Saturday morning with sketchbook in hand and Gong Yoo on his blinged out leash, I make my way to the beach. There is a crop of rocks I am currently sketching. The sun is just rising. I always love the way the sun slowly illuminates the clouds while it is still hidden beyond the horizon. I pull out my colored pencils, and resume my drawing. It has been a long time since I have sketched a rock. There aren’t that many interesting ones where I live. But here on the island, the formations from past lava flows are stunning. I am amazed by how creative the destruction of a volcano can be. While I draw, Gong Yoo watches the sea gulls fly over head. His ears cock back and forth as he tracks them. I find myself sinking into the bliss of the creative process. For a while everything in my life melts away.

The buzzing of my phone breaks my concentration. I glance down at it. My mom’s picture is on the screen. She smiles in the photo. My brain calculates theStates time. She should be a sleep. Afraid of bad news, my hand shakes as I pick up the phone. Tentatively I say, “Hello.”

My mom says, “Hi Izzy.” I note that her voice sounds a bit nervous.

“Hi Mom.”

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“I ran into Jason this evening in the grocery store.”

My heart drops. “And you are telling me this because?” My mom really loves Jason, so I am wary.

“He told me he thinks he made a mistake.”

I play dumb. “About what?”

“You.”

“Mom, I know you are trying to help, but don’t. If Jason wants to get in touch with me, he has my number. He doesn’t need to go through you.”

“I know. Its just he looked so sad, and he seemed genuine.”

“Can we talk about something else?”

“Um, sure.”

The rest of the conversation is stilted. I do my best to keep my tone even. Inside I am a wreck. So Jason thinks he made a mistake. Great.

My mom says, “I better let you go, its late.”

“Okay. Bye, Love you.”

“Love you too.” I end the call.

For a long while I sit staring at the water, not seeing it. I can hear the pages of my sketch book being ruffled by the wind. The sun is too bright on the water. I close my eyes. My mom’s words play in my mind, “He thinks he made a mistake.” He thinks he made a mistake, not knows he made a mistake. I am angry with my mom for calling. She loves a happy ending. Like me, she thought Jason was the one. Apparently, she still thinks that and it pisses me off. Under my anger is deep hurt. Why doesn’t Jason know he made a mistake? For the first time I wonder, was it a mistake?