Chef had gotten better at listening to humans, but that only went so far. If they were talking about something he was interested in, like food, then he could follow along well enough. But this new addition to his food circle was as useless as the little girl.

He’d arrived with quite the crew, and certainly one that would have impressed Chef once upon a time. But these days, level one hundreds just didn’t scare him as much as they used to. Probably thanks to the killing and eating people stronger back when he was weaker. Yeah, that sounded right.

It also didn’t help that the man leading them was short and silly looking. What with those bright colored clothes and shiny things all over it—

“Slay it.”

He tuned back into the conversation just in time to hear something slightly concerning.

“I’m trying really hard to not kill people, so I’d rather not.”

Everyone looked at him like he’d just grown another head. Honestly, Chef was as surprised at the order as they were, but perhaps they assumed all goblins were bloodthirsty.

“I don’t want to kill the tiny human, even if she is annoying.”

She turned red again, the same shade as the outrageously dressed man next to her. A man that was only two goblin feet taller than her, had blonde hair and blue eyes—

Oh shit, that’s her dad.

The ridiculous clothes with bits of gold and silver in them were expensive looking too. Probably. Chef didn’t have an eye for fashion, but he knew that humans loved shiny things. That, at least, they had in common with goblins. And if that were any indicator, this man was wealthy and potentially important.

“Men. Kill it dead.”

So he really, really needed to not kill these people. What a pain.

His senses, reflexes, and speed were constantly improved by his skills, but even if they weren’t, these people would still be dramatically slower than him. Dodging their sword swings one after another was easy enough, but unlike the little girl, they were showing no signs of tiring.

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This was going to be really annoying.

Can I just put them to sleep? No, the poison is strong enough to kill the tiny human and probably her father too. Do I bonk them until they give up? If they’re anything like the little girl, then they’d just get back up. Hmm, what to do?

Chef continued to ponder his options while dodging a string of attacks from his would-be assailants. They really were putting their all into it, but sadly for them they just weren’t all that good. The spear lady he fought back in the town had been much better than all of them combined, and he’d gained much of her power by now. It just wasn’t a fair fight.

Oh! That could work!

A sword swung down at his face as Chef just moved forward and grabbed the hilt. A quick tug was all it took to relieve the man of his weapon. The same move repeated three more times left his attackers unarmed while Chef struggled to hold all the weapons.

“Can we just stop now? I’d like to get back to baking.”

The four who looked like shinier guards minus their weapons glanced back at the fancy man. Said fancy man was slightly red in the face as he looked over the scene, but Chef still hoped that this could end peacefully.

“We will fall back… for now.”

The fancy man turned around dramatically as the little girl followed close behind, making faces at him as she left. The four looked awkwardly between each other and their weapons which Chef had started playing with absentmindedly.

Right, they probably wanted him to give those back. But should he really? He’d been given no rules against stealing…

With a sigh, Chef handed the swords back to the men that tried to kill him.

“You better not try to kill me with these, ok?”

The men grumbled as they received their weapons one after another. They then chased after their charge and left Chef alone with his thoughts.

“See, I told you it wouldn’t be that hard.”

His alone time didn’t last very long. His newest ‘friend’ had wandered over to watch the commotion. Based on the position of the guard’s hands on that spear he was holding, there were some doubts in his mind regarding the trustworthiness of a certain goblin.

That was just rude. Chef said he would kill so he wouldn’t. Unless it was an accident, but who plans around those? Definitely not goblins.

“It annoys me to leave them alive.”

Chef was still struggling to keep his inside voice, well, inside. It was an old habit that didn’t matter for the longest time since he grumbled in goblin. Now, though, it was becoming a problem.

“Well, you did great. I’d say you made an excellent first impression.”

Chef’s thoughts paused as he looked back towards the awkward human. The man just smiled sheepishly at him which he was beginning to understand was usually a prelude to dumb bullshit.

“What’s this now?”

“You remember my plan to get you working in a prestigious kitchen?”

Chef nodded along slowly as the dread began to creep in.

“The most wealthy and influential person in the entire city would be its ruler, Baron Thruce. Considering your introduction, I suspect that he and his daughter won’t be forgetting you anytime soon.”

This son of a bitch!