There was no argument. Melly had no house, no money and one hell of an affliction. The only option was to find this Fredreek Von Lousy and to get the cure before it was too late. The quest had a whiff of blackmail but what choice did they have?

Melly stood next to her father as she watched Clemiticus rifle through the robes of the dead Zealots.

"So, what do we do then?" asked Derrick. Her father looked annoyed.

He had just received a brand-new set of armour, an amazing weapon and the opportunity to test them out, only to be denied by his daughter by one throw of a potato. Then the same daughter broke open a cursed object that forced the three of them into a new quest that would whisk them away from everything they had ever known and onto a perilous journey.

Before anyone could suggest any intelligent course of action, a slight figure manoeuvred its way through the crowd of bewildered villagers. The freed townsfolk had surrounded the three in order to thank them. Melly recognised the skinny figure as the baker's daughter. Now fully sober, she approached the crouching pick pocketer.

"What are you doing, Clem?" the timid girl asked.

Clem?

He looked up from his prize and smiled brightly at the girl. "Looking for some loot. Since we completed our heroic deed."

She nodded quickly. "If it's loot you want. Why not take their ride?" she said, pointing at the corpses. "They brought a carriage and some horses. My father said they left them outside town, over there to the west."

Clemiticus looked towards the outskirts of town, then back at the girl. He gave her an all too knowing mischievous smile. "Thanks, cutie!"

She returned a broad grin as her face turned bright red. Then she ran off to stand beside her father. Bill, the baker, was eyeing Clemiticus with a look that could scare off a dragon.

"Well, shall we investigate?" Clemiticus asked.

Melly rolled her eyes and said with a sigh, "sure."

Without delay, the three of them started off towards the western side of town, followed closely by their new fans.

"Man, those Zealots had nothing good on them!" Clemiticus complained.

Melly ignored him and walked along deep in thought.

What did my mother have to do with the Zealots?

She kicked up a dust cloud in her wake as the crowd veered west toward the outskirts of town.

"I can't believe they only had a bunch of potions and stuff." Clemiticus ranted. "I wanted a set of armour too!"

Melly ignored him, her mind wrestling with all the unanswered questions.

What kind of deviant is Clemiticus, really? What did he do with that girl? The baker's daughter looks like a love-struck fool.

Derrick studied his daughter and chuckled. "Someone looks jealous," he said.

Melly froze.

"W… What? Who? Jealous?"

"Yeah," Derrick confirmed. "Clemiticus is jealous of my awesome armour. Are you jealous as well?"

"Me?" she shook her head a little too vigorously. "I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? It's not like I would have any reason to be. I never get jealous. Why are you asking me all these questions?" she said quickly. "Ask me again, and I'll hit you."

Derrick stared at his daughter. "Um, ok. Breathe!" he gave an exaggerated breath as an example.

"Hey you two," said Clemiticus. "Look!"

He was pointing towards a large carriage and two grazing horses. One was brown and the other was black.

Not very exciting. Why's he so happy?

The now giddy adventurer sprinted to the carriage and launched himself on top. The others approached the old vehicle with more caution. As they drew nearer, Melly understood why Clemiticus was so excited.

There was no way that this thing could carry five grown men. Somehow, the strange contraption hummed with peculiar magic. While it looked no larger than any other ordinary carriage, the closer they got the less they understood. Through the windows, they were shocked to see that the space inside was impossibly big.

Clemiticus flopped himself inside first, followed by Melly and Derrick, who scrambled in behind him.

"Now would you look at that?" Clemiticus said then whistled with admiration. “It’s bigger on the inside.”

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The unimaginable space looked like a storage room fitted with a run-down stable. Along each side were stalls - possibly for detaining slaves or sacrifices the Zealots nabbed. Currently, the stalls were completely empty.

"Mmmffffuurgggg!" a voice said. It was muffled and was preceded by a loud cracking sound.

"Um, what was that?" Melly asked.

Clemiticus shrugged and strode forward to investigate.

On the other side of the carriage stood what looked like a two-door cabinet. It was held shut by a thick chain and an old, rusted lock. As Clemiticus approached it, the doors bashed against their restraints, and the wood jumped a little.

"Can we open this?" Clemiticus asked as he examined the lock, turning it over in his hands, unphased at the potential danger hidden inside. "I guess we have no way of opening this lock?"

Derrick stamped his foot. "What am I, a bloody garden gnome?"

He stormed forwards and pushed Clemiticus out the way with his shoulder. His multi-tool flashed into existence and flipped into the air. As it landed, it changed into a rather impressive set of lock picks.

Click. Thud.

Bing!

"Derrick has increased skill: lock picking!" the fairy sang when the deed was done.

"See? I’m not a garden gnome. I’m a tinkerer!" Derrick said.

He only had a second to step back before the doors burst open.

"FFffmmmmkkk ggmmmee eerrrt!"

The voice belonged to a wild-eyed old man. He was completely tied up by an odd-looking rope. His hair was ghost white, which cascaded all the way down to his waist with a beard to match. His grey eyes bulged in a mixture of alarm and rage, and a rather disgusting looking rag obstructed his mouth. Clemiticus pulled down the rag cautiously.

"Why did you, pleasant people, capture me? What are you going to do to me, you sick perverts?"

Melly flinched. She could barely believe that such a weak-looking bag of bones could even produce such noise.

Clemiticus looked sincerely offended.

"I didn't do nothing!" he said. His hands shot up palms open. The universal sign of innocence. He glanced over towards Melly and gave her a mischievous wink. "I’m quite pervy, though."

Melly rolled her eyes.

"Let me go ruffians! Get me out of this beautifully varnished wardrobe! Release me at once, knave!"

"Hey!" Clemiticus clapped his hands together and demanded the old man's attention. "We did NOT capture you. Actually," he said rather smugly, "We killed the guys who did. We are your saviours."

“We?” Melly asked.

“Well, Melly did most the work,” Clemiticus quickly added.

The man froze and gave them all an ‘I don't believe you’ kind of look.

"See here! We'll set you free," Clemiticus said as he grabbed the harnesses and worked at the knots.

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” asked Melly.

The old man wailed.

"Unhand me you dashing young gentleman! You look like an ogre's ass! Do you work out? You! You piece of turd toe fungus farmer! Wow really, you must work out. You have such powerful arms!"

Clemiticus stopped struggling with the knots. "What’s wrong with this guy? You really need to work on your insults. They're confusing me. Do you love me, or hate me?"

Derrick and Melly looked uncertain.

The old man closed his eyes and shouted.

"NOOOO!!!!"

The ropes fell to the floor and the old man instantly stopped screaming.

"Oh, good sir. Thanks." he gave a nervous chuckle as he rubbed his wrists.

"Like what he said," Melly said. "We killed the Zealot fellows who owned this magical thing."

The old man shook his head. "The dirty old carriage is not magical."

"No?" Derrick asked.

"No, young miss." He lifted his arms and bellowed. "I am magical! Those disgusting ropes they used to tie me down suppressed my wondrous magic. However, the reason." He waved a hand theatrically, "that this wretched thing is magical is because I am magical!"

The old man clapped his hands, and the wooden walls and floors shimmered as the space turned into a rather plush sitting room. Suddenly, the walls and floors transformed into polished surfaces adorned with large rugs and tapestries. The stables had turned into bookshelves and lounge chairs.

“Ooh, so cosy,” commented Clemiticus.

"I can also turn this nasty place into a rather dashing boat if ever the need arises," he offered.

Melly still looked unconvinced. "Aaaand who are you exactly?"

The old man clicked his fingers and his ratty old clothes instantly turned into a rather flashy green robe.

"I am Nuecus the Thaumaturgic!" he said proudly.

The three-party members looked at one another.

Clemiticus gave the man a wink. "Great to meet you Mucus the Allergic."

"No. no. no!" Nuecus shook his head. "Nuecus the Thaumaturgic. New cus the ther ma ter gic.”

"Oh, sorry." Clemiticus chuckled nervously. "Nuecus! It's great to meet you. I am Clemiticus the Splendiferous, this is Derrick the Tinkerer and Melly the Furious."

They all smiled uneasily.

“Why do we all have stupid titles?” Melly asked.

The four of them stood still in a moment of contemplation.

Clemiticus shrugged, “Most likely it’s some bloody idiot’s twister idea.” offered Clemiticus. “Well now, anyhow. We'll need this carriage, if you don't mind. Our journey leads us on a quest to Bluehill town to find a man named Fredreek."

"Bluehill town? Fredreek?" Nuecus asked. “Kind of pushy, this one,” the old man said, jabbing a thumb towards the adventurer.

Clemiticus nodded. “Thank you.”

Melly shot him a look.

"I mean, the head Zealot had a curse thing, and it went poof and we gotta go to Bluehill town or we die," Clemiticus explained.

"Oh, yes." Nuecus nodded to himself as he looked away and talked to himself aloud. "Maybe if I come with these idiots, they may help me get back to my lovely home. They maybe crazy but they seem to be very nice and smart people. Stupid fools. And it seems their plan may coincide with my own. Genius! I need to pay back the ass that tied me up. The slob licking ankle farter will pay!"

"Ummm… What?" Clemiticus asked. "Why do you keep dilly dallying between insulting and complimenting all the time?"

Nuecus looked Clemiticus in shock. "You heard that?"

The trio nodded in unison.

Nuecus sighed. "A beautiful witch cursed me long ago. The ugly hag thought it would be funny if I had to cycle between insults and compliments when I talk about things or people. It's really annoying. If I ever find that wonderful creature, I will wring her puss covered neck."

"Okay," Clemiticus said. He gave the old man a wide berth and walked over to Melly.

"Say,” Derrick mused. "Maybe we can help him? You know, like join the party. Get a quest or something?"

Clemiticus scratched his chin. A light flickered in his eyes, and he chuckled.

"That's actually a great idea! Nuecus you should join us! We need a magic DPS."

Nuecus stared at Clemiticus and mimicked Clemiticuses movements.

"Sure, I don’t know what you mean, or indeed what a magic DPS is. But I do like to party and need to get to the crap fest known as Bluehill town. So, yes. I think I might. Add me to this lovely party thing at once. Will I need to wear a fancy mouldy suit?"

"Wait!" Melly said. "We know nothing about this guy."

The old magician beamed, and a blue light flashed.

Bing!

“Oh, a blue one,” Nuecus said.

"Nuecus the Thaumaturgic has been added to the party," the fairy sang.

"Yeah, look at that," Clemiticus cheered as his eye darted to the space above Nuecuses' head. There lay his name and level. "Would you look at that? He is already level eight!"