Chapter 76 No Longer Alone.
If you depend on others for happiness
what will you do when you find yourself alone?
If you depend on yourself for happiness
how will you find meaning in your life?
Tonisha, Lady of Ventures.
We’re out in the rain again, in the middle of the woods. I keep worrying about the people I left back in the city, and I attempt to distract myself with the fact that I’m camping with Kolag alone in the woods. That said, having Jerro here with his cold pair of brown eyes, ruins the romantic notion.
At least the food is good, Kolag is the one cooking after all. An hour of awkward silent passes, and Jerro retires to bed. I can finally be alone with Kolag. He sits near the fire, his visor focused on the flames, not acknowledging my presence.
I place my hand on his shoulder, heart thumping. “Are you alright?” I ask in Toml’a.
“Hrmmm…”
“If you’d rather be alone say so. Otherwise, I thought we could use the opportunity we have together without the others’ pestering gaze and patronizing comments if you know what I mean…”
He chuckles and opens his hand for me to get comfortable on his lap. “I keep wondering whether or not you’re right about mages. Whether they’re victims, being forced onto this path of evil. Or monsters who embrace it…”
“That talk again? Well… I guess it depends on the person? Mages are people. Some people have a good heart, others do not.”
“I’ve seen more than two mages by now, Inara… by Noxi’s heavenly light! Even your name. I can’t even remember your name because of a hells be damned mage! All the mages I’ve seen were evil. All of them. Not a single one was a good person! Will you become like that too? How long before the arcane corrupts you too?” His hands tighten around me, crushing me against the armor.
“You’re hurting me…” I manage to squeeze out.
“I’m sorry!” He lets me go awkwardly.
“I know why the arcane corrupts. I discovered the big secret…” I mumble.
“Go on.”
“I… it won’t corrupt me, you don’t have to worry.”
“I want to know. I need to know. If only to know what to watch out for, if only to stop that… corruption from touching you.” His visor is focused on my eyes, I can even see the glimmer of his eyes through the thin long metallic furrow.
I sigh. “Mages need to consume souls in order to get stronger. At some point, they even need souls as a basic food necessity. In order to eat a soul, you have to eat the flesh of the one it belonged to…”
He growls.
“What I told you a few days ago, that I ate humans… I wasn’t making that up. I didn’t know at the time what I was eating, I was just given food… but…”
I can hear his strained breath, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Anyway… there’s another way. It’s possible to consume the souls of magical beasts and monsters instead. Or the fae… Not many mages do it, because the mortal races are an easier food source for them. This is why the arcane corrupts.”
He doesn’t respond, only an echo of a breath from his helmet.
I shift, putting my head on the metallic pauldron. It’s not the most comfortable pillow, but it’s the only way I can feel close to him. I continue with a sigh. “I went hunting for magical animals instead, and I know at least about one more mage who does the same. He’s one of the hag’s children… I mean, apprentices… And he’s way stronger than Rushmia or most mages I’ve met except the hag. So. Not all mages are that evil… the good ones are just extremely rare… Kynator… I mean that mage guy… he called us white mages.”
“I see… I would’ve liked to meet him.”
“Maybe I will arrange a meeting between you two after we get back to Axero. But I have to finish my trials here…”
He exhales loudly. “Thanks for telling me. It makes me feel a lot better about killing that scum! It also helps me understand the teaching of Noxi better… Inara, why do you not have a god to follow?”
“I guess that’s how I was brought up… both of my parents told me to never worship a god no matter what happens. It’s the only thing I have left of my mother. That promise. I can barely even remember her face now…”
His hand moves slowly on my back. “But your brother worships Kilako and Tiyadi.”
“We have different mothers. His mother also worshiped Kilako.”
“I… I see…” He stutters an echo. “Would you like to learn more about the gods?”
Seriously?! “No.”
His hand on my back stops. “Why not?”
“Because I’m not interested in the gods. I already told you. I promised my mother I won’t ever worship one. But even without that promise, I don’t care about the gods. The gods never lifted a finger when I was enslaved. When I was groveling and begging the slavers for some food… or other things… the gods never lifted a finger for us in the Sapphire Tower, the gods…”
He holds my shoulders and makes me look into his visor. “But we’re here together, aren’t we? If not the gods, who got us here together?”
“Why does it have to be the gods who control the fate of people? It can be blind luck too... Or in this case the hag, my master, who manipulated you and me into this. She might as well be a goddess, she’s the strongest mage I know...” a cruel evil goddess with her full focus on me… “…We don’t know how the universe works, and to assume we know based on the word of some priest is nothing but sheer arrogance.”
“But the priests and paladins can hear their gods.” He points at Jerro’s tent. “I’m sure even Jerro can hear Tiyadi’s whispers. You can ask him tomorrow.”
“Or they’re all saying that they can hear their gods in order to con people… maybe it’s some secret of the respective churches.”
He turns me to look at his visor, I catch a glimpse of his eyes behind the cold metal. “Did you know that there are priests that have power? Real power. Different than mages, but just as strong. Chosen of the gods like Jerro. I’ve met one of them once as a child. A radiant of Noxi, his power was real. It came from Noxi himself. You don’t need the arcane to become powerful, you just need to believe!”
I cross my hands. “Or maybe that cleric you admire had been secretly using arcane magic? There’s a whole school of light magic, how do you know he wasn’t using it? Maybe he was born with some innate talent?”
“So they’re all lying?!”
I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s a theory. Or they do get power from their gods. I won’t know until I check it with my own eyes and mana. But I digress. I’d prefer to think for myself, rather than have the morality laws of a god that doesn’t care for me enforced on my own thoughts and ideals. I don’t have to believe in a god to be a good person, surely you know that.”
“Of course.” His voice softens and he lowers his gaze. “I’m worried about your soul… about what happens after we die… we’ll be separated…”
“Kolag… souls? Souls get eaten by mages, remember?” I don’t hide the bitterness in my voice. “What if the gods eat souls too? What if the gods consume the souls of their believers? Now that we know mages eat souls to get power, it’s not so far-fetched, is it?”
“I refuse to believe that!” His shout echoes in his helmet.
“That’s not a very logical argument,” I comment dryly. “It’s simply an emotional denial.”
“I can understand if a goddess like Rakisha consumes souls. She demands a human sacrifice from her believers. But a god like Noxi?! A god who advocates justice, truth, and protection for the weak?! What would he gain for advocating such values?” He stands up and pushes me off his lap.
He crosses his hands on his metallic chest and looks into the fire. “Won’t it be better if Noxi simply asked for a sacrifice like Rakisha does?! He’s a god. He can do anything he wants. And many fanatic believers will happily deliver him the sacrifice. Maybe not of innocents, but why doesn’t he demand for monsters and sinners to be executed on his altars for their souls?! His believers would happily sacrifice goblins on his altars. What you’re suggesting doesn’t make any sense!”
I remain seated, looking up at him. “I don’t know. I don’t know what makes the gods tick. They’re gods! That’s why I refuse to worship things I don’t understand. I also don’t believe I’d be important enough to earn their protection. I’d much rather develop my own power and learn how to protect myself, instead of trusting in some kind of ambiguous whimsical god to watch over me…”
“You can do both. I’m doing both.”
“But you don’t know if that was your doing or your god’s, right?” I stand up and face him, hands folded on my chest, mirroring his gesture. “If your god cared about you so much, why hasn’t he rid you of that demon inside you?! Why does he have you stuck inside that armor for two years?! Is it because of your god that I can’t even see your face?! How is it different from the hag who prevents you from remembering my name?!”
He opens his hands with a sigh. “That’s a trial for me! It’s…”
“A trial?! What kind of sadistic trial is that?! You know who puts me on trials that brought nothing but pain, suffering, and death to me and others?! The hag! That evil mage who wiped my name from your memory. She puts me through these so called ‘trials!’ I had to kill innocent people or die just to prove my loyalty! I went through fucking torture just to learn that names are important and should be kept secret! Don’t you talk to me about trials! Fuck!!!” Fuck! We were supposed to spend the night together! Not have this dumb talk about some stupid gods! “I’m going to bed. Good night!”
“Inara!” I can hear the metal creaking behind me as he chases after me.
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“What?!”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know…”
Fuck!!! Ugh! It’s not like I was perfectly nice either… talking about his demon like that… that was a low blow… I sigh and turn, holding my elbows instead of crossing my hands. “I’m sorry too… I shouldn’t have talked about your demon like that.”
“It’s ok. I can understand how you think… and I… I suppose it’s up to our upbringing after all… the beliefs each of us get consolidated as children.” He lets out a mirthless chuckle. “Who knows what the truth really is, maybe the gods don’t even exist… but I need to believe that they do, that there are good gods that care for us… I suppose I need to strive toward something good, toward some goodness… I can’t believe the world is all evil.”
“Yeah, I don’t think the gods don’t exist… just that they’re too powerful to care about little insignificant beings like us as nothing more than tools. You said it yourself, power corrupts. And the gods… the gods are all power, so they should also be corrupted.” Why am I bringing this up again? “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t continue this debate. You clearly think differently…”
“No, it’s alright. But if you’re using my argument against me, I’ll use your argument against you. You said that it’s all about the person, didn’t you? That there are good mages out there. What if there are good gods too? Ones that care even about the little folk? Ones that even care for ants or plants? You can’t deny it as a possibility, right?”
He’s right… it’s possible… It’s nice having someone to talk to who can keep an argument with me… damn… I’ve been alone for way too long… I love having him around again… even if we don’t agree on everything… I’m no longer alone!
“True. That’s not something I can deny… Kolag… can we… can I sleep with you tonight?”
He chokes behind his helmet and clears his throat. “Ahem… hmm… uh ahem… you know I can’t remove the armor.”
“Not like that, bucket head! Just sleep. I’ve been on my own for way too long.”
“I don’t think my armor makes for a comfortable pillow… but I can’t say no to that.”
“Thank you…”
*
{28} Nuriss (March) the 2nd
“Your followers are in danger!” Jerro wakes us up the next morning. He shakes both me and Kolag, invading our privacy. “We must make haste!”
“I told you we should’ve attacked them yesterday!” Kolag jumps to his feet before I even realize what’s going on.
“You would’ve died yesterday,” Jerro replies, his voice void of any emotion. “Inara was short of mana, and the king was prepared for us. He did not expect us to leave as swiftly as we have. That’s why he’s retaliating today.”
We skip breakfast and head back toward the city in a hurry. We are still in the woods when we hear a thundering voice, clearly magically amplified.
“Sorceress Inara! You have an hour to show yourself in my city’s gates or your orc girl dies!”
My heart drums with the echoes, and a few birds take off in fright. He’s got Lezere!!! “Jerro?”
“The brute dies, you cannot save her. But if you don’t go to the city gates, the old man, the rogue, and the hunter die too.”
The reply I get from him sends a chill down my spine. This is the first time he predicts a certain death for someone. A certain death I cannot prevent. Not Lezere! Not Lezere! I can’t lose her! Apathy, she’s mortal, she can die… it shouldn’t change a thing… It’s Lezere! Jerro has been wrong before!
I’m not going there. That’s a certain trap… But if there’s even the slightest chance that it’ll save Lezere and the others… I shouldn’t have listened to Jerro yesterday… that placed them in jeopardy… Kolag was right, we should’ve attacked the king right there and then.
No, Jerro is right. I was almost out of mana yesterday, I could not face another battle counting only on my gems, and those cramps had me twitching way too much… What now? Should I walk into this certain death trap based on what Jerro says? What if he’s wrong?
“Let’s go, Inara! We’re not leaving them to die!” Kolag grabs my hand and steps forward.
It’s that simple for him… Whether Jerro’s predictions are accurate or not, this is an obvious trap. The king has no reason to release Lezere or any other of his hostages only because I showed up! And even if I do surrender, he has no reason to keep them alive after he has me.
Yet I cannot stop Kolag and I find myself joining his stride instead. I can’t abandon them, my apathy isn’t strong enough. I’ve been lonely for a long time, and now that I have company again, foolish or not, I don’t want my friends to die.
We step out of the forest into the open. The wooden wall of the city is crowded with soldiers carrying crossbows, and they are amassed at the wall’s foot as well, at least four hundred soldiers.
A couple stands infront of the small army. A young tanned man in regal blue clothing. The small crown rests on his dark shoulder-length hair, silvery metal reflecting the sunlight.
A middle-aged thin woman in a purple velvet dress stands by the King’s side. Her blond hair is tied up in a tight bun.
I spot Lezere kneeling at their feet, but no sign of the others.
Lezere! So many crossbows…
“If they fire those crossbows stay behind me, I can defend you from arrows,” I whisper to Kolag as we advance. At least this is something my defensive magic is good for. Not like they can pierce his armor… but why take the risk?
“Ah… Sorceress Inara, It’s hard to believe you’re an apprentice from the Sapphire Tower. Didn’t your master teach you that pawns are merely pawns to be sacrificed?”
Mockery fills king Luard’s amplified voice. I can see Lezere struggling, but she’s bound well and can’t release herself. Even her mouth is covered, and knowing her, she probably tried to bite her captors.
“I’m here as you asked! Let her go!” I call out as we get closer.
“Oh no. Not so soon. If you want her released then come here and kneel before me.”
The King demands. While the woman in purple—which I assume to be Drusilla—laughs. Her high pitched mockery gives a surreal echo in the silent field.
“I’m not that stupid, Luard! Nothing stops you from killing her once I kneel!”
“Then you better kneel.”
He demands in his magically amplified voice.
“Not without assurances that she’ll live,” I shout back. “Let her run to the forest and I’ll kneel.”
Luard gestures for his soldiers, they push Lezere to the ground and stretch her hand. The king picks an axe from one of his soldiers and chops Lezere’s hand off at the wrist. Her scream is muffled by a cloth on her face.
No!
Focus! Calm down… hands can be regrown…
“Strip down and kneel before me, or I’ll keep chopping her off like the pork she is!”
The king calls out in my direction, followed by the high pitched laughter of Drusilla.
“I’m not that stupid! Ask for something reasonable!”
“I can’t stand by!” Kolag echoes angrily and strides forward.
“That’s an army you’re marching into, Kolag… let’s stall…”
“She’s being tortured!” he protests as the king chops off Lezere's left hand.
“So what will it be, Inara? Bare naked on your knees, or do I keep chopping her up? Make your choice. Chop chop!”
“Ask for something reasonable and I’ll comply! Keep harming her and I will kill you!” I shout back.
Drusilla laughs. This time the king joins her laughter and presses the axe against Lezere’s throat.
“Last chance! Take off your clothes, kneel before me, lick my boots, and I’ll let her live…”
All for my pride? It’s not about pride… he’ll just kill me if I kneel… or worse… enslave me… There’s nothing I can do. Coming here was a mistake, there’s nothing to be gained. I step forward slowly. I’m not taking off my clothes! And I’m not kneeling! I’m getting close so I can attack him! Yes…
I unbutton my dress slowly.
“Run faster for your little piggy, Inara! If you aren’t here within a minute, she dies!”
Kolag bolts forward pulling my hand with him. But he doesn’t have to. I’m running forward on my own, he’s just taller and faster than me. We reach twenty meters away from the army when the King looks me in the eyes with a victorious smile, he then chops Lezere’s head with his axe. The King kicks the head toward me with a maniacal laughter.
The world stops. I can only feel my pulse thumping loudly in my head. I can only smell and taste blood. I can only hear Luard’s mocking laughter. I can only see the blue eyed king holding the bloody axe up high, and my friend’s head rolling toward me on the ground, her handless and headless body under that monster’s boot.
I wilL kiLl yoU for tHis!
*~*~*
Power level: 3rd stage apprentice.
Mana pools status:
Crown-knot: Affinity 10: formed: 1 gem replenished per five minutes.
Neck-Bridge: Affinity 6: formed: max amount of gems drained per day: 66
Abdomen-storage: Affinity 5: formed: 6 gems. Conversion ratio: 6:1
Air: Affinity 4: formed: 18 gems
Fire: Affinity 2: formed: 9 gems
Light: Affinity 3: formed: 14 gems
Water: Affinity 6: formed: 27 gems
Earth: Affinity 1: formed: 4 gems
Wood: Affinity 2: formed: 9 gems
Gravity: Affinity 9: formed: 40/41 gems
Cantrip known:
Air: Shavi’s Breeze, Shavi’s Sword. Shavi’s Hair Dryer, Aria’s Enhanced Hearing. Aria’s Sonic Scream.
Fire: Nuriss’ Flame. Effrat’s Firefly, Effrat’s Fire Breath. Sorladika's Lesser Heating. Nuriss’ Ignite.
Light: Noxi’s Light. Lako’s Blinding Light. Rika’s energy hand.
Water: Water Evocation, Water to Ice, Ice to Water, Water to Vapor, Vapor to Water, Mayan’s Icy Spike, Ayla’s Water Jet. Ayla’s instant freeze.
Earth: Alice’s Oil Summoning, Reiko’s Acid Spray.
Wood: Arigor’s Lesser Vines. Kolosu’s Vegetable Summoning.
Gravity: Lumina’s Kinetic Burst. Tukado’s Repulse. Tukado’s lesser shield. Imari’s Minor Telekinesis. Imari’s Jump. Leo’s Pull. Leo’s Grounding. Alino’s Light Body. Alino’s Heavy Body.
Spells known:
Gravity: Alino’s Weightless Bodyb.
Life: Brigit’s Lesser Cure Poison.
Focus capability: 12 patterns
Social status: Inara, Daughter of Mysteries. Apprentice to the Maven of Mysteries. Sorceress.
Wealth: 1498 Magic Gems. 1421 Golden Peas, 17 Silver Scales, 12 Copper Bits.
Items:
Magical necklace. Contains 100 gems of general mana, can be drained like a mana pool. It’ll recharge by itself at the rate of five gems an hour.
1 potion of lightning body.
1 potion of mana, medium grade.
An enchanted belt with eight pouches, the enchantment keeps the pouches’ content fresh.
Fresh rose petals, 22g
10 empty soul bottles. Glass with a diamond stopper, put in scaled leather wrapping.
The Great White Egret grimoire. Dedicated by the Maven of mysteries to Inara. 10/100
Companions:
Kolag of house Befar
Jerro
Languages:
Toml’a
Sinteo
Myrsha
Felul
Injuries and scars: I wilL kiLl yoU for tHis!