Grug spun idly around on his chair, throwing unshelled pistachios into the air and attempting to catch them in his mouth, only the occasional mumbles of swearing belying a miss. Banou walked in from behind the new Cave Report set, esconced safely in the basement of the current Bouldercorp headquarters. She wore her hair loose and long and was wearing a t-shirt with a penguin on it and jeans. Grug? Grug was wearing perhaps the rattiest pelt he owned, so worn and patched together that it might actually be rat hides, while around his thick neck, he wore a tie that seemed neither silk or cotton, but might even be the tongue of a creature.
Setting her coffee on the polished table, Banou took a seat, and with a countdown from the producer, the show began.
[Welcome, one and all, to The Cave Report, where we shall once again be continuing to tell the amazing life story of famous entrepreneur and CEO, Grug Quicktalker! Without further ado, let us dive right in.
So Grug, after you greeted the plainsfolk, what happened? ]
"Grug spent few more minute in respect pay and butt-kiss, then Grug got down to business Grug came for.
[Refresh us on your reasoning for leaving your base of operations, when you were going to be a father in a matter of months. ]
Grug grunted sourly.
"Phrasing, Banou. Phrasing. Grug left because needed time to think and to make sure Grug's business could keep up with new mouth to feed. Cave people eat lot, way more than young folk do now. Grug got through the butt-kiss, chief disperse crowd and Grug tell Riders to unload Long-Snouts and bring goods to hide tent of chief.
Grug enter Geddabug tent, very surprised to see many thick hide spread over floor, look comfortable. Grug watch Geddabug like hawk, see what do with Grug alone in tent, but he just smack hides and sit down.
Grug look at him, maybe pick nose, until Geddabug sigh like he disappointed, and tell Grug to sit, make self at home. Grug's riders come in with goods, and Geddabug eyes get so big, he go outside and get Goddafigs."
Grug pauses, rests his interlaced fingers on the top of the polished surface of the table.
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"Grug explain properly. In cave-tribes, talking with not-you in middle of deal or serious bigness is huge rudeness. Grug see that face, Banou. Cave life not have much until Grug come along, but had rules, when to eat, what rocks good snack..."
Grug pulls out a impure nugget of lead from the snack pocket and sticks it in his cheek, chewing contentedly.
"Grug love stone-candy, but make Grug think weird sometimes."
[Grug. That's lead! Spit it out this instant, it'll drive you insane if you eat it!]
Grug looked askance at Banou and regretfully removed the nugget and slapped it, slobber and all, into her outstretched hand.
"Grug eat stone-candy whole life, never lose gourd, still sharper than black-glass in noggin."
[I'm sure Grug, but think of the viewers, we don't want people getting sick, do we?]
"Grug guess not, but get off track. Grug eyes go red from insult from old farts, who not pay attention until Grug start gather bundle to leave. Goddafigs stop Grug, realize his mistake and give Grug his first piece of stone-candy for forgiveness. After that, everything good, Grug trade sweet-smell pillows and only-shiny on rope for fine whole auroch hides, quilted blankets, and finest foot-bags Grug ever see, many pairs. But most important, in exchange for 4 stone bottle of Grug Berry Bash Brew, Grug newest mash-water, Goddafigs trade Grug secret of keeping hunt good long time with rock that not water ice that Grug knew.
Grug also buy two of things Plainfolk call "horse", thunk they look tasty when buy, but really too fast to hunt, so just use to carry littlest riders when Long-Snouts too hot. Grug surprised when he find out that can milk Auroch and horse, and make tasty mash-water like sour-berry."
Grug stops, fishes in yet another pocket, and withdrew a thin piece of waxed, lacquered hide with scribbles on it.
[What does it say, Grug?]
Grug beamed, baring all of his many teeth.
"This the receipt of best deal Grug make. Grug get to take Geddafigs to guide and teach Grug plainsfolk tricks, and all Grug had to do was learn and spread this weird stuff he call 'writing'. So Grug promise, agree to share mash-water and hunt with plainsfolk for day or two. Goes okay, had big feast, much headache. When time up, Grug load the Long-Snouts and toss Geddafigs on Grug's Long-Snout in front. After that, listen to old farts and Geddafigs advice on way to go.
They say southerly is big sand place full of bones, Grug not find much trade there. West, Grug ask, west good? Geddabug say that Big-Heads to west, Grug do better to head east, say he find more smart trader like Grugself. That was first time Grug learn what Grug was, and that really reason Grug was crying as left the Plainsfolk, not because Grug ate bee. So with eye-water everywhere, Grug and his Burly Riders set course east, map at ready."
The producer discreetly tapped his watch from behind the camera, catching Banou's eye.
[And so, on that rousing note of exploration we leave you, dear viewers. Check in with us next time to find out the fate of Grug's expedition to the eastern lands and much more! This has been Banou Tzimitzkes and Grug Quicktalker, and this has been your Cave Report! So long!]