As the crowd dispersed, Melly sighed with relief. It was over—for now.

After their somewhat successful yet exhausting day, the party agreed they needed a break. Another potentially life-threatening quest would come soon enough, but for now, a moment of relaxation was their top priority.

The group exchanged glances with nods and murmurs. They quickly put their heads together, deciding on a plan: find the nearest pub.

They set off, weaving through the bustling streets of the market district, scanning the storefronts. Here and there were stores selling wares of all kinds, but no booze insight. It seemed that their options were rather limited. But after some time, they found the only drinking establishment in the entire district.

The Rimmed Barrel looked inviting from the outside, but to the party's dismay, the inside was a different story. Dusty, filthy, and worst of all, completely empty—not a single patron or server in sight.

Well, it wasn't surprising considering the entire town was busy looting the former mayor's so-called life savings, Melly thought.

As Melly glanced around, she couldn’t help but wonder about the place. It looked like it had once been well-loved, but now, whoever owned it had let it fall into a complete mess.

"Well, this just sucks," grumbled Derrick.

Clemiticus, ever the optimist, looked as cheerful as ever. "How so?"

"Shall we try another part of town?" Melly suggested. "Maybe there’s another pub in the other districts.”

“I feel happily disappointed and thoroughly depleted,” added Nuecus with a sigh.

Clemiticus glanced between them, eyes wide with disbelief. "Come on, guys! Can't you see an opportunity when it’s right in front of you?"

Skittles fluttered toward the bar, landing on the highest shelf behind it. Clemiticus, with his usual carefree attitude, followed his feathered companion and slung his fancy pirate coat over a chair. With a dramatic flop, he vaulted over the bar, sending glass shattering with a strained grunt. He then tossed his oversized hat onto an old tap and rolled up his sleeves.

"What'll it be, my fine customers?" he asked cheerfully, grinning from ear to ear.

Melly scoffed then said, "you can't do that."

"Why not?" Clemiticus asked.

"This place isn’t yours. Have some respect," she said.

Clemiticus rolled his eyes. "Melly, we just saved this entire town from financial ruin. I’m pretty sure they won’t mind if we use their facilities for a bit. Hey!" He reached into his infinite pockets and tossed a handful of coins onto the counter. "We’ll even pay them. Chill..."

Melly crossed her arms. “And where did you get those?”

Clemiticus grinned as he placed a few more coins on the bar. “Courtesy of our fallen mayor friend.”

Melly’s brow furrowed. “How did you manage that? The crowd was everywhere…”

“I’m a scallywag now, young miss... A pirate, a criminal! Sleight of hand is just a trivial matter to me now!”

“I thought you were always a scummy criminal?” Nuecus chimed in.

Clemiticus shrugged. “And now I’m your barman!”

"Clemiticus has gained the profession, beginner barman," Fairy reported.

Derrick grinned and ambled over to the new bartender. "A tall glass of your finest, please!"

Melly sighed.

"Coming right up!" Clemiticus ducked behind the counter and reappeared with a tall glass and a shiny bottle featuring a cartoon dragon on the label, breathing fire from the wrong end. "Is this some sort of spiced liquor?"

Derrick whistled. "Oh, my gods! Ring Fire Rum! That's super rare."

Clemiticus eyed the bottle, which had barely any left and poured the drink, filling Derrick’s shot glass to the brim.

Nuecus smacked his lips and slid over to the counter. "I’ll have one too."

Clemiticus nodded, grabbed another glass, and tipped the bottle again—only to find the bottle empty.

"Oh, rotten luck, mate!" Derrick said with a chuckle. "But I was here first."

Nuecus just smiled, his eyes twinkling mischievously as he snatched the full shot from Derrick's hand.

"Hey!"

With a wink, Nuecus placed the glass on the counter and pulled out a strange purple ring from his pocket. It expanded until it was larger than a dinner plate. Smirking, the Thaumaturgist slammed the ring down around the full glass and lifted it with an audible snap.

Before their very eyes, the one glass became two. He slammed it again. Four. And again. Eight. Sixteen. Thirty-two.

Derrick roared with laughter and Clemiticus cheered. All three grabbed a glass and instantly downed the contents. All three hacked and coughed as the burning liquid seared their throats.

"Bloody fantastic!" cheered Derrick.

Melly crossed her arms. Do these three idiots want to get stone cold drunk every night? She wondered.

"Melly, come join us," said Derrick.

"I'm fine, thanks."

The men shrugged in unison and turned back to their new liquid prize. Together, they drank again, then slammed their empty glasses down on the counter. Clemiticus eyed the purple ring, and his face lit up with curiosity.

"Nuecus," he said. "Can you do that little trick with anything?"

"Only basic items. Like boring rocks, delicious foods and crap."

"That's perfect!" Clem said and glanced around.

Melly’s eyes widened. "Don't tell me..."

"No, no, no," he interrupted. "Come Nuecus! Follow me to the kitchens. It's time to level my cooking skills."

Melly’s stomach turned as she watched their pirate chef and his new supplier disappear through the kitchen door. Skittles squawked and flew in after them.

"This does not sound like a good idea," Melly warned.

Derrick looked at his daughter, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You have never tried one of Clem’s mud balls," She answered with a shudder.

Derrick flinched. "Oh. I think I saw one of those the other night."

It took only a minute for Fairy’s first announcement to echo through the space of the tavern.

"Clemiticus has learned the recipe: Mould and Dust Soup."

"Clemiticus has failed to learn the basics of cooking."

"Clemiticus has learned the recipe: Buttered Mould."

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

"Clemiticus has reached basic cooking."

"Clemiticus can now create partially edible food."

Derrick laughed. "Sounds like he's getting the hang of it."

"At least he's not using mud." Melly sighed.

She swiped an empty glass and filled it from the water station and sat down near her diminutive father. They sat in silence for a while until a new face entered the Inn.

A large man with a mop of thick, bushy black hair stumbled into the tavern. He wore a dirty apron covered in questionable stains while his arms and fingers were ringed in silver and gold obviously pilfered from the recent street giveaway.

“Hello?” Derrick greeted.

"Ah… customers," the man mumbled, his eyes narrowing as he spotted Derrick's empty glass and the bottle of Ring Fire Rum on the counter. Suddenly, he rushed toward the bar. "Not the Ring Fire!" he pleaded, snatching up the empty bottle. "There was only one last shot left, and I was saving that for..." He trailed off, noticing the giant mound of full shot glasses. Picking one up, he sniffed the contents, and a look of recognition filled his greedy eyes as he turned toward the strangers. "It's you!" he said shakily. "The, the, the…"

A giant blue light flashed from inside the kitchen, and Fairy’s voice echoed.

"Clemiticus has invented a new recipe!"

The proprietor flinched.

Melly swallowed the rising dread, feeling as though she were about to be thrown into another Coliseum or tower pit episode. The pub owner’s gaze shifted to the dwarf and Melly, and suddenly, a wave of recognition washed over him.

“Heroes!” the owner bellowed, throwing his arms up in excitement. He rushed over to their table, scooping up little Derrick in his arms and spinning him around the tavern in a joyful dance. After a few moments, he set Derrick back down in his seat, beaming with gratitude.

"Please stay. You’re more than welcome," the owner spoke while stroking his new silver rings and bracelets.

A few moments later, Clemiticus burst through the kitchen door holding a full tray of unidentified food.

"I made Burgers!" he announced and triumphantly marched towards Melly's table with Nuecus by his side.

"Oh, and it's the arena champion!"

"Greetings, mate!" Clemiticus replied cheerfully.

Derrick stood on his chair, eyeing the plate of what Clemiticus had dubbed "burgers." He picked one up, sniffed it, and his eyes widened.

"Smells great," he said before taking a big bite. "Oh, my lord!" he mumbled through a mouthful. "What is this amazing flavour?"

Clemiticus beamed with pride. "Soft bread with melted cheese, a slice of grilled meat, and, of course, our special barbecue sauce."

The pub owner, staring in amazement, grabbed one for himself. After the first bite, tears of joy welled up in his eyes, and the rest of the burger disappeared down his throat in an instant.

"That is amazing!" he said. His eyes were closed with an expression of utter bliss over his face. "Is there more?"

Nuecus laughed and ran back to the kitchen to produce an identical tray of burgers. "There are seven more trays and counting."

Clemiticus laughed triumphantly as the blue fairy fluttered out from the kitchen, announcing, "Clemiticus has mastered the basics of cooking!"

The owner grabbed another burger, devouring it with the same eagerness as the first. “I’m going to make a fortune!” he exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with greed. With a spring in his step, he marched to the tavern’s front door and flung it open.

"Come one, come all!" he shouted to the passersby. "The Heroes of Bluehill Town are dining at the Rimmed Barrel tonight! They’ve delivered a meal straight from the table of the gods!"

Within a few hours, the tavern was packed with people of every size and shape. Clemiticus returned to the kitchen, whipping up more food with his upgraded cooking skill. Nuecus took his place behind the bar, conjuring a steady stream of Ring Fire Rum. The owner laughed heartily as the newly wealthy customers filled his coffers with Fredreek’s donated silver, more and more pouring in with each passing patron.

Melly waited for Clemiticus to disappear behind the kitchen door before hesitantly taking a bite of the burger. As her teeth sank into the soft bread and the divine meat underneath, she had to admit—it was amazing. The burger was the juiciest, most flavourful meal she had ever tasted. She finished it quickly and immediately grabbed another, her eyes rolling back in delight as she took a bite of the second one.

"This stuff is bloody amazing!" she heard a man exclaim nearby.

She couldn’t agree more.

"How do you think they made this?" a tall man in green clothes replied, echoing her thoughts.

Melly glanced over at the two men talking in the corner. The first, a well-muscled man with a faded worker's tunic and no sleeves, said, "I'd bet it’s grilled chicken."

The tall man shook his head. "Chicken? When was the last time you saw chickens around here?"

Melly's eyes drifted back to the tray of burgers, noticing something red between the bottom bun and the patty. She paused mid-chew and cautiously pulled out a small red feather. Her eyes widened in horror, and she instinctively hurled the remains of her burger away, accidentally hitting the muscled worker in the back of the head.

Just then, the kitchen door swung open, creaking on its hinges as a voice echoed through the tavern.

"Skittles has respawned."

"Skittles has respawned."

"Skittles has respawned."

"Hey!" an angry voice called out.

The muscular specimen from before stormed towards Melly covered in barbeque sauce. He brandished an angry fist and yelled, "did you just bloody throw that?" He pointed at the back of his head.

"I. I…" she muttered.

Derrick watched in dizzy silence, sipping his umpteenth helping of Rum and went back to his third helping of his Skittles Burger.

"You wanna take this outside?" said the burley stranger while he flexed his oversized sleeveless arms.

Melly stood up from her chair. "I'm not going to fight!"

"Melly has entered the combat stance," Fairy the fairy announced. "Now equipping battle attire."

"Wait. Stop!" she pleaded. Concern flashed through her mind as the memory of tight leather flooded in. She was right to be worried. In the blink of an eye, her entire outfit had been replaced with her super tight black leather combat armour. There were gasps all around as the patrons witnessed her instantaneous transformation.

"Ah, for fuck's sake!" she shouted.

The muscled man's angry face instantly turned into one of delight.

"How bout we call it even if you come sit over with me. There are no seats, but I'm sure I can spare a lap." He spoke slowly while examining every inch of her outfit.

This damn thing shows way too much of everything, Melly thought bitterly as she desperately searched for the floating hide armour button from last time. But it wasn't there.

"Fairy, where's the hide armour button?" she pleaded.

"Your attire has been set to the ranger armour during combat. You cannot switch to your casual outfit during combat."

"Damn it!" She said furiously. "Can I remove this damn armour?"

"I do not advise removing your combat attire. Your stats will be diminished."

"I don't bloody care!" she spat. "Remove Ranger armour from combat option thingy!"

The fairy sighed. "You combat armour will be set to nothing. You will have to fight naked."

"Wait! Stop! I changed my mind!"

"Oh, no fair!" the muscled idiot said.

She instinctively punched the man square in the face, knocking him out cold. Melly looked down at her fist in surprise. She clearly underestimated the bonus stats her skintight leather gave her.

"Melly has started the event, Bar Fight!" Fairy announced.

“Wait what? No, I didn’t!”

Instantly, the muscled man's overzealous comrades charged in to support their fallen brother. And so began the complete destruction of the Rimmed Barrel.

Derrick, thrilled at the prospect of a barroom brawl, leaped into action to defend his daughter’s honour, brandishing his multi-tool in a rubber mallet mode. He skipped between tables, cackling as he bounced around, swatting anyone who got close, no matter if they were involved or not.

A drunken fighter smashed a bottle and charged at Melly, but before he could reach her, Clemiticus stepped out of the kitchen. Without hesitation, he hurled the tray he was holding at the man.

"Is this the best this merry, flea-ridden dump of a town can muster? Let’s bash these handsome sacks of filth!" Nuecus shouted. Suddenly, the once-peaceful drunk bystanders turned into an enraged mob. It was as if the old man’s insults had flipped a switch in their booze-soaked brains. They fixed their sights on the old Thaumaturge. "Come on, you ugly lot!” Nuecus cackled.

That was all the encouragement they needed. The crowd surged forward, tearing the place apart as they barrelled toward him. Chairs flew, tables toppled, and glass shattered in the chaos.

“Nooo! My pub!”

Even the calmest patrons, previously minding their own business, were swept up in the madness. Grabbing anything within reach—a chair leg, a bottle, or even a stray half-eaten burger—they joined the fray, charging at the heroes.

The bar became a whirlwind of mayhem, with patrons tripping, bumping into tables, and swinging wildly at anything that moved. All the while, Nuecus dodged and weaved, laughing as he skilfully avoided their clumsy attacks, egging them on with every step.

The red parrot, Skittles—recently risen from the dead—flew to his master’s side, squawking, "Come get some! Come get some!" It swooped down, snatched a cheap bottle of rum in its claws, and dropped it right in the middle of the chaos. Unfortunately, the liquor splashed onto a candle.

"NOOOO!" yelled the owner, as his entire world began to disintegrate before his eyes.

Amid the chaos, a random drunken teen stumbled forward, lunging at Melly and groping her waist.

"You little perv!" she shouted and elbowed the young man and jumped over his crumpled form. One after another, each drunken fool who stood in her way was sent flying.

Flames burst to life, spreading rapidly as patrons scattered, screaming in all directions.

"Out of my way!" the owner shouted, shoving past an old woman in his frantic dash to the front door, desperate to save himself.

The fire, ignited by the feathered arsonist, quickly roared out of control. Melly pulled the old woman to her feet as panicked patrons scrambled to escape the flames. Clemiticus quickly grabbed his pirate gear but didn’t bolt for the exit. Instead, he helped others up, guiding them toward safety.

Derrick and Nuecus joined them, pulling people up and urging them forward.

"Move it, folks! This place is going up fast!" Clemiticus yelled, coughing as the smoke thickened around them.

Derrick and Nuecus sprang into action, pulling fallen patrons upright and ushering them toward the door. Derrick’s sturdy hands helped clear a path, while Nuecus used a few well-placed spells to douse small fires blocking the way.

"Keep moving, everyone! We’ve got you!" Melly shouted.

As the last of the patrons fled, the party burst out of the pub, gasping for fresh air as they regrouped. They exchanged a knowing nod—it was time to get out of town.

They sprinted to the outskirts, the column of flames lighting up the night sky behind them. Nuecus took the lead, guiding the group under the cover of darkness. Fortunately, they quickly found their horses tied to a tree. With a swift spell, Nuecus enhanced their transport, and within minutes, they had the horses hitched to a carriage.

With everyone inside, they sped north along the coastal road, the towering pillar of smoke shrinking into the distance behind them.