“Worry not; your ship looks nice and sturdy. It’d take a hidden explosive to sink it!!!” He burst into a sudden fit of evil-sounding cackles as their ship finished passing them.

“Nyeh-Nyeh-Nyeh-Nyeh!!!”

“Right, we have to take this seriously. Let's go!!”

----------------------------------------

Seeing Dorian so easily pull ahead, the entire team went ahead with the main scheme. It was to use the alterations Yuu had added while they were running around practising their drills. As they all got in position, they glanced behind them to the madness that was unfolding.

Two of the larger and more heavily armed ships were repeatedly ramming into each other. The clash was such that they were blocking off the competitors behind them. To the Gnome Depot team, this was an unacceptable hurdle.

“Alright, men formation brick wall!!!” Thesus roared from his position in the middle of the kayak that made up the Gnome’s ship.

Immediately all the gnomes onboard moved the wooden panels and locked them in position. Before the very eyes of every onlooker and racer, a ship began to take shape. The gnomes were literally building a ship out of the hundred boards they were carrying. The sudden appearance of a new vessel didn’t deter the two duelling ships, and they went all in to smash the pesky new arival.

“FLAT PACK!!!” Thesus roared. Immediately the gnomes disassembled their ship and made it as flat and narrow as possible. The two ships that had only till then been trading light blows smashed into each other with full force, destroying both ships.

Now free of their obstacle, the gnome ship began to rearrange itself with all one hundred gnomes with their panels at the rear. Seeing this, the other competitors realised what they were doing. The rules were you couldn’t use anything but the river as propulsion. They were increasing their surface area to increase their speed.

Before anyone could fully react, the gnome ship was already catching up on the Trouser Surprise. Close behind it was the Nouveau Aristes and swimming Paul, who was effortlessly doing the butterfly and keeping up with the ship of artists.

“YUU, IS IT READY?!!” Mel asked, seeing their rivals gaining on them.

“Yes, pull the lever now!!!” Yuu replied.

With a nod, Mel pulled a lever next to the wheel at the helm. Everyone braced for what they expected to be a sudden lurch, only for nothing to happen. A moment passed, and nothing still happened, leaving them to watch helplessly as the gnomes moved past them. Mel gave the lever another few pulls before looking defeated.

“Why didn’t it work, Big Chief?!!” Gunter asked.

“I don’t know; the mechanism should be fine! We will have to check it.”

Rushing up to the helm of the ship Yuu flung open a hatch revealing an area below deck. Looking in, the class could see a swarm of gears clacking and jolting. They were obviously stuck on something and were unable to move forwards.

“DAMMIT, THEY’RE JAMMED!!!”

“Calm down, Kline… We need someone small to go in and remove what’s jamming the gears,” Yuu explained, looking at Bea.

Bea looked behind her and then around at her classmates before shaking her head. From the size of the space, she would be the only one who would fit. Even Yuu would have a hard time fitting.

“What if the gears start-up, Big Chief?! Bea might get caught up and hurt!!!” Gunter shouted, unwilling to risk Bea.

“Its ok if I am the only one that can fit then-”

“But you’re not the only one,” Came Seniors' surprise reply. Everyone looked at the man who, even with his entirely mechanical body, still stood taller than many in the class.

“Don’t worry, I got this,” he reassured them with a wink as steam began to hiss around his neck. Seeing this, Mel exhaled an annoyed sigh as she focused on manoeuvring their ship to avoid the Artistes who had finished gaining on them and were showing off caricatures they drew of the class.

The steam finished its hissing, and Senior’s head rose half a foot off his torso. Slowly but surely, little mechanical spider-like legs began to spread out, and his head began to crawl down his own body.

“Dad…” Gunter began before giving an exasperated expression. Looking to his teachers for support, he quickly realised they were the last two who would have a negative opinion of this development. Indeed both teachers were looking starry-eyed at the now severed head scuttling towards the hatch.

“So cool!!!”

“Hey, Yuu, could you do that?”

“No... There's a lot of life-sustaining stuff needed for a head thingy like that,” came Yuu’s immediate reply.

“Now don’t try and stop me, Junior,” Senior said, looking up at his son, who just gave a hand gesture of ‘Go on then, don’t let me stop you’. A look of shock and heartbreak spread across Senior’s face as his attempt to look cool for his son had failed. Pausing only once to give a quick wink to Bea, Senior dove into the hatch.

A few minutes passed, where no sounds came out from beneath the deck. The Artistes had fully passed them by now, and they had Sir Bearington gaining on their heels. As they were getting worried, his war galleon would pass them, a loud clank echoed out from under the deck. Almost immediately after, the gears all began turning cleanly. Clambering back out of the hatch, Senior Spider Head, as Tasha had declared him to be returned with a metallic-looking dish in his hands.

“What’s that?” Yuu asked as she approached him and took the mysterious disc.

“Looks like a pie tin,” Mel observed.

“BUT WHO COULD’VE HAD CHERRY PIE?!!!” Tasha loudly asked as she attempted but failed to whistle inconspicuously.

“Tasha?” Maxwell’s tone was calm and level. The tone a parent uses when they have a young and exceptionally troublesome child who had yet to apologise. “Did you do this?”

“What?!!! No, I did not have that cherry pie… I definitely did not lose the tin when using it as a frisbee.” The entire team slapped a hand against their face as they returned to their ready locations on deck. Tasha’s punishment would have to wait.

“Ok, Mel pull the lever when you are ready,” Yuu shouted as she went about examining the pie tin that had resisted the full strength of a clockwork mechanism that could’ve crushed bones.

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

Mel nodded in response and immediately pulled the lever. From the front of the ship, through holes hidden behind the anchor ports, six bolts fired out, crashing uselessly into the water.

“Miss Yuu, we can't attack on this half!!!” Daisy shouted in a panic seeing weapons launched.

“Good thing they aren’t weapons,” Yuu said with a mad grin as she tightly gripped onto the decking.

Before anyone else could react, the Trouser Surprise immediately began to shoot forwards. It had accelerated to a multiple of its initial speed. Whatever Yuu had used was causing them to go faster and faster. Already they were gaining on the Artistes and leaving Sir Bearington behind to uselessly roar insults at them.

“What did you add?” Senior asked, locking his head back onto his body.

“Water sails. Some cultures use them; you use a normal sail and sink it under the water to catch currents. Lets you sail against a headwind,” Yuu explained.

Looking out over the prow, the class could see six cables taut with tension as they had been fully hooked onto the undercurrents of the Jormunganda.

“How do we slow down?” Kline asked.

“Slow?” Yuu repeated with a tilt of her head. “We can cut the lines, I guess, but this is the Jormunganda… slowing isn’t really a thing.” Hearing this reply, Kline rapidly paled, and he went to lean against the back deck of the ship.

“We’re catching up on the leaders,” Alex shouted, pointing ahead to where a few of the ships that had passed them were duking it out to get a lead position. Summoning up an illusionary display so the class could see into the distance, they could see it was a fight amongst five ships and one man in speedos.

Spying Dorian on his ship, it was clear he was having the time of his life. It was as they watched from a distance they watched as he took out a vial of what looked like oil. Popping the cork, the man poured it into the water behind him.

“Is he going to light it?” Maxwell asked.

“No, that would be a direct attack. Though putting obstacles is also allowed in the first half,” Senior replied as he intently watched as what many would say was something weird even for this world.

The ship directly behind the Tophat-Trick moved through the oil slick on the water's surface and began to spin out as if it had been on dry land. Unable to recover, the ship found itself stuck going broadside down the river. Eventually, the current was too much, and it entirely capsised.

“Gods above…” Kline cried out.

“Indeed, they seem to have a weird sense of humour if an oil slick can do that on water,” Alex agreed, oblivious to Kline's true meaning.

“I think we should stay back for now; we have the Serpent’s Fang approaching,” Mel announced.

“Serpent’s Fang?” Daisy repeated.

“The point where the only river that feeds into the Jormunganda meets it,” Alex replied. “Big ole hooks point of land juts out, narrowing the river where it joins and from above, it looks like a snake's fang.”

“So things are going to get crazy,” Mel warned as she walked to the front of the ship and, using all eight of her arms, pulled out two of the water sails.

“You’re stronger than you look,” Yuu mused.

“Gotta keep my hubby in line somehow,” Mel replied with a chuckle.

With two fewer water sails giving them forward momentum, the ship began to slow. With no time to spare, it seemed as if the water started to become choppy as the currents smashed into each other to make it through the opening that was narrow.

Looking at the competitors ahead of them, they began to settle into a single file, unwilling to be smashed upon the rock face of the fang as the wild currents had very few safe routes through this area. As they passed through the clearing, they could see people above cheering them all on. Throwing flowers and some throwing firebombs.

“How enthusiastic,” Alex mused as he shot a gust of wind to return the fiery gifts back to their senders.

“Before you kids ask, outside interference is allowed. It’s almost a sport to sink ships in the race,” Mel explained.

“Upside to ours being made of metal,” Senior boasted, leaning over the edge to pat the hull of his ship. “It don’t burn!”

“We are now at the quarter-way mark, guys,” Mel announced as they settled down to have a light meal. It had been a fair few hours since they had begun, and the current stretch was rather placid. Well, as placid as hundred-mile-per-hour currents could be. But part of the race wasn’t just the ship but the crew's endurance.

“So what do we have to contend with next?” Daisy asked as she munched on a few sweets Tasha had smuggled on board. This was what they had decided would be her punishment in the end. Watching the entire team enjoy sweets.

“Next real obstacle is the Ouroboros,” Mel explained, gesturing to the point on the map. It was the space directly south of the Serpent's head isle—the area after which combat would be fully allowed.

“What’s it like?” Both of Gunter’s parents shrugged.

“No clue. We haven’t ever gotten past the start line before now,” Senior replied.

“Sir, do you know?” Alex shook his head in response.

“Nope, my entire time around here has been spent west. Never been really near this river except when I worked out of Port Staine.”

“Big Chief?” Gunter hopefully asked towards Yuu.

“Sorry, a similar situation to the dork. Guess it’ll be fun to find out.”

“Nehyes it will be,” came a smarmy voice from their helm. Looking up at the owner of the voice, they could see Dorian sitting on the edge of the railing, looking down at them with an ear-to-ear smirk.

“You kids having fun?”

All but one of the class immediately went into action mode. Summoning up their preferred magical light circles, all obscured by their bafflefield bracelets. Dorian recoiled and held up his hands in surrender.

“I’m not here to fight. We’re in the first half, so if you shoot something at me, you will be disqualified,” Dorian explained, pointing to the group's adults, who hadn’t reacted as boldly as the class had.

“Why are you here?” Maxwell demanded.

“To praise you on doing so well. Rare to see a first-time crew make it past the fang.”

“Well, you’ve given your praise; now bugger off,” Bea snapped.

“Feisty, I like it. You’ll need all the pep you can muster for the next part.”

“The Ouroboros?” Daisy asked.

“Nehyes… that is the most dangerous part. I am here to implore you to drop out while you can.”

“Why would we? Even if we drop out, we would be stuck on the river,” Kline pointed out.

“Did… did you not read the fine print?” Dorian seemed genuinely baffled.

“So long as your ship is in one piece, you can withdraw, and the same spectral hands that dropped you in will fish you out. However, you have to be on the ship. If it's in splinters, well, I’m sure one of the sea gods will welcome you.”

At his poor taste joke, he broke out into a sinister cackle that sent a chill down their spines. They had to remember what Spoony had said about him, though. He just had a villainous way about him and wasn't actually evil.

“If you insist on sticking it out, I won't stop you. A word of warning for the Ouroboros, be prepared to lose all sense of direction,” with a final tilt of his tophat Dorian opened an umbrella and floated into the sky before zooming back to the front where his ship still held first place.

“So… should we take his warning seriously?” Maxwell asked.

He recalled one of the stranger books Sithy had him read, which was about natural phenomena. One was the Escher tidal forces. A place with bodies of water with high concentrations of natural mana that had a reality-warping field around them. It was said by some that you could exit the field a full two hours before you even entered it. Also, if you didn’t enter it, the universe would cause a paradox that would require the gods to intervene.

“It doesn’t matter,” Tasha declared around a mouthful of sweets that she had stuffed herself when they had become focused on Dorian.

“Tasha is right,” Maxwell said with a nod as he roughly slapped the elf's back, causing her to spit out the sweets. “We can just press forwards and have faith in our abilities.”