Aka: I Know a Song That Will Get on Your Nerves

By this time, Vixen was roaming the streets of Stormwind, being a full-blown menace to society. It was a night off from raid healing in Icecrown, and frankly, I was deep in defile—both literally and metaphorically. I logged in, boredom creeping in, and that’s when inspiration struck like a bolt of lightning.

It was evening. The city was alive with the chatter of players and NPCs. I had a plan, and oh boy, was it a doozy. You see, Boltar, the ever-dedicated Stormwind City Guard, had a hat. A brilliant, stylish hat that he wore every day like it was his personal crown. Vixen had decided she wanted that hat.

So, step one of my master plan: get arrested. Easy enough. I sashayed up to a group of guards, casually causing a ruckus—think of it as a one-woman show. I started singing “Do You Hear the People Sing?” but with my own special twist. “Do you hear the guards complain? They can’t catch Vixen, and it’s driving them insane!”

Step two: get tossed in jail. The guards, bless their pixelated hearts, fell for it. They cuffed me, dragged me to the cells beneath the Guard HQ, and threw me in. Mission accomplished! Or so I thought.

While in the guards’ cell, I decided to keep the party going. I whipped out a macro and started belting out, “I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves! I know a song that will get on your nerves, and it goes like this!” Rinse and repeat.

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My fellow inmates were less than impressed, and the guards? Oh boy, they were ready to riot. I could see them gritting their teeth as I serenaded them through the bars.

Finally, the moment arrived. Boltar swaggered in, his hat perched on his head like a prized trophy. “Ah, what a lovely evening for guard duty,” he said, admiring himself in a nearby mirror.

That was my cue. I made a dramatic exit from my cell, crashing into the guardroom with all the finesse of a drunk gnome. “I’m free! And that hat is mine!”

Chaos ensued. Boltar’s eyes widened, and for a split second, he looked like he was about to burst into laughter. “Not on my watch!” he yelled, launching after me.

What followed was an epic chase through the streets of Stormwind. I darted through Old Town, zigzagging past vendors, and even knocked over a fruit cart, sending apples flying like some sort of fruity cannonball.

“Stop that woman!” I heard Boltar shout behind me, his voice a mix of exasperation and amusement.

But I wasn’t done yet. I juked and jived, narrowly avoiding guards and unsuspecting players who were just trying to enjoy a quiet evening. I leaped over fences, ducked into alleys, and at one point, I even climbed a tree to throw Boltar off my scent.

But he was relentless. “You can’t outrun justice!” he bellowed. “And my hat!”

Eventually, I made my way to the Dwarven District, where I thought I’d lost him. But as luck would have it, Boltar rounded the corner just as I was plotting my next move. “Gotcha!” he yelled, lunging for me.

I barely managed to slip past him, the hat still firmly on my head. With one last burst of speed, I dashed toward the harbor, my heart racing.

And just like that, I became the most wanted criminal in Stormwind. To this day, after that epic chase, Vixen is still on the run, her wanted poster hanging in every tavern, with the caption: “Last seen stealing a hat and singing irritating songs.”

And thus, the saga of Batshit Crazy Vixen versus The Stormwind City Guards entered the annals of RP history, proving once again that chaos and comedy go hand in hand in this wild world.