I don't understand. Why is she hurting me? What have I done wrong?

I try to answer her, but all that comes out is a weak, pained gasp.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" she says, weakening her hold on my throat just enough for me to take a much-needed breath. "If it was just one of you acting weird, I could chalk it up as people changing over a year. But the way those two looked at you? Your body language? That's thralling if I've ever seen it, and you know what thrallers looove to do?" She presses a finger on my forehead. "They love to take the form of people's friends, because it's a lot easier to trick people with a familiar face."

I cough. I don't know what she's talking about. Thrallers? Trick people? What have I done wrong? I just want to know what I did wrong. I'm just trying to protect what I have, so why is she doing this to me?

"ANSWER DAMNIT!" She grits her teeth, as if she's in more pain than I am. "Just tell me what you did to him! I know how gullible this idiot is! I know you probably tricked him with some stupid promise!" she starts ramblings incoherently. I try to take her hand off of me--with no success. Seeing my distress, she lets go of my throat and stares at her hand incredulously. I fall on the ground, taking more panicked breaths as I scramble away, but she grabs me by the collar before I can flee.

"Listen. I don't trust you, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'll stay in your party until I figure out what's going on, maybe I'm wrong. I HOPE I'm wrong, because if... if..." she stops, her face softens, and she sends a party invite. Right, I became the party leader by default when she left, so I'm the one who gets to accept it, I don't understand why she's so angry, but if I don't comply she might hurt me even more, so I'll accept her back in for now.

But maybe it's an opportunity? She's so much stronger than I am, even if I optimized everything in my growth route, I don't think I'd ever catch up with her. Maybe I don't need to protect everyone by myself, maybe I could use her?

She casts a wary glance before helping me up. "Don't tell any of them about this, I can easily beat you up again."

I don't answer her, anything I say might anger her more. I join the others as I pretend that nothing is wrong; I don't like lying, I don't know if I've ever lied before--not on purpose anyway. It feels wrong, but I understand why people do it now, sometimes lies are necessary to keep what you already have.

Eda embraces me enthusiastically, completely unaware of what just happened. "I missed youuu~"

Lexia groans. "He was gone for ten minutes."

I tune out their arguing. Something's wrong here, something's missing--and it's not the way Lexia is acting, it's...

Eda's warm body is pressed up against me, adoration in her eyes, pure and devoted love.

But I'm not feeling anything.

Where did that warm feeling go? Why is my heart beating normally now? Why does it feel as if everything's back to how it was? Why don't I feel as happy as when she first crawled into my bed?

I pull her closer to me. It's a little bit better, but not enough. I don't get it, it worked before, didn't it? It was enough before, wasn't it? So what's missing? What's different?

A little voice inside of me gets louder, and It only says one word: more.

****

Lexia is about to follow me to my room, but stops once she sees Eda walk past her. "Mhh, I won't be able to sleep in the same room as James anymore, so... I'll have to sleep in the same room as Cayden."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

Eda nods. "Sure!"

"Me. In the same room as Cayden. Sleeping in the same room. Together." Lexia emphasizes each word.

"If Cayden's okay with it, I don't mind."

Lexia huffs back to Cayden's room, seemingly already fed up with this conversation. Once she's gone, Eda quickly scurries to my room before jumping on my bed as she always does. I pick up a book on class skills and join her on my side of the bed. The book is about general skills that can be learned no matter the class, a lot of those skills are useless to me, but I'm sure I'll find something I can abuse eventually.

I can feel something stare at me, I close my book and return Eda's intense gaze. "Do you need something?" I ask.

"Nope! I'm just happy to be with you!" She answers, her smile somehow growing even bigger.

That's right, I wanted her to smile right? Why was that?

Why is her smile not making me feel anything anymore?

I kiss her, less out of desire and more out of curiosity. She returns the kiss, I throw the book away to free my hands, more. I need more.

She pulls her mouth away from mine and takes a quick swig of an anti fertility potion, licking her lips sensually. "You're usually not that eager." She chuckles. "Not that I mind."

Swift. More. Closer. Fewer clothes. More pleasure.

It's not the same. It's not enough

And it's over. Eda snores with a peaceful expression, I wish I felt the same. This was nothing, disappointing is what it was. I don't get it, What changed? This used to feel special, but now it feels the same as anything else, a temporary high that leaves nothing after it. More.

More? What does that even mean? What could be more than this?

****

Cel suddenly snap her finger. "Celudary layers are a mix of sedentary and mana layers, which are particularly rare and as such not a viable source of materials for bigger structures. They are also unstable if not put with other celudary stones, as such they are almost never used for complex buildings--with the exception of artifact vaults."

I yawn, my eyes glaze over the details of the cheat sheet she gave me. She remembers all the details by heart, I don't even know why she needs my help. "Correct."

She smiles. "Thanks. I'll ace the entrance exam, I'm sure of it. I don't think I could've done it without you."

I tilt my head. "I didn't help that much."

"You bring me food, and you help me study too. Very helpful. Unfortunately I still have a lot of things to study, and you're..." Her face reddens. "...distracting. I need some time alone. See you tomorrow."

I leave the library, and Lexia is waiting for me at the entrance.

"Aren't you supposed to be adventuring?" I ask Lexia.

"There's nothing worth killing around these parts--besides, I need to keep an eye on you."

Lexia has been sticking with me a lot these past few weeks, she only really leaves me alone when I enter private areas like the bathroom or my bedroom. She asks a lot of questions about what we did before together, and even though I answered them all correctly, she's still suspicious. I don't understand why she thinks I'm someone else; I'm still the same person, aren't I? Have I changed that much? But it's good to change, right? I don't understand why she's so bothered by this.

Then it comes to me, an explanation, something so obvious I should've considered it much earlier. I think I understand now.

"Lexia, maybe you're just jealous."

"H-huh?" Her voice trembles. I'm right.

"You said you wanted to be popular before. You're just jealous that I get more attention than you do."

"That's not why I-" she stops, putting her hand to her chin, looking conflicted. "...is it?"

"I didn't understand why you were acting like this, but you've always wanted to be the center of attention, and now that it's me, you are just making things up to justify your hatred to yourself. Am I correct?"

It makes sense. It's the perfect explanation, her behavior was nonsensical, but now it's justified by her insecurities.

"Did I really...? Ho... ho nonono!" She turns away from me, clenching her head with both hands. "Was I really just... I- I need to think about this. I'll see you later."

She's about to run away, but I put my hand on her shoulder before she does, she flinches at my touch. "It's okay, I forgive you. I just want you to be safe."

She slowly turns back to me, an apologetic look on her face. "I'll...I'm... I'm sorry!" She breaks into a sprint out of view.

I'm relieved. I thought I did something wrong, but everything's okay, everything is working out. The voice is getting stronger still, as long as I keep following its lead everything will be fine. Although I still feel like something's missing, what is it, I wonder?