Chapter 93 Mask Off.
To find peace you need to let go.
Let go of the past, you can’t change it.
Let go of the future, you can’t control it.
Focus on the joyful moment.
Lokamesh, Father of Mortal Kind.
“Come in, Kolag.” My armored boyfriend stands at the doorway, hesitating to enter my quarters. I just realized… he had never set foot in here before… I really am a poor girlfriend, aren’t I?
We were both busy… he was too busy helping people and fixing widows’ ceilings, and I had to manage a city and learn some new magic… I guess there’s a good side to Janara’s attack, Kolag and I might get a chance to bridge this gap in our relationship…
He enters. The sound of his armored boots is muffled by the carpets. “When you said you wanted to spend a night together, did you mean it? Or you have something else to ask of me?”
Am I that insincere with you that you have to ask?
Yes I am… even now I’m hiding things from you… I’m sorry…
I should probably tell you more truths… even if you hate me for it… oh you’re going to hate me for it…
If he does hate me for it, then I deserve it. I have to face it, or I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t… “I do have something else to ask of you.”
He lets out an annoyed grunt. “I’m listening…”
“Hug me? Cuddle with me?” I can’t see his face behind the visor, but I can tell he’s blushing. It brings an uncontrollable smile to my face. My twisted face… more like melted cheese now… even smiling feels wrong in my cheeks…
Stop doing this! I bet he’s blushing… “Kolag Befar, are you blushing behind that helmet?”
He chuckles and embraces me in a tight hug. His metal-covered chest against my head is cold, but his leather-covered arms around me are warm, it's the warmth I crave. He sits down and helps me onto his lap.
See? He still loves me. I let out a relieved sigh. “I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore…”
“Why?”
I take off my mask in response.
“Who am I to berate you for the damage done to your face…” He pats on his helmet with a metallic ting from his gauntlet. “This is my fault. If only I had been there on time. I ignored your messenger because I finally got someone to help out there…”
“It’s not. You couldn’t have known… I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that. You’re taking too much on yourself, Kolag… You’re mortal, you make mistakes. I am the same as you there. We all make mistakes, there’s no reason to feel so guilty about it all the time. Keep living, keep trying to do good, and stop worrying about what you can’t change.”
“What about the demon?”
“What about it?”
His arms squeeze tightly around me. “You saw my demon form. I can understand why you’d be scared, I’d be scared too if I were you.”
“I was never scared of you, just really busy and frustrated. And you were busy and frustrated too…”
“You’re not scared of me?” I can hear the surprise in his voice.
“Kolag, I already saw your demon a long time ago, back at the village where Purson and Nalfit died. True, I didn’t get a clear look at it back then, but I knew very well what your demon can do. I love you regardless.”
“I love you too, but you can love and fear someone at the same time.” He heaves a heavy sigh that echoes across the room. “Are you sure you’re not also afraid of me?”
This has to stop! “I’m not scared of you. You’re scared of yourself, and you think I share the same fears you do, but I don’t. I’ll knock this understanding into your bucket head with a hammer if I have to.”
“I think you should be scared of me, my love, for your own good…” His fingers glide across my wrist.
Not this again… can’t the guy let go of all that guilty nonsense?! Part of who he is, I suppose… It’s much better than if he didn’t care about it and wasn’t careful where he takes off that helmet… If he never cared Rushmia wouldn’t put the demon in him in the first place… Nor would I fall in love with him…
I place my hand on his metal covered jaw and force him to look at me. “And what would that achieve, huh? You’re you, the demon is the demon. I’m scared of the demon, but I’m not scared of you. And no, the demon will not keep you away from me! I’ll find a way to get rid of it, and have you all to myself!”
He looks back, I spot a glint of his eyes through the slit of his helmet. “If you’re scared of the demon as you say, why did you ask me to let it out on the battlefield?”
Is that self-conflict? Is he considering using the demon for me? Of course he’s considering it… he loves me and he’s willing to cross lines for me. But I’m not going to manipulate him into doing that… I’m not the hag. It has to be his choice.
I avert my eyes and focus on the dark smooth metal of his armor. “I don’t know. I’m desperate. Janara and her army scare me more than the demon does. It already worked once, right? I’m sorry, I know I can’t ask that of you… I just don’t want to lose what I have here.”
He lets out a grunt, and shifts me in his arms to look into his eyes again. “Why is it so important to you? This city? Weren’t you planning to leave after we killed that terrible king?”
“I wasn’t.” I focus on the glimmer of his eyes behind the cold metallic helmet.
“You want to rule over this place?” The shock is apparent behind his echoing voice.
“I guess I do. Someone has to, right?”
“Why?! I thought power and ruling over people doesn’t interest you. Back at the Sapphire Tower, you gave it all away in a heartbeat, can’t you do the same here?” A hint of pain and frustration sneaks into his echo.
“Oh, ruling over people doesn’t interest me. Frankly, managing a city is a headache. I’d much rather sit with my books somewhere private and learn more magic, or better yet, be on my way home. The reason I wanted to rule back in the tower was to ensure my survival. If you took over the position back then, I wouldn’t have to worry about that. But the reason I’m ruling over the city now is different.”
I get up and out of his arms, go to my desk, and hand him the book containing the letter I received from the hag. “Revisor.”
If you’re reading this my child, it means you’re already on the gray islands.
There is much to do, but it has nothing to do with you. However, it does not mean you are allowed to slack off.
The Gray Islands is a cursed land, mages who had ascended to the first rank are unable to walk its grounds, and the strongest entities in there are the peak level of mortal apprentices.
In the Gray Islands, anyone who wields even the feeblest of magic is treated as a ‘sorcerer’. These islands are barbaric and isolated, the various gem towers do a lot to ensure it stays that way.
As for the apprentices who inhabit this place, there are three kinds. Those who seek refuge from the world of magic. Those who are sent there by their masters as a trial. And those who were born on these islands and discovered their magical talent.
These islands are contain many small mortal kingdoms that vie for power over one another. Some of them are ruled by these so-called ‘sorcerers’, and others by mortal religious orders. More often than not the local fae, and orc tribes will take control over one of these so-called 'kingdoms'.
While you’re away on this trial, I want you to practice and master authority.
To satisfy me, you’ll need to have ten thousand mortals or fae who respond to your every command within a year. The age, gender, and occupation of these souls are irrelevant, only that they’ll obey your command.
The way you choose to achieve this goal is irrelevant. Slavery, intimidation, blackmail, money, trust, honor, patriotism, vassalage, faith. The method does not matter to me, only that they obey your word, or that their leaders obey your word.
If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
If you manage to get it done within a year, I’ll grant you a gift. Since our circumstance have changed, I’m calling our bet off. I will gift you with a grand birthday gift on your next birthday. Since I know you’d win our bet under normal circumstance.
Since you've failed your trials as my assassin, if you cannot get ten thousand people to serve you within a year, I will not let you have an ascendance ritual for ten years, and you will have to wait longer before you can become a full mage while undergoing your assassin trials again. One needs some power in society, if you cannot use the shadows in your advantage, I shall test your power of authority.
I do not want you to neglect your path of magic. The book you’re holding contains instructions on your path. Training methods, answers to your questions, and guidelines on how to reach the pinnacle of the apprentice rank. Some of it is hidden, do not scribe anything on the empty pages, instructions will appear on those should you need them. Check page 6 about the Nugl’e-Kar I sent with you.
The second book contains knowledge about alchemy. No child of mine is allowed to be ignorant on the subject. I shall test your knowledge when you are back.
As for the grimoire, the instructions for that are on its very front page.
With the capabilities of your mind and your passion for magic, I reckon you’d benefit from these gifts.
Good luck Inara my child, may you find your path to power.
The Maven of Mysteries.
Kolag goes through the letter, his breaths echo and break the silence of the room.
He lifts his head from the parchment. “I see… ten years. I cannot judge you. No one would want to wait that long to achieve their goals in life. But if I were you, I’d wait the ten years if it’d…”
Really?! “I can’t! You don’t understand what ten years mean. It’s ten more years of feeling helpless, ten years of being away from my family, and my family could die in the meantime! I’m aware that there’s nothing I can do right now, but the sooner I get back home, the better. I want magic so much because I want to go home and I don’t want to be so helpless all the time. I want to be able to survive and defend myself, not to mention those I care for.”
I stomp my foot, pointing my finger at him. “These ten years mean ten years of servitude to that hag. Ten years as her personal assassin, and I have no say in the matter. The last target she asked me to kill was a mother to a newborn babe. I found my target breastfeeding her baby, exhausted from lack of sleep. The hag only had that poor woman killed, to get at her damned father, nothing more. I can’t go back to that life, I won’t!”
“I’m sorry.”
I cross my hands on my chest. “For what? It’s the hag who should be sorry, not you. But she… she thinks she’s doing the right thing, crazy as it sounds… She thinks she’s doing right by me, she even wants me to treat her as my mother…”
He pulls me back to his embrace. It’s nice to have someone warm who just hugs me and cares about me. It’s nice to know that he feels like this no matter how my face looks like or what I've done to survive, it’s not even an issue for him. I just wish he’d stop blaming himself… We sit like that quietly, enjoying the moment.
I shouldn’t tell him about Lezere’s body, or we’ll have another fight…
What if he dies, won’t I carry this regret with me?
What if he finds out by himself? What if…
Enough! No more lies! I owe him that much.
“There’s something I need to tell you about Lezere.” I break the silence. My heart pounds loudly in my ears. “You’ll probably get angry at me when you hear it.”
“I don’t think I can be angry at you right now, Inara.” I can tell he’s smiling behind his helmet, and it brings an uncontrollable smile to twist my distorted face.
I take a deep breath, my heart bursting out of my chest. What if we have another fight? What if he leaves and joins Janara's side after this? He clearly hated the idea…
No! I won’t hide who I am and the choices I make, he has the right to know who he’s loving… and if that changes what he thinks of me, then he has a right to leave… Taking off my mask didn’t scare him off! This won’t either! “I gave her body to Balgrum after you left.”
“You did not!” He turns me to look at him.
I look into his visor, I can see the light reflecting from his eyes behind it. “I did.”
He gets up, metal creaking. I’m forced to stand as he takes an angry step toward my desk. “How could you?! Why?!”
I block his way and look into his eyes. “I have two reasons. The first is simple and selfish, I want the orcs to fight for me. The second is righteous, Balgrum is Lezere’s father. We may not like what orcs are doing with their dead, but I couldn’t ignore a father who begged me to have his dead daughter’s body.”
Kolag lets out a grunt but doesn’t say a word, he places his hands on my arms, squeezing them silently.
“You’re angry.”
“Yes, but I have to condone what you did. If he truly was her father, and he did not deceive you about that fact, then you did the right thing.”
Phew… this is better than I thought it’d be… “I don’t think he deceived me… orcs aren’t exactly deceitful…”
“Oh, you’ll be surprised. Maybe he pretended to be her father so he can claim her body,” he says with another grunt.
“I identified him as her father when Lezere was still alive… she confirmed, we talked back at the inn…”
“I see… I apologize for doubting you.” He lets my arms go, still looking me in the eyes. “Would you have given away my body in the same manner?”
No pretense! No more hiding! If he doesn’t like it he can leave! I trust him to be honest with me because of how righteous he is, but he clearly can’t trust me with the same and for a good reason! So no more lying to him! “I'd probably cry about it later, but yes, I would.”
“Why would you do such a thing?” I try not to think about the pain in his echoing voice.
“Because trading a single body’s religious burial rights—even yours—for an army, for the possibility to save hundreds, is a good deal. Hate me if you like, but I’d do it again, even if he wasn’t her father. I’d do it with your body too, despite knowing your wish on the subject. And as you can tell, now we need an army, so my choice was a correct one.”
He clenches his fists. “Are you trying to anger me on purpose?”
“No, I’m simply tired of keeping secrets from you. I want to trust you with who I am, and these are my beliefs and choices. I won’t apologize for them, and I will no longer hide them from you because I’m worried about what you’d think of me.”
“Appreciate the honesty.” The sarcasm is apparent in his voice. He inserts a straw into the wooden cup on my table, drinking some of my wine.
Great… he hates me… I don’t blame him… “I’m sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done it behind your back. I don’t regret my choice to give away the body, but I do regret hiding it from you…”
He sighs heavily and shakes his head, his shoulders slumping. “I was too hard on you that day, Lezere’s death wasn’t easy for me either. You’re not entitled to my religious beliefs, and I can’t force you to share them, nor make your choices based on my religion. You did good with this city, this place is turning better and better with each passing day, and it’s natural that you want to protect it.”
“Thank you.”
He puts the wine down and pulls me into a hug. “For what?”
“For understanding. For not stomping out of here shouting how you’re going to bring justice upon my head in the name of Noxi…” I whisper into his armor.
“Do I really sound like that?”
“Sometimes…”
He chuckles. “Only to monsters, you’re no monster Inara, you’re the woman I love.”
“I love you too… I’m glad we have this night. If you went away and died at Janra’s… I’d much rather we remember each other like this, over the silly argument we had downstairs…”
“Agreed.”
We spend another long period of happy silence.
I wish we could get married and live back in Mansel'a, it'd be nice... Only... I'd also have to tell him I can't have children... So much for my honesty... I could be wrong about it, it might be something that's later for me than it is for the average human, I do have some lust, I don't think I'd have any if I wasn't meant to do these things... there's no point in destroying his hope of getting out of that armor either. I wish he could get out of that armor for at least an hour a day so we could... we can still touch one another... even with the armor, I bet I can insert my hands under it and...
"Touch me."
"Ahem... what?"
"Touch me. We might die in a few days, and yes, you can't take your armor off, but you can still touch me. I can probably do this." I lift his helmet a little bit and slide my hand in the gap between his helmet and armor. I manage to touch his jaw for a single blissful moment.
He gasps. A rubbery substance wraps around my hand and tugs it violently into the helmet, into Kolag's head and a bigger space that shouldn't exist in that small helmet. I scream as my hand gets pulled all the way to my elbow.
"̴̦̉͊Ņ̸̡̡̲̲͔͉͕̮̈́̿̋̈́̃̀͛̍̈́͋̕͜͝Ộ̵̾̽̈́͆̃O̴͉̜̱̤͓̦̟̱̘̥̟̐̋̽̔̓̓̚͘Ǒ̴̧͚̮̥͉̦̟̯͖̰͍͖́ͅO̶͔͎̖̭̯̦͇̹͕͒̈́̈́̐̇̾͊̒̅̆͑́͐͝Ȯ̶̢̤͕̿̚͠͝O̶̗̒͗̎̈́̐́͂̋̑̓̉̍͐̑Ơ̷̲͓̖̺̿̈́̈́̇̋̇́͌̄ͅͅS̵̨̬͉̠̯̏͒T̶̡̨̗̞̣̝͙͓̘͈̥̻̻͑́͂̍̾̎́̈̍́͛̂͝!̵̛͓̱̲̫͇̟̼̋̄͂̔́̓"̶̜̜͕̱̗̜̪͆͒̋͌͝ ̶̛̻̹͈̳͎̣͓̔̈́̎̓̽͋̓͆͐̆͐̅̓͘ͅ
*~*~*
Power level: 3rd stage apprentice.
Mana pools status:
Crown-knot: Affinity 10: connected: 1 gem replenished per minute.
Neck-Bridge: Affinity 6: formed: max amount of gems drained per day: 73
Abdomen-storage: Affinity 5: formed: 11 gems. Conversion ratio: 6:1
Air: Affinity 4: formed: 22 gems
Fire: Affinity 2: formed: 11 gems
Light: Affinity 3: formed: 16/17 gems
Water: Affinity 6: formed: 33 gems
Earth: Affinity 1: formed: 5 gems
Wood: Affinity 2: formed: 11 gems
Gravity: Affinity 9: formed: 49/50 gems
Cantrip known:
Air: Shavi’s Breeze, Shavi’s Sword. Shavi’s Hair Dryer, Aria’s Enhanced Hearing. Aria’s Sonic Scream.
Fire: Nuriss’ Flame. Effrat’s Firefly, Effrat’s Fire Breath. Sorladika's Lesser Heating. Nuriss’ Ignite. Oniga's Soap Creation.
Light: Noxi’s Light. Lako’s Blinding Light. Rika’s energy hand.
Water: Water Evocation, Water to Ice, Ice to Water, Water to Vapor, Vapor to Water, Mayan’s Icy Spike, Ayla’s Water Jet. Ayla’s instant freeze. Ayla's Flowing Shield.
Earth: Alice’s Oil Summoning, Reiko’s Acid Spray. Alf's Copper Bolt
Wood: Arigor’s Lesser Vines. Kolosu’s Vegetable Summoning.
Gravity: Lumina’s Kinetic Burst. Tukado’s Repulse. Tukado’s Lesser Shield II. Imari’s Minor Telekinesis. Imari’s Jump. Leo’s Pull. Leo’s Grounding. Alino’s Light Body. Alino’s Heavy Body. Alino's Orbiter.
Transmutation: Oniga's Laundry.
Spells known:
Light: Rika's Electric channelb
Gravity: Alino’s Weightless Bodyb.
Life: Brigit’s Lesser Cure Poison.
Focus capability: 15 patterns.
Social status: The Queen of Red Cedar City. Inara, Daughter of Mysteries. Apprentice to the Maven of Mysteries. Sorceress.
Personal Wealth: 1761 Magic Gems. 40 Diamonds. 1420 Golden Peas, 45 Silver Scales, 32 Copper Bits.
Personal Items:
Magical necklace. Contains 100 gems of general mana, can be drained like a mana pool. It’ll recharge by itself at the rate of five gems an hour.
1 potion of lightning body.
1 potion of mana, medium grade.
5 potions of Lesser Healing.
5 potions of Pain Tolerance.
An enchanted belt with eight pouches, the enchantment keeps the pouches’ content fresh. Each pouch may contain 10g of petals or six potion flasks.
Fresh rose petals, 39g
Fresh lavender petals, 10g
10 empty soul bottles. Glass with a diamond stopper, put in scaled leather wrapping.
The Great White Egret grimoire. Dedicated by the Maven of mysteries to Inara. 24/100
Present Companions:
Kolag of house Befar
Salik
Zoe
Ryon
Languages:
Toml’a
Sinteo
Myrsha
Felul
Injuries and scars: melted skin; face, upper chest, chain scar.
-
Kingdom’s treasury: 8,438 gold coins.
Kingdom’s citizen: 5,898 humans, 2,251 human children.
Kingdom's army: 800 levy militia. 900 footmen. 26 peacekeeper knights.
Notables at Court:
Tasiya Keyholder
Jolla SilverQuill
Talbot Bookkeeper
Marasi Chef extraordinaire (spymaster.)
Old Gardner Tiom