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The Academy of Sloth
Meet the Parents: Oh gods there's two of them

Meet the Parents: Oh gods there's two of them

Arriving at the door, Alex knocked a few times and waited. A few minutes passed, and there was still no response.

“Maybe pull the bell?” Bea suggested.

“I would rather not looks trapped,” Alex replied, looking at the chain hanging by the door.

“Chief, how can you tell it’s trapped?”

“It’s trapped?!” Bea parroted from her spot on his shoulder.

“Dunno, it just screams trap to me. I have spent years around Yuu, and our prank wars have maybe given me a super sense for these kinds of things.”

“Gunter, why does your home have a trapped doorbell?” Maxwell asked.

“My folks only like being visited unannounced by ‘true artificers’. Salesmen and people showing up uninvited are sent to the cesspit down the road.”

“I am liking your folks more and more, Gunter,” Alex said with a smirk as he looked up at the chain with a gleam. “I will have to get a copy of those designs.” Knocking a few more times, a hoarse voice responded from behind the door.

“I’m coming; give me a moment,” with a click, the door opened, revealing a pale white man with incredibly dark rings around his eyes. The first thought in most of the class's mind was the word ‘panda’.

Indeed the man who looked so sleep-deprived that he had panda rings around his eyes. Not to mention his rather plump figure with his black-and-white butler's uniform that only added to the image that settled into their minds. The only thing that stood out other than these features was a slight snaggle tooth from what was clearly a vampiric fang.

“Lester, I’m home,” Gunter said, stepping forwards. Looking up at the young titan who stood a head's height over him, the man gave a weak smile.

“Young master, it has been far too long,” Lester said as he opened the door fully.

Entering the home, the class entered a large entrance room with walls coated in design blueprints and weapons. Alex, who had already been giddy to meet Gunter’s parents, looked like a child in a toy store.

“Oh, my gods, they all look so cool!!!”

“Sir…” Maxwell began before trailing off and exhaling a groan at how childish his teacher was becoming.

As he was marvelling at a wall-mounted ballista, a thudding began to approach. Looking to the source, which was from the top of the stairs, the class spotted a hulking figure hidden in the dark of the second floor.

“W-what is that?” Kline stammered, pointing to the figure that was growling. Before Gunter could answer, the figure lowered its body and pounced towards the class, snarling. Without missing a beat, Alex stepped between them and the figure, only to be quickly pinned to the floor.

“SPOT, LET HIM GO!!!” Gunter shouted to what the class could now see was a three-headed dog that currently had two heads sinking their fangs into their teacher.

“No, it’s ok, Gunter… he is so gorgeous,” Alex replied, scratching the two heads that were biting him vigorously.

“Oh yeah, sir is a dog fanatic,” Bea muttered, remembering what Mimi had told her about him.

Their teacher always refused to take on wolf-killing quests and would even spare guard dogs of bandit camps. Mimi had even joked that if he could never research or teach, he’d undoubtedly do something involving dogs.

“Aren’t you such a good boy keeping the house safe from strangers,” Alex said as he moved his hands to scratch the chin of the central head before his voice devolved into baby talk gibberish.

“Spot, please release the visitor,” Lester asked. Immediately Spot stopped gnawing on Alex and looked guiltily at the vampire. Reluctantly Spot released Alex from its bite and sat waiting for its punishment.

“How shall we have to punish you then? Attacking an acquaintance of the young master is a serious offence,” Lester pressed as the Cerberus grovelled and covered its three snouts with its paws as best as it could.

“It’s ok; he is just being a good boy. Besides, I will never turn away a dog that has three times the affection to give,” Alex said, draping himself over the giant dog to hug it.

“If the guest doesn’t wish to press the matter, then I shan’t pursue it,” Lester replied with a sigh as Spot went about showering Alex in kisses from three directions.

“Where are my parents Lester?” Gunter asked, ignoring his teacher.

“They are currently in the workshop; one moment while I summon them,” Lester said, reaching for a crossbow on the wall and altering a dial on the sight.

“They should be here in a short moment.”

“Does the crossbow link to an alert system?” Daisy asked.

“Oh no, they just know if its sight has been messed with. Far quicker than using the actual system to summon them,” Lester replied with a shrug as he and the class looked at their teacher, who had finally stood up.

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The class all grimaced, looking at him; his clothes were now a shade darker from the dog slobber. But the most noticeable change was how red his shirt was becoming. Blood was leaking out of him from a very bite-shaped pattern on his chest.

“SIR, ARE YOU OK?!!!” Daisy asked in a panic. She was not ready to lose someone else.

“Eh, it was just a little puppy nibble. Should see how Freki nips with her puppy bite.”

“I-is… Is that blood?” Lester asked as his entire body began to shake. Seeing this, the class began to worry he was a feral vampire.

It was a rare occurrence amongst vampires, but some could develop a drug-like addiction to drinking blood. The addiction could become so strong they’d become like an animal chasing down their next fix. This was even the source of Vampiric legends on the other continents. The reason being many were driven out of the Dark Continent and ended up hunting relentlessly till their eventual demise.

“Bl-...Bluh….Blood,” Lester repeated before his eyes rolled back in his head as he collapsed unconscious, only to be caught by Gunter.

“It’s ok, guys; Lester just has a really bad blood phobia.”

“A vampire scared of blood?” Daisy asked, looking incredulously at Gunter. The very notion was an anachronism. “How does he drink blood, then?”

“In a very dark room with a blindfold and nose peg, even then, poor Lester can sometimes still faint,” came a cheery reply from the door at the back of the room.

Looking to the source, the class could see a skinny man about six foot tall followed closely behind by a woman standing a good nine foot tall and walking on mechanical spider legs.

“Hey mum, hey dad,” Gunter awkwardly said as he put Lester on a fainting couch, a piece of furniture popular amongst nobility.

“Junior,” the man said as he looked Gunter up and down.

“You’ve grown.”

“Yessir,” Gunter replied stiffly.

“Nice to meet you. I am Gunter’s teacher,” Alex said, walking towards the pair, his hand outstretched.

“Nice to meetcha. My name is Gunter,” Gunter senior said.

“And what is the name of this lovely piece of metal?” Alex asked as he offered his hand to Gunter’s mother.

“Mel,” Mel said, blushing as her arms split into four separate limbs a piece. Unphased by the change, Alex shook each of the hands.

“Junior has told us a lot about you.”

“Junior?” Tasha repeated as the class began to get expressions that told Gunter very plainly this would be a matter of annoyance for him for a long time.

“Yes, Junior, he is the eighth of our family to carry the name,” Senior said, looking proudly at his son.

“So, is Gunter a twin blood?” Tasha asked rather bluntly. “It’s just you’re so small compared to him and his mum.”

“Tasha, you can’t ask if someone is-” Maxwell's admonishment was cut off as Senior took a step forwards and removed his cloak.

The room stood still as everyone took in his body. It was a human-shaped and sized body, but it was entirely made of gears and metal clockwork.

“Had a little accident in the lab a few years back and thought, ‘screw it scrap the dang meat and upgrade’. Mel here was already heavily artificered, so it only seemed fair. But to answer your question, I am a full-blooded titan.”

“So, teacher of my boy, what do you think?” Alex moved in a blur of motion as he examined Senior’s body from every angle.

“It is beautiful. The gears are perfectly fitted, and the systems are such that you could outlive most titans with that body.”

“Hoho, I assumed you were just a magic nut to think you can appreciate the magnificence of artificer limbs.”

“I know artwork well,” Alex replied, showing off his hand. Senior froze the second he saw the hand. The only thing still moving were the gears exposed to the world.

“Gods, and to think I was bragging a moment ago. I thought I was at the pinnacle of the mountain only to have the clouds clear. THANK YOU!!!” Senior roared as he picked Alex up in a hug, only to pass him to Mel, who, too, embraced him.

“What is happening?” Bea asked, looking at Gunter.

“My folks are really into this stuff. They become obsessed when they see a really well-made artificer limb.”

“How much did you pay for this?!!!” Senior asked.

“An arm and a leg,” Alex joked, pulling up a trouser leg to show his artificer left leg. Both men wrapped their arms around their shoulders and burst into a fit of laughter.

“Gods above, there's two of them,” Daisy muttered, looking at the scene unfold before her.

“Live like a shark!” Senior roared.

“Never stop moving!” Alex replied. If the class didn’t know this was the first meeting between the pair, they would’ve assumed they had been friends all their lives.

“Now, dear, we are in the company of children. You cannot go flashing your gears at everyone,” Mel said as she put the cloak back over Senior.

“Yes, dear,” Senior replied as he clasped the cloak properly in place.

“What was that about sharks?” Maxwell asked curiously.

“Oh, I see you can ask questions, but I can’t?” Tasha grumbled while pouting. Ignoring the elf, Senior spoke up first.

“A maxim of artificing and research in general. There are sharks that, if they stop moving, will die. Well, the maxim really just means the moment you stop your research, the project will die. It is better for a project to slow down than to stop entirely.”

“Isn’t that just reckless, though?” Maxwell asked.

“Well, yes and no. It depends if the payoff is worth the costs. I lost a hand in my research and gained an incredibly powerful spell system. You have to decide when to let the shark die,” Alex replied.

“He’s right, lad, I blew up my entire body, and I just replaced it and kept going.”

“You two do realise how insane that is, right?” The two men shared a look and simultaneously shrugged as if it wasn’t really that important.

“So, with Lester out of it, he can’t prepare your rooms, so would you like a tour of the workshop while we let him wake up?” Mel asked, holding all eight of her arms out in a welcoming gesture.

“I WOULD LOVE TO!!!” Alex immediately replied.

“It’d be interesting, I guess,” Tasha replied, still pouting.

“Tasha, they will have really cool battle golems.” Tasha immediately lit up and stood next to their teacher, fists clenched. “LET’S GO!!!”

The rest of the class grimaced as they began to follow Gunter's parents through the building to where the actual workshop was located.