Elizabeth
August 29th, 2012
It’s raining down again.
Grace Ciotta stares at her new school. It’s the first day and she already feels out of place, intimidated even. Grace looks slightly past the school to only see a giant forest behind it. She has noticed the entire town is surrounded by this forest, with a mountain as a background. She moved here at the beginning of summer but rarely left her room since. When she looked up the small town she moved to, she expected to not find much about it. Grace did not expect it to have an urban legend and gossip around it. Darkwood, Washington, the cursed town that haunts, she read. It’s almost always engulfed in heavy clouds. When it’s not, it’s burdened by heavy droughts. This is how it’s always been.
The kids in this town walk past Grace without ever noticing her. Everyone here has known each other since childhood, it's rare for someone to move here. It's much more common for people to leave. Grace gulps down her nervousness and takes a step forward but she’s immediately shoved on accident. Grace stumbles to keep her balance then looks at the girl who bumped into her. She's tall, pretty, and stylish, everything Grace is not.
This beautiful girl rushes inside the front doors and stops to look for someone.
“Morning, Elizabeth,” one of her teachers greets her as he passes by.
Elizabeth fakes a smile and heads to her locker.
Grace takes a deep breath and heads inside. The school seems bigger on the inside than it looks on the outside. To her immediate left is the front office and her right is the front commons that lead the halls that go to class and the staircase that leads to the next floor. Grace spends a second looking at the map she was given and sees where her first class and her locker are.
Next to her locker are the girl's bathroom and a classroom right across. She notices the cliques around her. There are just the jocks and popular girls besides her. This area is supposed to be for freshmen but everyone here are juniors or seniors. Grace spots the beautiful blonde girl who bumped into her talking to two of her friends.
Elizabeth doesn’t like any of the people she’s talking to anymore. She simply puts on a fake smile and carries any conversation she’s given very lightly. The bell rings and she rushes to class without much of a goodbye. She sits in the very back corner of the classroom so she can look out the window. Elizabeth likes to look at the gloomy sky and into the wilderness of the forest that she hates. She can't wait for it to rain just so she can have something else to hate. She does this in her second class, then her third. During fourth, her usual seat is taken by her new friend she made over the Summer so she sits in front of him.
“Fuckin' A', Ellie,” Andrew greets her. “Throwing a fucking rager at the house tonight. Thought it would be a good way to start this shitty year, no?”
“It’s Wednesday, Drew,” she answers in monotone.
“Hasn’t stopped us before.”
“I’m not going.”
“Oh?” Andrew laughs. Elizabeth hates this laugh. “The Queen isn’t attending? I’m offended.”
“Whatever,” she says and leaves it at that.
Elizabeth heads straight to the cafeteria and is the first one to sit at her old clique’s table. She rather prefers to sit with her new friends she made over the summer but she has appearances to keep. It’s something she knows isn’t important but is rather forced to. She stares at her ex-boyfriend as he walks in and sits at his table. Then all of her new friends come in and sit next to him. Summer was just a temporary thing, she isn’t really friends with them, Elizabeth thinks.
-
Elizabeth’s friends show up and immediately start on the latest gossip. Today’s hot topic is how Lucas is now hooking up with that goth girl, Sara. This is shared between the five people sitting around the table, excluding Elizabeth because she isn’t talking. The topic switches over to Andrew’s party. “Where is it at?” Elizabeth’s ex-best friend, Megan, asks.
“It’s in this abandoned house Andrew found a few weeks ago. It’s kind of small but on the other side of town on 12th. It’s perfect, nobody ever goes there” one of her male friends answers.
“Sucks that Jana Kramer is gonna miss it," Megan sighs.
“Where is she?” one of the girls asks, “Well whatever. I just hope it's as good as the last few, those were dope.”
“Yeah, because you got totally shitfaced,” Megan responds making everyone except Elizabeth laugh. “I invited this freshman to come. She just moved here, she’s cute, but like ugly cute. A complete dork.”
“Ew, a freshman?”
“Yeah, I found her at gym class. We can totally fuck with her.”
Elizabeth stops paying attention and looks over to her ex’s table. He’s staring at her. She looks away. She hates the way he looks at her, it’s intoxicating. Still, she had a great time with him over the summer. If only things wouldn’t have gotten so chaotic. Elizabeth looks up to the ceiling and it starts spinning. The spins only accelerate and the words of her annoying friends do nothing to help.
“Ellie, what are you thinking? ” a girl asks. "Remember that night where you-"
Those words start a ringing in Elizabeth's ears, cutting her from hearing the rest. She reaches her hand down into her back, feeling the cold metal inside. She pulls her hand out and picks up the bag instead. Her friends watch in confusion as she rushes to the restroom. Elizabeth ends up dry heaving down into the porcelain. She can't remember the last time she ate.
The stall’s wall stares back as the spins slowly come to a halt. After a while, her vision becomes normal but she dry heaves again once it does. This round catches the attention of a girl who has walked inside the bathroom. The girl listens right outside unsure what to do. “Are you okay?” she asks, placing her palm on the door and accidentally opening it.
Elizabeth looks over and spots the girl’s lanyard first that carries her school ID. Grace Ciotta, it reads. She’s the girl Elizabeth accidentally bumped into before school started. She’s a freshman but looks like still belongs in Middle School. Elizabeth notices Grace’s big eyes that are amplified more from her thick oval glasses. Her hair is unkempt and in a childlike bobcut, has braces that do nothing but make her ugly. She'd be hideous if she had any acne. Grace is a complete dork and Elizabeth can't help but feel sorry for her. This town will eat her alive.
Grace moves away when Elizabeth just scoffs at her to leave the bathroom. She’s confused but relieved that Elizabeth didn’t say anything mean to her. So far, everyone she met has been kind and friendly, far different from what she experienced her entire life. Grace thinks that maybe High School is the place where she can finally escape all the teasing and bullying she's been getting all her life.
Grace gets home after school without any issues on her first day. She was even approached by one of the popular girls. She never expected to be invited to a party on her very first day. She thinks that her mom made the right decision to move. A fresh start is the best way to make friends. Of course, she doesn’t tell her mother that she's going to a party. Not that her mom would know as she won't get home until after sunrise. Grace stares at herself in the mirror for a while. A new life, she thinks. She smiles.
Grace isn’t beautiful by any means. At least that’s what she thinks. She knows hardly anything about makeup and beauty. She wears glasses, has braces, and likes things like video games and anime. She feels like a walking stereotype. There isn’t anything interesting about her. Grace hasn’t even gotten her period yet. Grace has always been the laughingstock of her middle school, but that was California, this is now. This is a new chance to reinvent herself, to be cool.
To have a friend.
-
Elizabeth stares at her ceiling while she lies in bed. Her phone has been constantly vibrating due to her fake friends trying to contact her. They’re all trying to get her to hitch a ride with them so they can improve their social standing. Elizabeth knows this which is why she agreed to go with her friend Emily. Emily isn’t concerned about any of that and just wants to have a good time. Elizabeth also wants to stay civil with Emily, despite how envious Elizabeth is. Staying good friends with Emily is a good way to piss off her ex.
A car honks outside, signaling to Elizabeth that Emily is here. The Queen of Mickle Ray High School jumps out of bed and runs downstairs to meet her friends. Inside the car are Emily, Sara, and Chris. “No Cody?” Elizabeth asks after getting in the back seat next to Chris. She’s surprised her ex-boyfriend isn’t with Emily, the two are usually never seen separated. It’s part of the reason they broke up in the first place.
“He’s already there,” Emily answers while adjusting her hair using the rearview mirrors.
“Chris, got any coke? Sara?”
“Did some before coming, sorry,” Sara answers.
Chris doesn’t say anything and pulls out a small baggie containing the drug out of his big green parka. He always wears this and is never seen with anything else. He gets called homeless because of this, but it never bothers him.
“Thanks, Chris.” Elizabeth digs into the bag and uses her nail as a spoon. She wastes no time snorting the powder up.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
This is how it is now. This is how it is in this town.
She wasn’t always like this.
Elizabeth takes a deep breath and thinks of the first time she bought drugs.
-
It was with Andrew who introduced her to a tall and slim black man in a suit named Acid. They were just outside the Seattle skatepark. Elizabeth extended her hand, “Hi, I’m Elizabeth.” Both Andrew and the man look at the hand. Andrew smirked.
The man said, “How much.”
“Oh, u-um, a hundred?” she says nervously as she pulls out the cash.
The man slaps her hand away as Andrew rolls his eyes. “Fuck, put that shit away.”
“Let’s walk,” Andrew tells her as the two turn around. That was her first drug deal.
-
Before then, she got her drugs from Andrew, usually for free. Elizabeth just wanted to experience what an actual drug deal was like. The girl thinks about how out of control it got over the summer and how tired she is. It'd be better if Andrew never stopped selling to her so she didn't have to rely on her friends to get a high. She rests her head on the side windows and looks out into the darkness. It’s nothing but trees as they loop around the forest into the edge of the town.
Emily and Sara aren’t paying attention to Elizabeth. They’re talking about one of her friends and how Sara is forced to be with him to put up her charade. Elizabeth thinks back to the conversations she had with Sara; and how she gave her the idea to hook up with him. She feels silly telling her that now that she knows how Sara's brother is really like. She decides to amplify her high and does the last bit of the molly she has. She hasn’t ever mixed the two and wonders how great it’ll feel. Chris watches her and says nothing. The coked-up girl almost gags, she hates the taste of both of the drugs she’s doing and doesn't have any water to wash it down.
-
Grace Ciotta doesn't know what to wear or how to dress. Nothing she has will make her any less of a dork than she already is. Her mom always told her to be herself and not try to be different just to fit in. That advice has never worked, but it's a new start. Grace decides to wear what's comfortable for her and then hops on her bike. The ride to the address she was given only gets darker and darker the closer she gets.
-
Elizabeth is the last inside and greets everyone she has to. She ignores Cody, her ex. They didn't end on good terms and haven't spoken much since. Cody is always so intense, but collective. It makes her feel good; protected. It’s why he scares her. Cody has always been present in her life, but only now have they been this close. She hates it but also loves it. Even after what happened between them, she still feels that Cody just wants the best for her.
She begins the night with a line of Blow again; cocaine, snow-white, yeyo, Lois Lane. Nieve. It helps her reach the top of her world. She starts drinking, talking, flirting, and having fun again. There isn't a dull moment because everyone wants her to talk to them.
Chris gives her a tab of E. Andrew gives her another line of blow. Cody sees this and tries to stop her but Elizabeth blows him off. This all happens while she’s drinking a cup of Fireball with no chaser.
Her vision becomes hazy, then blurry, then normal, only to spin again. She finds herself outside talking to strangers she never met yet and adding them on her socials. Her phone vibrates with a text from Jana Kramer. The text tells Elizabeth to be safe and have fun. If only they hadn't walked in the rain the last time they saw each other. Jana wouldn’t have gotten sick and would be here, but that’s for the best now. Jana Kramer was never the type of girl to come to parties and was a floater to her clique. They only recently got close although have been friends for years.
Elizabeth stares back at the text and it makes her smile.
She doesn’t know how much time she spends turning that smile into a frown.
-
Grace arrives and nervously enters the house after finding a place to hide her bike. The first thing she notices is the lack of furniture and then electricity. The music is playing from a huge speaker that she's been hearing as she approaches. The house is lit only with LED lanterns and lamps throughout the house. There are foldable tables everywhere and hundreds of drinks and cups on top of them. She rushes over to one to grab her first drink, her very first alcoholic drink.
Megan walks in frustrated that Elizabeth blew her off outside and spots the small girl she invited. Excited, she walks over to Grace, “You came!”
-
A group consisting of Cody, Emily, Chris, Andrew, Sara, and Elizabeth find themselves together in the backyard. They are sitting on a couch surrounding a table with a bottle and cups being lit up by a lamp. Elizabeth is sitting on the opposite side of Cody. Emily and Sara are talking to each other, seeing that they've been best friends since Sara’s Freshman year. Andrew interrupts them, getting up and sitting between the two. His loud voice calls out for shots, increasing by amount for each person after every pour to be taken in a chain.
Already faded, everyone agrees and laughs while Andrew prepares the liquor. Cody stares at Elizabeth, watching how she rolls her eyes toward the sky. He knows she is too far gone now and there isn't a thing he can do about it. He then looks at Emily, his childhood friend since they were born. She smiles at him but quickly looks away to rejoin her conversation with Sara. Emily feels the situation to be a bit awkward over what happened a week ago between Elizabeth, him, and her.
Andrew gives Cody one shot, Chris two, Emily three, his sister Sara four, Chris five, and Elizabeth six. The bottle of the blueberry cocktail is nearly empty when he finishes. Cody starts the chain of drinking.
“Fuckin’ Hell mates,” He laughs with a grin on his face.
“Not very strong but delicious,” Emily comments.
Chris has been observing the whole time. It’s his favorite pastime. He glances over at Cody who’s been unusually quiet lately and catches him looking at Elizabeth again. She, herself, just finished the final shot and starts to laugh picking up a folded-up dollar bill off the table as it contains cocaine.
“Jesus, Ellie, want to slow down?” Sara worries.
"As if you're any better," her brother laughs.
Chris notices that Andrew and Sara both share the same little mole on their left Eyelids. This is the only thing they share that might make people think they’re twins. Nothing about the two would give that away. They couldn't be more different.
Emily asks. “Chris, you good?”
“Huh? Yeah, yeah.”
Sara feels her phone vibrate and checks it out with blurred vision. A couple of texts asking to hook up with the guy she's been seeing. It ruins her mood. Emily looks over and reads them and tells her to cheer up. Sara fakes a smile feeling exhausted now, wanting the party to be done so she can go to bed.
Andrew gets up from his seat and extends his hand over to Emily. “Let's go somewhere private so we can have fun, yeah?”
It grabs Cody’s attention but before he can speak, Emily does his job for him, “Uh, no thanks.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Andrew says knowing that Emily tolerates everything he does. He breaks into her house all the time when he’s invited over just because he finds it funny. He always wanted to fuck Emily, but she's never entertained the idea. It's that constant rejection that makes her so attractive to him. Andrew thinks about it as he walks back inside to talk to some girls from another school.
“I told him to stop hitting on you, but he doesn't listen, Ems. Sorry,” Sara tells her. “He’s such an asshole.” She gets out a cigarette and debates if she wants to smoke or not.
“Sara, that’s gross, don’t smoke,” Emily tells her as she feels the effects of the tequila set in. She smiles when she sees Sara throwing it away. The two have been besties for two years now, the two trust each other like sisters. “Chris, give me a line,”
Chris pulls out a bag from his green parka jacket and tosses it over to Emily. “It’s the last I have,” he says.
“Cody, want some?”
“Ems,” Cody speaks up wanting to stop her but knows he has no right to. “You know I don’t do that stuff anymore.”
“Pussy,” Sara jokes.
Elizabeth starts to pay less attention to her friends. They’re all having a good time while she’s sitting there, suffering. It’s been an awful summer and now she has to deal with everything that comes after.
There’s something about the future that’s frightening. She watched it all come down at a brush fire earlier in June. That month was especially dry. She watched part of the forest burn down alongside Cody and thought there was nothing prettier. Cody told her that the smell was sweet to him. Elizabeth only found the smell to be deceitful. The fire was small and only known to them. It would have grown out of control if the rain hadn't come to end the drought. Elizabeth fell in love with that fresh smell of rain coming out of the payment.
She gets up from her seat and stumbles her way to the door to lead her inside. “Ellie, you okay?” Emily asks her but Elizabeth only hears the words drowned in bubbles.
Andrew catches her as she falls opening the door. “Yo, fuckin’ watch it.”
Ellie looks around and finds herself uncomfortable with the couple of eyes staring. Cody comes from behind her and asks, “You want to go home?”
She shakes her head, “No, I’m fine. I just need to drink some water.”
She's usually great at handling her alcohol, but her stomach's been empty for days now. The MDMA in her system is on full blast and she hasn't done enough coke to counteract the liquor. It would be a good idea to get some disgusting food in her but realizes that it’s pointless now. After a couple of glasses of water, she heads back outside and finds her friends laughing together.
Emily and Cody are sitting together now, she doesn’t like that. It only reminds her that in the end, it’ll never be enough. Nothing will ever be enough. She looks at Sara and only sees a train wreck, like herself. She pours herself another drink before blacking out.
Through more cocaine, she’s able to become conscious through bits of her blackout.
-
Elizabeth remembers she left her purse in Emily's car and goes back to get it. She doesn't notice Chris is sitting on the hood, staring at the sky. Chris looks over and sees Elizabeth pull out what she has inside and she realizes he's watching. Chris doesn't say anything. Elizabeth doesn't say anything either while she puts it back inside. She wonders if he can see through her facade tonight. Chris is the smartest person she knows although thinks has a few screws loose. Nothing bothers him and goes with the flow. With what Chris just saw, Elizabeth expected at least some reaction.
Chris just knows not to interfere with people’s decisions.
At some point, she’s stopped by multiple people asking if she's doing okay. She can barely recognize them. Elizabeth takes a random pill lying on the table and another shot of the tequila. Someone else stops her again, this time it’s Megan. She’s always been Elizabeth’s shadow; always wanting to be her, always jealous. A snake in the grass. Elizabeth hates everything about her. All she sees is a mirror.
Megan says something and Elizabeth gets ready to pull out the cold steel out of her purse. Elizabeth responds with a, “no,” and then notices who Megan is standing next to.
She blacks out again.
-
Elizabeth finds herself alone in the woods. It’s impossible to see at night. It’s past 2 AM and she only carries her purse. Her shirt is covered with throw-up and wonders how that happened.
Yeah, that’s what I was doing, she thinks. Elizabeth barely recalls running away from the party after getting barfed on. One of her friends tried to help her but it was too late; everyone was already laughing and she was just trying to get away.
She hears her name being called out by her friends. They’re looking for her. He hears Cody's voice the closest, but it’s too late.
She's in front of a cedar tree that's taller than the rest. The stars aren't visible and a few droplets of rain are tickling her cheeks.
Disoriented, Elizabeth pulls out the only thing inside her purse now.
The cold heavy metal that haunts her.
“Hey, I’m really really sorry,” Elizabeth hears from behind.
It’s the little freshman girl from the bathroom, Grace Ciotta. The girl who Megan was with at the party. She’s drunk and her lips have a few chunks of food on them. Right now, Elizabeth only finds Grace beautiful. She can't tell if she's hallucinating the dim light emanating out of Grace. How unfortunate it had to be this way.
“Sorry, I threw up on you. It was an accident.”
Elizabeth looks at the ground, then at Grace, then the sky, and then back at Grace.
"I'm so sorry," Grace repeats.
Elizabeth smiles and says, “Don’t be,”
She raises the gun, places the barrel on her temple, and doesn’t hesitate to pull the trigger.
Grace screams.