Chef was initially confused when someone handed him small round bits of metal in return for a pie. He’d tried to barter with the person to get something of actual value, but this seemed to be how humans normally traded. How roundabout.
One of his customers had informed him that the round things can be exchanged for goods and services, but so could honey. So could garlic. Why would he convert those things to round bits of metal when using them as is was so much easier.
Humans were so stupid.
Oh well. He’d begun charging the round metal for his cooking since he’d probably need it at some point. He already had plenty of metal thanks to those invaders and Fresk, but this seemed important for some reason. For now he just stuffed them in the Breadbox with his poison bombs. He’d figure out what to actually do with them later.
Regardless, Chef’s food shop was an enormous success! Every morning he’d get a ton of business from the people going in and out of town. He’d still get some afterwards, but most of his business was in the morning and night.
At least at first. News of his craft had apparently begun to spread as evidenced by the sight in front of him at this very moment. Some greasy human had exited the city, bought a pie, and then went right back inside. His craft was good enough to bring the humans outside of their precious walls.
All according to plan.
Kind of.
Not really.
The plan had been to get inside the town by pretending to be a human. That didn’t work. The backup had been to cook a whole bunch and get these people to just let him in anyway. That was the plan that things were going according to.
Why are my thoughts so stupid today?
There was never going to be a good answer to that question. What he did get, however, was a new customer. A man walking up in fancy bronze armor while holding a spear and shield. He even scowled when looking at the little goblin.
Human[64]
Spearman/Advanced[14]
How cute.
“I demand you leave this place at once, goblin!”
This man really had a sense of humor. Thinking he was in charge and all.
“A pie is two small coins.”
“I’m not a customer! I’m a guard of the noble city of Berics, and I demand you obey our laws and leave at once!”
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Chef thought about what he was hearing while looking around. The other guards seemed more curious than anything, but that could change depending on his actions. Even with the distance between him and the wall where they were stationed, they could still show up or shoot arrows at him pretty quickly if they really got aggressive. With all of that considered, he made his decision.
“Alright, guard. One small coin for a pie, but this is a one-time deal.”
The guard’s face turned a shade of red as he seemed to inflate slightly. Chef just tilted his head, content to observe new and interesting human behaviors. That was why he was here after all.
“It isn’t the price I object to!”
Now Chef was getting confused.
“Then what’s the matter?”
“You’re the matter!”
Once again, Chef found himself surveying his surroundings. He had cleared out the brush and grass from this area to avoid spreading any fires, a precaution he mastered some time ago. Not that he’d ever really needed to; after all, only an idiot started forest fires. He’d been nice and helpful to all his customers. He even gave some smoked meat and cheese to those small boys that couldn’t pay. Finally, he looked down, grabbing his cloak with two fingers before looking back up at the guard.
“This matter?”
“What? No, of course not your clothes. What in the hells is wrong with you?! Monsters aren’t allowed to set up food stalls on the side of the road! And even if you were allowed to, you’d need a license for it!”
This was starting to feel familiar to him, now.
“Ah, yes. You said that before. Very well, Mr. Guard. Where might I get this license?”
“At city hall.”
“Where is city hall?”
“In Berics.”
“The city I’m not allowed into?”
They looked at each other for a little while in silence. The guard opened his mouth several times to say something but kept giving up. The man had been a shade of red already, but this new tone of the same color seemed to indicate a very different emotion. He also wouldn’t look Chef in the eye, though that could be the cloak at work.
After some more time passed, Chef reached into his pantry and pulled out some smoked meat and cheese. Holding it out in his hand, he presented it as a peace offering.
“It’s ok, buddy. Here, take some of this. Smoked boar and cheese.”
The man was still averting his eyes, suddenly finding the empty road incredibly appealing.
“Come on, now. Just smell it. I know it’s good; made it myself after all.”
The sound of a stomach rebelling against its master filled the air as the man’s face turned an impossibly deeper shade of red. He grabbed the food without looking, took a bite, and walked away wordlessly.
Humans are so weird.
“So are goblins.”
The man’s response left Chef surprised. He knew he had a mumbling problem, but it hadn’t been an issue for a long time. Wait.
Wait! Have I spent so much time around humans that…
Chef had begun to think in human speak.
This is the worst news of my life.
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Skills:
Reinforce: improves defenses and stability for a time at the cost of mana. The better one’s defenses, the better the improvement.
Lightning Reflexes: a passive improvement to reflexes. Can be activated for a temporary boost at the cost of mana.
Enhanced Movement: a slight increase to speed at all times that does not affect reflexes or bone strength. Be careful when activating that you don’t hurt yourself by going too fast. Spend mana for a burst of speed.
Empowered Physique: an improvement to physical power and toughness at all times. Can be dramatically increased at the cost of mana.
Empowered Strike: With the power of mana, infuse one of your attacks with a tremendous amount of additional strength! Higher levels also improve the durability of the weapon used in the attack.