Sam didn’t think that they’d really be able to finish a whole round of intensive testing in a single day, much less in a single morning. But his assumptions were based on his previous, normal experiences with a normal hospital. He didn’t count on having priority access in a top of the line hospital. Nor that someone beforehand had already organized for you an incredibly tight schedule. And both of these things, to quote the commonly misunderstood poet, have made all the difference.
He was currently seated opposite of Maurice in the hospital’s cafeteria, listening to the doctor’s narration of the results of the day’s test. “All in all, from what we can see, you are in perfect health.” The doctor nodded to himself in a happy affirmation that some things about the Taken haven’t changed.
Not that Sam needed this clean bill of health in order to appease his mind. All the tests that he underwent today, from the first tube of blood drawn, and down to the last MRI deciphered, they all served to prove what Sam already knew. There was nothing wrong with him. Even without the verbatim confirmation of his guest from yesterday, Sam had no doubt as to his physical wellbeing. After all, if you laid all of your hope on a single ace in the hole, you’re going to make damn sure that it’s be in the best condition possible. The whole bit with the core missing and being in the void were probably just side effect that wouldn’t matter any in the long run. So it didn’t matter all that much that the AI ran off before Sam could confirm it with them. Hopefully.
One could, then, say that the last couple of hours have been a complete waste of time. But Sam would never be that someone. Not only because he wanted to avoid hurting Maurice’s feelings, but mostly because he would never dare fully adopt such a point of view on the question of being medically through. As Sam saw it, when it came to a man’s health, anal was the name of the game. And the fact the Sam was a great believer in mild hypochondria had nothing to do with that. Also, it’s not like he could tell Maurice that he believed himself to be completely fine because the voice in his head told him he’s got the fate of the world(s) on his shoulders.
“So what now?” he asked Maurice after finishing his doctor’s prescribed leafy greens. The hospital’s lunch was just as good as its dinner, and Sam ate heartily, making up for his missed breakfast and egged on by his new body’s increased metabolism.
“That’s a good question.” Maurice put down the clipboard on the table. “Right now? We are waiting for Ms. Khan. She and I agreed that she should show you around the academy if you are still set on attending it.”
“I am.”
“Indeed… Then, in the broad sense, the future is more or less set for you. You’ll join the academy and it will cater to all your needs for one and fill the rest of your time with education for another.”
“So I’m going to be accepted? That’s a done deal?”
“Of course. No nation can afford to turn away someone with your unique talents.”
“Great…”
“Are you having second thoughts about joining?”
“Not about joining no, just whether I deserve to be admitted prima facie due to what basically amounts to brute luck. You sound as though you’d like me to have second thoughts, however.”
“I am. In my opinion, you are rushing to a decision much too quickly. You should take your time in order to make an informed one. Nothing will be lost if you wait half a year for this current school one to end before joining.”
“Except that half a year.”
“True. But where are you rushing off to? The front lines? Most likely you would have to repeat the first year anyway. And even if you don’t, if you’ve managed to acquire enough knowledge to match up to your peers, you would still be behind them level-wise.”
“Then I’ll just have to work even harder on catching up. Honestly, I don’t get why you’re making a big deal out of this. It’s not like I have any better use of my time, right? So I might as well spend my acclimation period in this very structured and informative environment instead of just lazing in a hotel room somewhere, living off the government’s stipend. Worst-case scenario, I find out that academy life isn’t for me, and I quit. Two-year grace period, right?”
“There’s a difference between being able to quit whenever you want and being able to make that decision. My worry is that once you’ve set yourself on this road, even if you’ll eventually discover that it’s not to your liking, you wouldn’t be able to step off of it. Whether it’d be due to being razor focused on the military as your only path in this life. Or, and I’ve seen this many times before, not wanting to disappoint other people and the institutions that you’ve already committed yourself to.”
“Wow. Sound like you have almost as low esteem of me as I have.”
“Not at all. Quite contrary, in fact. I’m sure that you could succeed in anything that you wanted to do in this life. I just want you to wait until you know better what it is that you want to do.”
While the doctor’s regards for Sam’s freedom of will and ability to make an informed choice touched him, Sam couldn’t help but still get annoyed by it. He had already made a choice. Dicking about, trying to re-examine it, won’t get him anywhere. Still, Maurice was not trying to be annoying, rather he was just worried about Sam’s well being. And since he didn’t know that Sam’s wellbeing was only served by going in this particular direction, he had to be rejected gently. Not with the venom that Sam wanted to spew at a certain voice in his head for putting him in this situation in the first place.
“I can understand where you’re coming from,” Sam said, “but I’ve already made my choice. Besides, in the case that I’ll regret it later, I can always quit as you said. I assure you, neither peer nor material pressure can force me to stay once I’ve made my decision to quit. If ever there was a competition for the ability to drop out of commitments that turn out to be harder than anticipated, I’d be front runner for sure.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“Case in point: When I was around fourteen or fifteen years of age, I found myself enamored with the idea of learning Latin. ‘Oh, but could there be a greater pleasure than reading Ceaser or Aurelius in their native tongue?’ I’d cry out in adoration. Side note: I’m pretty sure I had no interest in actually reading a literary work in its original form. I just wanted to know the language. It’s similar to how young teens want to get a tattoo or a piercing in order to look cool, only geared towards a more history-nerd kind of crowd.
“Anyway, my fascination with the idea of acquiring the ability to curse most people in the world without repercussions drove me to seek my parents’ aid in the matter. Mama and Papa were most welcoming after hearing of their progeny’s new found ambition. And in their parental naiveté, they took my assurances of how much it meant to me at face value. Which lead to them signing me up at great cost (probably not that much though) to a university course whose stated goal was to grant its participants the vaunted knowledge I required. ‘My true heart’s desire,’ it promised, and just for the simple price of every weekday of my summer break
“But alas, when it comes to crashing a young boy’s dreams, tragedy is even more punctual than a wizard. For even in the first hour of the first day of our lessons, I was met with challenges insurmountable. First came the realization of what it meant to dedicate almost every day of my vacation to a goal antithetical to how I spent every vacation up until then. For continuing in my pursuit of knowledge meant waking up early every day and returning home when the sun was still up only because it was summer. Thus, the first chink in my armor of determination appeared. Just like the smart kid with no work ethic when he reaches highschool; studying proved to be harder than ever before and there were no ingrained habits to be found to help the pupil stand their ground.
“If only this were the sole hardship young Sam experienced on that day, then he might have found in him the ability to soldier on after the lunch break. Maybe even to the second day of the two months’ course. But many are the ways in which the real world bars the path before the serially anxious, each one more insidious than the last. For two more obstacles rose to challenge my will, and I have yet to even eat.
“Lesser of the challenges was the social makeup of my fellow linguists. For it turned out that I was not alone in my aspirations to be cool by learning Latin. Many were the butts that graced that classroom’s chairs, and each one was much older than mine. There were all adult, grownup and graying to my teenaged eyes. I was struck by paralysis; the thought of interacting with such a large group of people, each one so foreign to me in years, turned my social anxiety meter all the way to eleven.
“But there was one person who was even older than all other participants. You might call her a grandma in vernacular, but I posses no knowledge as to her familial structure on that day. She arrived late, and bereft of the choice for accessible sits, she was forced to sit herself at the back of the class. Right next to me, as it were, who had chosen the far row in an attempt to cater to his already struggling state of mind.
“The straw that broke the camel’s back came after the initial introduction by the professor. I was already on the precipice of a mental withdrawal, and it didn’t help that the teacher spent a considerable amount of time stressing the difficulty of the course. We were all gathered and guided to the faculty’s administration in order to receive our copy of the course’s workbook. I was even mentioned by name when receiving my book, for I was a rare sight in those ivory halls. Also, quite possibly, because I might have had to be given a special permission before I was accepted into the program.
“However, tragedy struck! There were not enough textbooks for every hopeful student, some would have to share. Or more accurately, two would have to share, for there was only one book missing. And who else was chosen to share the wealth but yours truly? And you’ve might have already guessed with whom I was to share paper if not pen. For there was no other reason to introduce her if she did not play a bigger role besides being old and sitting in the same row as me. Indeed! I was forced together, bound as one to the same piece of binding, with the old lady I’ve bemoaned about already.
“There was only so much a young boy, who never knew a day of unwilling hunger in his life, could stomach before breaking. And break I did. Once lunch arrived and break announced, I took all I brought with me, stuffed it in my backpack, and, leaving the shared workbook behind, figuratively ran to find shelter.
“It was on a sun bleached low stretch of wall where I found my fortress of solitude. Partitioning the freshly cut grass from the stone-pebbled pavement that surrounded a parking lot, it stood. And as I sat upon it; empty water bottle in my hand, I turned my mind to the question of where my future lay.
“To cut things short, after two phone calls, one to each of my parents, and one massage exchange—moving forward my therapist appointment to later than afternoon—I was pretty much cut off from the chance to become the pope on account of me dropping out of the course. So let this be a lesson for you. If I truly want to, nothing, not even my childhood dreams or my parents’ material investment, can stop me from being a little bitch. So there is no need for you to be worried that I won’t dare to change my mind if I find the path I’ve set upon too difficult. When push comes to shove, and I can’t stand it anymore, I’ll always run away.”
“I see…” Maurice said after a while, probably making sure that Sam didn’t have anything more to add. “Then I can only hope that you’ll be able to walk your chosen path to its end. Whether it’s quitting if you’ve discovered the academy is not to your liking. Or staying with it, if it is to your liking, but you still struggle with it mentally. In any case, you should probably not hold on so tightly to that past event as a core part of who you are. In the end, it will just make you doubt yourself even more.”
“Eh.” Sam shrugged. “It was a long time ago. I was a lot more whiny and weak willed then, if you’d believe it. Plus, I was mostly joking, just trying to placate your worries for me. My main point was that I’ll try my best, but if my best won’t be good enough and I’ll find myself truly out of my comfort zone, I’ll do a U-turn.” Although in this case, I don’t think I’m allowed to back down, so I’ll either breakthrough or breakdown.
“Fine. Then I have no more concerns about your decision that I haven’t already voiced. And just in time.” He gestured behind Sam, where Sam could now see the brightly smiling Sarah walking towards them. Giving a small wave once she caught Sam’s eye. “I leave you in Ms. Khan’s care, then, Sam. I’ll call her once it’s time for your examination. Until then.” Picking up his half finished tray, he bid them both farewell.
Sarah sat down in the now vacant sit. “He tried to convince you not to join the academy?”
“Something like that. Said that I should take some more time before coming to a decision.”
She blew a raspberry. “He’s just a worrywart. Whatever you choose to do with your life, there’s no better place to come to a decision than right here. Anyway, you ready to go? If you’re going to join, then I better show you around.”
“Yeah, that’s what Maurice said as well. I’m ready, I guess. Shouldn’t you eat something, though?”
“Nope. I already ate a lot at breakfast. I can skip lunch. Let’s go!”