It is the first Thursday in August. I am sitting at Tookie’s with Jason. He has been texting me since I got home and I have been putting him off. He refuses to read between the lines. I need to make myself clear so yesterday I suggested we meet for lunch to talk. I will have to make it clear I am solid over him. Across the table from me, he is eager, all smiles, but I can sense he is nervous. It is strange to sit across from someone I once loved with what I thought was all my heart. Maybe I did love him with all the heart I had to give at that point in time.

We wade through a bit of small talk. Our burgers arrive. I am guarded and wary. Half way through the meal, he blurts out, “Could we try again?”

I put my burger down and say, “No, I’m sorry, we can’t.”

There is a flare of anger in his eyes, but he tamps it down and asks, “Are you seeing someone?”

“Yes.”

“Is it serious?”

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“It is.”

“How could it be? We’ve only been apart what—“

He doesn’t remember how long. I say, “Six months.”

A note of desperation sounds in his voice. “But I thought you loved me.”

“I did, very much. I would love you still if you hadn’t ended it, but you did.”

He drops his head and looks at the table. “I wish I could take that back. I was an idiot.”

Going back in time is impossible, thank God. If not for Jason breaking up with me I never would have reconnected with Hae-in and I would have been so much poorer if I hadn’t. Silently I am grateful Jason let me go when he did.

Awkwardness settles between us. Jason doesn’t even attempt conversation. Hurriedly he finishes his burger, stands and says, “It was good seeing you.”

“It was good seeing you too.”

He doesn’t say, “We will have to do this again.” I watch him leave. His shoulders are slumped. This did not go the way he planned. It didn’t go the way I planned either. I once prayed he would do just what he did, want me back. At the time I never anticipated that I would not want him back. I never anticipated Hae-in.

I sit and slowly finish my burger. Jason was not a bad man. What we had was not terrible. It was very good at times and I am thankful for those times. I am thankful for what we did share. Jason and I learned about love together. He was not the one. Is Hae-in the one? I refuse to jump to conclusions, but I am hopeful.