[It's time to talk boating, Grug. Don't you just love the sea spray against your face? The crisp sea air? The beautiful symmetry of waves and sky?]

Grug pointedly looked at Banou, face neutral, then blew a raspberry in her direction.

"Grug hate it. Grug hate salt water, Grug hate waves that make Grug lose Grug lunch. Grug hate sunburn from hot summer sun. But Grug do love boats. Nothing like steal honey from Brother Bear and hop in boat where he not go. Pay back for steal of Grug best mash-water. Grug get ahead of Grug though, right now Grug in Sea-Folk village, wake up to learn last Sea-Folk secret.

Grug feel very good on that day. Sea-bird yell good morning, wave smash into rock, as is proper. Grug see Fishchuck waiting in front of house, hold big log in one arm like weigh nothing. Then, Grug upgrade him from Brother Bear cousin to Brother Bear younger brother. Grug walk over to Fishchuck, say how do on nice morning, what big log for?

Fishchuck put log down after own how do, show Grug it hollow on inside. Grug ask why hollow, what use for log except for hide from Brother Bear or Sister Wolf? Fishchuck laugh, tell Grug not to worry, find out soon, and follow. Grug follow after Fishchuck pick up log and put on shoulder again, and we not stop until close to water, where villager named Goodcarver present Grug with two weird sticks.

Grug getting confused, though Grug also slowly get suspicious of Fishchuck plan to 'show Grug last secret'."

Grug looked unamused, and he hunched slightly as he spoke.

[Okay Grug, be honest with yourself. How else could he teach YOU to boat, without you actually participating in the actual boating.]

Grug waved a hand dismissively, nodding begrudgingly in agreement.

"Grug know, Grug know, but must remember Banou, Grug a mountain and valley kind of sapien, not a moving-water, up down round and round kind. Grug like Grug to stay dry and on solid stone where Grug can be sure of footing and of predators. Lots of things think Grug delicious, even Mug. Grug is for loving, not eating."

[We can certainly understand that, Grug, but why so much emphasis on the "eating" part?]

Grug sucked on his teeth like an old codger and fortified himself with a fresh roc egg before continuing.

"Grug start at beginning. Fishchuck very nice, friendly and respectful of Grug newness to boating, so say he help Grug learn. Does Fishchuck take Grug to shallow low water enough to float boat? Does Fishchuck use big boat so both fit? No. Fishchuck huge jerk, grab Grug up like pillow full of rocks and throw in log, 'oars' and all.

That bad enough, but then Fishchuck tell Grug to hold on tight. Grug tell Fishchuck to eat seabird beak with nethers. Fishchuck laugh and then lift Grug higher and start running into water! Grug yelling, Fishchuck laughing, all fisher-boaters sitting out there laughing at Grug. Grug thought then, at least can't get worse, Grug in boat on water, not too wet.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

That about time first wave hit Grug in face. Fishchuck keep pushing Grug further out with strong swim of Sea-Folk, until land start look small, where all fisher-boaters are. After that, Grug ask Fishchuck if he have crab in head, bring new boater out so far. Fishchuck laugh, say best way for Grug to learn secret is to do. Boaters show Grug how to paddle with oar-sticks.

Grug not too good at first, go in circle a lot. After little, Grug get pointed in right direction and start using best gift of Grug's tribe, aside from brain and good looks."

Banou laughed uproariously, holding her sides and rocking back in her chair for a little before wiping the tears from her eyes with a contented sigh.

"What so funny, Banou? What the deal?"

[Nothing, Grug. Please continue telling us about the gift. ]

Grug shrugged, and then lifted his arm, flexing as he did so, the corded muscles standing out like granite.

"Grug tribe have very good top of body strength, so put in boat and teach how?"

Grug made a whooshing noise.

"Like lightning hitting trees in forest , Grug go across water when figured out how to steer. But Grug not pay attention which way he going, end up further out, and boat begin to leak, and land tiny spot in distance. Grug worrying, but not panicked. Grug turn and point towards land, charge up his super arms and then go fast back towards land. But Grug not alone in water, see triangles stick out of water, follow Grug. Grug go so fast Grug not realize triangle in front of boat, BIG TRIANGLE.

Grug try to stop, but it like hitting ice chunk with face in Big River during long-winter. Boat go in all directions and Grug get face full of what look like fish version of Brother Bear. Scratchy too, like rubbing hand on back-scratch rock. It big fish, at least 8 Grugs long, and it try to eat Grug, come from side with big teeth size of Shellgather clay pots."

[So how did you survive an attack from such a massive shark?]

"Easy. Grug punch in face, same as at home."

[You punched a shark in the face....? I can never tell if you're an idiot or suicidally brave, Grug. ]

"Mug say if you have enough of one, you end up with both."

"Anyways, Grug make shark look confused and crazy for minute, but Grug realize he not floating, but going underwater. Grug not think, grab shark foot and go climbing up, until Grug reach triangle. Lucky for Grug, Grug had brought red punch-bird in case on Grug belt. Grug thunk fast, grab bit of rope from pocket, punch holes in triangle, and tie rope through.

Shark thrash like crazy, but Grug pull hard to hold on with Grug rope handle. Grug waste lot of time yelling, listening to punch-bird holler, until Grug realize why shark still turning...Grug kept pulling on the handle. About then, Grug sat up, open eyes, spat out punch-bird into case, and look around. Grug see land far away towards sun. Then Grug figured out by smack front or back with fist, could make move front or back.

[So not only did you punch it, you stabbed it with a bird, and rode it like a underwater horse.]

Grug nodded with a hint of asperity.

"That Grug's story, and Grug sticking to it. Grug drive shark back to shore until on ground again, and Sea-Folk village gather, beat shark with stick and make feast with it. But that for next episode, because it Grug turn to do sign off.

This NOT Banou, this Grug. Grug Quicktalker. Star of show, big Business Grug. Come back or you not get deal on new Long-Snout fluid change. We talk about feast and big boat next time. Grug wish you very Grug evening, Grug day, Grug afternoon, or Grug night. Banou helped, but it okay, Grug pulled through for team."

[Grug. Stop talking, we're already three minutes past cutoff.]

"Now you be quiet, Grug done. See? Grug leaving studio."

The microphone pops and crackles for a few more minutes, before the audio engineer realizes the mic is still live, and with a thunk, all is silent.