Novels2Search
The Academy of Sloth
The Fundamentals of Fundamentalists: What is the kindest man around actually like?

The Fundamentals of Fundamentalists: What is the kindest man around actually like?

April 15th, year 024 Angels Descent

It had been a week since the Cardinal had arrived, and the class were still one of his main escorts. Despite being offered interaction with other nobles of the region, he had politely refused, delaying his meetings with them for the second week of his visit.

The class in, this time, had tried their best to get him to accept some of these meetings as he didn’t seem to notice all the glares in the class’s direction when he named them as the reason he wouldn’t accept.

Regardless they had spent more time with him than anyone else within the Academy and had been called to have breakfast with Alex. They assumed it was likely, so he could get a report from them as he had been held up with ironing out the wrinkles the attempted assassination had caused.

“Ah, kids, how have you been?” Alex asked around a mouthful of toast which he proceeded to take out of his mouth and admire as if it were a work of art.

“Doesn’t matter how long I’ve lived here, the bread here is still the best I’ve ever had,” Alex muttered as he reached out to take a second stack of toast ready and waiting for spread.

“You called us, sir?”Daisy asked.

“Yes, yes, please sit down and enjoy; we can talk while we eat… preferably as consecutive actions and not concurrent ones. Speaking with your mouthful is a sin.”

“Didn’t you just?” Maxwell began before a look from Alex told her he was oblivious to her meaning any further pursual would be unwise.

“So you called us, sir?” Maxwell said as he sat down and helped himself to a large selection of bacon rashes.

“Yes, I’m sure you kids could work out why.”

“The Cardinal?” Bea suggested.

“Yes, exactly,” Alex beamed as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Ahhh, like sex in a canoe.”

“The coffee is that good?” Tasha asked, intrigued.

“No, it’s fucking close to water. Anyways I obviously called you here to talk about Johan. I want each of your opinions regarding him,” Alex said, clinking his mug down on the table and looking at the class.

“My impression is he is a rather nice old man,” Gunter replied before enjoying a cut of his omelette.

“He’s nice?” Alex parrotted.

“Yes, he has shown us nothing but kindness,” Gunter replied, looking increasingly uncomfortable under Alex’s gaze.

“What about you, Bea?”

“I also think he is nice to a degree beyond what others would normally go to. He is also self-deprecating.”

“Self-deprecating?”

“Yes, sir, on our first outing, he kept making blind jokes to put us at ease regarding the subject.”

“Ah, a common tactic. The number of times I joked I got a bargain and was only charged a hand and a leg is too many,” Alex replied, giving his artificer fingers a flex which caused Bea to subconsciously recoil an inch.

“Kline, how about you? You learnt how to read people well handling the little ones. I assume you have parsed some kind of underlying motive?”

“No sir,” Kline replied as he began to shake at the memory of the class. “He seems rather sincere. Nothing about his manner I’ve seen over the past week has given me the impression he is planning something untoward.”

“Doesn’t necessarily have to be untoward.”

“Well, his guard shadows are so hot,” Kline began before covering up his mouth with a gasp, realising he had forgotten that Johan had asked them not to reveal his secret bodyguards.

“Shadows? Like the Crusader Knights?”

“Yes, sir,” Kline replied with a hasty nod.

“Tasha, I hesitate to ask… but what is your opinion?”

“He gave me sweets,” Tasha replied with a big grin as she paused to wipe the jam around her mouth away.

“He bribed you?”

“Incentivised me. He offered me sweets because he saw I loved them as much as his granddaughter Lucy does.”

“Lucy?” Alex repeated with a look of melancholy.

“Yes, his granddaughter,” Daisy replied. “Apparently, she is incredibly smart. Like running a nation from the shadows with only a few choice words to the right people smart. Supposedly she is going to be his replacement when they let him retire.”

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

“Did he describe her? Show a portrait or something?” Alex calmly asked.

He has a little portrait. She has black hair and green eyes and is very pretty despite the scar,” Tasha replied before the class could hush her. Alex looked slightly ashen at this description.

“Daisy, your opinion then?” Alex asked, turning his attention to the next of his students.

“He is very humble. There was a bit a few days ago where he kept winning at the tables but refused to let his ego get inflated.”

“You took him to a casino?”

“He requested it,” Daisy replied with a frown focused on Alex, who was the reason they had been burdened to care for Johan in the first place.

“There is a word that is known the world over that could’ve allowed you to avoid that.”

“What is that then, sir?” Daisy asked, her voice tinged with hostility.

“The word is ‘No’. It is a fascinating word that has existed for a long time and means a negative response. I would’ve expected you not to defer to his whims and use it.”

“You’re one to talk,” Daisy muttered.

“Pardon?” Alex asked with a tone a father usually reserves for when his teenage children speak back to him for the first time as a spark of surprise shone on his face.

“Nothing, sir.”

“Very well… Last and by no means least, Maxwell. The one whose opinion I will trust the most.”

“Sir, you will trust Maxwell over me?!” Daisy asked with genuine hurt.

“Daisy, he has grown up in a family all raised to be diplomats. Any games Johan is playing, he knows the rules and can see the board,” Alex replied, getting exasperated with his class’s strangely new hostility towards him. Hoping it was all down to just them not being morning people.

“Yes, sir,” Maxwell replied, putting down his fork and knife.

“I can say he is very skilled at diplomacy.”

“Hasn’t he snubbed several nobles who asked to meet with him? I understand they are none too pleased. I’ve been receiving many strongly worded letters of reproach about it.”

“Yes, in favour of spending time with us. When he learnt we were getting grief because of it, he apologised and sent out gifts of apology with letters of thanks.”

“See, he is looking out for us despite the trouble he is causing, chief.”

“To me, it seems he has some kind of goal… what it is, though, I cannot say for certain.”

“Maxwell, he told us. It is to broker peace between our nations,” Bea pointed out.

“Stated goals and true goals are two very different things,” Maxwell replied.

“He may have other goals, and that is just the surface-level goal that he can flash to the world at large.”

“What do you suspect his goals might be? Anything is ok, even if it is wild speculation.”

“Sir… I’ve noticed over the past week that he seems to be trying to drive a wedge between you and those around you.”

“A wedge?!!” Daisy repeated in confused shock. “When has he done anything like that? He hasn’t even said anything too mean about sir.”

“Daisy…” Maxwell began before trailing off and glancing at Alex for support.

“I don’t know what he said, so perhaps giving an example?” Alex suggested.

“Very well… A Bad diplomat will force the other side into their desired track of mind. But we’ve already established he is actually rather skilled,” the class all nodded to this.

“Well, a very skilled diplomat will nudge, not shove. A comment here, an allusion there; the real skill is letting the other side infer your meaning. If they come to a conclusion on their own without too strong a nudge, they won’t even realise they have been coerced.”

“And you think Mr Johan has done that?” Tasha asked.

“Well, we haven’t seen sir all week, and we sit down, and you all suddenly seemed weirdly hostile,” Maxwell pointed out.

“I did wonder about that myself and just put it down to them not being morning people.”

“Yes sir… well, simply put, while he hasn’t been saying anything outright bad about you. He has been making more backhanded comments. One point even urging us to leave your tutelage because you draw danger to you.”

“I see… any idea why he might be doing this?” Alex asked.

“To be honest, I can’t. Typically when you try to isolate someone, it is so you can separate them to bring them to your side or…”

“Or?” Bea repeated.

“Or to kill them when they are lacking allies.”

“You seriously think Johan wants to kill Sir?” Daisy asked in a tone like it was ridiculous to consider such an idea.

“Hard to say as it is speculation. But what worries me most is you guys, despite all our lessons, have been letting him worm his way in. There is a reason diplomats are personable while also being professional. The moment you get into another person's personable part of their mind, you have more leverage.”

“Anything else you noticed?” Alex asked.

“His being self-deprecating, I think, was to get us to lower our guards.”

“No, he was just being funny and nice.”

“Guys, someone with a goal will still be nice. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.”

“But he is the most reasonable of the Holies here. He doesn’t treat us like we’re second-hand citizens?” Tasha asked.

“Maybe he arranged with his men to be extra worse. So, by comparison, he contrasts even more, and we feel he is our best option. If he can limit our options, we lose our wiggle room.”

“And in diplomacy, losing wiggle room is like losing negotiating,” Alex muttered as he stroked his chin.

“Ok, class, I want you to avoid interacting with him anymore,” Alex said with such finality that it was clear he wouldn’t let them protest.

“But sir, he is giving a sermon of the beginning today, and we are his guests of honour,” Tasha protested despite Alex’s tone.

“A sermon?” Alex asked before he began to rub his temples.

“Very well, I shall also attend. I’m meant to have dinner with him this evening regardless, so it will save time if I sit in when he preaches. It’ll help me get a better feel for his personality.”

“We’ll let him know and-”

“You’ll do no such thing. If he can spring surprise visits to places he shouldn’t, then I can spring a surprise visit on him.”

“Understood, sir. I will try to help keep them quiet,” Maxwell replied with a nod.