I wander the orphanage, not entirely sure where I'm going. The kitchen probably? The kitchen is nice, it's where I usually go. But I don't like staying here for too long either, there's only so much you can do with cutlery and a fridge. I'll just keep walking in a random direction until I find something cool, sounds like a plan.

I wander directly into a wall.

That makes sense, if you go in one direction inside a building, you're likely to hit a wall at one point. I could destroy this wall though, so I can keep going in that direction, but then the building would crumble and that would be bad I think. Why would that be bad? Because it would take away agency from the kids inside. I don't think I actually care that much about their life, but I value the ability to make choices, and the sudden death caused by 'rock falls, everyone dies'? They can't do much about it.

I'm not sure why I care about that, though.

I thought it was a thing she said, but it wasn't, she never said anything about agency, so which memory was it? This ideal I've stuck to must have come from somewhere, right? Convictions aren't born out of thin air. Or maybe it is just me, something I have created for myself and no one else.

"So that's where you were," someone says behind me. The voice belongs to the caretaker, what was his name again, Luis?

"Yeah," I answer.

"I thought you were busy, but...is there something wrong with the wall?" Luis asks.

"Yeah."

He walks up next to me, I can see him at the edge of my vision now, but his face is still blurry, "And what is wrong with it?" he asks again.

"It's there."

Luis sizes me up, "Are you angry about what I said last time?" He puts himself between the wall and me, my eyes are now staring directly into his, but I don't look away.

"Why do you care?" My right eye twitches, something is bubbling inside me, but I'm not sure what.

"Why wouldn't I?" He gets closer.

"Take your worry to someone who will stay, someone who fucking deserves it instead of wasting it on me, I certainly don't care about you." I reply calmly. A new emotion is surfacing, I still don't know what it is, negative probably, hopefully it doesn't get out. Emotions are dangerous on people like me, you know? It's like giving a nuclear bomb the ability to feel suicidal, that can't end well for anyone, powerful people really shouldn't be feeling anything for everyone's sake, maybe they should just die, actually.

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He frowns, it doesn't suit him. His smile always felt fake, but his frown doesn't look natural either, "Why do I care, you ask?" He takes a step back and leans against the wall, as if he's protecting it, "I used to be a soldier you know, protecting my country and all that. Or at least that's what they called it." He sighs. "And as I saw the friends I fought with die left and right, do you think I regretted having them as friends? Of course not, I was happy to have known them at all."

"Didn't it hurt more to see them go? Were the memories really worth it?"

"The memories were worth it, yes. But it did hurt, and that's when I realized that more people would be hurt if I didn't do anything to stop it. But what could a mere soldier like me do to stop the cycle of violence?" He knocks on the wall behind him, "I can try to take out the roots. Maybe if I teach the new generation, give them a better childhood, then they will make the world a better place."

"And if they get forcefully conscripted into a new war, what then?" I'm getting annoyed at his preachy tone, it feels like he's judging me.

"It's a domino effect, some of those kids might end up with enough charisma or power to make things change on a bigger scale. Inadequacy is a magical girl, and while she's not the most popular, the number of lives she has saved is uncountable. Another kid I raised here ended up as the minister of education."

"Right, you care about the kids because they can make the world better in the long term, doesn't explain why you care about me." My forehead bumps into his, I never noticed that I'm a little taller than he is.

"Isn't it obvious? Because you can do great change too, like anyone in the world, and if you feel like this..." He slowly pushes away my forehead with one finger, "then you'll just make the world worse. You're right, humans are selfish, and I'm selfishly using you to make the world better, and for that I need you to feel better about yourself, simple isn't it?"

"I don't think it's simple at all." I finally break eye contact with him, I feel like I lost a game I didn't know I was playing.

"It is simple. That doesn't mean it's easy, it might even hurt a lot to get there, but I know you can do it." He slips a letter in my hand. "There's a letter for you, I assume it's related to your magical girl application. Good luck!" He pats me on the shoulder and walks away.

I don't move, I'm pretty sure if I do I'll snap and kill him. Who the fuck does he think he is? He doesn't know shit about me, he doesn't know what I've been through, no one-

I hear something being crushed, I look back at my hands and the letter has been turned into a crumpled ball. I take a deep breath and flatten the letter before opening it, thankfully not much was destroyed, so it's still very much readable--easier to read than Inadequacy's writing at least.

It's asking me to show up for an interview in another city, and they will judge what kind of magical girl I am.

Also, if they find out I'm not a magical girl, they will sue me which explains why they were so eager to make me sign the contract before the interview, because now they have written proof that I tried to lie to them.

I guess it's time to take another step then, since the only thing I can do is go forward-

I bump into a wall.

Right, the wall in front of me. I turn around and go in the opposite direction, you can't really go forward if your destination is a dead end.