Before We Step Through the Dark Portal, Part 1

As I sit here, reminiscing about the insanity that was Vanilla World of Warcraft, it’s impossible not to chuckle at some of the truly ridiculous moments. I mean, we’ve all had our share of mischief in Azeroth, right? But there’s one particular memory that stands out in my mind. It involves a dragon—a big, old, black dragon named Teremus the Devourer—and a plot that only two bored hunters could dream up.

See, G and I had this habit. When I say “habit,” what I really mean is we did it almost every single day. We’d meet early on Skype, log in, and immediately ask ourselves, “What kind of chaos can we cause today?” It was our unofficial daily quest—cause mayhem and see how far we could push it before we got in trouble. Some people farmed herbs; we farmed chaos.

Enter Teremus the Devourer

For those of you unfamiliar with the legend of Teremus the Devourer, let me paint you a picture. Teremus was a massive black dragon that roamed around the Blasted Lands, minding his own business (as much as a dragon could). He was one of those world bosses that wasn’t quite strong enough to be in the raid tier, but still powerful enough to murder you with a sideways glance. But here’s where things got interesting: rumor had it that if you managed to lure Teremus out of the Blasted Lands and into Stormwind, you could turn the city into a war zone.

Stormwind—our beloved capital—could be destroyed by a single dragon. A temptation like that? Impossible to resist.

“Let’s Take a Dragon to the City!”

So, there we were, two hunters with absolutely nothing better to do on a Wednesday morning. We’d already caused enough trouble in dungeons, and the battlegrounds were too quiet. So, G stretching and yawning on Skype says to me, “You know what we haven’t done? Drag a giant, murderous dragon into Stormwind.” And of course, I said to G, being my eternal partner-in-crime, and I simply grinned and said, “Let’s do it.”

Now, luring a dragon isn’t as simple as it sounds. This wasn’t just “whistle and hope for the best.” No, no. You had to strategize. Teremus wasn’t going to follow us for fun; he needed encouragement—the kind of encouragement that only a few well-placed arrows could provide. So, we concocted a plan.

1. Step 1: Poke the dragon.

2. Step 2: Run like hell.

3. Step 3: Don’t die.

The Route: An Unintentional Tour of Azeroth

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

We started in the Blasted Lands, right by the Dark Portal, where Teremus was stomping around minding his own business—until we poked him with an arrow. Now, if you’ve never kited a world boss before, let me tell you, it’s like playing the world’s most dangerous game of tag, except if the person chasing you could reduce you to a pile of ashes with a single sneeze.

Me: “Alright, we got his attention! Run!”

G: “Don’t look back! Just keep running!”

The plan was to get to Stormwind as fast as possible, but of course, that didn’t account for the fact that Teremus had the attention span of a goldfish and kept stopping to murder anything that got too close.

The First Stop: Redridge Mountains

As we passed through Redridge Mountains, the locals started to take notice. Low-level players going about their daily business were suddenly facing a giant, angry dragon swooping down from the sky.

“Leave it alone!” we yelled in general chat as some poor level 20 warrior decided to play hero and threw his sword at Teremus.

G: “Stop attacking him! You’re just making it worse!”

Warrior: “I got this! I can handle—” Dead.

Spoiler alert: He did not got this.

Through Elwynn Forest: The Scenic (and Deadly) Route

By the time we hit Elwynn Forest, we had gathered a full parade of confused and terrified players in our wake. From newbie mages to seasoned paladins, everyone we passed stopped whatever they were doing to watch the flying death machine we had dragged across half of Azeroth.

Me: “For the love of Elune, DON’T TOUCH HIM! He’s coming with us!”

Some did not listen. One by one, the brave and foolish launched spells, arrows, and axes at Teremus, all of which ended with the same result—a dragon-sized corpse pile in the middle of the forest.

Meanwhile, G and I were on Skype, hysterically yelling at everyone, “JUST LET HIM GO!”

The Final Approach: Stormwind or Bust

As we approached Stormwind, we knew we were about to make history—or at least, epic destruction. Teremus was still hot on our heels, looking even angrier now that he’d been pelted by a dozen fireballs and probably realized we were taking him to a city full of even more people trying to kill him.

The gates of Stormwind came into view, and just as we were about to cross the threshold, some rogue thought it would be a great idea to stun-lock Teremus.

Me: “OH FOR THE LOVE OF—STOP IT!”

G: “He’s gonna kill the auction house, isn’t he?”

Sure enough, the second Teremus crossed into the city, all hell broke loose. Low-level bank alts scattered in every direction, and the auctioneers—those brave, underpaid souls—stood no chance against the fiery wrath of an enraged dragon.

The Grand Finale

“Alright,” I said, grinning from ear to ear as Teremus let out a deafening roar and began raining destruction down on Stormwind’s finest, “now we just sit back and watch.”

And we did. Sitting on a wall after feigning deaths, G and I watched the absolute carnage unfold below. Guards, vendors, even random players who had nothing to do with our little stunt—they all fell before Teremus like wheat before a scythe. People in trade chat were freaking out.

Trade Chat: “Who brought the DRAGON???”

Me: /whistle, “I have no idea, must’ve been the Horde.”

The Aftermath

We eventually we got bored and went back to PVP, still laughing, having successfully completed our unofficial daily quest of “how much chaos can two hunters cause?”

A Dragon’s Legacy

Teremus the Devourer became infamous in our chats for that stunt. From that day forward, whenever anyone in Stormwind mentioned a dragon, G and I would just exchange knowing glances and smirk. And to this day, Teremus still roams the Blasted Lands, waiting for another couple of hunters with too much time on their hands to drag him into yet another unsuspecting city.

So, before we step through the Dark Portal and leave Vanilla WoW behind, let’s take a moment to remember the good ol’ days—days when luring dragons into capital cities seemed like the best possible way to spend your morning.

What? It was for the greater good.

G and I still talk about this stunt every time we call each other because 18 years on it’s still bloody hilarious.