Thea couldn’t decide on what she thought of the King. Apparently, it was he who named the city. When Thea pressed him for an explanation, he defended the name saying it sounded awesome.

To her Skull City sounded like an endgame dungeon location.

Thea ignored such idle thoughts and glanced over towards the King who was surveying the stage. He was handsome. In a classical movie meets teacher kind of way. Last night, she had summoned a collection of wooden weapons in his armoury. This astounded the King and made him overtly curious.

He bombarded her with dozens of questions. The king found Thea fascinating. Fortunately, she stopped herself from blurting about her past stint as a pirate king. Remembering that piracy was regrettably outlawed in this nation.

“You excited Thea?” he asked, evidently excited himself. The people of the city were moving inside the tavern and looking for a position in the audience.

She nodded. Clemiticuses' last song was quite catchy, even if he ripped it off. And if she knew Clemiticus she knew he would repeat the formula.

“Oh, Melly has arrived.” Thea said, pointing downstairs.

The denizens of Skull Tower had used their magic during the day to make some quick modifications to the already enormous venue. Now the Golden Tavern was four times as grand with a maximum capacity of four hundred.

“I don’t think she can see us up here.” The King said. “Do you want to go down to your friends and bring them up here?”

Thea looked unsure.

“It’s the least I could do for the Heroes who saved our city!”

“We haven’t really done anything,” she retorted. “We have just manufactured some weed killers.”

The King sighed.

“I think you misjudge the severity of those weeds. Now go. Get your friends and bring them up here into the royal suite I will be waiting.”

Thea smiled politely and nodded in respect.

“Yes, sire. I mean Ed,” she said and climbed down the steps to find the rest of the party.

Thea caught the sight of Melly disappearing behind the curtain so she leapt up onto the stage and followed.

“Ok fifty silver pieces each now, and fifty more after I win.”

Thea overheard an oddly shrill voice. She nudged past a group of rough looking people and almost ran into a large blue parrot.

“Um, excuse me,” she said politely.

A rough-looking man gave her a toothless grin then turned away. She noticed the voice came from a peculiar blue clothes individual among the shady group.

“Uncle! Uncle!” a new yet familiar voice rang out. It sounded just as whiny as the last time she heard it. “The King is here! He has come to see you perform!” said Junior.

Thea chuckled to herself knowing full well that the King was in fact a budding Clemiticus fan. She then decided that whatever scheming was happening here was pathetic enough to ignore. Slinking away unnoticed, she searched for where Melly went.

“You’re going on second.” Thea heard Melly say.

The party members had all collected in a small room behind the stage, away from prying eyes.

“Are you ready?” Derrick asked.

“Yup,” said Clemiticus.

“Nervous?”

“Nope!”

“Stupid?” Thea asked, entering the room with a cheeky grin.

“Yup!” Melly answered for him.

“Quickly! The Kings saved us a seat in the Royal Suite!” Thea said.

“Nice one girl!” Derrick replied.

Clemiticus gave her a commending nod. “Well, you guys better get going. It’s starting soon!”

When the party went back through the curtain, most of the tavern had already filled. The room was at maximum capacity and then some.

Thea spotted the King waving from above.

“Quickly this way!” Thea said, directing them towards the stairs.

Just as they reach the king's box, the lights of the tavern faded. A man walked out onto the stage wearing a black suit. A spotlight flashed from the magic of a mage and the crowd went silent.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

Hubert, the tavern's owner, held out his arms. He was smiling, looking just as excited as the rest of them.

“Welcome, Good people of Skull City!” he shouted.

The audience cheered in response, thumping the floor with their feet and banging on tables.

“Tonight, we have a special event for you! The battle of the bards!”

Melly nudged Thea and pointed downstairs, shouting over the applause, “Look the guys from the hunters' lodge came as well!”

“I also personally welcome our amazing ruler, the King of Skull City!”

The crowd cheered even louder as a few whistles rang out. The people truly loved their King. Ed approached the edge of the suite and waved at the people. He then gestured for Hubert to begin.

Hubert bowed low and moved to the side. “I present the first battler! Ulberto!”

The crowd hushed as the stage glowed with a single light.

A scrawny leg poked through the curtain with a pointed toe. It landed with a thud as the bulbous form of a man in a flashy blue skin-tight onesie pranced into view. His face proud and smug as he tiptoed to the front of the stage.

“Yeah!” shouted a voice from below. “Impressive entrance!”

Thea looked around confused. Why aren’t they throwing shoes at the man?

“He so brilliant!” said another.

“Look how handsome he is!” said a deep, croaky voice.

Thea turned to Melly and said, “Those must be the guys he bribed.”

“What?” Melly asked, appalled.

Ulberto cleared his throat.

“This is a poem about a genius beyond compare!” he said.

The crowd stared silently, waiting.

You! Who stand so gorgeous and debonair!

There was never one who could compare.

Though thy wit is as sharp and acute.

Your looks so blue, renders women mute!

The poet paused, then made a peculiar pose that gave him the visage of a desperate blue swan. Shrieking as loudly as he could Ulberto grasped at the air above him. Acting as if he could not catch invisible floating objects he desired.

Oh, why can’t you try hard to see,

that the one who is smart and handsome is me?

He be free! We see three! She agree tea!

A large parrot flew into view, landing on the poet’s shoulder and flapped its wings.

Look at my parrot. He is blue.

The poet, looking smug at his perfect performance bowed low and skipped off the stage, very pleased with himself.

Melly looked towards Thea with a look of pure horror and asked, “Seriously, what the fuck was that?”

The crowd didn’t respond. Thea suspected they all had the exact same reaction Melly just had. Even the ones who were bribed were so shocked they completely forgot their job.

“Um, okay.” Hubert said, moving to the centre stage rubbing the back of his neck. “And - now for what you’ve been waiting for.”

The audience began to murmur as their excitement rose.

Thea looked over towards the King who until this point had been ignoring the stage. He sat up in his seat, looking as eager as a schoolboy.

Her attention was drawn away by a strange movement behind the King.

As the curtain opened, Thea turned to the performer.

Clemiticus' voice range out as he announced, “Prepare your for self the grandest ballad in all of Fanswald - Homage.”

The bard struck his guitar with the first chord, then a repeating riff. He continued speaking over the music.

Once upon a time, me and Melly, we were adventuring along a dark and lonely trail.

“Wait what?” Melly asked confused. The musical riff continued to repeat.

Then randomly, there appeared a three eyed ogre, off the side of the trail - and he said!

Sing the best Ballad in Fanswald, or I'll devour your toes!

Toes…

“That’s not what happened!” Melly protested.

“Shhh!” Derrick replied.

Well, me and Melly, we glanced at one another, and we both said – Meh!

Chords danced as the song picked up, sending the crowd into a lyrical toe-tapping trance.

And we sang a tune that came to our minds,

that just turned out to be

The best tune in Fanswald,

It was the best tune in Fanswald.

Clemiticus belted the guitar as the notes echoed throughout the tavern.

Listen to the song and you can sing along

When another sings with us, you will know they belong,

it’s not for free…

The crowd thumped along and clapped in time as the bard belted the ballad. Thea found that even the King had been swept up by the music, enthralled by the words. It seemed as if the music was itself magic. A yellow glow emanated from the audiences’ feet as the song played.

As you could imagine, the brute was shocked.

Bing-Snap went his HP points, and then he had none.

He asked us, have you fairies? We said yes, and we’re level ten!

Rock!

She was about to turn back to the stage as the movement she spotted before grabbed her attention. Thea gasped as a horde of plant monsters were rushing towards the Golden Tavern.

“King!” Thea called out, pointing towards outside. “Ed! Weeds!”

He turned irritated from the bard and glared at the plant monsters. “What bad bloody timing!”

“I don’t know about that?” Melly replied as she moved between the two. “Can’t you see what’s happening?”

Thea looked over at her and realised what she meant.

“Everyone is glowing!” Melly shouted.

This ain’t quite the bestest ballad in Fanswald, nah.

This is like an homage!

Couldn't recall the bestest ballad in Fanswald, ah - nope!

This is an homage!

“Clemiticus' song is buffing the entire damn tavern!” Thea shouted.

“And we have the weapon smithy right here!” the King added.

To the bestest ballad in Fanswald,

Oh yeah!

It was the bestest ballad in Fanswald,

Oh yeah!

This is the bestest Melly tripping ballad, the bestest ballad in Fanswald oh!

The music’s volume lowered as Clemiticus spoke in the front row. “The most curious matter is this my dudes, the ballad we sang on that random day, didn't really sound anything like this ballad!”

This is like an homage!

You gotta trust in me,

And If only you were there,

It's probably too much info.

Oooh yeah!

The doors to the tavern burst open as a horde of plant monsters flooded inside. The audience screamed in panic as the party upstairs got to action. Thea bolted to the edge of the Royal Suite and shouted.

“Deploy weapon cache! Weed whacking armada!”

Hundreds of swords fell to the floor before the oncoming horde stopping the plants in their tracks. The King ran forwards and yelled to his people.

“These monsters must be slain! Only these magical weapons can kill the plants! My good people-attack!”

The crowd, emboldened by their king and buffed by the bard sprinted towards the wooden swords and charged. Each split second sent a flower to the grave.

The window by the King shattered open as a plant monster ploughed through the top floor.

Thea summoned a small collection of blades for party and swiftly hacked the intruder into compost.

Looking outside, they understood the severity of the invasion.

The city had been overrun!