On our way back I am completely aware of Hae-in in a way I have not been before. It is a peculiar feeling I am not sure I want. To distract myself I begin totalk of small things like the sound of the crickets and the humidity of the night. Nothing personal. I still don’t know what job he interviewed for, I don’t know what he does for a living or where he lives, but I realize I don’t want to know. Not now. I don’t want to talk about past or future. I just want to be with this man in this moment on this road.
I do have one question though that niggles at me. His hair. I miss it. He’s attractive without it, but with it…heart stopper, well at least for me. There is a lull in the conversation and I ask, “Why did you cut your hair?”
“Oh, that.” He rubs his hand over his closely cropped hair. “I grow it out and donate it to an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients and survivors.”
This was not the answer I expected. “Oh, that’s really cool.”
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His voice becomes serious. “I do it for them, but I also do it for me. It reminds me that my life is precious and I should never take it for granted.”
I sense there is a story behind those words, but I don’t push. If he wants me to tell me more he will tell me more. In the distance I see the porch lights of Neighbor Song and Auntie Ji An. We are almost there, but I don’t want to be there, I want to keep walking with Hae-in.
When we reach the driveway Hae-in pauses and says, “We will have to do this again.”
“Yes.”
His eyes meet mine. “Good night.”
“Good night.” He heads for the side yard, while I go to the porch. As soon as I turn the door knob, Gong Yoo explodes into a yipping bark. I rush inside and scoop him up. He goes silent. For a long moment he stares at me and then he starts wiggling in my arms. I put him down. He marches out of the front room like the castle guard.
I make may way swiftly to my room and close the door. I don’t want to risk a conversation with Auntie Ji An. This fragile joy I feel is something I want to protect. I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t want to think about where it leads. I just want to hold it gently while it is with me.