When Gob opened his eyes. He was lying on his back in the middle of the floor of a plain white room, with ice for walls, ice for walls, and ice for a ceiling. Plain white except for the pool of black blood he was laying in. His head ached.
His friends were all there, clapping and cheering.
iz dis wot ded iz? he thought. He hoped no one would clap for him when he died. It made his headache worse.
"You got him!" said Kylie excitedly, flying over and looping in a circle happily in front of his face. He tried to sit up, but the gash in his shoulder and chest stopped him and he slumped back down again painfully.
"Don't move, it's a bit nasty. Here, have something to eat" she produced a roast leg of the same meat they'd had for dinner the night before. He handed it to him and quickly slipped his tuskcap off to prevent an obliteration mishap.
"Bravo Gob!" called the Ice Princess, "I didn't think you'd get all the way through that simulation! You made to Boss Level! Well done."
"Still lying in a pool of blood though, It's like I haven't taught you anything." said Leőn with a grimace.
"Zat last battle viz ze goblin King vos such a fun!" said the Count enthusiastically with a clap, "Zose leetl spiders zat came out of your pukies to finish him off vere ze most disgusting sing ever!"
Gob tried to get up again but winced.
"Stay still." said the White Orc, "That was a good exercise for you Gob, your ability to assess your enemies and react well is really improving! Well done."
"i don fink i lik magiky goblin kings." he groaned.
"Hmmm... well there may be more of them where we're going next. While you were training we all reached an agreement to descend the East pass to the Shadowlands, so that's where we'll head when you're recovered. The East pass traverses a foul swamp that we'll have to make our way through... there could be all sorts of 'magiky' boss creatures there... but ironically The Realm to the West is likely to be more dangerous even than that at the moment. As soon as you're ready we'll leave."
Gob nodded "giv mi sec. i be good. i reely won go east pas!"
"You recover there Gob, take a long as you need." said the Princess, "The golems have prepared a farewell lunch for you all in the conservatory. Come when you're ready."
She waved a hand in his direction and the blood disappeared from the floor and from all over him. He was cleaner than he could ever remember being, and to Kylie smelled faintly of old spice.
"Wow, can you teach me that one?" asked Kylie "Then I won't have to put up with his usual stench."
"Ahem..." said the Count, holding his finger up questioningly, "Just qvickly before ze lunch is served, do you sink I could hev a turn of ze... simulation? It looks like so much of ze fun!"
The Princess smiled curiously, "Of course. This I have to see! Should I go easy on you as you've been out of touch for a couple hundred years?"
"Oh my!" gasped the Count, "Please, do NOT do anysing of ze sort! You MUST put zis little vorkout on it's most maximum of settings! If ve are about to hev lunch I vill need to vork up un appetite after all."
The side door to the room opened and a hundred ice golems marched out as the room rippled and shifted becoming a peaceful, grassy, sunlit forest glade as they watched.
The open glade was ringed with dense trees, as if it was a roughly circular arena in the middle of a forest and the wind gently rustled their vibrant green leaves. The ice golems had melted away into the shadows beyond the edges of the glade.
In the centre of the grassy space was a single tree, and in it's shadow stood the Count, protected from the, to him, deadly sunlight in the glade.
"Of course it vould be sunny!" he called out to the Princess.
"You did ask for the hardest setting!" she reminded him sweetly.
From between the trees, figures started to emerge, advancing tactically, with confidence. They were impeccably organised, and grouped in strategic arrays from every side of the glade, surrounding the tree that sheltered their foe. These were a hundred of the Realm's most elite Warriors and Mages.
A circle of tank Warriors had advanced forwards to form an inner perimeter encircling the tree. Each of the powerful tanks had shields of extreme durability and heavy armour. Some were thick set, others were tall, one at least size(10) which was about as big as a human could get. Even just observing from the sidelines Gob could feel their affinities radiating from them from a distance; solidity, immovability, hardness, mass, weight. They seemed an almost impenetrable wall.
In the spaces between the tanks, and slightly behind them, were small groups of three to four specialist classes; a mix of Mages and Warriors who stood close to their tank and seemed to complement them in every way that mattered, their own affinities of quickness or lightness or accuracy just as obvious as those of their tank. These were obviously well honed teams who were co-aligned, experienced and cohesive. There were an incredibly wide breadth of different skills and alignments represented. Gob could feel the depth of their experience and could only begin to imagine the variety of different styles and attacks that would shortly be levelled at the Count.
Spread out around the final perimeter, behind the combat teams, were mostly Mages who were already in the process of conjuring ranged attacks, as well as some healer classes ready to reinforce any damage sustained to the perimeter lines. Gob could see fireballs being summoned, next to ice blasts, electrical bolts, wind storms, and even a black hole vortex that reminded him of the White Orc's defensive shield.
"This is called an annihilation formation." whispered the White Orc, "it's a textbook formation, nigh on impenetrable. It's for forcing an engagement against any enemy who is outnumbered but deemed unpredictable and potentially OP. Basically the ranged attackers bombard the enemy from behind the line, the tanks tank any responsive attacks and the close combatants can duck in and out of the perimeter as needed to whittle the enemy down, returning to the back to be healed as necessary, to essentially keep constant attack turns running indefinitely. Even more important, the formation attracts an initiative buff based on the total number of combatants... meaning an enemy would need an IMPOSSIBLY high initiative to be able to strike before the first insane barrage of ranged attacks come over from the back line..."
The Commander of the force called out confidently, "WE HAVE YOU TRAPPED VON NACHTZAHN--"
He didn't even finish the sentence. The Vampire Count's impossibly high initiative gave him the first turn.
Shhhhhrrrrrrrriiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!
The Count exploded into a cloud of screeching bats.
He appeared behind the largest tank who immediately exploded into ice crystals. Within a heartbeat, four of the specialist classes and eight of the rear guard exploded too as he worked his way out to the darkness of the treeline, moving from foe to foe like a blurred shadow, so quickly none could react or rebuff him. He seemed to overpower any and all saves even though Gob could see his victims trying everything they had against him.
There were screams and shouts of surprise and frustration, followed by muddled orders from a number of different leaders within the ranks. Some of the inner perimeter of tank Warriors had been ordered to regroup on the outer perimeter, and had turned and started making their way towards the treeline to reset their formation. Others didn't get the order or couldn't comply due to the other combatants milling around in the centre and held their position, or only turned their bodies in confusion to observe and react accordingly. The middle ranks were a mess as the combatants tried to get out of the way of the moving tanks, and on the outer edge many of the ranged Mage's attacks were cancelled as they also tried to transition past the close combat specialists, the support classes and the tanks to get to the centre of the glade. Almost all turns were used in movement rather than attack, and none of them efficiently.
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Shhhhhrrrrrrrriiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!
the bats took to the air again, attracting a barrage of ranged attacks from the few, more experienced Mages who hadn't cancelled them, but even those that did attack didn't have the focus needed to strike the fast moving targets. The bats dove down in a coordinated strike against the backs of the repositioning tanks, who shattered into ice crystals one by one as the diving creatures plunged into their least protected sides, piercing or collapsing even the thickest protective armour from behind with their extreme velocity.
Now seeing the destruction of their strongest Warriors in the centre of the glade, the ranged and support classes turned and fled away from the centre back out to the cover of the trees they had initially emerged from, however the moment they were within the shadow of a tree they disintegrated into ice shards. Somehow the Count was managing to slide from shadow to shadow, and it really seemed as though he was everywhere at the same time.
Now the specialty classes were in disarray as they didn't know whether they should be advancing to the centre of the glade to reform, or attempting to assist their comrades under attack around the treeline. Most chose to rally close around their tanks, wherever they were, and form their own defensive perimeters in the middle of the glade facing all directions.
After the chaos of what had only been a few seconds, a silence fell across the glade. Those that still survived, easily less than half of the hundred who had begun, were now clumped in small, rattled groups of combatants scattered around the open area. They breathed heavily, and their eyes darted around warily.
The Count appeared in the shadow of a tree, holding up his hand. No one moved, so it was obviously his turn.
"I vill offer you all vone chance to lay down your veapons." he declared in a quietly terrifying voice that was definitely his, but was definitely not what he sounded like when he spoke usually. It was cold and desolate, and eerie.
Speaking to them was evidently his turn, as immediately after, every ranged attack and charge attack available was focused on the place he had been standing. However an opportunity for surrender wasn't actually what the Count was offering, Gob realised... he just wanted to assess the remaining attackers to find weaknesses he could exploit!
Shhhhhrrrrrrrriiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!
The bats appeared again as if from nowhere, and dove on every Warrior or Mage who had just attacked. Each bat swooped differently. Each bat targeted a unique weakness in it's victim. Each victim exploded in shards of ice.
Of the combatants who remained, half broke and fled, and were destroyed the moment they reached the treeline.
The combatants who didn't break held their positions stoically in the middle of the glade, trying to be ready for whatever would come next. Most combatants focused their attentions on the sky to be ready for the plunging death-bats, however a dark shadowy blur at ground level sped in a straight line from the treeline to the centre tree, then back from the centre tree to the treeline in a different direction, destroying multiple combatants in each pass.
While combatants were distracted by the demise of their comrades, the shadow passed again and again, never travelling the same path twice... until every last one of them was finished.
Silence fell on the Glade.
As the simulation rippled away to plain white ice once more, the Count stood there happily.
He hadn't even broken a sweat.
"Zat voz a great vone!" he said to the Princess enthusiastically.
The others just stared at him, jaws slightly agape.
The Princess took his hand and smiled radiantly, before they swept out of the room, hand in hand.
Gob glanced at Leőn. Leőn grimaced.
They made their way down to the Conservatory.
----------------------------------------
The Conservatory was a beautiful room of clear ice walls that looked out and over the West pass, down to the serene green of the rolling hills and woodlands of the Northernmost reach of the Realm. The Conservatory had actual plants growing in it, some quite colourful and exotic, giving it a more vibrant feel that any other part of the palace. As they sat they were served another excellent meal by the golems. Gob could have sworn one of them winked at him and muttered a quiet 'HAW HAW HAW' under its breath.
The Count spoke. "Gob, I didn't get ze chance to sank you properly for rescuing me from ze leetle dwarfies. Ze more I sink about vot a beautiful place you hev brought me to, ze more I em forever in your debt. Zis place may truly be my eternal preserve! Und viz zis beautiful soulmate i hev found here." He turned to the Princess and with a bow of his head kissed her hand. She blushed.
Leőn rolled his eyes disdainfully.
The Count continued, "But ve hev been so busy I hev not had ze tim to tell you my soughts about your amazing traits. May I see zem?"
Gob nodded and rustled his parchment a bit.
trait:crapstatz! The powers that BE want to control the powers that ARE... but the stats they call CRAPPER are the stats that will matter. Luck, fate, purpose and feeling will guide you on roads beyond the realm of possibility.[Use 1 point of luck to circumvent almost any personal disaster. Use 1 point of fate to turn the tables in almost any dire strait. Use 1 point of purpose to step past most any obstacle between you and your goal. Use 1 point of feeling to realign any SPIRITUAL divergence. transferable.] trait:sucker! be unaligned and proud of it! display the best traits of every troll type by sucking affinity from your immediate surroundings. [temporary.elective at level 5.buff/debuff.]
"So, you hev discovered already zat you can use your fate und luck points to get yourself out of sticky situations? Vell I also see an instability in your stats: you should use a point of feeling to correct zat. It is better to be stable."
"Are you saying he can just 'decide' to fix his personal issues?" asked Leőn, making a face.
"It took me years to correct my instability!" said the White Orc.
"Vell, yes, zis is a very powerful trait... don't be trickied by ze name!"
Gob used a point immediately, electing stability over instability.
"der, i chang it" he said. He didn't feel any different.
"That just doesn't seem fair!" exclaimed Leőn.
"iz trans-furry-bul. yoo wan mi to fix yoo? oh wate i only hav six points left."
"Keep your stats to yourself, troll." said Leőn.
"Also!" said the Count, "as you rightly say it js transferable... vell I sink if you vork on zis trait you vill be able to ACCUMULATE MORE luck and fate points! Zis vould make you a very poverful troll in your life journey! It's very exciting, I hev never seen anyvone who has a trait zat actually helps zem control zere destiny like zis!
"Now it is clear to me from looking at your fluffy little features zat ze sucker! trait is giving you ze traits of ze different types of trolls. Can you control zis Gob?"
He shook his head. "no i juz chang wen i git in a new place." He said, "iz a bit un-predic-abl."
"Vell, zen hurry to level five! I sink you vill be able to control zis. Also i sink you might be able to buff and debuff friends and enemies of zeir affinity traits... ZAT I vould like to see!
"Und lastly, I hev somsing for you."
The Count passed a folded up square of black cloth to Gob.
"wot dis?"
"It is a sank you gift. To express my gratitude for rescuing an old vampire from a spooky old cave. It is my gear:cloakofnight. It has a resize function on it so it vill alvays fit you no matter… you know ven you grow und shrink."
It was only then Gob really noticed the Count wasn't wearing his obligatory vampire Count cloak, but instead a rather sharp looking sports coat and slacks.
"Yes, I em retiring from my vampire vays, to better spend time viz my elf Princess. Und play some golf!"
Gob reached for the cape, pushed his chair back from the table and pulled it around his shoulders. It had the pointed collar so recognisable as the vampire style. It made him look like a mini Count crossed with a fluffy yeti.
"Ooooh! It looks perfect on you! You look so adorable and cuddly!" the Count said with a clap. "Ze cloak provides a skill called multiplicity, you know zat sing i do vis ze bats? You can actually be in a lot of places at vonce! Und it vorks very effectively as a movement skill too... you just hev to pull ze cape togezer at ze front and sink about all ze places you vont to be instead."
Gob pulled the cape together and tried to do the thing with the bats. Nothing happened.
"Ok vell, it is, I vill admit, a leetle difficult to master... also zis cloak... it has... a sort of... personality, you know vot I'm saying? It is a very very old magical garment and it can be a leetl... eccentric I sink is ze vord. BUT when you get to know it, it is soooo vors ze trouble!"
"fanks cont" said Gob "i iz hapy yoo fin a good place to liv..."
"Oh vait, I hev nearly forgot! I wanted to also say about your Toast. You know it is temporary, vell I sink if you find yourself srinking but you are still in ze battle, vell you should Toast again. I vould be qvite sure zat zis vill extend ze blessing indefinitely if you keep on svigging ze booze! You vill hev a terrible headache after, but maybe zat is better zan srinking during ze battle."
The White Orc nodded, impressed. "That's actually a very good point Gob, we'd never considered that. Thank you Count, that might very well help us before too long!"
Gob nodded in agreement then looked around at his companions.
"now can we go?!"