Rushing outside, Melly froze as she looked up. Blood red smoke plagued the sky with a thick stench of death while panicked screams echoed from all over the village.

"Well, would you look at that!" Clemiticus said.

Why is he so happy? People are in danger!

Melly turned and to her amazement saw that Clemiticus was swathed in a strange golden light and a jubilant smile plastered across his face.

"Look," he said, gesturing to a floating yellow square above him. Headlined in cursive black text was 'New Quest.'

"Well done, Master!" The blue fairy spun above the man and cheered.

Clemiticus read it aloud.

"New Quest. Requires a party. The Zealot mages of the Church of Ashenstone have come to attack the town of Lobee Village. They use magical staves to bend the minds of their victims. Your quest is to vanquish five mages and to save the town. Do you accept?"

Melly flinched. "Yes. Yes, we do! We must save them."

Derrick nodded. He didn't look up at the quest box. Rather, he surveyed the town with an expression only a murderous dwarf could make. Melly knew that look all too well. Derrick's emotions were painted on his face. This was his town, his people.

“How dare they!” Derrick snarled.

"The quest rewards are..."

"I don't care about rewards!" Melly interrupted, "We need to save these people!"

Derrick grunted.

"Are you sure? You sounded really interested in rewards just before."

She clenched her jaw. "I, I’m sure."

"Ok! Accepted." Clemiticus nodded as he prodded the floating text with a finger.

Bing!

"Clemiticuses' party has started the Quest: Battle of Lobee Village!"

"Well done, Master!"

A high-pitched chime sounded above them.

Clemiticus smirked and plunged his hand into his pocket. Out came the old trusty sword, which he brandished about like a baseball bat. "Okay, I think I know the way. Follow me!"

"Hey, wait a minute! Shouldn’t I be the one in the lead? I know this town like the back of my hand, and you just got here," Melly said.

"Well, in normal circumstances, yeah. However, I know the best way. Trust me!" Clemiticus said with a suspiciously evil smirk. "I've got a quest helper." He pointed at his floating blue companion who shot back invisible finger gun bullets in excitement.

Melly glanced over at her diminutive father, who merely shrugged. She sighed and turned back to Clemiticus. She didn't know why but this crazy man seemed to know what he was doing. It infuriated her to acknowledge it, but she knew it was true.

What an ass, she thought.

"Fine, you lead the way.”

"Very well! Onwards!" Clemiticus swivelled around and ran off in the wrong direction. Melly fought back the urge to yell at him and followed.

They sprinted down the streets, dodging around empty karts and signs along the way. Melly was surprised to see that, despite his tiny legs, Derrick easily kept up with them. The flannelette kilt he wore rippled behind as he vaulted up and over a stack of boxes.

Clemiticus pointed with his blade. "There!"

Ahead lay a grassy clearing between three houses. In its middle knelt a figure shrouded in brown robes. He was facing away from them, far too engrossed by something to notice their approach.

As they got closer, they could see he was playing with what appeared to be a large wooden object on the ground in front of him. The object looked like a human-shaped shrine or totem covered in old tattered and torn leather straps. Atop the shrine sat three human skulls facing in different directions, with tendrils of red smoke pouring out of their eye sockets.

"Hey! You there!" Clemiticus yelled as he strode towards the man, ruining any chance of a surprise attack.

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The figure turned towards him, and Melly felt a jab of fear hit her in the pit of her stomach. With a toothless grin, the grotesque, balding man retrieved a large two-foot-long stick from his robes. The man emanated dark magic that felt cold and deadly. Melly shivered.

“Come at me bro,” Clemiticus jeered.

The Zealot Mage laughed. "What a stupid thing to say," he said, pointed the staff at Clemiticus, and a red light shimmered in his sunken eyes. "You are no match for the magical might of my mana!"

Clemiticus glanced above the domineering figure and scoffed at the Zealot’s threat. "Dude shut it! You're only level one."

Clemiticus sauntered forwards with his outstretched blade. The Zealot snarled and started chanting a long string of syllables. A red light rolled over the Zealot's staff as he prepared a spell.

“Be careful boy,” Derrick said.

“Yeah, good idea, mate. Fairy?”

“Yes, master?”

“What’s that guy casting? It looks like it’s sure taking a while.”

“The Zealot mage is casting fear ward,” responded the fairy.

“Oof, that’s sucks. The poor evil mage guy’s scared,” Clemiticus said then let out a bark of laughter as he approached the mage. The Zealot sneered when he approached and lunged. Clemiticus' luck stat kicked in, as he parried the attack with a lazy backhand motion.

Surprised by the fluke, the Zealot sneered. “You will never defeat me!”

“Careful lad!”

“I’ll be fine.” Clemiticus grinned with excitement and did a silly three sixty twirl in front of the zealot. “I got this!”

“What on Fanswald… Is he doing?” asked Melly.

Derrick could only shrug. “He said he’s got this…”

When the strange adventurer twirled his blade around in an exaggerated arc, spinning like a madman, he, quite by accident, lopped off the mage's head with an audible thwack!

The head rolled as the smile vanished from the Zealot's face.

"Man, I am so sick of the lazy role-playing dialogue for random NPCs in games!" Clemiticus kicked the large shrine over and motioned for the others to approach.

Melly and Derrick moved tentatively as Clemiticus bent down and rummaged through the dead zealot's pockets.

"I’m stunned!" Melly spluttered. "How? You keep..."

"Oh, amazed, are you?" smirked Clemiticus, one eyebrow lifting upwards.

"Yes, I am. I am absolutely amazed how you could turn something as serious as a fight to the death against a magician into something so cringy. Heck, you just killed a man!"

Clemiticus shrugged. “Yeah, yeah. Been there and done that! So many bad guys ramble on about the same boring shit. You can't match my power! Prepare to die! I have infinite power! Yadda, yadda. It's total crap! Most times, you spam one button, have a sip of coffee, and they scream. Oh, now how did you defeat me? Blaa blaa blaa. It’s annoying, you know?"

"No. I don't," Melly said flatly.

Clemiticus turned his full focus on the corpse. "There’s nothing in his pockets."

Derrick bent down and tore the wand from the zealot's grip. "What about this?"

Clemiticus looked over at the object. "Focus on the item and ask the fairy to Identify. It may work for you now. I mean, since you're now a party member."

"What will?" Melly said, confused.

Derrick ignored his daughter and said, "identify."

The fairy spun above in a long arc and flew before Derrick and his new prize. It flashed its hands with magical blue light and focused hard on the object. A large blue box appeared in front of Derrick with the item's information.

"There you go, Mr Dwarf!" the Fairy said.

"Wand of subjugation. Can only be used by a Zealot of the Church of the Ashenstone," Derrick read. "Wait a minute. Hang on." he flinched. "Since when can I read?"

Melly stared at her father. "I, I don't know." she stumbled in amazement. It was true. Unlike her, Melly's father had never learned how to read. In fact, that was the reason they had experienced financial troubles in the past.

Clemiticus shrugged, not grasping the significance of the entire ordeal. "Passive skills for becoming a character, I guess. Pretty cool. Keep reading."

Derrick nodded nervously and continued. "Can only be used by a Zealot of the Church of the Ashenstone. Can be salvaged into magic materials by crafting based classes."

"Ah," Clemiticus laughed. "That's you, Mr Lumberjack."

"I'm a Tinkerer, and if you don't mind… it's Master Dwarf now."

"Fine, fine." He held up his arms in defeat. "I promise I will stop calling you Lumberjack when you stop wearing flannelette."

Derrick looked down at his clothes. "Hmm. Yes, I see what you mean."

"I know!" Clemiticus chuckled. He leaned towards the Zealot and tapped the dead torso with the flat of his blade. A muffled ringing sound reverberated, and the two onlookers leaned in closer. Clemiticus shuffled around the corpse, then questioningly said, "Loot Armour?"

The Fairy bounded towards the body and did its thing. The corpse glowed white for a split second, then the body reappeared. A headless, bony naked body lay motionless in the Zealot's place.

Melly turned on the looter.

"Clemiticus! What the heck are you doing?"

In one hand, he had a folded brown robe and in the other a series of armoured straps and a steel chest piece.

"The Zealot had worn nearly a full set of light plate armour underneath his robe," he explained.

Melly's jaw dropped. Clemiticus discarded the robe, letting it fall on the ground and tossed the plated armour over to Derrick. With surprising speed, the dwarf snatched it up, grinning.

"No way. That’s way too big for you dad!"

Derrick clamped the steel armour over his wrist. The plating began to change, moulding itself to his tiny size until it fitted him perfectly. It was as if the armour was always meant to be worn by a three-foot dwarf. Melly starred in fascination as the little man strapped the entire protective suit around his tiny body with perfect precision.

Derrick admired his new outfit. He was now protected by a solid, yet tight-fitting plate array. Every ligament was now covered by a light coat of metal. His boots gave him a slight boost in height, and the set came with a red lining that matched his hair and beard. Even the skirting was layered perfectly to cover his legs. He looked comically like a true dwarf. Red, small and Fierce.

Clemiticus smiled. "Man, that actually looks fucking cool!"

Derrick beamed and gave his audience a flex.

"I'm living in a crazy world," Melly muttered to herself.

"Well, anyway. That makes it one out of five." Clemiticus made an exaggerated move to place the wand in his pocket. "Let's gather all of this up and make 'em into crafting materials, aye? Master Tinkerer?"

Melly stamped her foot. "I know you guys are having this fun moment, thing. But haven't you guys forgotten that the town is on fire?"

"Ah… Whoops!" Clemiticus chuckled.