Heelia sat on a smooth stone by the side of the road, wiping blood off of her spear as she surveyed the area. It hadn’t been much of a battle from what she had seen, but the level estimates had made that an almost certainty. Father Neyris really wasn’t kidding when he said the monster they were after couldn’t be over 160. Even if she did nothing but farm these monsters for years, she wouldn’t get more than a level or two. Probably.

It was actually a bit of a mystery how precisely experience was calculated, but there were a few things they knew. For one, killing a monster higher leveled than you would give an extra 10% or so experience for each level. So, something ten levels higher would give double exp.

The problem was that it worked the same in reverse. The only difference being that the lower-level penalty was multiplicative not additive. So, two levels below you was 90% times 90% or 81% while two levels above you was just 120%.

They knew it wasn’t additive like the bonus exp for higher monsters since that’s how most people actually leveled. She was no different, after all. Like most people, she got her first proper class from going to the rat pit in the town she grew up in.

A fire was started while Heelia continued to ignore her traveling companions in favor of her musings. They were halfway between Bumblefuck Town and Nowheresville, since that might as well be their names. She was torn a little on how to feel about their frequent stops. One the one hand, more stops meant more time away from the cult which was nice. That shit really got on her nerves, and the near constant worshipping she received only made it worse.

But on the other hand, the longer she was away, the longer she was stuck with this asshole. Perelos, the fucking cunt, was trying to get her attention every god damn second, and this little pit stop was no different. However fortunate or unfortunate for him, she was at the limits of her patience already. The little shit licker had been desperately trying to impress her the entire trip. It was so fucking pathetic.

‘Sister Heelia, bear witness as I slay this mighty foe!’ Its level 50, you idiot. I could kill it in one hit! Besides, you’re weaker than me! Why the fuck are you trying to show off to someone who’s better than you at fighting… by fighting!”

“… such a shame you haven’t gotten your Order class yet.”

Suddenly, Perelos’s annoying commentary managed to pierce her bullshit filter.

Right, it would be so much better to have a cult class that splits focus between healing and combat rather than just killing everything more easily. Or, how about this, just being tankier so you don’t take as much damage in the first place!

These people were so stupid. They didn’t understand that the classes didn’t exist in a vacuum. Yes, it would be nice to heal herself, but every class chosen had an opportunity cost equal to the best class that wasn’t chosen.

So, say you chose the Cult Follower class, which might as well be what these two did. Then you get a shitty subclass that levels fast for being shitty and gives you access to a slightly better one later down the line. Eventually that translates into being able to heal yourself and others. After years of more grinding, you finally get the incredible power to get the robot or whoever it was that ran this whole shitshow to let you know the fucking time. Great, right?

Wrong. The better the class, the better the level rewards. And while your numbers may be lower, getting an advanced class and skipping the lower ranked ones will still get you all of those skills. In other words, if you went straight from a level 10 peasant to a sword master class, you’d get all the skills that would have come from the lower tiered class. You just wouldn’t get the levels and stats to go with them.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

But these people didn’t get it. That or they were so blinded by faith that they simply didn’t care. It was possible; after all, she knew for a fact that both of them had been born into the faith. Having sparred with them back at a lower level, she also knew their classes were much worse than hers. They’d had two dozen levels on her at the time for Christ’s sake! It hadn’t even been that close!

Yea, it’s a shame I don’t have your shitty class that so perfectly compliments your personality. If only I could be dragged down to your level. Fuck off, Perry.

Mukael seemed to sense some of her frustration then, frowning slightly and walking over to her.

Oh god damnit, has someone finally seen through this stupid act? What do I do? Wait, do I care? It would kind of be a relief, right? To not have to pretend to be some saint and to be able to speak her mind. That could be nice.

He reached her at that moment and spoke just as she opened her mouth.

“Do not worry, Sister Heelia. I have no doubts that the Lord will see your actions on this quest as just and bestow a proper class on your next evolution. You only have to be patient.”

He gave her a rare smile, the quiet boy normally very stern and reticent in her dealings with him. That was a bit redundant, wasn’t it?

“I appreciate your encouragement, Brother Mukael.”

I guess a week of nonstop commentary from Perry was enough for us to bond over. Maybe we could kill the fucker after the monster is dead and just chalk it up to an unfortunate casualty. But yea, probably not.

The lad was very religious, and their tenets were quite clear on the whole not killing people thing. She blamed the cult leader on that one. If you’re going to groom people to be as annoying as fucking cunt waffle Perry, you couldn’t turn around and blame people for shutting him up more permanently.

Nothing she’d seen or tried had worked on the cocky shit so far, but she suspected murder would work. The thought lingered for a while as their resident narcissist continued to praise his battle efforts despite being the worst fighter in their group.

She glanced at her stats for just a second to find the motivation she so desperately needed right now.

Level 140, Alice. Only a few more years of this and you’ll be high enough level for kingdoms to trip over themselves for your service. You just have to tough it out.

The argument worked like it usually did, convincing her to just smile at the fuckwit that was bringing her a bowl of soup.

“I made this bowl just for you, Sister Heelia. While it may not be much, I suspect you will find it quite delicious.”

She took the bowl with a smile and looked down at it. What she saw was perhaps the most standard looking meat stew she’d ever seen. Nothing special, no extra ingredients, not even any added in spices. Entirely average or perhaps a bit below even that. Right after handing over her mediocre meal, Perelos winked at her.

Did this motherfucker really just wink at me?

Looking up with the best service smile she could muster; she delivered the kindest compliment she could think of.

“Thank you, Brother Perelos. Your efforts and dedication are worthy of praise. In cooking, much like everything else, you are truly peerless.”

A snort followed by splashing liquid and loud coughing came from the other side of the campfire as Mukael tried desperately to act natural.

Oh fuck, that one was definitely too far. Oh. Whatever, maybe he’ll hate me now.

Perry seemed to think about her words for a second before beaming back at her.

“As always, Sister Heelia has a way with words that no other could emulate. Truly, if mine is a peerless talent, then yours is a peerless speech. When paired with your beauty, there is no competition at all.”

Feeling proud of himself, he gave her another wink before walking back to his own bowl and looking down on Mukael. The brother managed to collect himself beforehand, giving a sage like nod to them both as he resumed his meal. Meanwhile, she was actually feeling a little let down that he hadn’t been insulted. It was a good one too. But more importantly…

Why is this guy winking so much? Who even does that? When was the last time I was just minding my own business and someone just double tapped me with winks? Never, it doesn’t happen. Fucking cultists, man…

That night, cheerful thoughts and mental math lulled her to sleep in the closest thing Bumblefuck Town had to a passable bed.

So how many dead Perries would it take to hit 200? Assuming I let him level up to 200 first…