Chef made his way through the woods, searching for more foraged goodies wearing nothing but a smile. He’d spent the morning carving up a few animals that had foolishly took his bait. After that, he packed one full of tasty things and shoved it into the oven. He’d been getting really fast at this whole carving business, but his disregard for half the kills certainly sped things up the most. But with days of boar eating under his metaphorical belt, Chef just couldn’t go back to seared wolf and rabbit stew.
So instead, he carved those up and left them as bait for his goopy poison traps while he ran around collecting more wild goodies to stuff his pigs with. That wasn’t a euphemism; that’s just goblin life. The sack was filling up slowly as the sun began to set, marking it as about time to head home. Hearing some noise in the distance, Chef decided to investigate. He didn’t really want any more giant bears, but a boar would be a different story.
Walking through the trees towards the sound of cracking twigs and rustling leaves, he found himself being blinded briefly by a bright light. Covering his eyes with his hands, the noises came to a sudden halt.
“A goblin? Middling level too. Tell me of what I seek, goblin, and I will give you a painless death. What do you know of the creature stalking these lands?”
Blinking past his momentary blindness, Chef made out another shiny man, walking around holding onto some sort of glowing stick. It had a handle kind of like his knife, but the blade part was much longer and shined so bright that he could barely see the person holding it. When the man took another step forward, Chef stepped backwards, hand in front of him.
“Wait! Goblin knows many creatures, many things. Goblin knows!”
The man paused for a moment, lowering his sword ever so slightly. Sighing, the demands continued.
“Tell me then what you know of it and be quick, goblin.”
Oh no, Chef thought. He’s stupid. Really stupid. He’s hunting for something and doesn’t even describe it. Does he even know what he’s looking for?
“What creature?”
The man sighed again, stepping forward as he held his sword up again.
“Wait! Wait! You not describe it! Giant bear? Boar? Little jump things?”
The light wielder paused at that, seemingly aware that it was being stupid. Chef couldn’t see the man’s face, but it was presumably filled with all those dumb emotions that humans usually had. Stupid things that they were. But he finally got his response.
“It cloaks itself in animal skins, torments humans, and reeks of death. Tell me goblin, do you know of this creature?”
Oh no. Oh no! That’s me!
Chef had to think quickly, figure out how to stall for time. Of course, the man got impatient again and took another step forward, giving him no time to think.
“Wait! Yes, goblin know! Goblin know cave you seek!”
The man paused before questioning him further.
“A cave? In the middle of the woods? You expect me to believe that?”
It was like being back with the goblins. Once again he fought against stupidity that threatened his very life.
“Yes! Weird yes! Powerful monster there, make strange cave. Avoid, death all around!”
The wait was much shorter this time, the man clearly at the end of his limited patience.
“Enough, goblin. You will not escape this fate. Lead me to the cave you speak of or I will give you a slow and painful death.”
Chef nodded, slowly making his way back to the cave, all the while trying to connive a survival plan.
Some things were second nature for a goblin. Even without the Intuit skill, Chef could usually tell if he was outmatched. Of course, until recently almost every non-goblin was more than his equal, so it had never been exactly hard. This human was well beyond him, to the point that any attempts would just result in his brutal, agonizing death.
But the cave is empty and filled with furs sized for me. Besides, the stupid person probably won’t even let me live long enough to see it!
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It wasn’t the first time that he faced death, but guiding his murderer to his home was a special kind of hell. If the cave came into view, Chef would die. So, he took a slight detour to buy time and convince his captor to let him live.
“Goblin is good! Goblin collect many things and can give to human! Oh I know,” he opened the sack as he walked, almost tripping on some tree roots as the man gripped his sword. “Look I give carrots! And, uh, this thing! Or favorite, green long!”
Chef aggressively waved a vegetable that was most akin to a leek in front of the adventurer’s face, the man sighing at the sight.
“I have no need for your dirty vegetables. Keep walking, goblin.”
Chef was beginning to get desperate, and he knew that the hillside was coming up soon. It was do or die time. The goblin turned around, locked eyes with the human as it prepared itself for an attack, unprepared for the ultimate goblin maneuver. Chef reached the ground faster than any human could, prostrated in an instant, hands outstretched and facing skyward as he pleaded, tears in his eyes.
“Please great shiny man of light! I good goblin! Give many things, collect many things! Shiny man too good to dig in dirt but goblin not! I do things for you! I wash shiny! I bring food! I, uh, do other things—“
“Enough, goblin. Bring me to the cave and I will deal with this creature. If you bring me there and I never hear from you again, then you may live… too low leveled anyway. I’ll let the coward in town take the exp if he wants it.”
The last part was spoken quietly and not intended for him, but Chef smiled all the same. He quickly brought the man to the clearing, pointing towards the cave. The man visibly took a step back at the sight. Chef nearly did too. Corpses littered the hillside, drawn in by the powerful amount of bait left for them and driven to manic death or near death by the potency of it.
Turned out the goop wasn’t the problem after all; it was the quality of the bait. He probably could have used the stronger goop from the start if he had just coated the mushrooms with them. Oh well, now he knew. Besides, all that goop would come in handy one way or another. And soon.
The man unsheathed his blade slowly as he stalked up the hill. The cave wasn’t that high up, but it really did show up out of nowhere. All the nearby trees had been burnt to a crisp which combined with the mountain of corpses to create an intimidating atmosphere. The adventurer gulped, thinking about the descriptions he’d been given as he walked up the hill, crouched low to avoid detection. The kiln near the cave looked simple and barbaric in construction, but the beast was clearly capable of learning. If the timeline he’d gotten from the villagers could be believed, then it learned frighteningly quickly too.
Cresting the top of the hill while ignoring the corpses and the muddy stream in front of the cave, Weis stepped one foot in, looking around at the furs piled all over the place. A smell permeated the entire stone habitat, the mixture of rot and salt causing his eyes to water. Blinking the tears away, he looked quickly but quietly for his opponent. Nothing was there. Nothing but hides on the floor and some hanging that were cut short—
He turned frantically just as a purple smoke filled his vision, the goblin pointing right at him with a smile.
“You fuck!”
Chef panicked, seeing the man sprint down the hill towards him. He’d already risen the goop moat, which took less of a toll on his mana after the first time, but the man was still coming for him. And fast!
He couldn’t run, and he couldn’t fight. The human was much quicker than him, meaning the result would be the same either way. But looking at his surrounding, Chef realized he had more than one mine planted. It was a good thing that aerosolizing the goop took less mana once he knew the trick to it. Each step brought the human closer, ignoring the corpses in his path. But then the wolf carcass in front of him swelled suddenly, bursting. The force was low, but the sheer surprise caused the practiced adventurer to fall from the combination of his jerking response and the heavy momentum he’d gathered.
Chef didn’t let up. All the goop nearby bubbled and burst, causing more vapor clouds to fill the air and surround the shining man until he could barely be seen. Chef didn’t stop creating more and more purple mist from the poisoned corpses until he felt like his head was splitting open. He ignored the pounding in his head as he began to retreat into the woods, but the man was still chasing him.
They reached the tree line at the same time, Chef diving into a bush as the adventurer continued forward, frothing at the mouth as he brought the full power of his destruction to an innocent tree. Chef just watched in awe as the adventurer proceeded to wildly flail around his sword in what might have been practiced motions if they weren’t aimed at every tree and shrub in the area.
Smoke began to fill the air once more as leaves caught flame from the heat of the glowing blade, but Chef just bided his time while meditating. He realized that he’d actually hit zero mana during the fight, presumably the cause of the complete agony he was in. Honestly, being stabbed in the face probably wouldn’t hurt this much.
After five more minutes of wood chopping and leaf burning, the human collapsed. Chef snuck his way over to the man, crawling on his belly to avoid making too much noise. It also had the added benefit of moving his throbbing head less. Once there, he slowly got out his knife and stabbed it with all his strength into the man’s unprotected neck.
*Ping*
Congratulations! You have killed someone!
Congratulations! You have become Chef/Baker[58]!
Congratulations! You have become Chef/Baker[59]!
Congratulations! You have become Chef/Baker[60]!
Congratulations! You have gained access to Class Evolution!
You must select your next class for experience to be calculated.
Congratulations! You have learned Pain Resistance!
Chef breathed out a sigh of relief, but he couldn’t help but question.
“What’s the point of wearing armor if doesn’t protect your neck?”
There was of course no answer. But hey, his head hurt less now!