No Regret.
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Xander woke up with an intense fright. The alarm was blaring beside him, but he didn’t care. With quick agitated hands, Xander clapped at his neck several times, feeling for puncture holes in his skin or blood pooling out. Despite his fingers coming up unblemished, he rushed out of bed and to the nearest mirror to examine his neck with his own eyes. Only when his pale skin appeared untouched by vampire fangs, or even a speck of dirt, did Xander finally calm down.
“Thank God…” he voiced before realizing where he was.
Looking around the dirty washroom as his panic subsided, the dark-haired teenager realized he wasn’t in a hospital lavatory. He was in his own bathroom. The tub, tiles, floor, and walls were supposed to be white, but it all had a greasy, yellowish film over them. The edges of the bathtub were brown from dirty water and the toilet had yellow stains tracking down the bowl to the floor. Craning his neck to the left, he viewed his dirty room through the door frame, and to his dread, it looked exactly like that Halloween day.
“No,” he painfully voiced.
Xander rushed to the television and found the same Mighty Max cartoon playing. When he found his mother passed out on her bed and his father passed out on the couch, he couldn’t deny it. He was back. The teen went from nearly dying by vampires to sliding back into the time loop he thought he escaped, and he couldn’t tell which was the worst fate. That sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach convulsed before he doubled over and threw up on the stained carpet of his living room. He had little in his stomach, but anything in there came out to a gagging sight, sound, and smell.
After several dry heaves, a panting Xander wiped his drool-covered lips before weakly getting to his feet and leaving his house. Walking the streets with no destination in mind, Xander wondered why he wasn’t angrier. He’d gotten out. He made it and everything was flowing forward as it should. And now he was back. Rather than anger, he was numb and in a state of shock.
The meandering teen wasn’t in a place to break it all down intellectually and figure out a solution. He simply kept on walking until he found himself in school. As ever, the Halloween decorations were up, Snyder was forcing students to chaperone, and no one remembered having already gone through the holiday. Other than their surprise at his choice of outfit that morning, Willow and Buffy acted the same as ever. Xander was dressed in his pajamas, but he didn’t care. He was zoned out and content to stay that way.
It wasn’t until lunch that Xander finally started wondering why he was back. The Sherlock mental pattern within wouldn’t leave him alone until he began making sense of it all. His mind began questioning everything about that day. He questioned whether he died from blood loss, but then recalled being drained to death before, and it felt exactly the same. It meant that he looped back despite successfully making it out of the time loop. But Xander didn’t care about that. The significance of looping back even outside of the time loop wasn’t the most important query on his mind. Even Ms. Calendar’s demand to tamper with his memories wasn’t his most important train of thought.
It was Buffy and Angel.
Xander, Willow, and Buffy were in the sitting area for lunch. The girls were talking amongst themselves, and Xander didn’t need to eavesdrop to know it was about Angel. He could tell by their facial expressions alone they were talking about him, and it was Buffy’s affection for Angel that annoyed him the most. Xander never imagined his dear friend, the vampire slayer, would ignore something so serious about Angel just because they’re dating. Looking at the beautiful blonde, Xander stewed in silence as he questioned her priorities.
‘Was Angel more important to Buffy than her own friends?’ Xander thought, and hated being uncertain of the answer. Days ago, he never imagined Buffy would doubt such a serious curse. Now he couldn’t even say if she would be peaceful about it. ‘She was pissed… at me!’
Her casual smile while talking to Willow finally made him snap. Xander wanted to get out of the time loop, but he needed to know why Angel mattered more than reason- more than common sense… than family. Even if they weren’t related by blood, friends can still be family.
“Hey, Buff?” When she turned to him, dazzling him with her beauty, he knew he couldn’t ask her specifically why she wouldn’t believe the truth about Angelus. This Buffy has never heard that conversation. Instead, he asked, “what’s the deal with you and Angel?”
Her eyebrows raised along with Willow’s. Xander realized he never asked about their relationship. It always hurt him in his chest to even think about asking, especially after she rejected him before summer. But after tens or even hundreds of thousands of loops, he didn’t care about that. If he was ever in a position where he needed to tell her the truth again, he didn’t want her getting angry at him; not if he can help it.
Getting more specific, Xander asked, “I mean, why isn’t it possible for you to believe Angel could do bad stuff? He did so before. Doesn’t that matter to you?”
“Xander,” a wary Willow tried to caution, looking between him and Buffy.
“I just want to know,” he quickly cut in, telling his redheaded friend. “If you love someone, and they turn out to be a killer, would you still love them?”
Buffy stood up, clearly upset at being questioned by him, but Xander needed to know more than he needed to be nice. She grabbed her bag before telling him, “It isn’t just that I love him completely. No one knows me better than he does. And I know him. Which is why it doesn’t matter what he did before. I know who he is now.”
Xander might’ve left well enough alone, but he assumed she wouldn’t remember this conversation and continued. “So, it wouldn’t matter if, for example, I found out that he could lose his soul? We all know that he’s cursed with a soul right now, but will that always be the case?”
“Xander,” Willow cut in, looking at him with concern etched on her face.
“What?” He voiced, standing up as well, eying them both with confusion. “What’s so wrong with asking questions? I’d like to know if it came down to it, and her friends found out Angel could go bad, would she believe us?”
“We wouldn’t do anything like that,” Willow told Xander before looking at a stone-faced Buffy.
Buffy hotly answered, “I get why you have a problem with him; really, I do. I don’t even blame you. But if you can’t get past your issue with him, I promise you, you’re going to have an issue with me, too.”
Xander raised his eyebrows at her stern expression. He felt nervous heat prickle at his armpits because her words weren’t a threat, but a promise, and it hurt. Looking at her with the knowledge of what may be and her inability to accept the truth, he was disappointed. She was his hero and she would turn her back on a best friend for her vampire boyfriend. That really hurt the teenage boy. Xander turned his back on her answer and walked away in deep disappointment.
When Larry walked up to him to learn how easy Buffy might be, Xander simply punched him in the face. Everyone in the room was surprised by the hard, meaty THUD of his connecting fist, including Willow and Buffy. As the larger footballer fell to the floor, he knocked over people and their food trays, causing a ruckus on his way down. Xander kept on walking and didn’t stop for the zinging pain of his hand or to observe the commotion he made. Larry was sprawled on the floor, knocked out cold, and the shocked room or the concern on Willow and Buffy’s faces didn’t matter to him.
The apathetic teenager simply told himself, ‘if I loop again, I need to ask Casanova why the sweetest, most amazing girl would fall in love with a murderer.’ Xander never had another person to ask before. Willow and Giles would find a nice way to tell him to mind his own business, but with a loop, he could ask Casanova and likely get an honest answer.
The teen left school, all the while making plans for the Janus curse. After stopping at Ethan’s, Xander locked Sherlock in a room at the Motor Inn, and before six o’clock, the teen taped the passphrase along with pages of additional details on the walls before barricading the door. Plastered all over the walls was the time loop that started when he woke up and ended at 3 AM; the seven deaths that automatically triggered being sent back; how no distance traveled seemed to matter; the Halloween costumes he dressed as—including his eighty-year-old version—and finally, how he got out before dying and being sent back.
As ever, the brilliant detective read the phrase before his mind began dissecting every detail of Xander’s problem. He noted how long Sherlock spent on the Old Man details. The famous detective found it intriguing that the older version of himself never had to suffer time loops. It suggested that whatever began the time-warping anomaly was beyond the dimension of normal time flow, which could only be extremely powerful entities. Assuming myths and legends were true, Sherlock was fascinated by that. However, it did nothing for Xander since no one could tell him why this was happening to him.
‘And how the hell am I supposed to stop extremely powerful entities by myself?’
A voice that sounded like Sherlock’s answered, ‘Clearly, there are rules. You have them posted all over the walls. If there are rules to keep you in, it stands to reason there have to be rules to get you out.’
Sherlock continued to study the problem for the remainder of time. Before the end of the curse, the brilliant man reasoned that if nothing external prompted a deviation from the pattern, then it must be internal. Circling the word ‘internal,’ the example Sherlock used was, “If you can be certain no one is poisoning you, but you are, in fact, being poisoned, then logic dictates you must be the one poisoning yourself.”
Though Xander had yet to be a hundred percent certain no one else was the cause of his “poisoning,” Sherlock still proposed Xander recreate the night before time progressed normally. As it was fresh in Xander’s mind, the teen recalled exactly what he did. He dressed up as his older self—as he had for several loops—cried over the misery that was his future, and cursed the disappointing direction his life took with righteous fury. Xander recalled desperately wanting to change and promised to be better if the looping ended.
“Then I got out and died on the first night,” he joked to himself. “Just do the same without the dying.”
In the following loop, Xander dressed as his old self again. The memories—the good, the bad, and the ugly—flooded his mind once again when the curse began and he promptly felt a myriad of emotions; disappointment, shame, hurt, anxiousness, pride, joy, confusion, and regret. At the end of the night, he repeated everything he said to get out of the loop, then he went to sleep. The following morning, Xander woke up to his blaring alarm, the same Mighty Max episode, and Halloween all over again. Not willing to give up, Xander tried again and prayed like he never had before to escape. But he didn’t.
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“You’ve got to be kidding me!” He yelled, wondering if Sherlock was wrong, and someone was, in actuality, doing this to him. Xander couldn’t imagine who would be powerful enough and hate him enough to do this. “What am I doing wrong?!” He didn’t want to give up and tried no less than twenty times to get out of the loop using his Old Man costume, but not once did it work.
When Xander felt the despair creeping upon him, he walked out of Ethan’s with Casanova’s costume and visited the computer classroom for a pleasant distraction. After repeating the winning formula, Xander found himself in Jenny’s bedroom, making her moan. On all fours, he pounded into her sodden snatch from the back. The beautiful teacher dug the heels of her palms into the mattress as her whole body rocked with Xander’s every thrust. Under his unyielding energy of youth, Jenny was panting loudly. Her small breasts jiggled, and she was covered in sweat. She already came several times and couldn’t stop moaning her approval.
Jenny couldn’t comprehend why Xander was so good, but was unable to think long enough to care. While he fondled her breasts and ass exactly how she liked it, she rubbed her clit and squeezed his pumping cock. When she felt close, she moaned, “Xander! AAHH! I’m almost there! Jus…a MNN, little Mmmmoore!”
As Xander increased his pounding, her moaning grew in tandem with her rising peak of pleasure. Her breathing hitched when she clenched her stomach and her pelvis started vibrating. Feeling her increased contractions, Xander pressed her face into the mattress and pounded her g-spot harder.
“I’M CUMMING!!!!” Jenny muffled into the sheets. Her taut and sweaty body lost all control and shuddered tremendously. Her legs quivered as the ecstasy spread from her exploding love tunnel to her spine and foggy brain. Xander grunted and let himself erupt inside of her sodden vagina, pumping thread after thread of his spunk inside. Feeling his hot seed filling her crevices, Jenny gripped the sheets tightly as her body convulsed with one of the best orgasms she’s ever had.
When Xander settled atop her heaving form, he couldn’t help but think Jenny was the second girl who made no sense. If the Jenny who wanted to tamper with this memory could see the one under him at the moment, he wondered if she would still want to erase his experiences. The teenager couldn’t ignore the bit of spite he had for her. He couldn’t help recall how she wanted to manipulate his memory. As his irritation increased, so too did his erection. Jenny moaned loudly, arching her flush back as her dripping womanhood widened with his throbbing rod. She had already orgasmed four times and he could feel her shivering form eagerly submit for more.
Though she loudly moaned for more, Xander only thought how he didn’t want to sacrifice his memories simply to make her feel better. Xander wrapped his strained arms around her waist and thrusted as deep as he could, jiggling her lithe body. The glistening beauty hugged his neck as he pounded into her slickness, hitting all her spots as he sucked on her sensitive nipples. When he felt her pussy shiver, his right hand rubbed on her extended clit. She moaned and hummed sweetly for a few minutes before her love coil snapped. For the fifth time that night, a long, heart-stopping eruption of ecstasy blasted from her quivering cunt throughout the rest of her flush body, vibrating her legs, spine, and brain with ceaseless waves of bliss.
She clenched him like a vice and the delicious trembling sent him over the edge and Xander climaxed inside of her again. She squeezed load after load out of him until they lay spent beside one another. They heaved side-by-side, but he was still upset with her. ‘She didn’t even have the memory,’ he yelled in his mind. Fueled by his indignation, Xander had sex with her all night, making her moan, beg, and scream his name as she orgasmed repeatedly.
Observing the way she was snuggled up to him by the end, holding him tightly, made him tilt her head to look at him. Eyes droopy, the blushing woman was clearly ready to sleep, but he couldn’t end this loop without telling her, “before you even think it, no, I don’t care if you don’t like this tomorrow. I won’t even care if you regret it.”
There was a version of Jenny that would use magic to force him to erase his memory simply because she didn’t like it. With the utmost determination, he asserted, “This is my memory and I’m keeping it. If you can’t deal with that, tough.”
Though it was irrational to say as much to someone who has no idea what he means, it needed to be said. Her expression was one of surprise and she didn’t respond. Xander simply drew her close and went to sleep with her lusciously nude warmth against him. As ever, sleep was fast; as if sleep couldn’t get rid of his level of fatigue. Waking up with morning wood was normal in the time loop. Waking up with a beautiful nude woman lying flush on top of him had never happened to him before.
Xander froze.
At first, he simply couldn’t believe how comfortably warm he felt. The gorgeous woman laying against him felt amazing in the coolness of the room. The room was clean and orderly and smelled nice. The bed was much more comfortable than his and the ceiling was spotless; no stains. The clean ceiling fan confused him because he didn’t have one in his room. He didn’t have one in his room because he wasn’t in his room. He had escaped the loop again.
‘What the hell in a handbasket,’ his mind screamed as he raised the blanket to look down Jenny’s naked backside. The naked teen didn’t move; partly out of shock, but also because her soft, warm body did wonders to keep him from freaking out.
‘This hasn’t ever happened before,’ his mind continued to repeat while his wide eyes appreciated the bubble of her butt.
While the Achilles and Casanova within only cared to wake Jenny in the most erotic way possible, Sherlock was noting every detail he saw. They were definitely in her bedroom. The position of the sun was just over the horizon, meaning it was seven in the morning. The smell of her sheets was a mixture of sex and lavender. His body ached from the wounds he’d received from Casanova’s craziness, as well as an intense night of lovemaking. His nose, thigh, and lower back hurt the worst.
‘No doubt about it,’ Xander reasoned. “It’s Saturday… November the first… again.”
Though the Sherlock side of his mind wanted to ponder on what trigger resumed the normal flow of time, the hormonal teenager had a different urge. He had a raging hard-on, his hot naked teacher on top of him, and there was no school on Saturday. His fingers were more than acquainted with all her pleasure zones and roused her body to a slick, warm, and ready awakening.
“Mnnn,” she hummed as her body naturally snuggled into him. Xander moved her lethargic body on top to straddle him. She was so fuzzy, half-asleep, and in such a good mood that her body reacted on its own. Before she recalled her responsibilities as an educator, her hormonal student was already sliding his rod inside her again.
“Mmnn,” she moaned, savoring the delicious feeling. Slowly opening her eyes, she asked, “Xander?”
The hormonal teen wanted to sneak in one more round before he dedicated the rest of his time to figuring out how he made it out of the loop. His overabundance of excitement, enthusiasm, and anxiety wasn’t a calm energy to control, but he put it all into sex with Jenny. He didn’t want to speak because starting would feel like a broken dam. He didn’t think he’d be able to stop; not until everything that happened to him was voiced out of his system. Xander simply put all his energy deep into a moaning Jenny.
The only time they stopped was when the phone rang. The blushing woman looked at him curiously before recovering enough reason to answer the phone. At the sound of Giles’ voice, Jenny immediately covered up as the Englishman invited her to their review session for the curse last night. Xander was massaging her ass, but hearing Giles’ voice made her smack his hands away before giving him a stern glare of warning.
With her, “I’ll, uh, be there,” Jenny forced Xander to take a shower and breakfast was waiting for him when he finished.
She was so quiet, so deep in her thoughts, he asked, “Are you okay?”
Jenny blew up. “Of course I’m not okay!” She looked at him with crazed eyes and a deep sense of shame etched on her beautiful face. “How could I possibly be okay? I can’t believe I did- that!” She yelled as she pointed to the bedroom. Gripping her head, she groaned as the vivid memories of the past ten hours gelled with how undeniably giddy her body felt. “I mean, really, I can’t. I must’ve been out of my mind!”
‘Guess she’s not feeling it anymore,’ Xander quickly thought before clearing his throat. In an attempt to make her feel better, he reminded her, “Pretty sure you were saving me-”
“And after?” She quickly interjected. “When that scumbag left? What about then?”
Xander was having a hard time empathizing with the beautiful woman. Though she was freaking out, all he cared about was making it to the first of November. Xander felt good inside, but tried to appear sympathetic as he answered, “...Hormones?” Jumping on that logic, he quickly repeated, “Ah! Hormones and, and, I was literally the most notorious seducer in all of history. You know, he took a shine on you and he’s like the slayer of-”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” she hotly warned him.
“Right,” he said with a nervous swallow. “Listen, we don’t ever have to do this again,” he assured her.
Her icy brown eyes were piercing, and he didn’t want to agitate her any more than she already was, but he was also in a good mood. Xander had sides to him that wanted to be a good person who always did right by others. But he also had other, more selfish sides. Driven by his high spirits, his mouth spoke on its own and he wasn’t sure he hated what he was saying.
“Or,” he continued. “If you want to keep gushing like a geyser, we can. We’d be super careful about the when and the where.”
“Xander, you…” Jenny softly voiced, looking at him curiously. Then the memories flooded the forefront of her thoughts. She blushed before shaking her head and admitting, “I can’t. No, no. I… like someone.”
Xander nodded, already knowing who it was. “I’m not sure if Casanova is a good role model or not-”
“No,” Jenny quickly cut in, shaking her head. “There’s only one way that sentence ends; he’s not.”
He smiled before continuing. “Be that as it may, he’d say women can marry who they love or rut like animals, but you can’t have both.”
Quirking her brow, she asked, “And that’s supposed to mean?”
“I think it’s like him asking if you’re together with this person you like?” Though Xander knew it was Giles and he didn’t want to get in their way, he also recalled Jenny dying. If anything, being around her means he’ll be close enough to possibly prevent her murder.
“N-no,” she said, breaking eye contact.
“Then... technically... we can keep rutting away,” Xander reasoned. “I mean, I imagine I’m better than your toys.”
Turning to him in surprise, she quickly asked, “How’d-”
She cut herself off, but Xander understood what she wanted to ask and casually answered, “Same way I could tell it’s been a while for you. Like, I assume you’ve lived here in Sunnydale for a year?” She nodded, and he continued. “An adventurous and sexy woman like you—sexiest in the school by a long shot—going that long with no boyfriend that the student body has reported on? It’s a good bet you have a toy or two.”
Though she was awkward about the cliché situation, she was curious enough to ask, “Why… This is really embarrassing to ask, but I’m going to, anyway.” He nodded his consent, and she leaned in, squinting her eyes as she asked the one question she’s been wondering since the third orgasm. “Why were you so good? Was it because of Casanova?”
He couldn’t restrain the proud smirk from his face, and Jenny rolled her eyes at the teen before he easily answered, “Uh, some of it, yeah. Casanova has memories of making thousands of girls squeeze him dry, and most of them react similarly to the kind of techniques he does, but there’s variation too. He doesn’t just do the same things over and over.”
Nodding in acceptance, she asked, “And the other part?”
Xander eyed the woman like a man who had seen her most intimate expressions, making them both recall their night together. She cleared her throat as he answered, “Body compatibility. It felt like I’ve touched you thousands of times before. I just knew what to do.”
Seemingly having enough of the topic, Jenny abruptly ordered him to, “Eat your breakfast.”
The teenage boy nodded before walking to her and lifting her on the counter, making her squeal. He was leaning down, ready to devour her womanhood as she called back, “Xander! That’s not what I meant!” She bats him back with her hands before stepping away and telling him with a stern, extended finger, “This can’t happen again!”
Her almond eyes nearly glared, but he smiled and nodded.
Despite some disappointment at returning to a strictly platonic relationship with the gorgeous woman, Xander was still happy. After what felt like years in the time loop, it was a new day. He’s already had sex, and he had an entire day to see Buffy, Willow, and Giles ahead of him. Most importantly, he had a day to figure out why he got out of the loop this time. Something helped him move forward, and he needed to learn what. If it was something he needed to repeat in order to continue moving forward, then discovering what that was will be vital to ending this nightmare and finally living normally with his friends.