Sam awoke to the sound of knocking. That’s two days in a row, was the first coherent thought that went through his head. Holy shit, I fell asleep, was the second. Struggling out of bed, Sam rubbed his bleary eyes and headed towards to the door. It was a sign of his barely woken mind that no shred of social anxiety (there was, after all, a chance that the person knocking was a complete stranger) passed through it.

Anxiety did rear its well-intending head when, a mere second from opening the door, he caught a side-wise look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was completely naked. The towel he fell asleep in yesterday having been lost during the night’s maneuvers. “Just a second!” he called out and set about looking for his clothes from yesterday in a panic. His eyes found something else before that, however. The bundle of clothes that Maurice said he had sent to his room, arrayed neatly on the table.

Quickly donning on the first pair of underwear and jeans his hand could find, he made his way back towards the door while squirreling in to a t-shirt. Once fully dressed, Sam opened the door and was greeted by the glorious sight of beautiful Sarah all dressed up and ready for a night out with the gals. “What are you smiling about?” asked the sublime looking woman when she saw his wonder struck face.

Sam cleared his throat, faking embarrassment. “I was just so struck by the sight before my eyes. It’s all too much for a young man to witness in the early morning hours.”

“What early?” Sarah rebuked him, forcing her way into his inner sanctum and towards the desk chair, while Sam closed the door behind her. Beauty she might be, but rude as all hell. “It’s already ten.”

“My dear lady, waking up at ten o’clock on a Saturday is tantamount to getting a head start on the day. Of course, were you to wake me up even in the wee hours of the morning, I’d still be delighted if it meant being able to witness you in all your glory on this holy day of rest.”

“Will you stop with it?” Sarah said while sitting down. “I get that you’re joking, but even I’m a little creeped out.”

“Sorry,” said Sam while scratching his head, this time in real embarrassment. “Just had this stupid joke come over me. Guess I let the intrusive thoughts win this time.”

Sarah laughed. “No harm done. How long are you going to be preparing for? Want me to go wait downstairs?”

“Nah. I’ll just brush, err, wash my teeth and my face. Feel free to lounge around, I’ll only be a few.” Sam then went into the bathroom to finish his morning routine. Said routine was very much cut down in time, considering he had no tools for dental hygiene, and his face didn’t require any topical treatments currently. Which reminded him, he’ll have to ask Sarah if he can still get acne. Finishing the one duty he neglected to mention to Sarah, Sam washed his hands and face, which helped him to wake up completely and stepped back into the room.

Sarah was looking through her phone when he came back in, but once back in view, she looked up at him with an evil smile. “Oh my. What an attractive young man we have here. He’s sure to make all the girls at the ball swoon.”

“Sarah Khan! Please, that is very inappropriate! Don’t you know that only men are allowed to objectify women? You are being very crude right now. And not only that, but you’ve stolen my joke! And that’s not the worst thing. Oh no. The worst thing is that you butchered it by turning me into the comedic subject. All good humor needs some degree of realism. Not much, even a little, will suffice. But the idea of me being attractive to another human being is so completely delusional that it leaves the joke tethered solely to absurdism.”

Sarah stared back at him with a blank face. “It’s like you have the opposite of a thin skin. I can’t make a joke at your expense because you’ll just come up with a worse one.”

“Not necessarily. Only if I’ve managed to come up with an idea on how to make a joke upon your joke. Also, you could make fun of one of the things that I’m sensitive about, that might leave me without a comeback.”

“Like what? Actually, never mind that. Are you ready to go?”

“Yes’m!”

They left the room and started heading downstairs. “So where to first?” Sam asked her.

“Breakfast.”

“Makes sense, what with still needing to eat in order to survive. Bit of a letdown in that department, if I’m being honest.” Sarah just smiled in response, asked him how he slept and what he thought about the room and all the other bits of small talk that are incredibly vital to a conversation between acquaintances but lack an intrinsically comedic tone.

They made their way to the mess hall/cafeteria in record time, thanks to Sam having worked his muscles enough the previous day to manage walking slightly above “rather slow.” And while they were in the middle of taking care of the falsely thought of as the most important meal of the day, Sarah dropped the figurative bomb. “So what kind of things are you sensitive about?” she asked him, probably trying to find his emotional weak points in the case they’ll ever end up as enemies and have to duel it out.

Sam stopped mid-bite in order to ponder on Sarah’s question. Then decided to finish the bite while continuing his pondering ways. After a while (and a sip of water) he managed to come up with an answer that won’t admit any truly embarrassing stuff but will still be truthful if subjected to a test. “I guess… it’s mostly stuff that I can control and change about myself, but I don’t like about myself. Although that’s not always true now that I think about it. Tsk, you know what? I don’t actually know. Want to make fun of me in various ways until we find out what makes me feel bad?”

“Not today, thank you. Maybe next week.” Sam nodded in understanding, although in his mind he was ridiculing her for her soft, womanly ways. Which made him laugh a little, which in turn made Sarah eye him suspiciously. After finishing their meal, Sam followed Sarah out of the food repository and into the warm, fake sunlight.

“Where to now?” he asked.

“There’s a large shopping center in the city, less than a ten minutes’ drive. I figured we can find everything you’d need there.”

“Oh shit.” Sam gulped. “We’re going to take a car?”

“Yeah…” Sarah replied absentmindedly, but then stopped in her place and looked at him with worry. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I completely forgot about that. Are you going to be OK? We can walk if you prefer.”

“No, no… I was just surprised you guys still drive cars and all. That’s all.” His half-hearted attempt at a laugh, not fooling anyone. “Just don’t ask me to drive, cause I don’t have my license with me.”

“I don’t have a driver’s license at all. Was just going to order us a cab. But are you sure you’re up for it? We can order online if you’d prefer it.”

Trying to divert the focus of the conversation away from him and his uneasiness, Sam waved her off. “Nah, it’s fine. Really. Don’t have to worry about me. Actually, it’s you I’m worried about; a taxi back and forth, a huge shopping trip. I didn’t know that they pay cadets this well.”

“Depends on the cadet, I suppose… But it doesn’t matter because we Taken get a lot of leeway when it comes to money. Basically, the government sorts of gives me a blank check when it comes to small purchases. So I’ll be paying for you until they set you up with your own bank account and blank check.”

“Oh wow, cool. So… how small are we talking about? Like, second-hand clothings? Or can we afford to buy me, and I’m just spit balling here, the best PC on the market?”

“I don’t know. Never really had to test it. Doesn’t matter. We’ll buy you whatever you want and, in the worst case, Maurice will pay for it. As long as it’s reasonable,” she added before Sam could even make a crack at that.

Still, Sam liked the sound of being able to buy everything he wanted within reason. And it’s not like he wanted anything unreasonable. Well, that might not be true. If computer parts continued in the same trajectory they’d been on a hundred years ago, a top of the line computer might truly be a luxury item in the same category as a sports car. Didn’t really matter though, it’s not like he’d have a lot of time for lazing around a desktop.

It would be nice to have one in order to unwind, though. You can’t be working all the time, right? There are studies on that and what not. Fuck, they probably came up with the optimal time allotment for every part of the day while I was gone. Something like eight hours of sleep, two hours of lazing about, an hour for bodily functions, and the rest for living up to your Aristotelian duties.

“Do you think I should get a PC?” He decided to lower his guard and confide in Sarah.

“If you want. I was going to buy you the same laptop I have anyway. But we can also buy you a computer that’s just for fun.”

“Wow, a whole computer that’s just for fun? Gee willikers that sounds amazeballs!” Sam said before he could stop himself. “Sorry about that. Actually, I was more thinking along the lines of whether I’ll even have free time for leisure and such?”

“Of course you will! What kind of question is that? They’re not going to enslave you for three and half years—”

“Two and a half, remember? That’s why I’m asking.”

“Right… of course. We’re still on that. Well, doesn’t matter what time-frame you end up working with. You’re still going to need some time off. Some time to unwind. Sure, it can be very helpful to tell yourself that you’re not training hard enough, that you can do better. But only as long as you remember that it’s just a trick, a way to get you to run another lap or do another set. What’s most important is keeping yourself mentally balanced and happy. If you break down because you pushed yourself too much, then you’re going to lose a lot more time in the long run.”

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Sam nodded along with her words, agreeing in principle, if not in practice. After all, who knew better than him how prone he was to letting himself off easy when push came to shove? And who knew better how hard was it going to be maintaining a balance between his tendencies and his new commitment to making sure that he won’t waste even one second of the day? He also knew that if he’ll buy himself a PC for pleasure, then later, he’ll find it much easier to spend time letting off steam when he should have been doing something productive instead. As in, not stretch his leisure time longer than he should’ve.

It doesn’t matter, I can’t go head first into the deep end of the pool. I want to play games in my spare time, so I should buy myself a computer to play said games. Or, Maurice will buy me one. But the point still holds! If I’ll push myself hard as I can from the get go, then I’ll just burn out like Sarah said. Better to take it slow and establish a clear and manageable daily schedule that I can easily follow rather than just forcing myself to spend every part of the day training. Fuck… Let’s just hope that I’m not dooming all of humanity in my laziness.

“Alright,” he said after making what will probably be the first of many concessions to his wretched personality, “so that’s yes on the PC front? The priciest one there is?”

“Whatever you want, we’ll get you,” she said while ruffling his hair.

“Thanks mom!” Sam yelled, matching Sarah’s energy.

By that time, they had already reached the one of the academy’s gates and after hailing a car that was waiting for them down the road, Sarah ushered him inside. Thankfully, she settled on the right and left the middle sit unoccupied; jokes about being one’s mother should only go so far.

In order to calm his himself, Sam took around the car’s interior but unlike with his previous vehicle inspection there was nothing to trigger his interest. The car looked just like a car should, inside and out. The only point of interest was the car being electric. That is, unless they made some really great improvements to the acoustics of gas engines.

Just like the engine, the drive passed in blessed silence. The driver opting not to engage with his clients. And Sarah choosing to only to look over worriedly at him every half a minute, apparently having decided that he preferred not to talk. She was bang on the money with that one. It would have been an impossible task to hide his nervousness if forced to partake in playful conversation. Sarah’s luck ran out as soon as they got to their destination, however. Once out of the confines of the car, Sam suddenly found his interest in conversation thoroughly reignited.

The first talking point that came to his mind was his discomfort with their current location. Just like cars, it appeared that shopping centers survived the apocalypse without much change. Loud, bustling, gaudy, and filled with advertisements; there was no place like the mall to remind Sam to thank god for the creation of online shopping. And this was just the entrance, the parking lot, the outskirts. The true danger laid deep within the labyrinthine nightmare that was consumerism made manifest.

“Clothes first?” Sarah asked him as though they were not on the precipice of falling victim to decadence and idolatry.

“Alright,” answered Sam, because they weren’t, and he couldn’t think of any joke just right now. The enemy was just too strong. Fortunately, Sarah, brave steadfast Sarah, glorious indomitable lady Khan, knew how to navigate through the dark lord’s (or lady’s. Sam was an equal opportunity fear-monger) domain. “You come here often?” Sam asked and then clenched his fist in self-anger at what he just uttered.

“Once or twice. Twice actually. This is my third time. One time with some friends from class, later when I wanted to buy some stuff for myself, and then there was the time when I had to… no, never mind,” she finished with hesitation.

“Oh, come on. You were going to make a joke at my expense, I just know it! I have a great deal of experience when it comes to the moments before people are going to laugh at me, owning to the many years I suffered minor bullying as a child. This won’t do, I won’t have it! You had something mean to say, and you’ll say it. I’ll stop here and throw a tantrum if you’re not going to be yourself because you’re worried about my fragile ego.”

“Actually, I’m not really someone who likes to make fun of her friends. I was just trying to act in the way with which you’ll be most comfortable.”

“Wait. Are you insinuating that I’ve been a bad influence on you? Are you saying that I, dare I say it, have been corrupting the yute?”

Sarah let out an annoyed grumble. “Alright, what I wanted to say before, is that the third time I came here I was babysitting a guy who’s older than me.”

Sam had a big smile on his face. “See, now that’s not so bad, is it? A good, harmless joke at the expense of your newly acquired friend, going by your words, not mine. I’d never assume I was someone’s friend without their explicit say so. And what’s more, it even corresponds nicely with the comment I made about throwing a tantrum. Talk about two great minds think alike, eh?”

Sarah just nodded her head in response. Although, unless Sam was completely incompetent (always a possibility when it came to his every endeavor) in reading facial cues, she did seem to feel better. Probably as a result of Sam’s behavior, confirming to her that he was himself feeling better. She’s a really nice person. I really fucking hope I’m not making her hate me or something. That’s the problem, isn’t it? How do you know when you’re acting funny annoying or when you’re just being annoying annoying?

In order to calm his worries, Sam opted to use one of the oldest tricks in the book when it came to making other people like you: asking them questions about themselves. “So friends, huh? Anyone I’d know? Anyone I should know? Are they going to accept me as a new component of your social clique?”

“No one you’d know, obviously. Probably, also no one you should know. It was just a couple of people that I’ve made friends with during the first trimester of the first year. We’ve drifted apart since then.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

Sarah laughed. “Don’t look at me like I’m some kind of social pariah. I’m doing just fine in the social department, thank you very much. Besides, now that I got you around, and all the responsibilities that go with it, I very much doubt my ability, or need, to maintain a wide circle of friends.”

“What are you saying?”

“Well, time wise, I’m going to be spending a lot of time with you. And that’s time that I can’t spend with other people. Not that I’ll want to mind you. I already told you, having someone like you around as a friend was a very common wish of mine in the last eight years.”

“Oof,” uttered Sam from between his teeth, having just had a spark of enlightenment go through his mind. “I’m just… I hope you don’t think that you and I can really be friends. Now, don’t misunderstand me, it’s nothing against you, I just don’t believe that man and women can be friends with each other. And it’s nothing to do with the possibility of romantic attraction bullshit, either. It’s just that men are inherently superior to women… and so you can’t really have a genuine friendship because that requires an equality of status between all parts. And you and I just can’t have it, what with me being better than you on account of my gender.”

“Ooh, do go on,” Sarah said with a smirk.

“Gladly. You know how females have two of the same chromosomes while males have one X and one Y?”

“I’m familiar with the concept.”

“Good. But do you also know that chromosomes, like all monads of the same kind, are equal in value to one another, so that one X is equal to other X and they’re each equal to one Y? It’s true, look it up. But only after I’ve had a chance to review the source, make sure it’s reputable. Anyway, our conclusion as to man’s superiority to woman’s, stems from the fact that although all things in equal amounts and of the same category are equal in value, said value per thing depreciates with each added item of the same kind. Thus, we are left with the knowledge that a pair of the same chromosome, are lesser in value than a pair of differing chromosomes. XY better than XX, and so man, better than woman. That’s simple math. Which men invented by the way.”

“Interesting… But how would you explain the fact that every fetus starts as a female and only later becomes male if the chromosomes align?”

“I’m glad you asked that. And I’m even more glad that you know that because it lets me prolong my joke. Listen here then, it’s a very simple answer: The female form is the base form of the human being, as you’ve correctly stated. But, the realm we’re talking about is one where the platonic ideal is inverted. It is not the basic form which is greater than the form that extends from it, but quite the opposite. The new, built upon form triumphs over the generic module. Meaning that it is the male form which stands over its female predecessor. In other words, just like a shonen protagonist, the human body is able to power up into a stronger version of itself. That is the male. The male body is necessitated by the female’s past existence, true, but just like how a Super Saiyan builds upon the regular monkey Saiyan, the male body is the objectively better state to be in.”

“Wow!” exclaimed Sarah, awed by Sam’s display of both knowledge of nature and creativity as displayed by his using of such a simple metaphor that even a woman would be able to understand it. “So according to you, is there even any hope for me in my current state? Could I circumvent my inferiority by transitioning into a man?”

“Yes, you could! For while it is the objective difference in biology between man and woman that makes a man better in the natural state. We are no longer living in the natural state, having transitioned eons ago into a post social contract environment. In such an environment, it is only the spillage of man’s intrinsic superiority to woman’s that paints for us a society in which men are socially constructed to be better than women. In this modern man’s world, the objective difference between male and female is no longer descriptive, but constructive. So it is the gender which determines one’s position in the social hierarchy, and not the sex.”

“But isn’t it possible for us to create a society in which men and women are truly equal?”

“No, I’m afraid not. And while Hume may indeed criticize me for such a position, I must consider the practical state of the world. Perhaps, ideally, in a perfect world, society will truly be such in which men and women can stand equal to one another. But, we are not living in the ideal perfect world, but in the cold, gray (fantasy) reality. And, such is reality that since the male human being is greater than the female human being, and since we humans are a pattern recognizing animals, we will always know that man stands above woman. And thus we will always be unable to build ourselves a society in which men and women stand side by side.”

“I see…” said Sarah in a low tone, deep in contemplation. Sam knew what she was going through. The day in which you discover yourself to be inferior to the other members of society is a hard one. Sam still remembered when it happened to him. He had just leaned to think and recognize his own existence, and that’s when it dawned on him. Yep, he had said in his mind (not in those words exactly, seeing as he had yet to learn to speak), I’m no good. Sucks I was born as myself, wish I was someone else, anyone else (he had not yet been aware of the difference between the sexes or socio-economic positions to know that such a wish was way too stupid).

Seeing Sarah still keeping silent, Sam started getting a little uncomfortable. “Would you please, say something in disagreement so I can get off of this stupid argument I’ve forced myself onto?”

“Why would I?” Sarah wondered in innocence. “I’ve found everything you’ve just told me utterly convincing. In fact, I was just in the middle of lamenting the days in which I’ve spent trapped in this inferior form of a human being.”

“Oh, come on! Now you’re just being cruel! What if some little kid has been eavesdropping on our conversation this entire time? Do you want little Timmy or Timmona to walk away thinking in such a way?”

“In the correct way, you mean?”

“Argh, you’re killing me here! No! Don’t walk away Timmy, don’t go! I was just joking! No… it’s too late. He’s already become an incel. Look what you’ve done, woman!” He stared accusingly at Sarah.

“We’re here.” She smiled and pointed behind him. They were indeed here, seeing as before him were arrayed all sorts of different shops, each one offering all sorts of different clothes. Dammit, he thought while shaking his head. He’ll have to criticize Sarah for going along with his sexist joke too much another time. He just had to hope poor Timmy would see the fault in his new ways. Or that access to firearms was well regulated.