Elizabeth II
It’s the day before the school’s dance. Emily convinced everyone to ditch school and head to Pike’s Place since it would be Grace’s first time there. This is the first time everyone has managed to be in the same spot at the same time. It makes Emily happy.
As it’s Grace’s first time, they first take her to all the tourist spots. Grace finds out she doesn’t enjoy the smell of fish and starts to hate lingering around all the open shops. She particularly finds the gum wall the most fascinating during her exploration.
“Ew, what’s with all the gum on the wall?”
Emily gives her a piece of gum, “Now that you’re here, it’s your turn to add to it.”
“Ew no, that’s gross.”
“Don’t be a wimp,” Cody says as he searches for the one he placed last year. He made sure to put it in a place he would remember but there’s so much dried gum everywhere that it all looks the same to him.
Grace takes the gum and starts to chew, “So what? I just put it anywhere?”
“That’s the idea,” Emily giggles.
Sara places hers behind a pipe with a folded paper sticking to it. Chris doesn’t care for such things but finds all the colors soothing so he just stares. Andrew paces around restlessly as he tries to chew ten pieces of gum all at once.
“Why is there so much?” Grace asks.
“It’s a tourist attraction, freshfuck,” Andrew says as he slaps his gigantic piece on top of many old pieces. “Shit’s dumb.”
“I wonder how much gum is here.”
“Probably over one hundred thousand,” Cody answers.
Grace gets up close to a wall to examine it further and to even smell it. She doesn’t smell anything particularly weird. At the same time, Sara pulls out a baggie and picks up some white powder with her nail.
“Not in public,” Emily scolds her.
Sara ignores her and snorts the coke.
Emily watches her best friend but can't do much to stop her. Sara hasn’t said much all day nor have they texted since the day at the skatepark. She thinks that Sara just needs time to calm her nerves, that night was pretty scary after all. Emily assures herself that Sara will be fine. She’s strong after all.
The group walks down to the pier as Andrew curses the air and expresses his hatred towards hills. They end up on the one closest to the newly open Ferris wheel. Emily leans over the railing with Grace as both watch the calmness of the sea.
“It’s so beautiful, I never knew it would be this pretty.”
“Yeah I know, I don’t come here often enough.”
“How much does the Ferris wheel cost?”
“Don’t know, never been,” Emily shrugs.
“Want me to check?” Cody leans on the railing next to her.
“Yes, please.”
“What is Sara doing?” Grace asks.
Emily looks over to Sara who is sharing some coke with Andrew. “Don’t worry about it, Grace.”
“Is she okay? She hasn’t said anything to me.”
“She’s fine.”
She’s not. All Sara wants to keep the high going as long as she can, but she’s almost out. She asks Andrew if he has any more on him but it comes out as a negative. All Sara can hope for is that she can hang onto her high until she gets more.
As the sun starts to set, they find themselves in front of the fountain by the aquarium. Grace asks Cody, “So what type of girls do you like?”
“Why do you want to know that?” he chuckles.
“What? I can’t ask?”
“Yo, yo, yo, I know what type of girls you like,” Andrew interrupts.
“And what’s that?” Cody laughs. He’s actually enjoying himself despite how he feels at the current moment. The past doesn’t matter right now and he feels that’s all he needs.
“Remember that girl I was talking to, er, at the club that one time.”
“The brunette?”
“Yeah, yeah, with the big titties.”
“Wait, how did you get into a club?” Emily asks.
“Baby, baby you know I have some pull,” Andrew laughs. “Shit, Cody-kin, you were mad pissed that she was into me, remember? Man, she was thick.”
“You like thick girls?” Grace laughs.
Cody’s eyes widen in shock. Emily notices how loose he is and finds herself laughing. He’s back to his regular self. “He’s lying! Don’t be putting words in my mouth.”
Emily’s and Cody’s eyes meet and the spark she’s been longing for all this time is there. Cody’s eyes have always been beautiful and such Emily has trained herself to never be entranced by them. Today is the one time that fails.
Later, they walk back to Waterfront Park, specifically to the Ferris Wheel.
Grace hangs over the rails and looks down at the water. “How many people do you think jump into the water? I was googling it and not much comes up.”
“Nobody’s that crazy,” Emily answers.
“They’ll probably die if they tried,” Cody adds.
Sara grabs onto the railing and looks down at the water. She can’t see the bottom. It’s perfect, she thinks, but too public. She watches the water move around so calmly and smiles.
“Jump, Cody-kin!” Andrew yells.
“Jump yourself,”
“Fuck it, we ball,” Andrew laughs.
Before anyone can stop him, Andrew is already running towards the railing. He leaps upwards then falls, splashing into the sea. The girls scream and lean over the railing to find out if he's okay. Nobody sees Andrew anywhere. All that’s left is the leftover ripples from the splash and curious bystanders gathering around to see what happened.
Andrew doesn’t emerge and Cody gets himself ready to jump over to try and save him. He sighs in relief when Andrew suddenly jumps out onto a ladder that’s connected to the dock. His laughter is heard by the entire area.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Emily berates him once he’s on solid ground.
Andrew shakes himself like a wet dog, “Sounded like a good time. It was.”
Even though it got Emily wet, she finds herself laughing.
--
“I was like, make up your fucking mind.”
“Ugh, I know, I just wanted to punch the bitch.”
“It’s whatever. Um, hey, you okay? You’ve been doing a lot of coke today. Maybe slow down?”
“I’m fine.”
“Is this about the other day? I know it was scary but that'll never hap-”
“It’s not, drop it, Ems.”
“Uhm, okay.”
“Has Gracie been dealing with it okay?”
“She's managing. ”
--
“You looked like you pissed your fucking pants the other night, Lil’ Grace. What, the sight of a gun scares you that much? I mean what doesn’t?”
“Leave her alone, man.”
“You can’t let people defend you forever, speak your mind.”
“Yeah, of course, it was scary! You practically begged him to shoot you! You’re fricking crazy!”
“Do you ever curse?”
“Were you not scared? "
“I’m Andrew fuckin’ Mera, bitch. Aint a thing in the world to be scared of.”
---
“I mean, it’s only a theory, but it works that way, yeah. Say you do travel back in time and decide to change something. Say for example you decide to go back and kill your grampa, it creates a paradox, right? This is used a lot because it’s the easiest to explain. On one hand, you kill your grandpa so you cease to exist, but because you don’t exist, your grandpa doesn’t ever get killed in the past, therefore you exist and can do such, and on and on. A paradox. But it doesn’t work that way. It only does if you’re looking at it from an outsider's perspective. You, yourself would just move through space and time, and that’s your eternal set point. The past and future don't exist. It's just a place in space that's gone or yet to be found. So by traveling to the past, all you're doing is moving towards another set present. You kill your grandpa, and nothing happens. That’s the correct answer. All you’re doing is changing a different present with potential future outcomes, they don’t affect yours since you are currently already present.”
“Yo, like I understand you and all, but what the fuck are you talking about?” Andrew laughs.
"So you're saying time traveling is just alternate universe hopping?" Grace asks.
"Everything that has and will happen already did. There is only one timeline. You're thinking as if you're the audience."
---
“Do you want to get on the Ferris Wheel?” Emily asks Cody.
She half expects him to say no, but he nods and starts to walk over there. Emily tells her friends that she’ll be back but only Grace and Andrew pay attention. Andrew pouts but he knows he can’t win this battle right away. That's okay though, he'll have Emily later in the night and tomorrow too.
The sun has set a bit so the line to the ride dwindled. They don't have to wait as long. “You've been in a surprisingly good mood. I thought you wouldn't come,” she says to him as they move along the line.
“I came so Andrew doesn't put you in danger again. We shouldn't hang around him anymore. He went too far. ”
“I'm going out with him tonight. Have anything to say about that?"
“I'm telling you it's not a good idea, but you were right. That's what I get for pushing you away."
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Emily smiles, "Relax, Cody. I just don't want any mind games."
They take their seats across from each other and slowly rise up in the air one car at a time. Emily stares at his milky eyes, eyes that seem impossible to exist. Everyone always tells her that his eyes make them feel like they’re always watching, observing, and protecting. They’re always too intense for anyone to handle so people start to become obsessed. Yet to Emily, the way they look at her, they’re so calm, so tranquil and so warm.
Emily thinks about the promise they made as young kids. The one where they’ll marry each other when they turn 21. She wonders if she’s ever made him feel as jealous as he’s made her. She wonders if their decision to be single until that time has been a mistake. She’ll be turning 18 this coming February, with him joining a month later. After that, they’ll graduate high school and finally start to date. Three years later, they’ll marry and live out their lives that were destined since the moment they met when they were four.
This is what made her believe in fate. This is the fairytale life she's been living; a perfect and romantic destiny.
“I heard you’re going to see your mom during Winter Break.”
“You know about that?”
Cody nods, “Jerrica.”
“That's what I wanted to talk about. It's why we're here. I haven’t even told my dad yet.”
Cody gets up from his seat to sit next to the girl he loves, all just to hold her hand. "You think he can't handle it if you decide to stay?"
"So she told you about that too, huh?"
“I think you'll fit right in over there.”
“Please,” Emily scoffs it off but knows it’s true.
“It’s okay if you do stay. I already thought it over. I’ll just head over to New York as soon as I graduate. I’ll get a job and start selling my songs. It’ll work out. I'll hold on to my end of our promise. ”
Emily burst out in a short laugh, “I hope it’s that simple.”
“No, it really is.”
Emily thinks of her very first memory of Cody. Jerrica and Ems were playing on their front lawn when a little boy fell down from his bike in front of them. Cody’s brother was teaching him how to ride a bike and had let go when Cody didn’t know how to stabilize himself yet. This is both of their first memory of each other, how they looked at each other in the eyes at that moment. Cody didn’t cry, he just got himself up as his brother frantically tried to see if he was okay. Cody and Emily have been with each other since they were born, but this was the first time they remember their very first words to each other.
“You have a cool shirt,” he said.
“Thanks! It’s my favorite.”
Emily thinks of the night Cody gave her the red and black bandana she used to wear all the time. Cody now wears it around his ankle after Emily tossed it back at him. She's had it ever since she recovered from her coma. They used it as a charm the night they made their promise. The two spent it with each other on top of the treehouse. Emily can still see the same night sky from back then. She can still feel the burning sensation she felt that night, one that she calls the purest form of love. Emily remembers everything from that night. It was perfect.
She looks over to the sea. The sunset is reflected by the water making a complex of colors that glimmer the world. The heavy clouds in the sky darken the complex hues of red and orange. Lately, and like always, a storm is approaching.
Cody looks over to the same sky. He says, “Sad is honest.”
“Hmm?”
“Sad is honest, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Emily whispers.
“It’s gonna rain, we should head out soon.”
“Okay.”
Cody stares at her small red lips curled into a slight frown. It’s a bitter feeling, a stabbing one in his heart. The situation they found themselves in the past week was the final straw for Cody. Andrew is a danger to anyone who is near him. Cody thinks they should stop entertaining him but can't exactly convince everyone. Sara is his sister and Emily currently has a fling with him. So when he heard Emily's mother wanted her to visit so she could be convinced to move, he was all for it. She'll be safe from Andrew, and she'll be safe from Cody. It'll also give him time to fix what's broken inside him.
--
“You guys kiss and make up?”
“Mind your business, Andrew.”
“You ready then, love? Rave starts an hour and I don’t want to be late.”
“Aren’t you still wet?”
“Which is why we gotta stop by mine’s. Grab a change of clothes, and then party, sound good?"
“I guess, where’s Sara?”
“Went to buy a drink. Cody-kin, wait for her and drive everyone back, yeah?” Andrew tosses his car keys to Cody.
“Sure," Cody catches the keys that were thrown slightly too high.
-
“You’re gonna wet my seat!” Emily yells when Andrew snatches her keys out of her hands right before they get to her car.
“I’m not that wet, it’s been about an hour.”
“You wet dog!” Emily sighs.
The first raindrop falls as soon as they enter the car.
Emily doesn’t mind Andrew driving, she isn’t comfortable driving downtown like he is. Traffic downtown tonight is bad and they somehow manage to catch every red light back to the freeway.
“I’m surprised you haven’t said anything about Cody.”
Andrew shrugs, “Don’t need to, I have you all to myself tonight, after all,” he winks.
Emily giggles, “Nothing ever does get to you, huh?”
“It’s what I do, love.”
Emily catches herself smiling. There’s something in Andrew’s confidence in everything that makes him so attractive. Whenever they’re together, Andrew is calmer and more collected than in public. As if Andrew is himself towards her. “You really like me, don’t you?”
“What gave that away? When we kissed? When we spent the past two weeks together?”
“You get one kiss tonight, you better make it special.
Andrew grins.
--
The rain starts to fall heavily.
The remaining group finds cover as they wait for Sara to come back, but she never does.
Cody gets worried and calls her but she never answers. Grace then tries and gets the same response. “What store did she go to?” he asks.
“The 7-Eleven,” Grace answers.
“Gracie, stay with Chris, I’ll go look for her.”
Gracie watches as her crush runs into the heavy rain.
--
The roads are heavy with puddles on the bridge that leads to Mercer Island, the interstate that takes them to Darkwood. Emily’s phone vibrates with a few texts. She reads the ones from Cody first then immediately switches to the one Sara just sent.
Emily drops her phone.
“What’s wrong?”
Her brain doesn’t register it at first. It takes a second but when it does, the panic hits. Emily’s lungs shrink down and it becomes impossible to breathe. It worsens when Emily realizes Andrew has no idea how to calm her down. Cody isn’t here to calm her down.
Emily’s hyperventilation freaks Andrew out. “Emily, calm down!”
Emily gasps for air as she remembers what the text said. Emily wasn’t paying attention or maybe she did but didn't prioritize it. The tight grip around her chest is squeezing every ounce of her lungs. Her mind starts a negative feedback loop of feeling worthless.
That everything is her fault.
She is selfish, careless, and a horrible human being.
It's happening all over again.
Emily stops breathing.
The roads are wet, They both can feel them from underneath them. The violent torrent of rain makes it impossible to see what's in front of them.
Andrew remembers something that his mother said. They were her last words: “Death is always closer than your friends and things.” At that moment, he can feel time slow down as the car spins out of his control. His heart stops and finally experiences terror for the first time in a long while. Emily starts to scream. The car flips when it crashes into the concrete wall and Andrew’s head clashes against the window. It almost causes him to black out as he jerks the steering wheel so the car doesn't fall over the bridge. Andrew looks at Emily one more time. Time goes to a complete standstill as the two begin to float to the ceiling. Everything becomes silent to him. Emily’s scream mutes and it looks like she’s laughing instead. Andrew can only think of one thing. Damn, I really want to kiss her.
The rain reflects off the window and it looks as if it’s dancing off of Emily’s freckled skin.
The world stops.
-
Emily somehow manages to crawl out of the car and get out. She’s quickly losing consciousness so she doesn’t realize that the car is lying on it's side. She falls flat to the ground through the broken window. Her lungs can breathe right before the car tilts down and falls on top of her, crushing her.
--
Emily wakes up a week later with her hand held by Cody. She tries to remember what happened and recalls the crash. She remembers she caused it because she panicked over Sara’s text. “Where’s Sara?” She starts hyperventilating again. “Where’s Sara?!”
Cody is here this time and Emily calms down. “Emily, you’re okay.”
Emily nods and calms down. “What happened? Where’s Sara? Is she safe?”
Cody doesn’t understand. How can she know about Sara? He quickly pieces it all together. Ems is the only person Sara would have told. It’s the reason they crashed in the first place. He should have just talked to Andrew but he was just so fucking pissed that he was driving. He feels like he'll lose himself again if he sees Andrew. Cody is too pissed off at the fact that he only escaped with minor injuries while Emily almost died.
“Ems, Sara is missing. Nobody has seen her since she disappeared on us at the pier. Andrew’s been out looking for her the entire week.”
Emily thinks about the last text Sara sent her. “Thank you for being my friend these past three years. I just can’t handle it anymore. I hate everything about myself. I hate everything about living. Please don’t hate me, I love you.”
She begins to break down. Emily was too late.
-
Andrew sits down on the side of a skyscraper in the middle of Seattle. He hasn’t stopped looking for her. He’s scraped every single corner and there hasn’t been any sign of her. He’s losing hope. He’s losing the only family he has. Andrew thinks of a reason why Sara would disappear. Did he just misjudge how strong she was? Andrew remembered that Sara put a note along with the piece of gum she stuck on the wall the day she disappeared. That note is what he holds in his hand. He's only read it once. Andrew refuses to believe it.
It was nearly two weeks ago when they nearly spent the whole day together. All the signs were there. Why didn’t he just fucking pay attention? She was so quiet and lost in thought. She was depressed and he just ignored it. He’s such a fucking idiot. Andrew wants to cry but his ghosts don’t allow him to. Why did he make her so scared of him for no reason at all? She should’ve come out to him a long time ago.
"I'm sorry," the note reads.
A familiar car turns into the alleyway and stops in front of where Andrew is sitting. The passenger window rolls down during the time it takes Andrew to get up.
"Lyle didn't want to give you more of this shit but you lucked out," Acid pulls out a small clear vial with a dark blue liquid inside.
"What changed?" Andrew asks after taking it.
"Sessions. Said that I'll go to the right hands."
"Nah it's just for this guy who studies shit like this. Yo, listen, can you give Lyle a word for me? I need help."
"If it's worth it."
"It's my sister. She's gone missing. Thought I ask if he can take a look around."
"I'll pass it along," Acid rolls the window back up but pauses it to say, "The vial ain't cheap, you're in this shit for real now, dog."
Andrew understands the price for asking Lyle for favors. He doesn't care anymore.
--
Grace hears the news that Emily has woken up and gets her mother to drive her to the hospital. She could barely hold herself together after hearing the good news. Her first friend almost died, Grace didn’t know how to handle that. She can barely handle Sara's disappearance.
She finds Cody sitting alone in the lobby. “Is she going to be okay? Have you talked to her?” she asks him.
Cody looks up to Grace. His eyes pierce her soul. It doesn't matter how much she gets used to his eyes, they’re just too **** captivating. “Yeah, she’s fine. She’s talking to her mom and dad now.”
“What did she say to you?”
“She asked about Sara. That’s the only thing that she cared about really. Emily, she uh,” Cody pauses unsure how to tell Grace. “Got a text from Sara right before the accident”
“A text?”
Cody can’t believe it either. “Sara’s dead.”
“What?!” Grace’s heart shatters.
--
Chris jiggles one of the last vials of Winter ever to exist. Andrew finally came through with it.
With this, he'll finally experience the drug that nearly started a revolution in the country half a decade ago. The drug that gave the ultimate high. The drug that made people better understand themselves. The drug that opens up a person. The drug that can help him understand what it all means.
Chris chugs down the vials and unlocks his mind.
His friends are all in this state of despair while he stands outside of it, looking in. He knows all of the issues they face yet cannot interfere. He cannot see the threads of where they're heading. It perplexes him why there are only a few people whose threads he can see. If he could, maybe he could know how to interfere. It's been bothering him why he could see my thread. It bothers him why it was pulling him to a different outcome. Chris sees his thread all the time. Any path he takes leads him to the same destination. He believes destiny does not exist. It's only people with threads like his that have a determined fate.
I was the first person who escaped the destiny he'd seen.
And as of right now, his own thread becomes infinite. He is not an observer, for he is the writer, the actor, and the audience at the exact time.
Chris knows he’s insane but perhaps he never needed his sanity, to begin with.
--
Cody is with Emily’s father in her hospital room. He’s grateful to Cody for staying with Emily for all this time and tells him he sees him as a son. It’s meaningful, but it makes Cody feels like shit inside for ignoring Emily for the past few weeks. Utter shit. It’s just how when they were ten and Emily was in a coma from her disease. Her sickness has left her with a frail and weak body. It's been a long time since Emily showed symptoms/ The car crash should have killed her. Her survival is a miracle.
Cody holds her hand, hoping for her to wake up again so they can talk a bit more. It’s been hours.
“You know, Cody,” Ems’ father says behind him. “I know how much she loves you; I know you love her back. I’ve watched you two grow up together and have been inseparable. I hate to separate you two.”
“What are you saying?”
“I convinced Emily to go with her mom to New York. She’ll be leaving as soon as they release her from the hospital. I don’t want to split you guys up but there isn’t any other choice. Jasmine was right all along, this town is a poison. It’s not a good place for her. Emily shouldn't have stayed with me for my sake.”
“It’s okay. I get it.”
Cody clenches his free fist. This is how things end.
-
And I’m still dead; slowly forgotten by the sands of time. My friends are breaking down and there’s nothing I can do to help them. There are a lot of things I regret. There's much I wanted to go differently. Like Chris, I have become an observer. I understand that what I did was a mistake. I can see where everything is heading now. Perhaps my hallucinations were real all along. I had a guardian angel all along.
-
Grace writes down the latest piece of information she's learned in her journal. She's been writing everything she was given as a way to distract herself. She refuses to believe Sara is dead and doesn't even want to think about it. Instead, she tries to piece together everything that happened last summer so it makes sense to her. The latest thing she learned has also given her the most to work with. She thinks what she learned about my brother and what he gave me is the last piece of the puzzle.
Gracie believes that all the stress and drama added up until I couldn't handle it anymore. From me realizing all of my friends were snakes in the grass, to the jealousy towards Emily, the mind games with Cody, and cheating on him with Andrew. It grew to just be too much. I could no longer wear the crown of Queen. And when the greatest high couldn't make it all better, death became the best option.
It's better that she's leaving it as that.
It's better if she doesn't dig further.