A telephone rings in the pregnant stillness of the pre-dawn hours, it's strident tone rending the veil of sleep for a certain harried interviewer.

[Who is this!?! Do you have any idea what time it is?]

"This Grug. Grug Quicktalker. Grug have question about today show."

Banou sighed, pushing her sleep-frazzled hair into a ponytail and firmly placing her feet on the floor.

[Go ahead, Grug. I'm awake.]

"Grug going to talk about safety and next business he does after pillow hide. But need to bring Roc, or hard to explain to viewers. Grug not seen many like his here. Can Grug?"

[Go ahead, you've brought plenty of rocks before, it fits through the door, right?]

"...It should. Grug will check." (Audible cracking sounds) " Yes. Roc will fit. Grug sorry for bothering you so early. Grug see you later. "

The call ended with a faintly corvid sounding noise and a harsh click.

[Better get up. I swear though, they don't pay enough for this job. We get all the nuts.]

-----------------------------------------------------------

[Good morning, Grug! You are going to tell us about work safety today, is that right?]

Grug nods sagely, reaching into another hidden pocket in his pelt wrap. Retrieving a weathered hide billfold, he fished out a vaguely rectangular chip of stone.

[Whats that, Grug?]

"This Grug's UNGA card, OSHA steal idea to make TWIG card."

[UNGA? What does that stand for?]

"UnderCave New Guy Association. Grug started it long time ago to make sure Grug's Roc herders putting on gear before taking Roc out for hunt. Get free pair of own gear and own Roc if finish and pass test. Great idea, only lose one herder each long-summer now."

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[Rock herders...? Gear? What do you mean, Grug? Can you explain?]

"Sure. Grug make call earlier to waiting Roc and Herder. Be here in minute. Told Banou it not make sense without example."

Grug dipped into his eponymous bag, pulling out a stout wooden club with a weathered piece of dark, circular granite embedded in a cleft on the end.

[Whats that for, Grug?]

"You see soon."

A burly caveman wearing a pelt painted in bright blue vertical stripes and a wooden bucket on his head with a large glowing mushroom on the top, backed into the room pulling hard on a thick rope.

"Who you bring, Zughar? Bungalow or Mudflap?"

"Mudflap this time, Boss Grug. Bungalow egg time now, not good to disturb." Zughar shouted, pulling with all of his might against the straining rope.

With a resounding crack, the doorframe gave way, and a whirl of feathers and cawing beak and talons. The thing was the size of an adolescent hippo, and it fell into the room with a mighty thud, where it lay twitching on the floor.

"Grug give you a Roc. Fine beast, smell okay, too stupid to run most times. Grug watch Rocs long time before trying to tame. Wonder how survive when dumber than hunter on fifth bowl of hot sour-berry water."

[This was not what we agreed on earlier, Grug. How will I explain to the management about the frame and the wall?]

Grug waved a hand dismissively.

"Tell to bill LumberWoodTreecorp. Me own most of place, example too good to pass up. Anyway, Grug went to Thinking Rock again, look at wild Roc hit head on ground, many whacks, looking for something next to river. Then Grug saw it."

[Saw what, Grug?"]

"Every time Roc hit head, Roc egg fall out back of Roc. Every cave love Roc egg, so tasty, full of grow-good for little cavelings. So Grug waited for Roc to leave, roc eat caveman, if can, and hit with hard beak, sharp claw if too near.

So Grug go over, and what he see but a little hollow under broken stone with half eat mushroom, same kind as on helmet Zughar wearing. Grug had Mugberta come and help with test while he get more hide for pillow. Later, Mugberta bring report. Turn out, if wear roc favorite color and put mushroom on helmet, Roc will keep laying egg by hitting helmet and hurting beak on rock lining on inside. Roc not see too good."

As if awakened by the mention of mushrooms, the semi-catatonic birdstock bolted upright, lurching unsteadily over to where Zughar sat with his helmet in his lap. Mudflap struck with a speed worthy of the term raptor, seizing the caveman's vulnerable head in its massive beak.

"Can Grug be excused for rest of today's interview? UNGA board gonna blow over second herder-eat in one long-summer."

Grug sighed wearily, and lifted his club.

"Grug hate doing herder-eat paperwork."

[Well, I guess thats all, folks. This has been Banou of Channel Big Rock, reporting live, interviewing the CEO of Bouldercorp, Grug Quicktalker. Signing off!]