The sun has gotten higher and the shadows on the rocks have changed. There will be no more drawing for me this morning. I close my sketch book. Jason thoughts are running through my head like a movie on speed. I just want it to stop. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to let that pathetic side of me hope that maybe he is more than thinking about taking me back. Why do I have to be the one taken back? He should be worried about being taken back by me! My mind comes to a halt at this thought. I feel cold all over. For the first time it occurs to me that I didn’t even fight to keep him. I didn’t argue my case. I just let him go because he wanted to go, and he said he needed to go. It was all about him. Did I let him go so easily because on some level I wanted him to go? I listened to what he needed, but I didn’t tell him what I needed. Why didn’t I tell him? Why didn’t he want to know what I needed?

A gull cries over head and I look up. Its sleek wings are bathed in reflected light. Beside me Gong Yoo growls in his throat. I turn to him. He focused on the gull. His concentration is absolute. The only thing that exists for him in the world is that gull.

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

For too long Jason was the only one who existed in my world. I wrapped my life and my identity around him. Now, I am having to rediscover myself and it is painful work. On the shore I see an elderly couple walking arm in arm keeping each other steady as they walk. She wears a faded gauze dress and he is wearing cut off khaki’s and a green t-shirt. Though I know absolutely nothing about them, I envy them and the long life I assume they have lived together. I see the woman turn and smile at the man. The love in her eyes is obvious and deep. It isn’t young love, but it is time tested love. I wonder if I will ever know that kind of love.At this moment I am too afraid to hope.

I look further down the beach. A man is running. His gait is familiar. He sees me and waves. Hae-in? It is, but he has cut his hair. Why?