Making the transition from denial to reality sucks. My brain and heart are all jumbled. Broken memories, broken dreams…broken me. My forever has dissolved. It is the last day of school and my art students are uncontrollable. Summer break is here. It has been a long time since I did summer break alone. Alone…some how I am still breathing.
Finally the bell rings. Kids leap from their seats and rush out the door. A sweet shy freshman girl, named Emily, hands me a turquoise envelope before she darts out the door. In a few minutes the school is completely silent. All that energy has spilled out of the building and into the world. I sigh. I tuck the envelope into my purse, gather up my things and leave. I dread all the time I have to get through without work keeping me occupied, without Jason.
*
Night has fallen. Time is moving like sludge. On my kitchen counter I see my purse and the turquoise envelope that sticks out of it. I pull it out and open it. Inside is a hand drawn card with seagulls flying over choppy waves. I open it. In Emily’s perfect handwriting are the words: Dear Ms. Lee,
Thank you for this year. I learned so much from you. Have a good Summer!
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
Emily
My hand begins to shake and I put the card down on the counter. I can’t have a good summer without Jason. Before I know it I have descended into the land of ugly snot crying. I crumble on the floor and hug my knees. How long will I feel like this?
In my jeans pocket, my phone buzzes. I pull it out. It is my Auntie Ji An. I clear my throat and put as much brightness in my voice as I can. “Hello.”
Auntie Ji Ann says, “You have been crying.”
I want to deny it, but my heart won’t let me. I begin to sob. Through my sobs I hear Auntie’s voice saying, “There, there love, cry it out. Tears heal.”
When I finally get a hold of myself, I thank her and then ask, “How are you?”
“Lonely. Your cousin, Mina was supposed to visit me, but she said she can’t make it. Can you come?”
The thought of flying across the ocean has NEVER appealed to me, but I can’t resist Je Ju Island. When I was little we went there once a year to visit family. The last time I was there I was twenty and I hadn’t met Jason yet. Maybe what I need is to get away from all things and memories that are Jason. I blow my nose and say, “Yes, I would love to come.”
Auntie asks, “How long can you stay?”
“How long do you want me?”
She laughs and says, “All Summer.”
“All Summer it is!” For the first time in weeks, I feel a tiny bit of joy stir inside of me.