I kneel down beside Neighbor Song. She is as calm as Auntie Ji An is flighty. Her calm seeps into me. As we work we talk of simple things and then she takes in a slow breath. I feel her mood change. She pauses in her work and say, “When I dreamed about having grandchildren, in those dreams I only saw sweet little children to love. I never thought about how a grandparent can be the first person to introduce their grandchildren to death, loss and grief. Hae-in was a wreck when his gramps passed. He’s even closer to me, I don’t think he’s up to how this thing with me will play out. I want Hae-in to go home, because I want to spare him the burden of watching me fade away.” Her voice drops, “At the same time, I so want him here. Am I selfish?”

This is a very heavy question. I take her garden gloved hand in mine. Her eyes are bright with unshed tears. I tell her, “No, you aren’t selfish. If you were you would deny Hae-in his wish to be with you. Love can mean staying until the end, and from what I can tell, that is the sort of love Hae-in has for you. I pray you can find peace in allowing him to love you as he sees fit.”

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Her hand squeezes mine. “I needed to hear that. It is foolish for me to fight love.”

Silently I think, yes, fighting love, real, lasting love, is foolish.

*

Though nothing has been said, I know Auntie Ji An told Neighbor Song about catching Hae-in and I together when we were staying at their house. Both women are very pleased by the prospect of US. As for me, I am trying not to think about it. I don’t succeed at doing that, still I try. Truth is Hae-in and I have not been alone since that night, and he has not made any effort to be with me. Also, he has been working long hours helping repair the market and he hasn’t had time or energy to run. It doesn’t exactly feel like he has pulled away from me, but it also doesn’t feel like he’s made any more steps toward me. I miss him.

I go onto the front porch followed by Gong Yoo. The sun is hanging low in the sky. Hae-in hasn’t come home yet. Across the way, I see Neighbor Song. She is sitting on the steps with a bowl in her lap snapping green beans. Gong Yoo and I join her. She tells me, “Hae-in should be home soon.” I want to be there when he does come home, so I sit down beside her and grab a hand full of beans to snap. One by one I slowly snap the beans. Beside me Neighbor Song has also slowed her green bean snapping pace. I think she is aware of why I am going so slow and she doesn’t mind.