Chapter 83 One Little Spider.
Sometimes the answer is much simpler than you thought.
Sometimes a question isn’t so complicated.
Sometimes there are no hidden motives.
Sometimes things are just what they seem.
And sometimes they are overly complicated.
While multiple hidden motives converge to create a greater conspiracy.
Tukado, the Creator.
The kitchen is smaller than I expected it to be, and it’s rather crowded. The servants are busy cleaning after dinner.
A slender pinprick of a man, perhaps ten centimeters tall, stands on a shelf. A pair of sharp ears juts out from below his tall white hat. “Faster you lazy bums, I don’t have all day! Faster! Faster!” His squeaky voice is surprisingly loud for his size.
He throws a clove of garlic at one of the maids who dares to chat with her friend. “Don’t think I don’t see your mouth moving Dalya. If your mouth isn’t eating my tiny snake, you should keep it shut! Faster!”
Before I can even react, he addresses me. “Who’re you red? The new maid?! Put on a snaking apron and get to work!” He claps when he notices I’m staring into his tiny purple eyes. “By Koshavi’s pinky lids! Someone put an apron on that girl!”
For a second I consider correcting him, but then I simply take an apron and join the working force. I need some time for my thoughts, and helping these servants can’t hurt. They are too busy working, so none of them recognize me as the Queen. Or at least they pretend they don’t, some of them do distance themselves from me.
After fifteen minutes of cleaning, the kitchen is as good as new. The little wingless fairy man on the shelf claps his hands three times. “Well done, lazy bums! Someone set a fire here!” He points at one of the cooking stations, and nods in approval when one of the manservants does as he asked. “Now off with you all. Enjoy your meal!” The servants disperse slowly, and a buzzing chatter erupts in the nearby hall.
I stand there, eyeing the tiny man in white on the shelf. He has sharp ears… Is he an elf? A full elf? I doubt it… from what I know elves should be human sized or taller… what on Lukam is he?
He jumps from the shelf to the kitchen counter and lifts a frying pan over the fire that seems way too heavy for a miniature man like him. He waves it around like it doesn't weigh much for him and puts it on the fire. He fills it with oil, and throws in chopped potatoes like they're pebbles, except that for a creature of his size, these chopped potatoes are as large as boulders.
I watch silently, and he doesn’t seem to notice my presence. He chews some leaves and focuses on his dish, adding beans, and bell peppers. He cuts onions into the frying pan by jumping up and down with a kitchen knife in hand, the speed of his movement is something my eyes can’t keep track of. He then opens his next sack, spilling dead spiders into the hot pan.
Wait! Spiders?!
He looks at me with a grin that almost splits his tiny face in half.
There’s my spymaster! I raise an eyebrow without showing my excitement on my face. “Don’t you think that’s too dramatic?”
“Ha! By Koshavi’s fat jugs! You’re lecturing me about drama!” his voice changes, mimicking my own with a pretentious tone. “Every town and castle has its spider. No one wants an unfriendly spider in their house.” He wears a deep frown and a serious expression on his face.
I don't sound like that, do I? I try to ignore the blush to my face. “It’s true. And here you are.”
“Hm? I’m standing right here, yes! Marasi, chef extraordinaire!” He takes a small theatrical bow that looks comical with his tiny figure. He then goes back to stirring the frying pan—which is larger than him—with a single hand.
“Why are you still working on that, you’ve made your show. You know nobody is going to eat that…”
My voice dies when he picks a spider from the pan and puts it in his mouth. “Mmmmm! Delicious!”
Ew… “Wait, you knew I’m the queen and you still told me to work for you?!” I regain my wits.
“And you liked it! Even if you’re sweating like a pig now, you enjoyed every second. An hour of good work is like an hour of a good tumble in bed. It’ll leave you exhausted and sweaty, but it’s fulfilling! Feel me?”
“I wouldn’t know anything about that…”
He chews loudly. “Hm? Oh, you’re young indeed. You large folk all look the same sometimes. Would you like me to teach you some bed manners, my Queen?”
Is he hitting on me? Is he out of his mind? Or just fearless? How would sex even work with this guy? I don’t think I want to know that particular detail… “I could have you executed for that.”
“And let all of my hard weaved webs disappear? Please!” Marasi’s sarcasm tells me he isn’t remotely threatened.
It’s good… if he’s that confidant in his information network, it must be good. “How far do your webs reach?”
“If anything happened in this city, or each and every one of the nearest cities, you’ll hear about it. I have some contacts down the river as well, and I will notify you ahead of time if the divine kingdom of Sajarev down south launches another crusade.”
“Did you also work for King Luard? How can…”
“No. I did not work for Luard,” he interrupts me. “Sorcerer or not, I don’t serve pea-for-brains. It’s bad for my heart, feel me?” Marasi pats on his tiny chest.
“So how did he know I was in town? I know he had someone to manage information for him.”
He shrugs and fills two plates with his disgusting stir-fry. “Because a pea-for-brain from my web worked for the other pea-for-brain. Some peas sell themselves to anyone who pays, but every pea has its uses.” He spreads actual green peas on his dish. "You may leave this little pea to me, red, I'll take good care of him."
“I need to know I can trust you before I employ you.”
“You can’t trust me, red, you can’t trust anyone. It’s all a part of the big game of life!” The tiny man sits on the kitchen counter, his thin legs dangling off. He stuffs his mouth with hot potatoes spiders and green peas. "Mmmmm~ sooo goood! Sure you don't want some?" He gestures at the second plate.
I can’t have him leave… but he’s claiming he didn’t work for Luard… is he sitting here waiting for a monarch who prove themselves? Or monarchs who notice him? How does he decide which monarch to serve? Have I proven myself to him by finding him?
Does it matter? I don’t know this… man? Creature? Whatever. I don’t know him, no idea what his agenda is, I can’t trust him… I can’t let him leave town either, not with all of his webs still in place. I’ll have to either use him while being wary of him. Or execute him and lose his information network… Part of the game of life he called it?
Enough. I can’t just live on paranoia all the time… I'll trust him until he proves me otherwise, but it's best if I get some insurance.
“Is there any way you can prove your loyalty? Or is there anything I can do for you to ensure your loyalty?” I ask, frowning. "Everyone wants something."
“You can eat my tiny snake if you want, but I can’t promise you it’ll help!” He stands up on the counter, unbuckling his miniature pants.
Is he checking how far I can be pushed around? “Latsa.”
I can’t find any chairs so I sit on the counter. “Make another suggestive comment and I will hand you over to Kolag. The new Lawmaker? He’s my boyfriend, and I don’t think he’d like hearing about your ideas of bed manners… Now. Give me a reason why I shouldn’t kill you here and now?”
“I have a tiny snake and I make good food!” His words are very fast, but I can still make them out. He bursts into a wild laughter when he sees the dumbfounded look on my face.
I palm my face. Oh brother… this guy is going to get along greatly with Ryon… food and sex with these two… Letting him live is a risk… am I willing to take it? Killing him will leave me blind, it’ll take a while to build my own information network… And with Sharla being away… But what if he supplies me with false information? It’s best to remain blind…
What does he want? I need to find what he wants in life in order to control him. But he’s like Ryon… food and sex… He has these things here as much as he wants… not that I want to know how he engages in sex… But he has no reason to work for someone else, and no one can buy him… Or it’s an act, covering what he really wants. Ryon couldn’t have set up such an information network, but this little guy did! I need to see past his act… I really need to learn some mind-reading spells…
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“What are you? Are you an elf? Why are you so small? How old are you? Why are you working here?” I ask, still getting my thoughts in order.
“Hm? I’m an elfling, Koshavi made us before she made the pricks who call themselves elves. And I’m a thirty-seven years old Elfling in his prime! The reason I work here is:” He makes a long pause for a dramatic effect. “Because I have a thing for human women such as yourself…”
I tuck my hair behind my ear exposing the sharp edge. “I’m not sure I classify as human. Please stop flirting with me, I’m not interested…” Oh hells why do I even bother…
“Hm? Are you sure you aren’t interested in me, red?” He looks down at me and raise his thin eyebrows multiple times, still held against the ceiling by my magic.
Ew…
Wait… is this another test? This guy had tested me before… made me work around the kitchen before he revealed himself to be the spymaster… who knows if he would’ve revealed himself if I got angry and declared I was the queen…
He said he didn’t work for Luard… Luard probably didn’t pass his test. I bet Luard got angry and whipped him or something… No, Luard would’ve killed him, I bet he didn’t even test Luard. Ok. So let’s think! What is this little guy aiming for by trying to get into my skirts?
This guy has been sitting here weaving his webs for a while, he obviously doesn’t want people to find out he’s the spymaster. Yet he just told me he’s the spymaster, then started flirting with me shamelessly… almost desperate even… this doesn’t make much sense…
If he’s going to be my spymaster, and still keep his identity a secret… we need a way to communicate. I can’t come down here to the kitchen every time, that’ll expose him… however. If people think he share my sheets; he has the perfect excuse to come into my room whenever he wants… But that makes him a target for other sorcerers, and make no sense whatsoever… that’s a high-profile spot… It wouldn’t make him a target. Monarchs here are hedonistic enough for this kind of thing… doesn’t mean they care about their lovers… and he’s exotic enough for it to be a thing…
But this isn’t the image I want to project to my people. I can’t have that.
I move him down from the ceiling with my mind and make him sit on the kitchen counter near me. “Ok, I understand what you’re suggesting. Stop with the silly tests and let’s get to business. I’ll keep coming down here to the kitchen to make potions regularly, I’ll clear the people in the kitchen, and say I don’t want anyone getting hurt by my experiments and…”
“You have an alchemy lab in this palace. It’s best if you claimed I’m your lover, easier for me to do my job.” He gives me another face splitting smile. So I was right!
“What if I was a man? How would you approach this?”
He roll his eyes at me. “Just the same. I don’t care if a man or a woman eat my snake. You want me in your bed, and you can have me on your lap or in a more comfortable place during meetings…” He eyes my chest.
“It puts you at risk, and it places you in the perfect position to assassinate me. I’m not comfortable with that. Tell you what, I’ll promote another spymaster, claiming you never made contact. You’ll just be the chef. Tasiya will be the fake spymaster. She will make regular visits to the kitchen to check on the stuff, and it won’t look too odd…”
He throws a spider in his mouth and lick his lips with an unnatural long tongue that reaches his chin. “I’m responsible for your food, it’s a perfect position for assassination. But you’re the queen, and you aren’t a pea-for-brain. I’ll follow your command. Unless you still want to kill me?”
“I’m thinking about it. Be very careful with your game, elfling…”
“Don’t worry! I’m not a gnome, I don’t have any secrets, feel me?” He bursts into a high pitched laughter.
“I think I prefer gnomes…” I pick my ingredients and head for the gardens to pick the lavender.
*~*~*
Interlude 83.1
Marasi
Marasi releases a huge deflating breath. This is bad for his heart. “One day your luck will run out,” his mother always said. Not today! That crazy queen bought up his made up story, and now he’s moving up in the world. From a lowly chef to the acting spymaster.
He puts another spider in his mouth. These are really good actually. It feels even better eating them in the presence of that young sorceress, the face she made was all the sky in the world. Imagine what kind of face she’ll make when she finds out he only has some rumors from his suppliers. He wishes he could see all the types of faces she can make.
A towering suit of armor enters the kitchen, creaking with each step. What is that, who covers their face with metal?! How is he supposed to see his face now, huh?! All these crazy large folk aren’t good for his heart, where are all the servile servants when he needs them?
“What is a cursed fae doing… No. You’re an elfling. Get out of this palace, of this city, you have until tomorrow.” The threat is a calm echo, by the tone alone, Marasi wouldn’t consider it a threat.
“I’m the chef here, pea-for-brains! I’m not a trouble maker elfling.”
"That's what every elfling would say," the suit of armor replies with an echoing threat. "Get out. If you're still here by tomorrow I'll have..."
"Ask everyone in the palace. I've worked here for years. I'm the chef, for Koshavi's sake!"
The armor observes him for a very long minute. Marasi sweats gigantic drops that could fill up a soup. The armor lets out an echoing sigh. “Apologies, chef. But if I find out you’re lying about your role, you’ll be chased out. Am I making myself clear?” The echoing voice coming from the suit is tired. “I cannot eat solid food, is it ok if I use this kitchen? I can cook by myself and I won’t bother you.”
“Marasi! Chef extraordinaire.” Marasi introduces himself with a shaky bow. It’s a shame an elfling can’t grow facial hair, Marasi really needs a mustache, people keep thinking he’s just a little trouble making child but he’s already way past the prime of his life. He doesn’t have much left to live. He needs to have one last great adventure before he meets the singers of Koshavi. “Use the kitchen as you like, my boy.”
The armored suit busies himself with the utensils, creating a horrible mesh of food.
Marasi watches how the mesh slowly turns into the worst soup he had ever seen. This is bad, Marasi can’t help himself. “No! No! No! You don’t mix oranges with tomatoes, too much acid! By Koshavi’s pinky lids! Who taught you how to cook? People who don’t know how to cook are bad for my heart, feel me?”
“I can cook just fine, here, have a taste.” The armor suit offers him a spoon filled with the odd red soup.
“Pa! Pui! Get out of my kitchen!” This also has a horrible taste. This armor isn’t sane, it doesn’t have a face. Of course it doesn’t know how to make food for proper mortals.
“No.” The armor says stubbornly while draining the horrific soup through a weird straw.
“Wait, you’re the Queen’s windyboy!” Marasi suddenly remember who this faceless armor should be.
“My name is Kolag of house Befar, not the Queen’s windyboy,” the armor says with a clear disdain in his echoing voice.
“Yes, yes, that’s not important. You wear an armor because she doesn’t want to share your handsome face, I understand. So why won’t you eat in her chambers and take off that armor.”
The windyboy in the armor grunts. “I can’t”
“Why not?”
“I can’t take the armor off, ever.”
“Because?”
The windyboy in the armor ignores him.
“Then how do you stick your snake in the queen?”
The armor keeps ignoring him, draining the soup through the straw.
“How do you clean the rot from your body?”
No response.
Marasi jumps off the counter and smells the armor’s ass. No smell, definitely not a sane mortal, sane mortals need to get rid of their rot.
A huge metallic hand grabs him. Marasi finds himself held in the air. What happened to his luck? He can’t show stress, his luck is always there. “Like it rough, windyboy?” he asks, counting on his luck.
“I have a demon inside me. If I take off my armor, it’ll kill everyone within a hundred miles. He also eats up my feces. Satisfied now?” The voice echoes angrily with each word uttered.
“Oh, that sucks!” Marasi says without a care in the world, his luck will save him this time too. And indeed, the armored gauntlet puts him on the kitchen counter and keeps drinking his insane faceless soup. “Why does the Queen like you if you can’t stick your snake in her?” Marasi asks. He finds the odd pair rather curious.
The armored boy groans, “you’ll have to ask her.”
“You’re not a chatty fellow, are you?”
Another grunt.
Marasi hits the helmet with a wooden spoon. If the faceless boy won’t make a noise, he’ll make it for him! Yes, his luck will worry about the rest.
“Don’t test me, elfling. The protection your kind has from your goddess will only last for so long.”
The boy is aware of the elfling’s luck! How can someone who’s not an elfling be aware of it? What’s this boy’s story? Who is he? Marasi stares at the armored monster quietly, thoughts running throughout his head and cold sweat trickles down his back. No wonder the boy could catch him then!
The armored boy washes his bowl and leaves the kitchen with a creaking metallic step. Dangerous people have come to Red Cedar City. Luard, Reynold, and Drusilla were peas for brains fools, none of them noticed good old Marasi… but these two are bad for his heart, It might be best if Marasi change locations soon. Maybe he should leave for his grand adventure early. Yes.
*~*~*
Power level: 3rd stage apprentice.
Mana pools status:
Crown-knot: Affinity 10: formed: 1 gem replenished per five minutes.
Neck-Bridge: Affinity 6: formed: max amount of gems drained per day: 66
Abdomen-storage: Affinity 5: formed: 6 gems. Conversion ratio: 6:1
Air: Affinity 4: formed: 18 gems
Fire: Affinity 2: formed: 9 gems
Light: Affinity 3: formed: 14 gems
Water: Affinity 6: formed: 27 gems
Earth: Affinity 1: formed: 4 gems
Wood: Affinity 2: formed: 9 gems
Gravity: Affinity 9: formed: 40/41 gems
Cantrip known:
Air: Shavi’s Breeze, Shavi’s Sword. Shavi’s Hair Dryer, Aria’s Enhanced Hearing. Aria’s Sonic Scream.
Fire: Nuriss’ Flame. Effrat’s Firefly, Effrat’s Fire Breath. Sorladika's Lesser Heating. Nuriss’ Ignite.
Light: Noxi’s Light. Lako’s Blinding Light. Rika’s energy hand.
Water: Water Evocation, Water to Ice, Ice to Water, Water to Vapor, Vapor to Water, Mayan’s Icy Spike, Ayla’s Water Jet. Ayla’s instant freeze.
Earth: Alice’s Oil Summoning, Reiko’s Acid Spray.
Wood: Arigor’s Lesser Vines. Kolosu’s Vegetable Summoning.
Gravity: Lumina’s Kinetic Burst. Tukado’s Repulse. Tukado’s lesser shield. Imari’s Minor Telekinesis. Imari’s Jump. Leo’s Pull. Leo’s Grounding. Alino’s Light Body. Alino’s Heavy Body.
Spells known:
Gravity: Alino’s Weightless Bodyb.
Life: Brigit’s Lesser Cure Poison.
Focus capability: 13 patterns
Social status: The Queen of Red Cedar City. Inara, Daughter of Mysteries. Apprentice to the Maven of Mysteries. Sorceress.
Wealth: 1496 Magic Gems. 1421 Golden Peas, 17 Silver Scales, 12 Copper Bits.
Items:
Magical necklace. Contains 100 gems of general mana, can be drained like a mana pool. It’ll recharge by itself at the rate of five gems an hour.
1 potion of lightning body.
1 potion of mana, medium grade.
An enchanted belt with eight pouches, the enchantment keeps the pouches’ content fresh.
Fresh rose petals, 22g
10 empty soul bottles. Glass with a diamond stopper, put in scaled leather wrapping.
The Great White Egret grimoire. Dedicated by the Maven of mysteries to Inara. 11/100
Companions:
Kolag of house Befar
Salik
Zoe
Ryon
Languages:
Toml’a
Sinteo
Myrsha
Felul
Injuries and scars:
-
Kingdom’s treasury: 305 gems. 41,682 gold coins.
Kingdom’s citizen: 6,021 humans, 2,251 human children.
Notables at Court:
Tasiya Keyholder
Jolla SilverQuill
Talbot Bookkeeper
Marasi Chef extraordinaire (spymaster.)