"Mhh..." Eda reads the paper thoughtfully. "If we pick the mixed baths, we can save a lot of money..."

"WHAT!?" Lexia slams her fist against the counter table, making the receptionist flinch. "They're guys! Baths implies we'll be naked with them. I'm not bathing with them just to save you some money."

"Lexia. Look at this." Eda squish her breasts together, and she looks at me and Cayden expectantly. I'm not sure what she's trying to say, I don't think it's sexual in nature since our relationship isn't like that, maybe there's something I'm missing? She didn't even ask a question, just asked Lexia to watch, how am I supposed to interpret this?

"I don't get it," I reply. Cayden knows Eda better than I do, so I'll ask him. I turn to Cayden who is staring at a moth flying around a torch on the wall, I shake his shoulder a little, but he refuse to take his eyes off the moth, so I move my hand in front of his face until he looks our way.

"Huh? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, what were you saying?" Cayden says, a little out of it.

She then turns back to Lexia. "See? Nothing to worry about, I've seen girls stare more than those two, it's only weird if you make it weird."

"You don't... Fine! I'll pay for two baths if that means preserving my purity, jeez." Lexia slaps a few gold coins on the counter, and the now very uncomfortable receptionist leads us to our baths.

The room is filled with steam and one big square pool, I can't actually see what's under the water, but I'm guessing it's not that deep.

My muscles relax as I slowly lower myself into the water, I forgot how much I enjoyed those simple things. I've always been able to eat what I want, but I don't think I've ever bothered doing things like taking showers or sleeping in a good bed. Maybe that's why I'm unhappy? I wonder if I would be happier if I enjoyed those luxuries on a daily basis.

Cayden is at the other side of the pool, his lower body submerged in the water as he stares at another moth that found its way into this room.

"What do you think of Lexia?" Cayden asks out of the blue.

"I don't think about her." I reply.

"Even after what you talked about back there? I thought that heart-to-heart would've made you two closer."

"So you were awake this entire time?" I sink deeper, leaving only my head above the water. "I guess I trust her more now, but I can't say..." Now that I think about it, she felt special during that last fight. It didn't last long though, so I don't know if it counts. But I know you can feel differently about a person as time passes--so it's possible that feeling was genuine, but temporary.

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"James?"

"...I'm her teammate, that's all I know. What do you think of her?" I ask.

"She's really cool! She's super powerful and I really like her cool catchphrases and she's cute and-" Cayden stops himself; his face is all red now. "Um, sorry. I- I just think she's great."

That's weird, I found her catchphrases pretty stupid; I was in a lot of pain when she was fighting, so I couldn't appreciate how powerful she was; as for cuteness...I'm not sure how to quantify that. I don't get how he can feel this strongly about her when he barely knows her--they did talk a lot in the dungeon, but that can't have been enough to form such a strong connection, right?

"Do you think that about Eda too?" I ask.

"I think Eda's great too! She's like a sister to me, she's always there for me, and I wouldn't have made it this far without her. They're both great! But Lexia just feels...different."

So love isn't linear? You can like a person as much as someone else, but differently? It feels like I'm missing something, it always feels like I'm missing something. I just want to understand people, I understood her, and she understood me. I didn't need to speak, she could read my thoughts and I could read hers. I miss that, I just want to go back to that, why can't I go back? It's not fair, none of this is fair. I should've died with her, that would've been a happy ending, I would've lived a good life, I don't want-

"Uh, James?" Cayden swims a little closer to me, a worried expression on his face. "You're crying, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry." I splash some water on my face, so it mixes with the tears. "Sometimes I think too much."

"Want to talk about it?" He scoots over next to me. "I don't know if I can help, but sometimes just having someone listen is enough," He gives me a big, stupid smile.

"THIS!" I suddenly point at his face, accidentally splashing some water on him. "I want that smile, I want to smile like that too!"

But his smile is gone, it's awkward now, it's wrong. I wanted to study it more while I had the chance. Maybe I should've waited a little longer before asking for his smile.

"I don't know if it will work for you," Cayden says, scratching his head. "But what I do is I fake it until I make it. I used to be scared of a lot of things, so I just pretended to be brave, or confident, and eventually I didn't even have to try to be better, I just was." He looks back to me, an apologetic look on his face. "Although I'm not confident all the time, so maybe that's bad advice, Eda is smarter than me, you should ask her."

I can partly see my reflection in the water through the steam, it's not smiling. Is that really me? I think my body changes every time I die, so which one is the real me? Or are they all me? If I become a new person every time I die, then it's not really 'fake it until I make it', is it? It's just becoming a new person, that's all it is.

My lips stretch unnaturally across my face, I hate how it looks, but that's because it's the old me smiling. I just need to replace that smile with a new me that belongs to this body. I'll be happy in this life, I'll be different, I'll make my own choices and I won't let the clock tick down until it takes everything away from me again.