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Capitalist Cave- The Rise of Grug
7. The Golden Grug, Or How Grug made Moonshine and was robbed by a Bear.

7. The Golden Grug, Or How Grug made Moonshine and was robbed by a Bear.

We find our motley crew in their usual chairs, already speaking on subjects of little interest and dubious financial value to Big Rock Multimedia Industries LLC. At a sign from the producers, the cameras whir to life and our show begins again!

"Did Grug ever tell you story of how Grug created moonshine?"

[No, I don't believe you have. I'm surprised you would, you don't strike me as an alcoholic.]

"Grug not, Grug Iay down First Rule of moon business Grugself, after all.

[Whats that?]

"Never drink drunk on own stock, no hunt or hide left for Grug at end of day on that model. Rule 2 is, don't make still out of ritual pot of Speaker, Grug have scars from that. But most importantly, Rule 3 is DON'T TRUST BEAR NEAR STILL. End of story."

[Why do you care about bears near your still? Won't they stay away?]

Grug leaned forward in his chair, elbows on his knees and resting his bushy chin on his steepled hands.

"Grug tell you story of that time, and you learn how sneakful Brother Bear is, great betrayer of friends. In Big Cave, sometimes Speaker need to have talk with ancestors or spirits. Speaker has great big stone pot, good lid, and with wood tube with vine hose attach to it. When Speaker spirit-talk, she fill pot with odd plants with funny smell she go into Dark Forest for, deeper than even Mug go.

She put pot on fire with herb and water and suck on tube until she all weird and talk weird spirit talk. So Grug go over one day, talk business, the works. Now Grug had smelled some sour-berry mash on way that made Grug head fuzzy, and Grug guess mash what Speaker use."

[So you stole her "pot", and filled it wish sour-berry mash and water, am I right?]

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Grug managed to look marginally offended, but it was obviously for forms sake.

"Grug never steal. Grug indefinitely borrow, like any good business Grug does."

[Moving on... you took the pot with the mash and the water and then what?]

"Grug wait until Grug see Air-Water come out hose, then Grug started pulling on hose in big breaths, cough up storm, Grug may have lost liver Grug cough so hard. Grug made sure to put tube in bucket, so no mess to give Grug away. But Grug felt AMAZING after cough time...for about two blinks of eyes, then Grug passed out. Grug wake up a little later ,about two hands of Sun. Grug noticed that he was wet, even though tube in bucket, so Grug go check bucket and find it overflow with Mash-Water!

Now, let Grug tell truth here. Grug confused, head hurt like hit on head by Roc. Grug was so thirsty, Grug think "drink mash water, head feel better and then you dump all out and put back pot." So Grug took mighty swig and then probably cough out spleen he cough so hard from fire-water flowing through his craw. Grug almost drop bucket, but then Grug start to feel really good, but not need to fall asleep."

[So you decided "what's the harm in another swig?"]

"Ab-so-tootly Grug did, felt better and better, like whole world Grug friend, like Great Mother Moon in sky was look down on Grug and smiling at Grug. Then came Brother Bear. He big bear that live in Big Forest, eat dumb hunters in Forest trying to steal his hunt and honey.

Grug felt so good, Grug walked right up to Brother Bear and gave him big sloppy kiss on the snoot! Brother Bear not sure what do, Grug not afraid of him and he not know what smell on snoot is, but he seem to like. Grug grab his giant paw and drag over to bucket and put on his mouth. He lick, taste, then chug whole bucket, start dancing on back feet. Grug feel like dancing too, and Grug and Brother Bear danced night away until Grug and Brother Bear fall asleep.

When Grug see sun in morning, Grug stretch and sit up, reach for bucket and pot, not find anything! So Grug gets up and looks around, still nothing! To tell story short, since Grug hungry for Bear all suddenly, Grug was still looking when Speaker came and found Grug. Speaker so mad she was spirit-talking without herb-water, and if Mug hadn't made Grug wear anti-Roc headband, Grug not have survived the beating. "

Grug, starting to stand, shivered a little.

"Grug not touched Sour-berry mash since, Grug just remember looking like it afterwards for week. Grug got to go, eat Bear to forget."

[Well, I guess that's all for today, folks! This has been Banou of Channel Big Rock, reporting live, interviewing the CEO of Bouldercorp, Grug Quicktalker. Signing off!]