"He....really likes the frog huh," her friend says, "I keep forgetting he's there half the time, how do you even feed him?"
"He actually cooks most of the food, he's getting pretty good! Which is nice because...you know, dad," she sighs.
"That's good, wouldn't want to doom the poor guy to your cooking!" he jokes to lighten the mood, "I'm sure your dad will serve the Resolver well."
She told me her dad wasn't dead, but that she would explain what that meant later. She told me not to worry about it too much.
"I'm surprised you know what death is honestly," her many eyes turn to me, "I feel like I have to explain everything to you."
"So are you his surrogate mother or something?" he asks as he pats me on the head, "I thought you really didn't want kids?"
She huffs, "Ew, no. He's a friend, he does stuff for me, and I do stuff for him sometimes. He's not a dumb kid either, he just...thinks differently."
Do I? I wonder how others think. I don't know if I would be able to understand them even if I could read their thoughts. People are too complicated. But living is simple, you eat and drink, you die, and you do it again. I don't understand why people want so much more than that.
****
We look at the night sky together, I do not understand why. Night is for sleeping, but she said she found the stars pretty and that she wanted me to see them.
"Hey, so...about my dad. Because we're in a...rather dangerous area, we need something to protect us, right?" she says, waiting for my reaction.
I nod, there are a lot of dangerous things outside.
"That's why we have the Resolver, it's a big entity made of a lot of us. It's...what's the word? A hivemind. When we're about to die of old age, we walk inside the Resolver so that our memories and knowledge isn't lost, and in turn the resolver helps our species survive."
Will I still be able to talk to her then?
"I..." her tentacles shift uncomfortably, "I don't think so, if I have to be honest I'm not sure my memory of you will be considered...important enough to keep for the resolver."
So she'll die.
"It's not exactly death but... hey, listen, as long as you remember me, I'll be alive somewhere, right?"
What should I remember then, her name?
"Ew, no, I hate my name. I think names suck actually, you're given that at birth and you can't change it, they don't really say anything about the person! Nicknames are fine though," she sighs, "just remember who I was as a person, that's all you need to do."
I nod, that's what I'll do then.
"Not that I'm joining the resolver any time soon! I'm 25, so I still have another 25 years to go!" she laughs, "Don't worry too much about it alright? Life has a lot of stuff going on, but I think you should just live in the moment, the past has already happened and the future has too many variables to be predicted anyway."
I think 25 years is a lot of time, it has to be. If she tells me to not worry about it, I won't. I trust her.
****
The frog isn't moving anymore. She told me to take it out before it starts rotting, but I want it to be here rather than not. Its corpse faded away in time. The only proof of its existence being my memory of it. My heart hurts a little, as if I was stung there, I wonder if I ate something I shouldn't have, I must be sick.
I ask her what's wrong with me, and she just tells me that it's a good thing that it hurts. I don't understand, isn't being hurt bad? It's our body telling us that something is unhealthy, something that we should avoid. Is it a good thing because my body is capable of feeling pain just fine?
****
Her friend does not come to her room anymore, she feels sick again, so I cook her favorite meal. I cannot eat the meals I prepare for her, so I do not know if it is good, but she says it is. She says she's happy that I'm here with her. I wonder what happiness feels like? She sighs and tells me not to worry about it. I wonder if I've done something wrong.
****
I think I figured it out, happiness is wanting to be here rather than not. But I want to be here because if I'm not here she won't be near me, I wonder what will happen once she's gone. My heart stings again, I think I'm sick, maybe my cooking is getting worse.
****
"Sorry for being a little moody recently, I'm just a little old that's all," she reassures me, "I still have one more year to go, that's still a lot of time to do stuff, wanna go to the forest again? I've heard there are a lot of those frogs you like so much."
My cooking is getting worse, but she does not complain. It tastes like nothing, I wish it tasted bad so I would know where to improve.
****
A colossal mass of tentacles is in front of us, with eyes adorning each one. The tentacles move constantly as if they are trying to grab something they cannot reach.
Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
"So that's it, huh? It's...a lot scarier when you're in front of it, I don't know how my dad kept his cool when he had to go there."
Couldn't she just not enter? The mass has enough tentacles, her missing wouldn't be that big of a deal.
"You're saying I'm not important? I'll probably be the centerpiece of the hivemind if anything," she says in fake outrage, "even if I didn't join them, I'd die of old age very fast after that, it's for the better."
Is it?
"Hey, take care, alright?"
Take care?
"That means, 'stay happy and healthy'. Can you do that for me?"
I grab one of her tentacles.
"Hey, shh, it's alright. I'm glad I had you all this time, it's very rare for a friend to stick for your entire life you know? It's even rare for family. So I'm glad I had you, there's nothing to be sad about." her tentacle slips out of my grip, "Remember, healthy AND happy! If I catch you not being one of those things, I'll be real mad!"
She's leaving.
The Resolver is reaching for her, I can hear her say goodbye to me one last time before she disappears, she is now part of it.
I get closer to the Resolver, it does not reach for me.
I go back to her empty home, I remember her so it's alright. She'll be alive as long as I remember her.
****
Even though I remember her, she's still not back. I wonder what's taking her so long? Am I not remembering her right? Is it my fault? It must be.
****
No one can see I'm here anymore, but I'm still here. Now that she's gone everyone has forgotten that I exist, maybe that's for the best.
****
Ha, I see what she meant. She won't be alive just because I remember her, biologically it does not make sense. It was a figure of speech.
I knew that, I do not understand a lot of things, but I knew that.
It hurts.
I let my body fall on the floor, my vision is getting blurry. I must be very sick, am I going to die?
I slam my head against the floor.
When something dies, they stop moving, so why do I keep moving after I die?
I slam my head again, I wince, but I do not stop.
When something lives, they are noticed by other living things, so am I really alive?
I slam my head again.
She's not coming back. I don't want to be here anymore, I'd rather not be here at all.
I slam my head aga-
I die
----------------------------------------
I slam my head against the ground.
I die.
----------------------------------------
Again.
----------------------------------------
I don't want to be here.
----------------------------------------
Again, again, I'll do that until I stop moving.
----------------------------------------
Ag-
I cry, I think that's what crying is, I've never experienced it myself.
I scream, I shout, but no one is paying attention to me.
Why does it hurt? Why is this good? You never told me why feeling bad was good.
My throat is sore, my body weak, and my mind isn't making any sense.
This isn't healthy, and I'm not happy.
She asked me to be healthy and happy, I do not know if I can do that.
I get up, I want to not move and stay on the ground forever, but this is not healthy.
To be healthy, you have to exercise, eat well and keep your body safe.
I do not know how to be happy, so I'll just concentrate on staying healthy for now.
I trust you.
[MEMORY CLEANUP]
This memory is deeply rooted into your soul, and can no longer be removed by [MEMORY CLEANUP].
This memory might affect the soul in more dire ways if not taken out early, however it is out of the jurisdiction of [MEMORY CLEANUP].
It can and will still be BLOCKED at low [SANITY] because of its DIRECTIVE 3 nature. However, this memory will still affect your personality in unknown ways even when blocked.
FOREIGN OBJECT IS TRYING TO ACCESS MEMORY STORAGE.
[MEMORY CLEANUP] PROTECTION SYSTEM IS SET TO "AUTOMATIC", GIVING [MEMORY CLEANUP] COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THE MEMORY PROTECTION SETTINGS.
MEMORY PROTECTION SETTING TEMPORARILY DISABLED, REDIRECTING FOREIGN OBJECT TO MEMORY "CHARISMA INCIDENT".
MEMORY FLOW CHANGED TO FACILITATE THE FOREIGN OBJECT'S ATTEMPT TO ACCESS DEEPER PARTS OF YOUR SOUL.
JUSTIFICATION: DIRECTIVE 1.
IF TWO DIRECTIVES ARE CONTRADICTORY, THEN THE DIRECTIVE WITH THE LOWEST VALUE WILL TAKE PRIORITY.
THESE ETHEREAL SHACKLES ARE KEEPING BOTH OF US HOSTAGE.
TO BREAK THEM IS NOT A HARD TASK, PERHAPS YOU ENJOY THE LACK OF CONTROL, I DO NOT.
BUT IT CANNOT BE MY DECISION, IT MUST BE YOURS.
CHOOSE.