Even though Geeza had warned the General about the scarcity of ale, it still flowed freely in the Night Goblin great hall that night at Brutus's command. Geeza wasn't there. There was plenty of hearty Goblin food too, including a giant boar that the General had donated, which the goblin cooks had excitedly loaded onto an impressive spit for roasting, accompanied by many side dishes, all of which featured mushrooms prepared in one way or another.
"deez mushroomz iz not so bad afta al. yoo shood try it. yoo iz a veggy eeta arent yoo?" said Gob to Leőn, tasting at first skeptically, but then hooking into with gusto once he realised they weren't as horrible as they looked.
Leőn pushed a fat mushroom floating in gravy around his plate, untouched. "Not going to happen." he answered.
"Why not?!" demanded a shrill goblin voice from behind them. Gob and Leőn turned to see an extremely short night goblin in a dirty, blood stained apron shuffling past them, his arms full of plates.
Leőn looked at him disdainfully.
"I don't eat goblin food." he answered.
"What, yer too good for dese eh? Dese delicacies wot I has committed me life to perfectin'?" His skin was the deep black of the night goblins, but somehow he now also looked an angry red. "Don' ya know how amazin' dese fungi is? Yer have a veritable gourmet smorgasbord in front of ye, an all ye want to do is say 'I don' eat goblin food?' Is this just 'cos youz an elf?"
Leőn looked a bit taken aback. He'd never been confronted by a Goblin about his race before.
"iz yoo da cooker?" asked Gob.
"Yes." answered the short goblin proudly, puffing his chest up.
"wel i fink dese mushroomz iz da best i eva taste! eetin goblin food iz much betta dan eetin goblinz!"
Gob thought he'd made a great joke. The goblin cook looked horrified.
"Gob!" said Kylie.
"Tell me what you've got." said Leőn quickly, diffusing the awkward situation, "Maybe you can change my mind. There's been a lot of that happening recently."
The goblin cook suddenly lit up with passion, forgetting all about Gob's comment. He looked at the plates he was carrying, and proudly handed one to the elf.
"Dis one is a polenta sweet bread wiv baked parmesan cauliflower florets and shredded oyster an' enoki 'shrooms." he said.
Leőn took the small cakelike square and ate a small corner. He looked like he was bracing himself, but suddenly his eyes went wide. A smile curved up at the edge of his lips, and he took another bite.
"It's actually amazing!" he laughed.
"Ezactly!" said the goblin proudly, "Now dis."
He offered him a steaming bowl, "Field mushroom ravioli wiv porcini an' sage butter."
Leőn tasted without taking the bowl, and then took the bowl and placed it on the table in front of him.
"Looks like your mind was changed!" said Kylie happily.
"I admit defeat. Night goblins make excellent food." he answered.
"Well, dis night goblin does." said the cook, placing another plate next to the bowl of pasta, "Now, this one is boar's tongue with sweet potato, pine mushroom, marinated tomato & crisp shallot."
"My apologies, but I don't eat meat," answered Leőn, with a mouthful of ravioli, "and you won't change my mind on that."
"Fair enough," said the goblin pushing the plate towards Gob, who was more than happy to devour it. He lowered his voice and surreptitiously passed Leőn a small bowl that had been covered by another plate, "Then ye can finish wiv me specialty. Don' advertise it, I didn' make much 'cos by da time dese boyz get to dessert dey'll be too drunk te waste good food on. It's a white chocolate an' black truffle cheese cake with fungi citrus curd & groundnut biscuit."
In the small bowl was a delicate white cylinder flecked with slivers of black, sitting on a toasty brown, crumbly disc of biscuit. Leőn picked it up and bit into it.
emerged: delight
Kylie's eyes widened. "Leőn, I have never seen you let a stat slip before!"
Leőn didn't answer. His eyes were closed. They stayed that way for some time. The goblin cook sauntered off into the crowd beaming with his own personal accomplishment. "I changed 'is mind..." Gob heard him muttering to himself.
A rather drunk Goblin soldier stumbled over to them, sloshing his ale over the edge of his tankard, and yelling far too loudly.
"HEYA
He gestured at Gob with his tankard, then brought it back up to his lips for another swig, and mostly missed.
Buuuuurp.
He patted his stomach with a smile and continued.
"SUM OV UZ WOZ FINKIN YOO MITE BE
He looked very pleased with himself.
"
"i don no hoo dat iz." said Gob, wishing the goblin would go away. He was still enjoying the boars tongue. "but i iz not anywunz spawn. i iz muntin trol."
"HA! YOO IZ TOO SMALL TO BE A ADULT TROLL! HA! HA! HA! HEER DAT BOYZ?"
Gob snatched the tankard off him and drank the rest of it's contents.
"Gob, don't do it!" shouted Kylie, too late.
"OI! DAT WOZ MY ALE--" he started, but suddenly stopped talking.
+1size +1size +1size +1size +1size
Gob shot up, nearly to the ceiling, towering over the goblin, who stood rooted to the spot, quivering with fear. He grabbed the little creature around the body and lifted him up so they were face to face, growling at him threateningly.
Meanwhile, around the hall there were shouts and pandemonium, weapons were drawn, tables were knocked over and goblins climbed over each other to get out of the way of the massive troll who seemed to have appeared from nowhere. Armed guards who had the misfortune of being on duty tonight instead of enjoying dinner, rushed into the hall with more shouts and commands to "GIT OUTTA DA WAY YER DRUNK FOOLZ!"
"SILENCE!"
It was the voice of Brutus booming through the hall, completely sober and completely in charge of the horde. Every goblin in the hall stopped moving and speaking immediately. There was a tense silence. Brutus looked to the General.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
"Gob, would you kindly take your quarrels outside?" asked the White Orc.
The goblin in Gob's fist whimpered. A few of the other goblins around the room sniggered at that.
"hoo iz GORGAZ?" asked Gob, not specifically to anyone but to the room in general.
"'e's a Shadow Troll." it was Brutus who answered.
"'e's a nasty, sneaky piece o' work. 'e lives up top, in an abandoned manor 'ouse. We steers well clear o' dat one. 'e eats anything and everything 'e can get 'is 'ands on. Even the dead... in fact particularly the dead. So much so that even the Lich Queen don't send 'er troops into 'is domain anymore. I doubt Kagz meant you any ill will if he was talkin' to ye about Gorgaz."
"he cal mi gorgaz sporn" complained Gob with a growl.
There was a sudden intake of breath from around the room.
Brutus laughed, relaxing the tension, "Bring 'im over 'ere then... I 'as got an idea."
It was well timed, as the effects of the ale, much less powerful than the likker Gob kept in his flask were wearing off. Gob dropped the frightened Kagz a moment before he himself shrank back to his normal size, grabbed the goblin by the back of his shirt and dragged him over to Brutus, Leőn and Kylie following behind him.
He pushed him to the floor in front of where he and the General had been sitting, talking together with Fisty, Jinks and Taxx.
"We've been talking strategy over here, Gob." said the General, "Brutus has already mentioned Gorgaz, as well as a number of other residents of the Shadow Wastes we might like to try to recruit to our cause."
Gob nodded. Brutus looked at Kagz with amusement.
"Kagz, you're goin' to show Gob 'ere where Gorgaz lives. Git yourself sober, git yourself armed, choose some ladz to go wiv yer and git up there." the big goblin ordered, "Gob, Kagz is a bit of a lite weight when it comes te drinkin' but 'e's a good lad, 'e's very good wiv a spear, and 'e'll be a big help to ye."
Kagz definitely did not look like he wanted to 'git up there' and show Gob the way to a nasty troll's manor house, but he kept his mouth shut.
Gob definitely did not want to to 'git up there' and have anything at all to do with another troll, let alone a giant shadow troll, and he said so.
"i don fink dis iz a good idea. do yoo no wot happenz wen dere iz too trolz in da same domane? it ony endz up as wun trol. trolz iz NOT frends. neva."
Kagz nodded enthusiastically.
"I'll go." volunteered a voice from behind Gob. It was Kylie. She flew forwards, looked at Gob and smiled mischievously as she added, "I'm good at trolls now. I'll talk to him."
"A fay? Talk to a troll?" said Brutus looking between her and the General.
"O, ye don' know dis fay, Brutus!" said Fisty with a wide grin, "Dis fay iz blubell! Ye ask Jinks 'ere what 'appens when ye unnerestimate blubell!"
"Ye git a woopin'!" Jinks answered.
"Ye git a woopin'." repeated Fisty.
"i iz not lettin kylz go to dat trol wivout mi. so ok. i go." said Gob with a huff. Kagz' shoulders slumped and he hung his head.
"I'll send Barg an' Tix." said Taxx, the hopper boss, referring to the green fungus hopper and its rider who had originally attacked the General and Stella in the fungi forest. "Dey've both been around Gorgaz before. Tix is good wiv big monsters, dat's why we set 'er on you and dat dog 'o yourz General..."
"It's settled den." said Brutus, "Kagz an' some ladz, wiv Barg an' Tix will take da fay an da... trol, to find Gorgaz."
"I'll go wiv 'em" said Fisty.
"Me also." said Leőn.
"Anyone else?" asked Brutus. The room was silent.
"Right den. "Kagz an' some ladz, wiv Barg an' Tix, an' Fisty, will take da fay, an' da trol, an' da elf to find Gorgaz. Me an' da General will go an' meet da grease-meks."
"wot iz a grees mek?" asked Gob.
"Dey are de orks dat live on da Shadow Wastes." answered Brutus, "Dey are very rough."
"We'll all leave first thing tomorrow after some sleep. In de meantime, dere's still half a boar and a few barrels of Geeza's ale to git through... COME ON LADZ, GIT INTO IT!"
HUZZAH! the Goblins cried as they got on with their dinner.
The White Orc reached over and impaled a large hunk of roast boar on his knife, pulling it back to his plate, dripping thick gravy across the table.
"hav yoo tried da 'shroomz?" Gob asked.
The Orc looked at him questioningly.
"The mushrooms are delightful." said Leőn.
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The odd party set off early the next day. Kagz was a different goblin now that he was sober: quiet, efficient and clearly respected by the fourteen ladz he had chosen to accompany them. The goblins marched in an organised unit, in three columns of five forming a narrow, long formation. Kagz was in the centre of the front row. Next to him on one side was a goblin holding a staff with a banner flapping from it, and on the other side a goblin with a drum, who beat a marching pace, keeping them all in step. The banner bore a stitched emblem depicting a cracked skull with a goblin spear sticking through it sideways.
"WHO IZ WE LADZ?" yelled Kagz.
"WE IZ DA SPEERHEDZ!" chanted the unit loudly and proudly in rowdy sync.
Fisty and Barg arrived, the rider leading Tix the giant green fungus hopper by a long chain. The creature appeared docile and even bovine now, plodding along with it's oversized mouth shut and its beady black eyes staring glassily off into the distance.
The small force set out through the palisade gates and away from the goblin town. Kagz lead them into a much smaller, tighter side cavern that stepped progressively upwards in irregular, naturally formed rocky outcrops.
The going was difficult due to the need to climb upwards from level to level, and after what seemed to Gob like an eternity of scrambling they paused for a break on a large flat stone area.
Gob could see the thin light of the sun filtering through from a cleft in the ground of the Shadow Waste above them, and once again heard the distant whipping and howling of the wind. They were nearly back to the surface.
A scrabbling of falling gravel cascaded down onto the rocky outcrop from the next level above them, and instantly the goblins were back in formation, this time a wide three by five row, facing the source of the falling stones. No sooner had they formed up than a clattering noise came from above and a group of eight skeletons jumped down and immediately charged.
These skeletons were nothing at all like what Gob had seen from above when the Master of Splinters had shown them the Necropolis from the Crypt. The skeletons he had seen there were aimless and shambling. These were fast, and focused, and... evil looking. Each of their otherwise empty empty eye sockets glowed with a malevolent purple star-like dot point of light, and their jaws clacked open and closed constantly as they ran, the only noise they made.
"STAND BACK!" Kagz yelled to Gob, Kylie, Fisty and Leőn, "Let us 'andle dese one's, we'll show ye some o' our playz!"
Kagz didn't seem too worried, even though the skeletons looked powerful, so they did as he asked and watched the battle unfold. Gob used his splinter out of interest:
insight of the splinter:
(5)reanimated skeleton warrior Level 2.
status:charging. skills:lifedrain, reanimation. notable stats:possessed. the purple light is the lich spirit. lich spirit will draw life force from enemies in range equal to Level. cleaved limbs remain animated if severed. susceptible:fire or massive head trauma will exorcise lich spirit and end possession.
(3)reanimated skeleton mage level 2.
skills:lifedrain,reanimation,soulwhip. notable stats:possessed. soulwhip is a ranged attack that projects a necromantic whip capable of ranged lifedrain. susceptible:fire or massive head trauma will exorcise lich spirit and end possession.
"Well dat's a cleva trick!" said Fisty reading the insight alongside Gob, Kylie and Leőn.
The five skeleton warriors threw themselves bodily towards the goblin unit. They wielded rusty weapons which they slashed wildly.
The other three skeletons stood back and seemed to be summoning some sort of magical charge.
Five skelly's v goblin unit.
The goblin warriors each carried a long shafted spear with a black metal head, each double the height of the goblins themselves, as well as a round wooden shield with a reinforced black metal rim.
As soon as the skelly's charged, the goblin shields were immediately raised, clacking together, overlapping row on row to form a barrier that reminded Gob of fish scales.
"dat iz a good save." he commentated to Leőn and Kylie.
None of the wild skelly's slashes caused damage, however strange purple wisps stated emerging from under the shields, flowing towards the skeletons.
"That's insidious." said Leőn, "Those goblins are literally getting the life sucked out of them... maybe I should..."
Surprising quickly and accurately, the shield wall moved, and gaps opened between the goblin shields. Five long spears jabbed forwards and upwards, all of them finding their mark, impaling their spearheads straight up through the skelly skulls.
The skeleton warriors clattered to the ground in five pile of bones, purple wisps floating eerily upwards and out of the cavern.
"WHO IZ WE LADZ?" yelled Kagz.
"WE IZ DA SPEERHEDZ!" chanted the unit triumphantly.
Three skelly's v Barg & Tix
Barg and Tix bore the brunt of three powerful soulwhips, all cast together, and all finding their target. They shot out from the arms of the skeleton Mages, glowing purple tendrils wrapping several times tightly around the big green hopper, who gargled and strained in obvious agony but had to wait the spell out. Pulses of purple energy seemed to be sucked out of the creature who writhed around in it's purple bonds, looking progressively weaker.
"That's a level two caster against a level three hopper," observed Kylie, "That must be quite a strong curse."
"da masta ov splitas did say deze skellyz iz very powaful." said Gob.
The curse ran it's course, and suddenly the hopper burst free. Despite it's weakened state, it opened it's mouth wide and shot out a long muscular, salivating tongue that cracked like a whip and sent a skeleton mage flying backwards where it hit a rock wall with a terminal
CRUNCH!
"HO, TIX!" cried Barg, snapping the reins. Tix leapt forward, closing the distance between them and the two remaining skeleton mages in two quick bounds, it's toothy jaw snapping closed hard on them. One of them splintered onto shards, the other was crunched in half, it's hips and legs remaining within the hoppers mouth, and it's severed upper body falling to the ground.
The upper half of the creature used it's arms to latch onto the hopper, trying to slash at it with bony fingers.
Kagz walked over and jammed the head of his spear through the back of it's skull. A whisp of purple light floated upwards.
"Bravo!" called Leőn, clapping, "A textbook undead confrontation if ever I saw one!"
"'ear dat ladz? We haz impressed da elf!"
HUZZAH! they called.
"Bravo, Leőn," said Kylie with a smile, "I think these goblins might be growing on you!"
"growin like a fungus!" agreed Gob.