I fell asleep last night going over every moment of the evening. I thought I would never fall asleep but I did. I pick up my phone and look at the time and the date. It is Sunday morning. Next week at this time I will be on my way to JeJu airport. Next Sunday around 11:00 a.m. I will board a plane and Pony Tail Man will not be riding with me. All the shadows I banished last night rise. In a week I will leave Korea and Hae-in. Tears fill my eyes. I don’t want to leave, but I know I can’t stay. I have a job, a home, my family and friends to get back to. I wish I had scheduled my entire six week break off, but I didn’t know there would be Hae-in. At this moment I have two choices, I can enjoy what remains of my time here, or I can grieve over the fact I will soon be leaving a man I have come to care for. I tell myself, “Choose joy.”
After a quick shower I head to the kitchen. I can hear Auntie Ji An’s voice. “Yes, I saw them!”
I step into the kitchen, Auntie Ji An smiles at me and tells the person on the phone, (most likely Neighbor Song) “I’ll talk to you later.” She gives me a knowing smile and doesn’t say another word. Unexpectedly, I find myself disappointed. The truth is I want to talk about Hae-in. I hear his scooter take off for his shift at the fish market. He won’t be home until this evening.
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Everything shifts after a kiss. I sit nestled against Hae-in on the porch swing. Inside Auntie Ji An and Gong Yoo watching the latest K-drama. The swing moves back and forth propelled by Hae-in’s feet. I have my legs tucked beneath me. A memory comes zooming to the forefront of my mind. It is the end of my thirteenth summer. My mom and I are on this swing, the sun is setting. She tells me, “I talked to your father today. We are going home.”
Relief rushes through me. I still have a home. Silent tears slip down my mother’s cheeks. I don’t ask her what changed. I am just thankful. My mom gives me a hug. I feel her trembling.
In the distance I hear whistling. It’s seventeen year old Hae-in, coming home from work. My mom lets go of me and glances down the road. I am sure she is aware of my crush. She gets up and goes inside.
The wheels of the bike crunch gravel as Hae-in approaches. My heart does that flip flop of joy it does every time I see him. I expect him to just drive by on his way to the shed, but he stops and joins me on the swing. He takes one look at me and says, “You look happy.”
Overwhelmed by my mom’s news, my voice cracks when I reply, “My parents made up.”
To my surprise he gives me a quick hug and says, “That’s good news.” He smiles at me and I smile back.
Current Hae-in brings me back to the present. He asks, “What are you thinking about?”
I smile up at him and say, “You.”