiled with a mixture of gratitude and amusement, appreciative of Xander’s jovial nature. She nodded her head before they climbed onto his motorcycle. They met with Faith, and after learning neither party found anything, they rode to Angel’s apartment to drop Buffy off.
Rather than return to the library, Xander and Faith split up, each with their own mission. In preparation for a possible attack that night, Faith made her way to the Summers’ home to gather Slaymore, Blood/Lust, and a change of clothes for herself and Buffy to wear. Meanwhile, Xander raced to a cell phone store, where he selected a couple of their best phones and a set of walkie-talkies before rushing home and gearing up. He returned to the library dressed in his stealth suit with Dreadnought at his back and Hellguard at his lower back.
Not long after the sun sank below the horizon, Angel and Buffy arrived at the library. Xander wasn’t certain if they’d talked, but it wasn’t important. Faith handed her sister Slayer a duffle bag with a change of clothes, but before Buffy left to change, Xander called everyone to the center table where he had the radios set up and a map of Sunnydale.
“Alright Scoobies, gather up,” his voice rang out like a bugle call, commanding attention. The Scoobies gathered around him, their faces tense with anticipation, and said, “Here’s the plan.”
Eying the ten walkies charging and the map, Cordelia skeptically asked, “And is this an actual plan or should we sit back and brace ourselves for an evening of disposal duty of monster guts?”
“An actual plan,” he responded. “There’s even an important part for you.”
With a bright smile, her interest piqued, she asked, “Really?”
His tone laced with sarcasm, he quipped, “Boosting morale for the entire group by remaining silent.”
Cordelia rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips.
Buffy asked, “What’s the plan?”
“The start of any battle begins with information, so, in a nutshell, the plan is recon. We need to know what we don’t know,” he presented, looking at each of them. “The heavy hitters stay here in case the Sisterhood show up, but in the event they don’t tonight, we need to spot them around town. That means going to all the places where we think they might go to gather whatever they need for the summoning ritual. If we can follow them back to their hideout, we can take the fight to them and stop ‘em before they even get a chance to start.”
“Simple,” Buffy remarked. “I like simple.”
“Faith and I will patrol the field,” Xander continued. “We’ll have phones so we can call if we spot them. You guys’ll use the walkies to check in with each other here. Buffy and Angel cover the school. Willow, you cover them with your magic. Oz, you cover Willow. Giles, Jenny, keep researching for any weaknesses we might’ve missed or locations where they might go for ingredients. Cordelia, you’re comms between everyone: really important. I need you to stay by the phone with a map. Faith and I are going to check in every fifteen minutes and you mark down all the places we’ve been. You’ll be the one to call us if they turn up here and we’ll race like hell to get back while Buffy, Angel, and Willow delay them. Sound good?”
“What if you spot them?” a curious Buffy asked.
“We call you guys while we tail them back to their nest.”
“I’m not sure I like this,” Buffy hesitantly admitted. “We’re spread thin.”
Xander reassured her, “With you, Willow, and Angel here, they don’t stand a chance.”
Buffy eyed him with concern, restating, “I meant you… both! Spread thin for you both, out there. You’ll have no backup if something happened,” she quickly clarified, her eyes flickering to Angel. Xander could tell Buffy didn’t want to worry her boyfriend.
“We’re not going to engage,” Xander assured her. “It’s strictly recon. We tail, we call, we hold for backup, and that’s it. We’ll be fine, Buff.”
When everyone agreed to the plan, Xander and Faith geared up with their weapons and jogged to their bikes. Roaring their bikes to life, they fixed the phone’s wired earpieces securely to their ear and clothes. Faith was delighted as she remarked, “Did you see how worried she was about ‘us?’”
Xander snorted before nodding and answering, “So let’s make sure we come back to her.”
With a big grin, she replied, “I like the sound of that.”
“Faith?” he said, walking up to the beautiful brunette.
Turning to him curiously, he loved the way her shiny chestnut brown hair swayed when she tilted her head. The way he gazed into her eyes lovingly, she was cautious when she asked, “…Yeah?”
“I love you, too,” he said with pure conviction.
Faith could sense the seriousness in his tone, and though the emotion was palpable, she smiled and quipped, “Don’t get all soft on me ‘cause the world might come to an end, Sweet Spot.”
“I mean it,” he fervently proclaimed, stepping closer. Their faces were inches away as he asserted, “No matter what you’ve been through, I’ll still love you—even more if you ever want to let me in.”
Faith was silent for a few seconds, and as if angered by the emotions he brought out in her, she groaned before grabbing his collar and pulling him down for a deep and passionate kiss. Her lips were fierce against his, as if trying to fight off the emotion he stirred within her. Faith’s tongue flicked against his, and Xander couldn’t help but marvel at how much desire she had for him, and accepted how dominating she can be; opening for her, sucking her in, and massaging her tongue with his.
Xander’s hands moved to her back, pulling her in even closer, until their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. Faith’s scent was intoxicating—a mix of sweat, leather, and some kind of spiciness that he couldn’t identify. Their kiss grew more intense, more desperate as they slowed down, until they pulled away from each other, both panting. Xander looked into Faith’s flushed face. He couldn’t help brushing a strand of hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear.
After several moments of gathering herself, she tapped his chest with her fist and weakly ordered, “You better come back to me, too.”
Xander had less than seven hours before the end of the year loop, but he happily nodded and replied, “You’re the boss.”
The pair mounted their bikes, their engines purring beneath them, and sped off into the night, heading in opposite directions. Xander’s scrambler leapt over curbs and barreled down dirt roads at high speeds, while Faith’s cafe racer hugged the road as she took winding paths through the city streets. Xander and Faith checked in with Cordelia every fifteen minutes, who relayed the information to the rest of the group.
—B—
After the latest update from Cordelia, Buffy heaved a sigh of relief as she heard reassuring news. She couldn’t shake off the worry that had been gnawing at her since Xander and Faith had left, but at least she knew they were safe for the moment. Buffy leaned against the nearest locker, her thoughts consumed by Xander. Though she couldn’t bring herself to admit it aloud, her heart was racing, and she couldn’t understand why these intense emotions kept bubbling up inside of her. The sight of her reflection in the glass case in front of her didn’t help settle the turmoil within.
‘Why’d she have to pick an outfit that looks just like Xander’s?’ she mentally complained as she looked over her appearance.
Buffy couldn’t believe Faith had picked a change of clothes that looked like Xander’s—tactical black slacks, a long-sleeve top under a black jacket with a hoodie, and a camouflage scarf. As she looked herself over in the glass case’s reflection, frustration was building within her, but so was something else—a twinge of excitement… maybe even desire. Buffy couldn’t understand these feelings or where they came from. All she knew was that they were growing stronger by the minute, and it was scaring her.
As Buffy sensed a presence approaching, she turned around to see Angel walking toward her, his figure casting an imposing shadow in the dimly lit hallway. Confused by his unexpected appearance, as he should be in a different section of the school, Buffy asked, “What are you doing here? You should be covering your side.”
Angel stopped in front of her and thoughtfully replied, “If anything is going to happen, it’ll be closer to midnight. All the worst rituals usually happen then.”
Buffy half nodded, agreeing, but also said, “Maybe, but you can never be too careful.”
“I wanted to check on you,” he softly expressed, his voice was like a soothing balm on her frayed nerves. “You seem distracted; lost in thought.”
“Me?” she repeated nervously, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. “Lost? In your eyes maybe,” she tried to joke, but the words came out strained and awkward. Angel’s piercing gaze made her feel exposed.
“Buffy, if something’s bothering you, you know you can tell me,” he conveyed, eying her with warmth.
Buffy felt a knot form in her stomach as Angel’s concerned gaze locked onto her. Her mind was clouded with thoughts and emotions she couldn’t put into words, even to herself. She knew Angel was waiting for a response, but the words eluded her. She swallowed hard, hoping to quell the anxiety rising in her chest. “I’m-” she began, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m going to check on Willow. See if she needs help with her mist thingy.”
Buffy used the excuse to flee, her feet hastening down the hall before Angel could question her further. She could feel his eyes on her back as she ran, and a pang of guilt tugged at her heart. But she couldn’t face whatever was brewing between them right now. Not when her own emotions were so raw and confusing.
Buffy rushed down the dimly lit hallway. Her encounter with Angel had left her feeling vulnerable, something she wasn’t used to, especially not with him, the greatest love of her life. As she turned the corner, she saw Willow placing a small pot on the floor. The way the spell had been explained, after Willow spoke the incantation, the entire hallway should fill with mist that would only hinder the enemy’s visibility.
“Willloooow!” Buffy yelled, running to her best friend—her one salvation.
Willow whirled around, startled—fearing the worst—and gasped, “What? What is it?”
“I need your help,” the upset Buffy said, planting her hands on Willow’s shoulders.
Willow looked over Buffy’s outfit and remarked, “Oh, you changed.” Tilting her head, eying the beautiful blonde with a hint of recognition, she said, “You kinda look like-”
“Willow! Please!” Buffy interrupted, desperate to avoid hearing how she was dressed like Xander.
“Right,” Willow quickly replied, eying her friend with growing concern. “What is it?”
Buffy felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, her heart racing in her ears as she hesitated to answer, “I have an amazing boyfriend, like, literally the love of my life, but I think I’m maybe, slightly, possibly, potentially fa-falling… for… Xander.”
“Oh,” Willow gently said. However, when the magnitude of Buffy’s confession hit her like a brick, Willow’s lips parted and her eyes widened like saucers. “Oh! That’s… that’s, uh, a good string of synonyms,” she stammered, attempting to make light of the situation.
“Willow!” Buffy pleaded. She let out a sigh of frustration as she paced back and forth in the hallway, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.
“Right, sorry,” Willow said, eying her pacing friend with concern. “I’m just… processing. That’s pretty huge.”
“Huge, really?” Buffy anxiously questioned. “I was sorta leaning toward crazy.”
“Oh, yeah, that too,” the redhead hastily conceded. “But maybe this isn’t the best time, considering the fate of the world could be at stake and all.”
“I know. I know,” Buffy bemoaned, moving around her to lean on a locker. She confessed, “Which is why I need to get this out of my system right now.” She turned her head and her eyes fixated on a point in the distance as she added, “Angel’s worried about me and wants to know what’s wrong—because, duh, he’s amazing—but I don’t know what to tell him. The world’s at stake if this goes down tonight, and I need to get my head in the game, but all I keep thinking about is whether Angel can tell or not!”
Willow could see the turmoil in her friend’s eyes, the conflict raging within her. She reached out to Buffy, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Alright, alright,” she said softly, trying to reassure her. “Um, let’s just figure out what to tell Angel for now. That should help you focus.”
“Okay. Good. Good,” Buffy quickly replied, standing upright again. With hopeful expectations in her eyes, she asked, “What do I tell him?”
“Oh, that’s a lot of pressure,” Willow nervously mumbled to herself, the weight of Buffy’s expectations heavy on her shoulders. She thought for a moment, carefully contemplating her words, before asking, “Um, do you think he’d understand if you tell him the truth?”
Buffy shook her head, replying in jest, “Call me crazy, but I can’t imagine any boyfriend out there being over-the-moon to know their girlfriend was constantly thinking about another guy.”
“Maybe don’t phrase it quite like that?” Willow suggested cautiously. “Just tell him you’re confused and you need a little space to figure out why.”
“That’s… brilliant,” Buffy slowly realized, her eyes lighting up with relief. “And very, very true.”
Willow looked at Buffy with curiosity in her eyes, and couldn’t help but ask, “Do you really have feelings for Xander?”
“Ugh, I don’t know,” Buffy replied, letting out a sigh of frustration. “Which is already crazy enough… to not know! I should know! I should be able to answer that question like this!” She snapped her fingers to emphasize her point. “But the more I think about him, the more boxes he checks off. He’s a box-checking machine right now.”
“Really?” Willow questioned. Buffy weakly nodded, and off the top of her head, Willow quizzed her as if she was reading from a teen girl magazine. “Uh, do you check yourself in the mirror to make sure you look your best in front of him?”
Buffy let out a guilty laugh, answering, “Not full-blown just yet, but… I’ve caught myself fixing my hair,” she confessed, as if it were a grave sin.
Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Willow moved on to ask, “Are you super aware when someone mentions his name?”
“Definitely,” Buffy confirmed with a heavy nod.
“Wow,” Willow replied, taken aback. “Uh, how about trying to bump into him?”
“This is still super fresh,” she answered. Buffy felt the heat on her face before adding, “But when we rode on his bike, I held him pretty tight… a-and I didn’t even have to… Ugh, God!”
Willow waited a moment for Buffy to gather her emotional equilibrium before prodding further. “Do you daydream about him?”
Buffy’s eyes widened for emphasis as she nodded, answering, “Oh yeah. All day.”
“Any love songs stuck in your head?”
Buffy hesitated for a moment before asking with skepticism, “Does, Always by Bon Jovi, count?”
Willow half nodded in approval, answering, “It’s a bit rock, but I’d say so. I mean, it’s no Whitney Houston, I’ll Always Love You.”
Buffy scrunched her nose at the thought, a playful smirk on her lips as she asked, “God, can you imagine?”
Willow looked at her friend knowingly, as if drawing on personal experience when she answered, “I can, actually.”
Buffy stilled at that, suddenly remembering Willow’s long-standing crush on Xander, and realized that she knew more than anyone else about the confusing and frustrating experience of falling for someone close to you. “Right,” Buffy quickly said. “Sorry, Will.”
“It’s fine,” Willow reassured her with a smile.
“Is this weird for you?” Buffy gently asked, not wanting to hurt her friend. “Wait. What am I saying? Of course, it is. Sorry. Stupid question,” she quickly corrected herself.
“I was pretty upset when he was dating Cordelia,” Willow admitted. “I couldn’t stop thinking about why I wasn’t good enough.”
Buffy felt a pang in her heart, knowing that feeling all too well, and tried to reassure her, saying, “No, Will-”
However, Willow shook her head gently, as if to say it was fine, before continuing. “I even tried to push things with Oz… to make myself feel better; feel attractive to someone,” she sadly confessed. “But, he helped me realize I should do things for the right reasons, you know?”
Buffy nodded, her gaze soft and attentive as she listened intently to her friend’s words. She wanted nothing more than to offer Willow the same level of comfort and support that she had always received from her.
“And after what Xander said to Spike,” the pensive redhead continued, “I thought to myself, maybe I truly don’t know what genuine love was. Maybe what I thought was romantic love for Xander was some other feeling inside of me that I didn’t even know about yet. Eventually, I realized that I love Xander like family. He’s my brother, father, mother, sister, just family, you know? And that felt perfect.”
“It kinda feels like the opposite for me,” Buffy said, fondly thinking about the man who had been her friend for so long. “I was totally fine with being friends—hell, brother and sister would’ve been perfect—and now, I’m wondering if my heart is actually racing when he’s around or am I just imagining this feeling because I have the emotional hiccups and I’m going crazy! I mean, when he was laying out the plan for everyone, I was just like… wow, you know?” Buffy’s face flushed with embarrassment, and hid it behind her palms, hoping Willow wouldn’t judge her. She pleaded, “Please, tell me you know, Will.”
“Oh, yeah, yeah,” she quickly agreed, a small smile on her lips. “Totally. That was, uh, really wow.”
Buffy let out a sigh of relief, comforted by how caring of a friend Willow was. “Thanks,” she said. “I guess that checks the checklist. I probably scored, like, a hundred,” the blushing girl lamented.
Willow took a moment to consider her words, wanting to offer her best friend some much-needed guidance. “Buffy… is this really about Xander and how liking him might hurt Angel, or could this be more about you?” she asked cautiously.
Furrowing her brow in confusion, Buffy asked, “What do you mean?”
Taking a deep breath, Willow looked deeply into her friend’s eyes, and prefaced, “I don’t know much about relationships—you know, with Oz being my first one—so I could be wrong here, but… you won’t ever be able to express your love for Angel in that way. I mean, I know that sex isn’t everything in a relationship, and I hate that this is the reality for you and Angel—it’s completely unfair—but… it is.”
Buffy’s muscles tensed and she could barely contain her panic as she dared to ask, “What are you saying?”
Willow’s expression softened with concern as she asked, “Are you telling yourself you’re fine with this no full-on intimacy relationship with Angel because it’s Angel, and you think that’s how you’re supposed to feel, or are you fine with that kind of relationship because you actually feel that way in your heart of hearts? I mean, could you be subconsciously looking for a way out and maybe using Xander to do it?”
Buffy felt her heart sink and struggled to find the right response, feeling as though her emotions were tangled and knotted. “...I,” she started to reply, but her words fell short. Instead, she said, “I should get back to my post. Thanks, Will.” Willow nodded, her eyes full of sympathy. Buffy absently lifted the walkie-talkie, stating, “Call if you see anything,” before turning to leave.
As Buffy patrolled her section of the school for the next hour, her thoughts were consumed by Willow’s words. She couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some truth to her friend’s concerns. Was she really just using Xander as a way out of her no-intimacy relationship with Angel? Buffy’s heart ached as she considered the possibility. Lost in thought, she was jolted back to reality by the sound of Cordelia’s voice crackling through her walkie.
“So, Xander called,” Cordelia voiced. “He came across a group of them or something. Downtown, I think. He’s following them and he’ll let us know where their lair is,” she finished, sending a chill down Buffy’s spine.
Her heart lurched as her mind replayed the situation currently unfolding. Xander was following a group of demons—very dangerous demons; demons tough enough to handle a Slayer. She was too far away to help him. He was on his own. She had to wait—whether five, ten, or thirty minutes—and Buffy wouldn’t know what happened to Xander until it was too late. She was powerless to help him.
As she stood there, her mind racing with worry, Buffy couldn’t help but recall all of the times she had seen Xander’s life end before her eyes in her visions. The thought of losing him, of never being able to see his goofy smile or hear his witty remarks again, was almost too much to bear. It was very possible Xander could die that night, and she’d be unable to reach him.
After a long radio silence, Cordelia asked, “...Did everyone get that?”
“You’re supposed to say ‘over’ when you’re done,” Willow reminded the cheerleader. “Over.”
“Oh, yeah,” Cordelia radioed. “Over. Over.”
Buffy felt the heavy weight of a monumental decision on her shoulders and a sickening pull on her stomach, like suddenly falling. She stood there, contemplating what future she wanted to live in. Did she want to make certain Xander would be in her life, or did she want to stay in the library and wait for fate to decide? Willow’s voice echoed in her head, asking, ‘In your heart of hearts, what do you want?’
Just then, Buffy heard the clock ticking on the wall of the hallway with crystal clarity, and her stomach twisted at the sound. It reminded her of the countless nightmares she had about Xander dying right after hearing that insufferable ticking noise.
Buffy surprised herself when she squeezed the button of the radio and slowly brought it up before ordering, “Cordelia… c-call Faith for me right now.”
Her steps toward the library were slow at first, but the more she thought about how far she was from Xander, the faster she rushed through the halls. Her skepticism disturbed her mind, but her body was overwhelmed by a force of will. Buffy was racing through the hallways, wondering if she should even be attempting such a risky plan, when Cordelia radioed back, “You forgot to say, over; Over-”
“Just do it!” Buffy commanded into the walkie as she ran.
“Alright, jeez,” Cordelia’s voice crackled through the radio, sounding annoyed at Buffy's brusque tone.
By the time she burst through the library’s double doors, all doubts and fears were gone, her mind consumed by a single purpose. She barely registered her friends’ gathering presence as she took the phone from Cordelia and asked Faith, “You heard? …Okay, come pick me up.”
Her tone was sharp and urgent, and Buffy could feel everyone around her balk at her demand. Oz and Willow looked at each other as much as Jenny and Giles shared a glance. Angel simply stared at his girlfriend, his face unreadable. Buffy could feel their hesitation—could feel Angel looking—but she was no longer capable of backing down now.
“I don’t care,” Buffy argued with the other Slayer. “Run the lights if you have to. Just come get me, or so help me, I’ll throw away all your pudding pops… Fine, I’ll be out front.”
The moment she hung up, Buffy began walking to the doors when Giles hastily called to his charge, “Buffy, perhaps we should wait to hear back from Xander first.”
“I’m going,” is all the Slayer told them.
Following her, Angel asserted, “I’m coming with you.”
By the doors, Buffy stopped and shook her head, stating, “You need to stay here, just in case.”
“All the more reason you should stay as well,” Angel reasoned. “We’ll know more when Xander calls.”
Buffy considered Angel’s words, but looking at Willow, she felt a restlessness in her chest, a gnawing fear that made her want to run toward Xander before she lost him forever. She barely had any control over the words that came out of her mouth next, as they felt like a reflex. “I… can’t. I just… can’t, okay. Please, stay here. Tighten the perimeter and call if anything happens,” she finished before exiting the room.
Angel followed her out of the library, his steps matching hers as they walked through the halls of the school. The air was thick with tension, and Buffy’s mind was racing with thoughts of what might happen to Xander if she didn’t reach him in time. As they made it to the school’s parking lot, Angel held the crook of Buffy’s elbow and stepped in front of her, his dark eyes filled with worry.
“Buffy, you’re asking me to let you go to a nest of those things on your own,” he argued.
Buffy could feel her resolve wavering under his intense gaze, but she couldn’t back down now. She took a deep breath before weakly reminding him, “I won’t be on my own.”
Angel shook his head with growing frustration and replied, “You know what I mean. These demons are dangerous even for Slayers. I can’t just sit here-”
“We’re not fighting them,” Buffy interrupted, trying to reassure her concerned boyfriend. “But I can’t let Xander go without backup.”
Angel quickly suggested, “Faith can back him up.”
She anxiously replied, “It might not be enough. You know how strong these things are-”
“Buffy!” he began to interject. Realizing his own agitation, he calmed down to express, “You have to know it makes more sense for you to stay here, secure this position, and wait for his call.”
Buffy didn’t hesitate to argue, “And if he does call and it takes thirty minutes to drive wherever the nest is? Who the hell knows what could happen in that time? I’d leave Faith here, but I can’t drive a motorcycle… yet. I’m definitely convincing Mom after this.”
“Then let me go,” Angel proposed, his voice firm. At Buffy’s wincing expression, he continued, “You and Faith stay here and I’ll back Xander up.”
Though she was grateful he would offer, she countered, “She’ll never let you ride her bike. She loves that thing too much.”
The vampire’s frustration boiled over as he exclaimed, “Buffy!” A still silence passed between them, staring at each other and feeling like they were standing right beside an enormous topic neither of them wanted to broach. However, Angel tentatively asked, “What is this? What aren’t you telling me?”
Buffy turned away, her mind in turmoil. She couldn’t bear to say the words out loud; not if it risked hurting him. But she once again heard Willow’s voice in her head, urging her to unburden herself with the truth. She turned back to Angel and confessed, “I… I’ve been having dreams about Xander.”
Angel’s eyes narrowed with concern before he tentatively questioned, “Precognitive dreams?”
She couldn’t quite look him in the eyes when she answered, “Yeah. I think.”
“Okay,” he cautiously confirmed. “What happens in your dream?”
“Dreams,” she corrected, her mind flashing back to the countless nightmares that had plagued her in the past weeks. “A lot of the details change every time.”
Angel frowned, trying to make sense of it all, and asked, “If details change, how can you be sure it’s a Slayer Dream?”
“Faith had a few, too,” Buffy replied. “Giles told us to focus on the things that don’t change.”
“Which is Xander.”
“Which is Xander dying,” she rashly corrected. “Him dying in more ways than I can count. And I can never stop it.”
“So you think…” he trailed off, before he pulled her into a tight embrace. She was sure Angel could feel how tense with worry she was as he reassured her, “Buffy, from what I’ve seen this past year, it’s pretty clear Xander knows how to take care of himself. With his weapons, he could give me a run for my money. You don’t have to worry this much about him.”
“He’s still weak from yesterday,” Buffy reminded him, her voice filled with unease.
“So are you,” he reminded her.
“Not by much,” she hotly contested, her eyes unwavering. “And I’m getting stronger by the second.”
“Buffy, he said it himself,” Angel continued to press. “He’s only doing reconnaissance, which means he’ll retreat at the first sign of trouble. I know how much you care about your friends, but if the library really is the Sisterhood’s target, we can’t leave it short-handed. Xander will be fine. Trust me.”
Buffy felt backed into a corner by her emotions and what she objectively knew to be the smart decision. Her hands shook as frustration poured out of her and she vented, “If anything happens to him, I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”
Angel countered, his voice heavy with disbelief, “And Giles? Willow? What if something happens to them because you weren’t here? You’re making an emotional decision right now,” he accused, giving Buffy pause. Slowly, he added, “That’s not like you.”
Her greenish-blue eyes stared sternly into his as she reminded him, “I made the same decision when I didn’t kill Angelus.”
“That’s not the same,” Angel hotly disputed. “I’m not saying you don’t love Xander, but it’s not the same.”
She stood her ground and didn’t say anything to that, but articulated, “If the sisterhood comes here, hold them off for as long as you can, then get everyone out. We’ll deal with anything that comes out after.”
“Buffy, this is Xander!” Angel implored, eying his girlfriend as if he barely recognized her. “He’ll understand if you don’t go to him.”
“But I won’t!” she cried out, her frustration boiled over.
Her outburst hung in the air, as Angel leaned back, confusion etched on his face as he slowly asked, “What does that mean?”
He regarded her warily, waiting for her to elaborate, and regret flooded through Buffy. She needed to leave, to find Xander, to make sure he was safe, but she also hated the idea of hurting Angel. Buffy couldn’t quell the turmoil within her, and in hopes of postponing the conversation for another day, she took a calming breath and stated, “Angel, I can’t explain it right now, okay? I just have a really bad feeling and I have to go. That’s it.”
Angel watched her, his dark eyes studying her face, and seemed lost trying to decipher her confusing behavior. As they stood in silence, the distant sound of police sirens caught their attention, and they both turned to look in the direction of the noise. A few minutes later, the roar of a motorcycle echoed in the distance, growing louder by the second. Buffy’s body tensed with anticipation, and she exchanged a glance with Angel.
When Faith screeched to a halt in front of them, she shouted, “Come on! We gotta go!”
Angel stepped up to the brunette Slayer, his hand resting on the handlebar, and requested, “Faith, let me borrow your bike.”
Her brows furrowed, as if offended. She smacked his hand off her precious bike and retorted, “The fuck I will.”
Undeterred, the handsome vampire leaned in as he asserted, “I promise not to-”
“We don’t have time for this,” Faith hotly interrupted as the sirens grew louder. Turning to the blonde Slayer, she cried out, “Buffy, let’s go. Xander without backup is gonna make me puke!”
As she hopped on the running motorcycle, Buffy told her frustrated boyfriend, “Watch out for the others. We’ll call if there’s anything,” she promised, before the motorcycle roared to life and took off, leaving Angel alone on the sidewalk.