"Vell zis iz funny!" said the Count looking at the strange scene around him as he stepped out of his sarcophagus. He gazed around at the ice sculptures and the great hall in wonder. "Vere in ze world are ve Gob? Even in two hundred und tventy two years und four monz's I could never have carved anysing as wondrous as zis great hall! Vot a marvel! Vot a beauty..."

His eyes fell on Princess Ilae.

"Indeed, vot a beauty." he repeated, "Hev I finally died und gone to heaven, Gob? Because zere is un angel in front of me."

Leőn rolled his eyes. The Princess didn't.

"no yoo not ded cont, dis iz yor eternal pree-serv. coz da dwarfeez trapped yoo in dere trapz and yoo woz in jale an i ate a twinkly spida--"

"Ew," shivered the Count, "Spiders are ze vorst!"

"--an coz i ate da spida, da dwarfee king sed i can hav anyfing but kylz sed he didn meen to but i fort he did so i ask for yoo an he sed no but den leon had a idea an made him mak mi git a kwest to tak yoo sumwer for eva an den we went frew da muntins an der was lots o monstas but we beet dem an kylz made a big fir on wun--"

"Oh Kyles! Hellooo!" said the Count only now recognising she was her, "You're looking absolutely ravishing in red! Oh my!"

"Thanks...I think," said Kylie with a lopsided smile.

"--an den we found dis carsel an dere woz a coky-tries coz jervais brang it heer--"

"Gervais? Vas here?"

"You just missed him!" said Kylie, pointing to the smashed ceiling, "He went that way."

"--an den we met dis ice prinsess!"

"Zat is qvite a lot to take in my now-fluffy leetl troll frend!"

He turned again to the Princess. Leőn's eyes narrowed to slits.

"Sveet Princess, allow me to introduce myself," he said, "My name is Count Xander Von Nachtzahn. Und I em eternally at your service."

He bowed deeply, then drew himself up to his full height, which was substantially taller than Gob remembered, and an extreme sense of ancient power seemed to radiate from him for an instant before he stepped forward, humbly took her hand, knelt on one knee in front of her and kissed her hand gently. He looked up into her eyes, and she held his gaze. And held it, and held it.

Both of their eyes went wide, the Princess gasped and pulled her hand back from his grasp, even taking a step back. She then straightened to her own full height and looked down at him, still on one knee in front of her.

"What a long and incredible life you have lead, Count." she said softly, "It would be an honour to provide you with sanctuary here for a long as you need it."

"fo eter-nitee!" said Gob with a big smile.

"We were just having a meal together, Count, before our previous guest decided to drop a bombshell and leave the building in a hurry," the Princess said gesturing to the tables, "would you care to join us?"

"Vell..." said the Count looking a little sheepish.

An ice golem approached him with a goblet filled with blood, and stood, stiffly, next to him.

Surprised, and glancing around, detecting no enmity from anyone except the Elf Warrior, he picked it up and sniffed it. He sniffed it again. His eyes widened in delight.

"Really?" he said to the Princess conspiratorially.

She nodded with a smile.

He took the goblet carefully as if it were the finest prize in the Realm and gestured to the table with a bow and a flourish.

"Shall ve?"

As they dined, the party together recounted the tale in much more animated detail of Gob and Kylie meeting him, their escape from the Dwarf prison, his disappearance from Gob's inventory, his surprise reappearance in the Dwarf King's hall, and the clever Quest that Leőn had proposed as a way of getting him out of there.

"How could you possibly have known you would bring him immediately to my domain:eternalpreserve?" the Princess asked Leőn incredulous.

Leőn shook his head. "I didn't. I just made up something on the spot I thought the King would go for. The rest was just... Oh please don't say--"

"FATE!" they all chimed together.

"So Gob," the Count asked now that he was all up to date, "last time ve met, you vere up to about, oh let's see..." he looked up at the ceiling, recalling, "XP Five hundred, viz Spirit Vun hundred tventy five, Mind Vun hundred four, Body Vun hundred eighty vun, und some incredible free stats, feeling, Seven, fate, Tventy four, purpose, Tventy five, luck Tventy four... not aligned viz anysing (so you could be unaligned viz everysing if I recall correctly), struggling a leetle viz some very strange traits: sucker! und crapstatz!, a blessing you couldn't use yet, except for ze initiative boost, und not completely sure about vhy un disembodied voice vould be vanting you to come to Cragtop... so now, how are you going?"

"Wow." said Kylie impressed, "You really have quite a head for numbers."

"Ha-Ha-Ha!" responded the Count with a wide smile.

"i iz ok." said Gob. He scrunched his parchment so the Count could see:

MUNTIN TROLL, LEVEL 2

QUEST: GET TO CRAGTOP.

Time remaining: Gervais has not yet arrived at Cragtop.

QUEST: Deliver the Vampire Count into eternal preservation.

XP 1545

SPIRIT 365 will 31 stability>instability 28 connection 36 courage 35 determination 33 drive 42 tenacity 28 neuroticism 33 humour 12 darkhumour 6 ferocity 53 arcane elightenment 6 masochism 8 manners 1 selfcontrol 5 selfassurance 5 fortitude 3

MAGIC

etherealblessing(unaligned):TOAST OF KRUNCH!

etherealfamiliar(unaligned):phasearachnidbrood

MIND 378 perception 69 memory 37 awareness 26 intelligence 89 literacy 10 introspection 42 (x5)initiative(5) 25 strategy 12 conversation 19 pun 3 negotiation 3 insistence 5 comprehension 12 problemsolving 4 lateral thought 4 visualisation 12 persuasion 3 diplomacy 3

BODY 706 heart 21 form 23 gut 22 brain 73 size 3 hunger 8 coordination 16 constitution 25 toughness 25 strength 22 dexterity 15 agility 15 speed 13 endurance 26 stamina 19 skill:run!!! 9 skill:bodifrow 18 skill:miteybitey>gear:tuskybite 35 skill:tooclors 35 skill:clorclima 7 skill:multifita 18 skill:clorkika 3 skill:stomp! 3 trait:trollhide>shagpilehide 28 trait:regeneration 95 trait:trolclors>slicehooks 28 trait:teef 9 trait:neurogenesis 92

feeling 7 fate 20 purpose 25 luck 16 trait:crapstatz! 13 trait:sucker! 15

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Aha!?" said the Count, "I see you hev un arcane treasure and stat box now eh!? Zis is old-school... much better!" he praised, "No offence intended Kyles!"

"None taken Count, I've gone a little red myself as you already observed." Kylie replied.

"Hmmmmmm... Vun thousand un forty five XP increase in less zan two weeks!? Zis progression is incredible Gob! Vell done! You are level two already! I vill hev to votch you drink your Toast to Krunch before our time togezer is through!"

"It is quite astonishing to watch," commented the Princess, "and seemingly gives a complete magical immunity too. I never met anyone I couldn't freeze before."

"Indeed!" said the Count, "You know Gob I vaz sinking about all zis vhile I vas in my sarcophagus. Zere is somesing I'm missing. I know, I know, I hev been out of ze picture for a couple hundred years... but last I remember, Cragtop Bastion vas a bit elitist... I mean ze best of ze best vere zere, 'protecting ze realm' as zey liked to call it. Ze best of ze best... but all Humans und Dwarfees und Elfees. So vhy are YOU going zere?"

Everyone in the room looked at each other. It was the White Orc who spoke first.

"Cragtop Bastion fell Count, about a hundred years ago."

The Count looked surprised, "It fell?"

"All contact with the Realm was cut off." continued the Princess, "No one knows why. One day, communication, connection simply stopped. The Queen rallied an army to battle the monsters they all expected from the South, but nothing ever came. No one since has ever been able to travel South, whether by road or by sea. It's just... gone."

"Gone?" repeated the Count in confusion, "How can ze South be GONE? Describe ze mechanics to me... vhat in fact happens vhen vone goes Sous?"

"One doesn't return." said Kylie, "That's just it. Anyone who travels as far as the South pass, just... nothing. We don't understand the mechanics, becuase no one ever returns to describe them. So now, no one goes anywhere near even the foothills of the Cragtop Mountains. No one sails below the Western Wild Isles. Everyone just stays... North."

The Count was frowning. "Zis is very strange news." he said, "und yet, you all are travelling exactly zat vay. You are travelling into un place from vhence NO VONE has returned for over Vun hundred years? Because a voice told you to?"

"it woz krunch! he won fite me!" said Gob.

"Hmmmmmm..." said the Count.

"I heard it too." said Leőn. "I recently manifested a blessing:transcendsuggestion. It allows me to magically influence Mind and Spirit. I was meditating on the blessing to better understand it, and without any intention, I heard half of a conversation between a voice claiming to be 'The Mountain Troll' and someone else... who turned out to be Gob."

"Zis 'Krunch'?" asked the Count, fascinated.

"Well, not exactly... I never heard him name himself."

"it woz krunch!" said Gob, "i orso sore him in a vi-shun wen i went in space."

The Count raised his eyebrows. Then furrowed them.

"Vot is your alignment, young Elf?" he asked Leőn.

"I'm primarily a Warrior class, but I am multi-aligned. Nefarious Might with Transcendent Might/Magic, as well as Shadow Magic." Leőn answered proudly.

"Zat is a very unusual alignment for an Elf, und not a simple combination to reconcile!" the Count said with a mischievous smile, looking actually impressed.

"I thought there was something a bit dark about you!" said the Princess, "Fascinating."

"Ok so you hev heard zis voice, und zen vhat?"

"The voice had set a Quest for Gob to 'find the White Orc'. He and I used to adventure together. I also got wind of what Gervais was up to, so I tried to get to Goblin Town ahead of Gervais to find the Orc and warn him. How could I not?!"

The Count turned to the White Orc, "Und vhat do you sink is going on here Mr Vhite Orc?"

The Orc shook his head and answered with a growl, "I wish I could tell you, Vampire. I'm clueless. Gob appeared in my stats as a Quest. I had to find him in Goblin Town before Gervais. I pulled that Bright shard out of his shoulder and smashed it so Gervais couldn't impede his progress any longer, then we all escaped together before Gervais and his army burned the place to the ground."

"Und you both know Gervais? Is zis ze sort of sing he vould do?"

"Not at all." It was the Princess who answered, though the question wasn't directed at her. "Gervais is... good."

"Maybe once upon a time!" grunted the Orc.

"No, Princess Ilae is right," It was Kylie now, "Gervais is a good person. I saw him today, and he was conflicted but he isn't evil. He got angry, but it wasn't righteous support of the Council's decree, it was a burning frustration. Earlier, when we were leaving the throne room he asked how we were, and he seemed pleased with Gob's progress. I was confused. I know he burned down Goblin Town, but I can't help but think it could only have been the lesser of evils. I feel like there's something else going on here."

The Count stood and paced the hall. They all watched him, their heads following him up the hall and down again.

"he lik walkin an finkin." Gob said to everyone. "he do dis las tim an den after a long long tim he sed--"

"AHA!" said the Count.

They all looked at him.

"Gervais has a Qvest!"

They all still looked at him.

"YOU must join vis Gervais!"

Now they looked at him blankly.

"We just got rid of Gervais..." said Leőn.

"I just sent him away. A very long way away." said the Princess, a little apologetically.

"No, no I don't mean to go und chase him. He vill know vhere to find you. YOU MUST LET HIM FIND YOU. Und vhen he does, make him show you his Qvest. I ASSURE YOU, if you all put your Qvests togezer, you vill see zat you bose need to get to Cragtop, und vhy. Vhatever your differences, zis will be ze only vay.

Alzough I hev not worked out WHO zis Mountain Troll is yet, BUT, " he waggled his finger in the air, "let me assure you zat I VILL, vone sing you can be sure: zey know zat you need each ozer to succeed. Zey know zat TOGEZER, und probably ONLY togezer, you can get Gob to Cragtop!"

He thought for a moment.

"Who else is zere zat knows you all, but except Gob?"

"Only really Dan." said the White Orc, "He used to be the fourth member of our adventuring party."

"Und vere is Dan now?" asked the Count.

"We don't know..." said Leőn.

"SNAPS!" exclaimed the Count, "Dan iz behind zis!"

"Dan is many things, but he isn't a mountain troll." said the White Orc skeptically.

"krunch iz da muntin trol!" said Gob.

"I em sure you are right. So ze qvestion is...

VHAT IS DAN?"

----------------------------------------

The Count and The Princess had clearly struck a strong connection from the moment they laid eyes on each other, and through the course of the day it had become quite clear that they were perfectly comfortable in each other's company, and before long Gob received a

Quest complete. You have delivered the Count to his eternal preservation.

She was so delighted to have the Count, that for the rest of the afternoon and as far as the others could tell, all night long, the two of them, and Leőn, sat in the library on comfortable ice cushion chairs discussing the widest range of the most obscure topics any of the others had ever heard.

Leőn never left her side either, and his eyes rarely left her beautiful face, only rarely getting involved in the conversation, seemingly happy enough just to watch and listen to her soft voice.

"They're both besotted with her!" Kylie told Gob in a whisper.

"wot dos dat meen?" asked Gob.

"Good question!" answered Kylie.

Being a fairy, Kylie didn't need to sleep, but the conversation was spoken at a speed that was natural to the elves and vampire, which is to say extremely fast, and anyway was far too abstract and frankly too disturbing for her, so when the White Orc eventually declared that he would need to rest as he hadn't slept the previous night, she gladly left too.

Gob had fallen asleep within moments of sitting down and lolled backwards over the arm of his chair with his mouth open, snoring and drooling on the floor which froze his saliva in a gradually increasing stalagmite-shaped icicle.

The morning came, and with it the need to face the implications of the 'Decree' that Gervais had sprung on the Princess the previous afternoon.

Princess Ilae summarised it for them all:

"The High Council's intent seems clear." she said "They want to widely disseminate the concept of 'Savage' against 'Noble'. While it's hardly a new distinction, it certainly hasn't been state-sponsored before now. Not in my time at any rate. In fact I would have to say, as a champion of acceptance that I thought the opposite to be more likely true in this day and age. The very existence and success of Goblin Town in the Jarvik Caverns to my mind signified a wide ranging endorsement for cross-cultural activities…"

Gob eventually wondered off to let them discuss boring matters of importance. He was keen to explore the Eastern pass. Kylie saw him leave and followed him, keeping a little distance to see what he was up to.

He made his way down to the gates, which were still closed. She watched as he first growled at them, and then tried to jumping up high enough to grab the enormous handles that were about twice as high up as he was tall.

"If you actually manage to grab that handle… then what are you going to do?" she asked him with a wry smile.

He looked at her guiltily.

"iz boring to tork a lot. i wan see de shadolands. i ask da prinsess, she say evyfing out of dis gate is not her frend. i wan practis mi fites!"

"You're unstoppable aren't you Gob?"

"wy stop?"

"Well sometimes it's nice, after an intensive few days to relax a little… if you find yourself in place of relative safety, and you can."

"yoo iz restin in a magik icy carsel wiv a crazzy mage prinsess hoo looks afta crazzy monstas lik a dementid cokatris an vampir?" he made a face at her and pointed at the gate leading to the East pass, "iz safer ot der."

Kylie laughed. Unexpectedly the Princess joined her laughter as she came down the stairs behind them. She looked at Gob mischievously "If you wanted to practice your fighting while the crazy Princess does boring talking, you could have just asked!

"yoo wasn spose to heer dat." he said, "but yoo iz crazzy."

"Oh I've been called far worse than 'crazy' Gob, I'm not at all concerned." She smiled at him, "Actually you're probably right. But anyway, what I came here to tell you is that as I have a lot of creatures here who have violent pasttimes, and I have built some… entertainment space to provide an outlet for venting pent up frustrations without hurting each other too badly. Before you head out that way," she pointed at the gate,

"Why don't you let me show you my ice arena?"