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The Academy of Sloth
The Fundamentals of Fundamentalists: Sheep will always do what sheep do

The Fundamentals of Fundamentalists: Sheep will always do what sheep do

April 1st, year 024 Angels Descent

It was the week following the tournament, and all the schools under the control of the Academy were going on a break to prepare for the Cardinal of Benevolence’s arrival. Even Alex had told the class he was too busy to organise a guest tutor, so they should enjoy the time off.

The problem is they had made a very public display to the entirety of the student body of how powerful they were. Now they were experiencing a mix of reactions. Some showed looks of connor when they walked by them. Others showed early onset sychophantasia, a disease prevalent amongst dictatorship cronies.

To escape all the new attention the class had taken to keeping to the less populated areas of the academy grounds. Mainly the places where the lone werewolves roamed. The only upside had been they had become well acquainted with their opponents in the tournament.

Red had taken to calling Kline his boss, even pledging his mercenary band to his command. Simon and Ironsides had bonded with Gunter over artificing. Even Gentleman Jack had seen to it to draw attention to herself whenever she could in an effort to let the class have some semblance of peace. Hannah rather wisely kept herself far away from the class as she kept suffering from panic attacks in their presence.

Other than Hannah, Maelsteez was the only one who had not bonded with the class. Not due to any personal feelings and more because, following the completion of the tournament, he had been picked up by the scruff of his neck to join the military before finishing his year of schooling. Not one student who witnessed this did not make some kind of prayer gesture for his survival.

Regardless of their circumstances, they found themselves in the field area where Alex frequented to meditate—hoping to get some peace. Only the area that was usually abandoned most days had a single inhabitant.

The class, at the sight of the man, were cautious as the security of the entire city, let alone the Academy itself had been ramped up in preparation for the Cardinal’s arrival. So seeing an unknown figure in the heart of that security was a concern. Approaching the figure that was lying down on a bench, the class prepared for whatever may occur.

“Hello?” Maxwell called out.

“Huh? Oh yes, hello,” the man said in reply. Now they were closer; they could see he was dressed in a mute black suit with nothing to distinguish it. On the floor next to his bench was a top hat with twin black ribbons. The class recognised this as the typical funeral director's garb.

“Who are you?” Daisy asked.

“Me… You know it is good manners to introduce yourselves before asking for a stranger's name. May I have your names, please?”

“Very well, my name is mhmhmn-” Daisy began, only to have Bea jump from her perch on Gunter’s shoulder to her back to cover up her mouth.

“Don’t say another word Daisy,” Bea hissed.

“Bit odd… oh wait… you think I’m a… Don’t worry, I'm not a fae… don’t need to steal your names or anything like that, but I commend your caution.”

“Please give us your name, sir?” Maxwell pressed.

“How do I know you kids aren’t a Fae?” the man replied with a knowing smirk. The class, however, seemed unmoved by his mirth and as amused as he was, he finally relented.

“Very well… I am known by many names, but the one you’d recognise is Anubis.”

“Like the Dune Sea God?”

“Yes, very much like that… in fact, I am such a being.” Looking over the appearance of the man claiming to be a literal God, the class felt only one thing; doubt.

“I can see you don’t believe me.”

“Well, it’s just, you don’t exactly look Godly,” Kline pointed out.

“Oh? And how should a God look?”

“You know…” Kline began before trailing off as he looked to his friends for help.

“Gods are meant to be big!” Bea offered.

“They radiate holy light,” Tasha added.

“They inspire nothing but awe in anyone looking at them,” Gunter added.

“Ok… how could I go shopping looking like that?”

“Do Gods need to shop?” Daisy asked.

“Well, less a need and more a want. Gods do love coming to the mortal realm every so often. But if we looked all Godly, then everyone would go crazy, falling over themselves to worship us. It is a right bother when all you want is a box of sweets.” Hearing his explanation, the class decided to humour him to find the reason why he was on the Academy’s grounds.

“Pray tell-”

“Oh, please don’t use that turn of phrase; I deal with enough prayer in the divine realm.”

“Ok, please tell us, oh great, Anubis, why are you here?” Bea asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I have been asked a favour by one of my colleagues.”

“Another God, I assume?” Maxwell asked.

“Yep, a nice fella that goes by the name Thoth. Asked me to deliver a message to a mortal who should be around here.”

“Do you have a name?” Daisy asked only for Anubis to shake his head.

“No Thoth can be a bit… um… what’s the word…”

“Forgetful?” Kline offered.

“Close enough. Thoth gave me a description of who I was looking for.”

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“We might be able to help if you give us this description,” Maxwell offered.

“That would be perfect, thank you… let’s see… he is apparently an insanely powerful mage,” Anubis began. This statement helped narrow it down to one of the faculty.

“That he is so powerful he will at some point shoot a magical beam through the moon… wait, forget what I just said. It’s not happened yet!” Anubis said, holding up his hands as if doing so would stop the words that had already left his mouth.

“He will shoot a beam at the moon?” Kline asked.

“No, he said through,” Maxwell replied. This possibility narrowed it down to a single handful of people now.

“Let’s see, he was apparently really in love with weird research,” The class were now all but certain the man identifying himself as Anubis was here for their teacher.

“A lot of his research is just to mess with people,” The class were now a hundred percent certain it was Alex he was after.

“Did the theocracy send you?” Maxwell asked, assuming this was all a test of their security.

“No, I already told you Thoth sent me. The theocracy follows mainly the Southern Pantheon. That Pantheon has a lot of weirdos and pests that will doggedly chase you and then turn you into a tree just because it would be amusing.”

Any suspicion the class had for this man being part of the Cardinal’s retinue were squashed when he said what in the theocracy would’ve been heresy enough to be burnt at the stake.

“Ah, I just remembered he is like extremely lazy. He gets other people to do stuff for him all the time and always takes the easiest route to any task.”

Any idea that this man calling himself Anubis was here to see their teacher instantly vanished. There was only one man in existence that matched all the parameters that he had just outlined.

“You mean Sloth?” Tasha asked.

“Wait… that's a real name? I thought it was a slow-moving animal found in the eastern forests. Go figure; I half suspected Thoth was screwing with me when he said that name.”

“So you had a name all along?” Maxwell asked.

“Well, yes, but who’d think that is a real name… it’s not like Bumblefluff or anything.” As the class were unsure of how to proceed, as the man had said, he was looking for the head of state for the region they were living in; they spotted Elissa with Freki and Alison walking towards them.

“Hey, guys, what you up to?” Elissa asked when she arrived.

“We were just talking to this gentleman. How about you, miss?” Daisy asked.

“Just taking Freki for a walk. Alex is busy as hell right now, and he couldn’t do it.”

“And I’m helping,” a very quiet, mousy voice added. Turning her gaze from the class, she looked at the man, and a beaming grin shone on her face.

“Anubis, it’s been forever… how are you?” Elissa asked to which Anubis visibly recoiled.

“I’m fine… better than Tyr; we are still confused about how you broke his arm.”

“So you here for something?” Elissa asked.

“Wait-wait-wait-wait!!! Miss, is he actually the Anubis?” Daisy asked.

“Yes, he had tea with us when Alex served as Gluttony.” The class were left stunned by this. They had all assumed this was a prank Alex had organised for Pranksgiving.

“Yes, well, I am here to deliver a message to Sloth… do you know where I can find him?”

“I’ll show you to him; he is his usual self, avoiding work, so he should be free,” Elissa explained as she began to lead the way. Trailing behind Elissa, the class caught up to walk alongside Anubis. Barring one situation that may or may not have been a hallucination caused by the illusion dungeon, they had yet to truly meet a God.

“I’m sorry if this comes across as rude, but may we ask a few questions while you walk to meet Sloth?” Kline asked.

“Sure, always happy to explain stuff,” Anubis replied with a smile.

“Why do the Dune Sea Pantheon all have animal heads?” Kline asked.

“Well, you and your friend there should know that one well. When we were mortals, we were all werebeasts. Well, a few of our number were not; Thoth is an example of an exception. But when we ascended to divinity from our mortal existences, we brought our bestial side as well.”

Anubis’ explanation opened more doors and windows of thought than they had even accounted for as a possibility. Chief amongst them the realisation that the myth of mortals ascending to divinity was real.

“So you were once mortal?”

“Well, I am yet to be born and live my mortal existence. But from my point of view, yes, I was born mortal.”

“I don’t follow?” Tasha said, looking confused.

“The divine realm is beyond time. So all of time in the mortal realm is accessible. When I died and ascended, WHOOSH, I am now in my Godly form and all time and space laid out before me.”

“I got a question I’ve always wondered about,” Daisy began.

“Oh?”

“Yes, Gods have domains of responsibility. Like you oversee the souls of the departed and judge them. Do these domains exist because you do, or do you exist because the domains exist?”

“Wow, going for deep theology?” Anubis replied with a smirk. “It is a very chicken-egg type question you’ve asked.”

“I’m sorry if it is beyond this mortal’s ability to compr-”

“Well, the domains exist with or without the Gods,” Anubis replied, cutting off Daisy’s attempt to backpedal.

“Doesn’t that mean the domain existed before Gods?” Maxwell asked. “Or is it because the divine realm is a timeless type deal?”

“No, the domains have been around before Gods. Between us, Gods aren’t needed for the domain to continue to work. Like, say if the moment nighttime starts, I were to kill every sun God. The following morning the sun will still rise. Mortals are fully capable of love and war without a God overseeing the whole ordeal.”

This explanation was such a big bombshell that a large number of scientists working in a desert region using highly radioactive material would be needed to match the sheer power his words had just had.

“If the domains don’t need Gods… then why do Gods exist?” Daisy asked.

“Getting down to the real gritty questions… Well, the best way I can explain it is all you mortals are sheep, the angels are sheepdogs, and us Gods are merely shepherds.”

“So you guide us like a good shepherd?”

“Eh, more we guide the flock to benefit us. But a shepherd really isn’t wholly necessary in the situation. Sheep will always do what sheep do. They will grow wool, they will graze, and even make baby sheep. At no point is the shepherd needed in that process.”

“Then why do Gods in this metaphor shepherd?” Bea asked.

“Well, I do like mutton,” Anubis replied with a grin that had far too many sharp teeth to be natural.

“Jokes aside, we just add a little more order, a little more purpose. Our domains would proceed without our influence. We just keep things running smoothly. Take me, for instance; I am the lord of the underworld. If I weren’t around, people would still die, and their souls would still pass on. Whether they arrived where they were meant to go is a whole other thing, but they would still get going regardless.”

“So Gods aren’t needed to keep things running. They just keep things running smoothly?” Gunter asked.

“Exactly, we are one of the lowest orders of the divine. This whole realm we call existence is like a clock, and just like a clock, once it’s made, the clockmaker isn’t needed any further. We Gods just oil the gears and keep the springs going smoothly.”

As the class mulled over all the revelations they were being given by a literal God, they arrived outside Sloth’s lab. It was now time for them to part ways with their first true Godly encounter.

“Oh, kids, before we part ways, I just remembered another duty a shepherd does have.”

“What is that?” Tasha asked.

“Keep the flock safe from wolves,” with one last grin and a cheeky wink, Anubis entered Sloth’s lab and closed the door behind him.