“You know this is great,” Sam said once everyone had finished their post-toast sip, noting that just he and Felix opted to finish the whole glass. “We really have an Oath of the Peach Garden thing going on right now. Now we just need to promise to see the Epiraks eradicated and we’ll be pretty peachy.”
“Weren’t there only three guys in the original story, though?” Felix asked.
“Yes, that’s a good point. I know what we’ll do. You’ll be the three brothers. And because the best characters in the romance are introduced later, that’ll allow me some wiggle room in who I want to be. I call Kongming! Cause he’s literally the best. Felix, you’ll be Zhang Fei cause you’re a drunk. Sarah, you could be Guan Yu, but only not overrated. Yvessa, that would make you Liu Bei. Want we make Erianna, Zilong, for you? That way you could throw your kid at the ground after she almost dies saving him.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Yvessa said. “Is Liu Bei supposed to be better than that other guy, Zilong?”
“No way.” Sam laughed. “Zhao Yun is the second best character in the books. And Liu Bei just straight up sucks. He’s so fucking bad it’s hilarious.”
She crossed her arms. “I fail to see the humor in comparing me to such a person, then.”
“Oh, but he’s somehow the main character. He’s so boring and useless, but everyone still loves him and wants to serve him because of his supposed great moral qualities.”
“Wouldn’t that make you a better fit for that role, then?”
“Yeah. Except that I already called Zhuge Liang, so… Nothing you can do about that.”
“How about we pick roles from another famous oath and I’ll be Legarissa and you be Collana?”
Sam leaned in to Sarah, “I don’t know these guys. How funny is her joke?”
“No idea. I don’t know them either.”
“What?! You can’t do that, Yvessa. Referencing something that no one else understands.”
“Why not?” Yvessa said. “You just did that.”
“Nuh huh. Felix knew what I was talking about.”
“He did for me as well.”
All eyes turned to Felix, who was in the middle of a bite. “Is this what the sages meant when they spoke of the curse of knowledge? I hate to say this Yvessa, but as shitty as Sam’s comparison was, it’s still better than yours if I remember both stories correctly. Weren’t Legarissa and Collana the bad guys who swore to kill the new righteous queen?”
“If you’re reading the story at face value and aren’t bothering to employ even a bit of critical thinking.”
“My point wasn’t to draw us into conversation on which fictional characters we best resemble,” Sam said. “Because newsflash, Caillou!” He pointed at himself.
“All of those characters were also real historical figures,” Felix said.
“Sure, whatever. I just needed the bald bastard for the joke. But back to my point. It was that we should be really dedicating our toast this fine evening to the goal of wiping out the Epiraks and winning this war once and for all. After which, we could all take a couple of minutes of silence in order to appreciate that beautiful sunset that’s gracing our eyes.”
“No can do I’m afraid. I only toast for one thing in any given meal. The Epiraks would have to live to fight another day.”
“I’ll toast for that,” Sarah said.
“Me too. Let me fill your glass.” Yvessa took Sam’s wine glass back from him.
“Wait, I don’t want to be the only one left out.” Felix handed Yvessa his glass. A moment later, another cheer went up in the clearing. This time to winning the war. “Sam was right. It is a really beautiful sunset. Good job picking this spot, Sarah.”
“Ugh,” Sam blurted out.
“What?” Sarah asked with a laugh, having immediately figured out what he was going to complain about.
“Just realized that I complimented the shitty fake skies and the shitty fake sun.”
“You’re still on that?” Felix asked.
“Yes, I am. And I always will be. That’s another promise from me, another toast if you guys are willing. To never forget the crime that is the projected prison we have been locked in.”
“You can go to always got to another world and find yourself with a completely different skyline if that’s bothering you,” Yvessa said.
“Not good enough. I won’t rest until the fake skies are gone and the true heavens are returned to their rightful place, apropos peach garden.”
“That’s quite an endeavor. I dare to say that you’ll find it even harder than beating the Epiraks.”
“Well I wouldn’t be going at it alone, right? You guys will help me?”
“Not with this, I’m afraid.” Felix shook his head and was joined by Yvessa.
“Sarah?” Sam turned pleadingly to his only remaining ally.
“I’m sorry Sam. I like things better the way they are now. It’s the same time everywhere, the seasons are all orderly. It’s pretty great.”
Sam grabbed his heart, shocked at the betrayal he had just witnessed. His newly minted brother and sisters and just gone and abandoned him, left him to face alone his greatest foe yet. He drew a furious breath through his nose and squinted his eyes while giving each one of the traitor three a stare. “Very well. Your lives are yours to live and your destiny is yours to shape. But just know, that if you go against me on this, if we happen to meet on the battlefield, I will not go easy on you just because we were once friends.”
“I resent the implication that we were ever friends in the first place,” Felix said.
“Bully for you. I have audio proof. It’s a policy on mine to record people when they’re saying nice things about me so I could play it back for them later if they happen to regret it.”
“I have the same policy, but for when people compliment me and tell me how good I am at stuff. Helps me fall asleep. Yvessa, you’re the same way, but with people tell you that you’re better than Zhao Yun, right?”
“Am not. I don’t have the constant need for approval that you have. Besides, I’d have to hire some actors in order to hear that.”
“And what’s wrong with that? That’s what I do.”
“So how different are the skies in the worlds that you guys grew up in?” Sam pivoted the topic back where they came from.
“Centauri is pretty much the same as here,” Felix said, “owning to the fact that no one was living there before we settled there. The skies have a little bit red to them, because apparently that’s what the first settlers thought alien skies were supposed to look like. But on most days, you wouldn’t be able to see a difference.”
“If you want to see a difference, then you can hop over to Gehelis when you have some free time,” Yvessa said. “There was a sizable elven settlement there before the Integration so the skies have something of both Earth and Maynil. Maynil’s two suns, Earth’s moon, that sort of thing.”
“Holy shit, two suns?” Sam gasped.
“Don’t get too excited.” Sarah smiled. “Remember, the skies might look different, but that rarely equates to any major physical difference between the worlds. “
“Man… Astrophysicists must be in shambles.”
“They are. And you’ve already made that joke.”
“Yeah well… Usually I don’t hang out with people more than once, so recycling jokes isn’t a problem.”
“Since we’re already on the topic,” Felix said. “Did you guys hear anything about whether we’re going to train at different gravity during our first year of deployment?”
“You’re talking about high gravity, right?” Yvessa asked. “Because you have that month’s training in Gellas halfway through the year.”
“That doesn’t count. First, because Gellas’ gravity isn’t that much lower than New Terra. What is it only seven and half meters per second?”
“Seven and a third. And it’s second squared.”
“Whatever. Same thing. It’s bush league compared to walking on the real moon, for example. And secondly, we’re not going to do any combat training on Gellas. We’re going there for orientation with the logistical center, for Christ’s sake. A whole month dedicated to form filing and classroom studies.”
“What, you want to go to a world like Olyn? That’s the lowest gravity world on this side of the Web.”
“I wouldn’t say no. But you’re right, I’m talking more about worlds with higher gravity. Shouldn’t we be trained in fighting in those conditions?”
“What for? The only two worlds with a significant difference in gravity on the front are Yellshaph and… Nakli, I think. But they’re in the east and pretty small, not some major combat zones that we should worry about.”
“OK, but aren’t almost half of the worlds in the Caravanserai higher gravity than normal? Nezak is what? One and a half gs? And it’s their home world. Doesn’t it mean that there are probably going to be plenty of worlds with different gravity under Epirak control?
“Maybe…”
“Then shouldn’t we train in those kinds of environment if we ever want to take the fight to them?”
“Or we can simply have the Rulers and high levels fight in those worlds,” Sarah suggested. “If we end up fighting there, that is. It’s not like they’re going to be bothered by the higher or lower gravity.”
“Guess we’ll have to wait and see then.”
Yvessa scoffed. “I think that even with the toast we just gave. No one’s going to find out about the Epirak controlled worlds anytime soon.”
“What about if we manage to take control of a holdworld?”
“What if we could manage to take control of a holdworld?”
“We could use it to go on the offensive.”
“After what happened last time we tried? A whole lot of risk for not much reward.”
“Sarah,” Sam said. “Exposition please.”
Sarah laughed. “OK. So remember how I told you that the front is in a deadlock?”
“Urgh… That was so long ago. Something about the western being shit and the east being blocked?”
“Alright, so back from the top. About twelve years ago, the ningani and Imperials decided to go on their first offensive against the Epiraks since the eastern front opened. And not to deal a lethal blow to them, mind you. But simply to shorten the front and make it easier to defend. They achieved a lot of success at the start, dislodging them from all the front-worlds, and pushing the front even further, but before too long the reinforcements we sent them had to be called back in order to help defend against a renewed offensive in the eastern front.
“Long story short, the Terran regular forces were the only ones to make it back in time for the Battle of Shallenet, the elves and deshars not being as used to rapid redeployment as us. And that’s straight from the Sarechi military inquiry in the aftermath, by the way, Felix. Shallenet was almost lost, and the Accord had already begun the evacuation of Koshed. We only managed to stop the collapse of the front lines by dropping all of our nuclear arsenal on the enemy. Which bought enough time for the three eastern Chosen and the emperor to intervene. And the minute their offensive failed, the Epiraks simply packed all their Martyrs and as many of their Brutes as they could into their holdworlds, and sent them westward much faster than we could send our troops. Care to guess the end result?”
“The ningani and Imperials were forced to return to the same worlds they occupied before the offensive?” Sam offered.
“Not completely. They did manage to take control of three extra worlds. And of course the fact that those new worlds only lengthened the front didn’t matter. They paid too much blood to gain them. But this matters to us, because that pretty much signaled the end for the prospects of an eastern offensive in the near future. Which is where Felix’s point about us having a holdworld comes into play. Because, remember, it’s the only way for a strategic force to bypass the barren worlds in the eastern front. So without a holdworld, or even with one, because I’m not sure that one would really be of that much help, that means that the next offensive will probably only happen when the emperor retires because currently neither the ningani nor the Imperials are much interested in another offensive.”
“What happens when the emperor retires? Is the next one known to be a warmonger?”
“Nothing of the sort,” Yvessa said. “We don’t even know who the next emperor is going to be. But according to Imperial tradition, no two emperors can be alive at the same time. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. But once the war started, another tradition began to take shape: If, but actually it always happened, so it’s more like when the reigning Emperor retires, they go out in a blaze of glory. Raising an army and laying down their life to hurt the Epiraks as much as possible.”
“That sounds… wasteful. And it’s just the Pyllan emperors? It doesn’t have something to do with them being Chosen?”
“No other Chosen acts that way at least.”
“Maybe all the inbreeding got to their heads.”
“The imperial family doesn’t marry into itself,” Felix argued. “So the fact that they’re crazy doesn’t have to do with their biology, but their upbringing instead.”
“I think it’s noble,” Sarah said. “Giving your life away in order to ensure a smooth succession. Also, you have to admit that it works. All new emperors manage to become Chosen pretty quickly after their ascension. I know that the elves don’t have as good of a track record when it comes to that.”
“So does it or doesn’t it have something to do with them being Chosen?” Sam asked.
“None of us know the first thing about the Chosen, so we couldn’t tell you.”
“I’m with Sam,” said Felix. “I’m willing to bet that the whole sacrifice thing is some part of a dark ritual where the current emperor kills themselves in order to ensure that the next one will also become a Chosen.”
“That’s not at all what I said.”
“But you have to admit that it makes sense.”
“None of this makes sense to me, so I don't know what to tell you. Let me focus on becoming a Ruler before I have to worry about becoming a Chosen.”
“Speaking of, who do you think will the first one of us to be Chosen?”
“So, we’re all slotted to becoming Chosen in the future?” asked Yvessa. “Surpassing even the ningani in one fell swoop?”
“You got to dream big, don’t you? So, who’s it gonna be?”
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
“Dan,” Sam said.
“Out of the four sitting here.”
“Oh. Then no one. The Web will get destroyed before we manage to get there.”
“I like that line of thinking very much. Because not only are you very pessimistic about our achievements in the future, but you’re even more pessimistic about that very future itself. That’s dedication to craft.”
“I’m just being realistic, you know? It’s like I told Sarah when I first got here and she told me all about the war. We’re surrounded on both sides, we’re on the defensive and apparently our last try at reversing it ended disastrously. These are the kind of setups from which fantasy epics are born. The odds are stacked against our plucky heroes, and evil is about to triumph, but just at the last moment, they manage to save the day.”
“There’s a difference between not winning the war and losing it,” Yvessa said.
“I know. Farris told me the same thing. He said that almost all people don’t believe that we can lose the war, i.e. get eradicated by the forces of evil. But on the same hand, most people don’t believe that the war can be won, i.e. that we will be the ones doing the eradicating. He also said that believing the war to be stuck in a quagmire was almost tantamount to losing it. Because fighting it for eternity is a kind of loss as well.”
“Yeah, I heard those kinds of lines from him in the past. It’s amazing that he managed to retain the same worldview that he had from before Shallenet. But I don’t know if I can agree with him. The status quo isn’t great, but it’s fine. Most people get to live their lives without thinking about the war or being worried about it spilling into their homes. That’s a victory in and of itself.”
“Is it?” Felix asked. “Having to come to terms with the fact that thousands are going to die every year even when the war is completely static? I have to agree with Farris’ point of view. Thinking about the war as unwinnable basically amounts to defeatism. Are you guys really satisfied with living our lives, training to become Rulers or even Chosen with the knowledge that nothing we’ll do will matter because the war is going to carry on anyway?”
“It’s not that everything we’ll do won’t matter,” Sarah said. “There have to be people like us, who strive to become strong and fight in order to keep the war as it is. And even if we happen to live in a time when there are enough people like that, it doesn’t make our own efforts worthless. Think of all the lives we’ll be able to save by being as strong as we can be.”
“So you also don’t dream about ending the war?”
Sarah shrugged. “Sure, I’d like it to be over. I’m not one of those cynics who thinks that once we’ve won, we’ll be back to killing each other. But even if all four of us manage to become Chosen, is that really going to be enough in order to win the war? Because if it isn’t, then there’s no reason for beating ourselves after we’ve already done everything we can do.”
By this point, Sam was biting his tongue so hard that he was afraid it was going to start bleeding. So perhaps that was the reason for him opening his mouth. Or perhaps it was the psychosomatic effect from the alcohol he drank that resulted in his lowered inhibitions, despite it being chemically impossible. “And what about losing the war? Are you not worried about the Epiraks doing to us what we want to do to them? Another Shallenet, only this time the nukes won’t help and the line will completely collapse.”
“Not really,” Yvessa said. “Even in the case of Shallenet, it wasn’t as dire as you make it sound. What we managed to prevent was a huge loss of civilian life as a result of the Epiraks breaching Koshed. But even if that happened, we would have managed to stabilize the line eventually, and push the Epiraks back to where they are now. It’s the same case in the west. The ningani and Imperials might not be interested in another offensive adventure after they paid so much for the last one, but they were not once worried about the Epiraks managing to breach their defensive lines and spilling into civilized worlds… Why? Are you seriously worrying that we could lose the war? It wasn’t just a joke?”
Sam straightened his back and looked up in avoidance. “Of course it was a joke. I don’t know the first thing about the war and the forces arrayed on either side. But… I just think it’s weird about how nobody’s worried that losing the war is a possibility. I mean, even in America during the Second World War, there were worrywarts who thought that it might lose the war, as ridiculous as that is, knowing what we now know. And unless I’m mistaken, we don’t have nearly as much of the advantage that the US had against its enemies back then.”
“I guess you’re right…” Felix hummed. “It’s certainly never crossed my mind that losing was a real possibility. That I, the friends I made in the military, might die, sure. But that my family would die? The people I grew up with? Never even once. Maybe it’s because we’re so removed from the actual fighting. Maybe the deshar children in Koshed and the like, grow up with nightmares about Epiraks coming to kill them and the Web being destroyed. But I never worried about it.”
“I don’t think so,” Yvessa. “From what I’ve heard of the deshars, they are the most optimistic about our chances of truly winning the war. Actually, now that I think about it, I seem to remember Farris telling us about a survey that he helped fund amongst deshar, Terran and elven civilians. With questions concerning what they thought about the state of the war, the same stuff that we’re talking about. Apparently the deshars were the most optimistic on average, believing in a higher possibility of winning the war and a lower risk of losing it. But I don’t think that it’s just you, Sam, that’s worried about losing. I remember E—a friend of mine, having frequent nightmares about the Epiraks conquering Maynil and burning down Larsus to ash. But I think they started only after Shallenet. What about you, Sarah? Did the prospect of losing ever cross your mind?”
Sarah scoffed. “Hardly. That would have been nigh-impossible with Maurice trying to convince me from the moment I had the translator that the war was going to stay the same no matter what I chose to do with my life, so I didn’t have to join the army if I didn’t want to. I was never worried about all the races dying but only about the single soldier who’s going to die because I wasn’t there to save them. Still”—she squeezed Sam’s shoulder—“I think I understand you well enough at this point to know what you are worried about and going through. It seems reasonable to you that we might lose the war or that there’s at least a chance of it happening. So if defeat is a possibility, however distinct, then you are obviously going to want to do everything in your power to prevent that, just like me and saving even the single soldier. So it makes sense that you want us to be worried about losing the war the same way that you are because otherwise, how could you be sure that we’re doing everything in our power to prevent that?”
Sam couldn’t help but laughing, but keeping his eyes upward, he bit his lips to make sure that he won’t start crying. “I’m really flattered that in the case you’ve described, it’s you guys that I’m worried about and not myself. That I’m so sure of being able to do everything in my power to prevent us losing the war that it’s you guys that I’m worried about not doing enough.” He chuckled, “That’s a mighty high opinion of myself that you have there.”
“So what?” Yvessa asked. “You’re worried about not being able to save us from losing the war, in the event that such a thing is indeed possible, all on your own? That’s idiotic.”
“Look, I realize that it’s very self-serving of me to put myself us the only thing between our survival and evil’s triumph but you have to admit that there’s some sense in acting as though that is true if I want to make sure I end up as strong as I possibly can be.”
“No, I understand that. If you believe that there’s a chance we can lose, then it’s more than reasonable to be worried about your own role in preventing that from happening. Doing everything you can to become strong, training as hard and as much as humanely possible. What’s idiotic is you being worried about that, as though only you have the responsibility to prevent such a tragedy from happening. If you want to believe that you’re the only one standing between us and doom, that’s fine. I can certainly see how someone in your situation could come to that conclusion.
“But thinking that you could ever become strong enough to defeat the Epiraks on your own is not. Even if you do end up becoming a Chosen, hell, even the strongest Chosen in the Web, it still won’t be enough to win the war. Wars are fought between armies, not individuals. If you have no one backing you up, you’ll stand alone against the whole array of the Epiraks’ forces. So yeah, if you want to see yourself as a hero sent to save us from evil, then go ahead. You won’t be my first friend with such delusions of grandeur and too much weight on their shoulders. But only worrying about how hard you train, how much you study and how strong you will end up being will cause you to fail in your quest spectacularly. What Sarah said was right, if you’re worried about the war than worrying about yourself is only half the job, the rest of it is worrying about other people because I assure you, if we truly are fighting for civilization itself, then none of us our training hard enough.”
Sam nodded. “Sure. And I agree with you on principle. But right now I can’t influence what other people do or think, move the gears of war for the entire Web. I can only worry about myself and what I do and think.”
“Why not?” asked Felix. “We’re your friends, aren’t we? Can’t you influence us as well? Convince us to train harder, to study more?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. But I don’t think that you guys aren’t doing enough as it is. From what I saw of you, at least.”
“Ha! You heard that, Yvessa? Sam said that we’re doing enough as it is. That in the event that the Epiraks come storming in to New Terra, we can rest easy in the knowledge that we couldn’t have done more. Mate, didn’t you just hear her saying that we’re for sure not doing enough if you’re right? We’re having a picnic, for fuck’s sake. And unlike you or Sarah, we didn’t work ourselves to the bone for the entirety of last week.”
“You two don’t need to play catch up like I am.”
“So what? If we can train harder and become stronger faster, shouldn’t we be doing that all the time?”
“That’s different—”
“How?” Yvessa asked. “Because we’re not as special as you? Our potential lower?”
“No! Of course not! It’s because I’m… that is… You guys aren’t worried about losing the way I am, so it would be irrational to demand you to work harder for no reason.”
“How is that irrational?” Felix laughed. “You’re saying that there’s a chance we’re all going to die and now you’re asking me to not do all in my power to prevent that? That’s irrational.”
“I’m not telling you guys anything.”
“Well maybe you should. Like Yvessa said, if you’re worried about defeat being a possibility, then you’re making a mistake just focusing on what you can do in order to prevent that with only your own strength. Shouldn’t you at least try and convince as to your own line of thinking? Rationally speaking?”
“I… I don’t know.” Sam sighed. “The whole discussion is moot anyway, as well as depressing. Can we just move on?”
“Not just yet,” Sarah said with her trademark finality. “We’re here to have fun and relax. So no one’s leaving with their mind in turmoil, alright? We’ll finish this discussion first, get to the bottom of it, until everyone’s satisfied. So, Sam, are you worried that it’s possible for us to lose the war?”
Sam gulped. “A little bit.”
“And are you also worried about not doing enough to prevent that from happening?”
“It’s a reasonable assumption to make.”
“Yvessa, Felix, do you agree?”
Yvessa nodded. Felix crossed his hands. “No. But only because I don’t think that it’s reasonable to worry about losing the war.”
“Pretend that it is.”
“Then yeah. Sam’s worry is more than reasonable. It should carry to pretty much every rational person that wants to keep living. Twice as much to people like us. Hell, maybe three times as much for someone like Sam..”
“Alright. In that case, do you think that Sam has been as working hard as he ought to have been in the last week if he was indeed aiming to do all that he can to prevent us from losing?”
“Yeah, I should say so.”
“And you Yvessa?”
“I agree as well.”
“What?” Sam was flabbergasted. “You’re always going on about me not trying hard enough.”
“Those two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“They pretty much are,” Felix said.
“Not at all. I was encouraging Sam to work harder on a case-by-case basis, believing that he could still push himself some more and get better results out of himself. Overall, I believe his conduct is more than adequate, even for someone trying to carry the whole Web on their shoulders.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Never mind that.” Sarah waved her hands between the two of them. “We’re back to you, Sam. Do you acknowledge that both Yvessa and Felix believe that you’ve been training as hard as you should have been in the last week? Even in the case that you are training to prevent the Epiraks winning?”
“Yes. But I’m not sure that I agree with them.”
“I’m sure you don’t, but that’s neither here nor there. You will have to defer to the three of us, six of us, if we also question your three teachers, because we have more expertise on the subject than you.”
“Maybe… That’s an interesting question you’re raised. About the validity of experts’ opinion as opposed to your own. Especially considering—”
“None of that now. We’ve all agreed that this last week if you’ve been training hard enough to meet your goal. So now, the only thing that you should be worried about, when it comes to your own performance, is maintaining the same amount of effort that you put in last week for the foreseeable future. Right?”
“Yes! Exactly! Even if I did work hard enough this week, what are the chances that I’ll be able to keep it up for a whole year?”
“How about you wait and see for another week before you start worrying about it?” Felix suggested.
“Don’t be an idiot Felix,” Yvessa said. “Sam’s is a very reasonable worry. That’s why I’ve been advising him to keep pushing himself as hard as possible. I’m sure that he’ll be able to keep going like this for quite some time. But, at some point in the future, he’s going to come up against a wall and feel like giving up and taking it easy on himself. That’s only human, and no one is immune to feeling like that. But for now, as long as he’s got momentum, the harder he pushes himself, the stronger a habit he builds and the easier it’ll be for him to keep going when the going gets rough.”
“Oh please… He’s going to be fine. Besides, it’s not like his future is going to be as hectic as the last week and more has been. Things are only going to get easier from now on. And if he does end up feeling a little high-strung, then it’s just a sign from his body that he needs some rest and to take it easy for a time in order to maintain optimal training conditions.”
“And what about Sam’s assumption or worry that he will have to save the Web himself?” Sarah asked. “Wouldn’t taking it easy be going against it?”
“What are you asking me for? I just said that it isn’t. Resting is an important part of training.”
“Well, there you have it, Sam. Two opinions about your future that aren’t mine and are thus valid. Yvessa thinks that while it’s reasonable to worry about keeping the same pace that you’ve had last week, we all know that you’re going to be able to keep it for at least a couple more. At which time you’ll have already built up the habit and thus find it easier to keep the same schedule as you are now. And Felix deems it irrelevant because he thinks that even if you do end up taking it easy that it’s going to be better for you in the long run.”
“OK,” Sam said with a sour tone and crossed his hands. “Want to know what I think? Fuck you guys. I’m just going to jump off of the cliff and doom you to dying to the Epiraks. Where do you get the nerve to psychoanalyze me like that?”
“I learned it from watching you!” Felix pointed at him.
Sam laughed. “Fair enough. So what’s Sarah Khan’s opinion on the matter of my effort being spent? Let me guess: even if I am as pivotal to the war as I worry I am, I’m already doing more than enough, so it’s OK for me to take it a little easier. Is that about right?”
“Didn’t you just rail against me for psychoanalyzing you?”
“So what? Didn’t I tell you guys that I’m a hypocrite like a dozen times already?”
“Oh, like we’re supposed to remember everything you tell us about yourself?” Felix drawled. “You always make up new stuff. Like just today, when you said that you’re worried about being the hero sent to save us from the Epiraks. That’s the second biggest logical leap we’ve made today, by the way, right after agreeing that there’s a chance we can lose the war.”
“Really? That’s the not as big of a logical leap?” Sam asked.
“Eh. Take it as a compliment. I read books too, you know. And you being a hero makes much more sense to me than us somehow losing the war all of a sudden.”
“It’s probably all Farris’s fault for him worrying about that,” Yvessa said. “Farris isn’t a defeatist, but he does take the risk of us losing to be much more tangible than most people. I’m sure that he infected Sam with some of his worries. Which was especially effective because Sam doesn’t have the same immune system we have in the form of growing up with the war ever present. And once Farris got Sam worrying about losing the war, it’s one very small leap for Sam, despite what you said, to start worrying about his role in preventing that from happening.”
“Yeah,” Sam lied in agreement, seeing the opportunity to divert some of the attention away from him. “And his talk of Taken being chosen by a benevolent and intelligent force certainly didn’t help, what with my pre-existing delusions of grandeur and heroics.”
“Well, well,” Felix said. “Looks who’s so quick to throw his new mentor under the bus. Maybe I ought to relay this information to General Farris. Maybe it will cause him to reconsider someone else for his being his mentee…”
“That’s not going to work for two reasons. One, he’s like me and feels more comfortable when the people close to him say bad things about him than otherwise. And two, you hate elves, in case you forgot.”
“Ach, we’re back to that again?! I don’t hate elves. I have some very reasonable and understandable complaints with their and the other races’ treatment of us Terrans.”
“Face it. You’re one podcast away from becoming a full-blown racist.”
“Then wouldn’t making Farris my mentor be a surefire way to prevent that from happening?”
“Oh give it up already. That weirdo had already latched on to me. And you’re just interested in him for spear lessons anyway. I already said that I would get you into those.”
“But can you really?”
“I dunno. Maybe? The dude isn’t actively teaching me anything, you know that, right? But if he does end up training me in spearfighting, I’ll make sure that you’re also invited.”
“Sweet! I can already feel the anti-elven sentiments of mine melting away.”
Yvessa laughed. “It’s about time. And speaking of sweets. I’ve brought two cakes, ice cream, cookies and some candies. Who wants what?”
“Everything please!” Sam presented his plate forward. “God, I love cake. Did you guys ever have cake for breakfast? That’s probably one of my favorite meals in the world.”
“Yes!” Felix said. “I know just what you’re talking about.”
“It’s another benefit of coming here, you know?” Sarah said between mouthfuls of sugary goodness. “We get to each so much more while still being healthy and maintaining calories.”
“Eh,” Yvessa shrugged. “They’re alright. I’m not really a big fan of sweets.”
“Does that mean that I could get your share of the cake?” Sam asked.
“No. I’m still going to have some. It would be rude not to.”
“It would be ruder to not give the cake to someone who enjoys it more,” Sam muttered, but then immediately clasped his hand to his mouth. “My god what did I just say?! That was positively utilitarian of me.”
Felix tsked. “Disgusting. I think that you should give up a slice to someone else in atonement.”
“Not a chance. I don’t share desserts.”
“Now on that, we can finally agree.”
“By the way, we’ve never settled on how we are going to win the war,” Sarah said with a smile.
“She’s right,” Yvessa said. “We just agreed on doing it and then we did a complete 180 and focused on how not to lose the war.”
“I move that we split up.” Felix burped. “Two of us we’ll go west, two east, we’ll push the Epiraks from each direction, and at the exact north. I call west!”
“Oh please, you just want to go to a high gravity world, don’t you?”
“You damn right I am. You know what a common trope is that training in higher gravity makes you a stronger fighter? Back me up here, Sam.”
“I can’t do that, I’m afraid. You see, you guys are my companions, and one of my biggest pet peeves in games is companions leaving mid-journey or not returning for the sequel. We’ll have to stay together. And we can’t go west because that’s a cliche.”
“How come you’re the PC and we’re the companions?” Yvessa asked.
“That’s just makes the most sense. I’m the one with the most unique background, after all. You’re not suggesting that we be one of those games where the player character plays second fiddle to the companions, are you?”
“Doesn’t have to be any main character, though. We could all be equally important as party member.”
“Nerds!” Felix bellowed through his cupped hands.
Sarah laughed. “All of us are studying for most of the day, six days a week. We’re all nerds.”
“Yeah, but we’re studying in order to become awesome soldiers, and that’s cool. Now can we please make a vacation plan for one of these high-gravity ningana worlds? Don’t we companions deserve a break?”
“So now you’re completely on board with being Sam’s companion?” Yvessa asked.
“Dude… he’s got a fucking Ruler for a mentor. I’m not going up against a protagonist like that.”
“So do plenty of people.”
“Like who?”
“Erianna.”
“OK then, so when Erianna gets here, she can have a go at Sam. Until then, we should all be happy following in his footsteps.”
“You’ll be going backwards,” Sam said. “But your blind devotion convinced me. I’ll write to Farris, see what he can do about that high-grav training camp.”
“None of you is going anywhere until you finish your studies, cadets,” Sarah said in a mock-stern voice.
“To finishing our studies then.” Felix raised his cup in the third toast of the evening.
“To finishing our studies,” they cheered.
“Technically, I already finished my studies, so I feel like I should get another toast,” Sam said.
“Really?” Yvessa asked. “What did you study?”
Sarah laughed. “Alright, what do you want to toast to, Sam?”
“To the end of history!”
“What the hell does that mean?” Felix asked.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s an inside joke. It’ll make sense in the long run.”