"I can't believe that worked!" Trin throws another pebble on the river bank, "Haa, I knew that skill would come in handy at one point in my life."

"I'm pretty sure you could've died from this," I sigh, I throw another pebble and flashbacks from the eons I spent throwing rocks at a 'god' come back to me, I'm still a little mad I didn't get to finish that one properly.

"Life's a gamble, that wasn't the original plan when I put everything into agility, but hey! It worked out didn't it?" she stifles out a laugh. "Sorry for calling you a virgin back then by the way, I know men can get pissy about that type of stuff, but I wasn't sure if telling the guide we were here to kill the dragon they worship was a good idea."

"You could've just told them we were going for a group suicide or something," I sigh, "but it's not like you were entirely wrong about the virgin thing."

"Mhh? That doesn't sound right. Haven't you lived super long? I know you're a real piece of work, but surely you must have gotten laid a little. If only out of sheer random luck, right?" she asks, more intrigued than mocking.

"It's... complicated, you know the tendrils you have around your soul? The ones that affect people?"

"Enthrallers?" she answers, "Ho boy, I think I know where this is going."

"Right, enthrallers so..." I gulp, "I was in another universe not too different from this one, and I had a stat that could upgrade my enthrallers. And as they got stronger, I got more...friends. And eventually those friends became something more, and I ended up with a harem." I explain, trying to hide my obvious discomfort.

"I have to admit, it's really hard to imagine you with a harem..." she says half jokingly to lighten the mood, can't say it's really working.

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, the enthrallers got stronger and I didn't really know what they were or how they really worked. So I assumed most of them loved me for who I was, right?" I let out a small, nervous laugh, "at first, it was cute, how they cared so much about me. But then it got worse, I realized they basically talked about themselves less and less, their entire life felt like they revolved around me."

Trin shifts around uneasily, but she doesn't interrupt me. I kind of wish she did, I thought talking about that type of thing was supposed to help, but it's making me feel way worse right now.

"I remember one girl in particular, I don't think she liked me very much originally," I continue, "but she had this light in her eyes when talking about architecture, I remember thinking, 'I wish I could be as passionate as her about something'. But eventually she lost that spark and all she could talk about was me, I had sex with her, you know? With all of them, less out of lust, but because I really believed we had something. Because I was a fucking idiot that didn't know better." I grab a few rocks from the river bank, I can feel them being crushed between my hands. "Anyway, that's why I haven't tried the whole sex thing again."

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Trin stares at the river silently, the running sound of the water being the only thing that can be heard as we are both unwilling to look at each other.

"I killed about three people when I was younger," Trin finally breaks the silence, "Listra pissed me off, so I thought I could one-up her by amassing power faster. As if killing them instead of grooming them made me any better," she leans back against the riverbank, opting to look at the night sky, "My targets weren't bad people either, if anything I chose the most gullible and innocent people because it was faster and easier to trick them into falling in love with me."

She grabs my hand and clutches it tightly.

"They weren't bad people at all, they could've had a normal life and I took all of that away, for what? Power? Pettiness? I betrayed them for trusting me, for loving me. And I have to live with that fact for the rest of my stupid life," she rolls around until her body is pressing against mine, "We both did fucked up things that we can't undo, and just because we 'didn't know' or we were 'younger' doesn't excuse shit. But that doesn't mean we can't try to make up for it."

I instinctively pull her closer to me with one arm, my heart is beating faster, is this okay? I don't feel like I should do this and yet...

She slowly climbs on top of me, she nods, and I nod back. This is stressful, somehow more stressful than any combat situation I was ever in, a part of me is screaming to push her away, I don't deserve this, the power balance is not fair, she's indebted to you, she wants your soul, lies and excuses to try to justify this visceral reaction of mine.

"Hey," she whispers in my ear, "don't think about this too hard, we can stop at any moment, no one is being forced to do anything, alright? People tend to get strung up over stuff like 'am I doing this right' or 'is this okay?' Let go of those thoughts, past and future, concentrate on your breathing and nothing else, close your eyes if it helps," she removes her jacket, she's still fully clothed, and yet I can't help but be embarrassed.

Gently, her hand reaches under my shirt, a thought forces itself into my mind, I push it away.

Slowly, I reach for her too, she smiles softly.

She leans in for a kiss, it doesn't have to mean anything, future and past are not relevant, context is rendered null, the moment is what unites us. The cadence gets slightly faster, but it is not any less gentle, more thoughts scream at me, let go, let go. I concentrate on my breathing, I concentrate on the taste of her lips, the feeling of her soft yet firm body against mine.

More clothes come off, closer, even closer. A moan, panting, breathing only interrupted by the occasional kissing, reason is slowly leaving me and yet I feel as if my mind has never been clearer. Our bodies entangled, we roll around and-

SPLASH

"FUCK" Trin shouts as we both fall into the river, cold water getting where it really shouldn't and waking us up from our trance, "Shit, are we going to have to-"

I laugh.

I can't stop laughing.

It's so stupid, the way she awkwardly tries to pull us out as we're both stuck to each other, refusing to let go of me. The sudden change from gentle Trin to the swearing, pissed off Trin.

As she tries to get us out of the river I simply pull her back into it, still cackling like a madman, I can't tell if I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard or if that's just the water of the river messing up my eyes.

Trin looks annoyed at first, but her frown turns into a stupid grin as she interrupts my laugh with a kiss, "Unfortunately for you, I'm really adaptable," and she joins me in the river as we both lose all pretense to know what we're even doing.

Hey, is it okay if I forget about you, for even just a second? You'll forgive me, right?

Because, for the first time in forever,

I live.