Another day, another show. Grug, as usual, in his customary chair,is eating a small, scaly creature that seems to be trying to eat him first, but failing. Banou is discussing something script-related with the producer. All is tranquil and normal within the Cave Report studio...until it isn't. Grug wins his battle of eat or be eaten, crunching down on the creature and recoiling in shock as he feels something distinctly non-organic inside.

"Oh, this not good. Hey! Banou! This lizard have sharp metal pack inside, Grug don't recall ordering crunchy lizard----"

With a sharp crack and whoosh, the mangled reptile explodes, knocking Grug clean out of his chair.

[Grug! Are you Okay? Hurry, someone go get help!]

Banou rushed to Grug's side, only to find the injured caveman chuckling heartily as he patted out flames on his pelt wrap with his mangled hand, while picking up his amputated fingers with his good hand.

"That spiciest lizard Grug have in ages. Need to get more. Good fun!"

Banou stared at him in disbelief.

[Grug, we need to get you to the hospital immediately or you could lose that hand, come on, get up!]

Now it was Grug's turn to return an incredulous stare.

"What you mean? This not big deal at all, Grug know special shaman trick, Geddafigs show many moons ago. Watch."

Grug gathers up all the fingers in his good hand, then spits on each one throughly before squishing them back onto their stumps, sprinkling powder from a pocket on them. Finished, he holds his reattached index finger out.

"Pull Grug's finger. Old shaman trick, work every time."

[But...What did you even do? Is it going to fall off when I pull? Come on Grug, let's still go.]

"Grug fine, show must go on. Busy schedule to keep. Now pull on Grug finger so show can start!"

Banou, wincing and with much trepidation, pulls on the reattached digit. Immediately after, a foul odor and reverberation echoes through the studio, accompanied by a deep belly laugh from Grug.

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"Grug actually got you to pull finger, oldest trick in book! Ha! Grug thank whoever try to kill Grug for such great opportunity. "

[That's disgusting, Grug. But your fingers do look fine now, and we are on a tight schedule, so I guess we must go on with the show. Just outside of the Plainfolk encampment. So we are live in 3...2...1...]

"The way east pretty easy, and it cool time of year so Long-Snout do ok even in south. Grug and riders make good time for few days until Grug notice Grug's butt hurt when he sit on Long-Snout all day, big bone rubbing against Grug whole time. So Grug thunk on it, look through things from trade with Plainfolk. Grug know it too warm for thick pelt on top of Long-Snout thick pelt, so leave those, but quilts not heavy enough to stay, keep falling off of Long-Snout and out from under Grug.

Grug about to give up when Grug's red punch-bird yell for food, and give Grug great idea. Grug punch holes in bottom corners of quilt and tie around fat belly of Long-Snout with rope. Stay in place and not move when Long-Snout move."

[So you created the first saddle, that's pretty amazing.]

"Grug do more than just saddle-make. Grug curious one day about blow-horn he hear hunter use sometimes, but not for blow, but for carry. Later around fire, Grug gets spare blow-horn from Nugzub and put cap in blow end. Turn out that it work great for holding mash-water and other waters. But Grug hand get tired of holding, so he stop one day next to small group of trees and cut tree down with help from Long-Snout. Grug cut with axe Grug make Grugself, until grug has flat rectangle of wood that fit on back of Grug's Long-Snout, deep enough to make holes in.

Grug carve hole for drink horn, snack hole with lid, and groove to hold Grug's maps in wind where Grug can see them. "

[So, a travel desk. Pretty impressive work, Grug, but what did you do with the rest of the tree?]

"Grug carve each Burly Rider his own so not jealous of Grug's, as thanks for helping. Rest of tree get cut in pieces and loaded on Long-Snouts for when no more wood for fires. Around there, Grug also finally finish first map, no more room. Grug notice having hard time keeping all map hides together and protected, especially in rain. So when Grug stop for night that day, Grug go snake-hunting.

It go slow for while, most snakes asleep in burrows, too cold for waking. But after couple of hours, Grug get bite from one big burrow, and Grug yank dumb snake out of burrow with big pop noise. Grug professional snake-whapper, only kind of hunt Grug able to catch by self, so it pop out and Grug kill faster than sleepy fieldmouse in eagle nest."

[So you caught the snake, what's it for?]

"Grug make map-bag out of it! Grug pull out insides and then blow up like tube, then put map inside and use little bit of wood and rope, and fang of snake to hold lid closed. It funny though."

[What is, Grug?]

"By time Grug finish with all this invent and build time, we at Coast tribe, and Grug see the Big-Water for first time. Blew Grug away."

[Which will be the focus of the next installment of the Cave Report! Be sure to tune in next time for the latest in the saga of Grug Quicktalker! This is Banou Tzimitzkes, signing off!]